General observation, perhaps controversial but hey ho!

Rowreach said:
Yes but you are unbelievably nice lol :D:D

I don't for a moment condone the "shooting down in flames" types, and I have seen some utter rubbish posted on here by people who clearly don't know the first thing about horses but think they do, but I do worry that someone is going to do themselves serious harm by believing all the "you are so wonderful/your horse is so gorgeous and stunning" comments :(

There are people in RL who I would go to for lessons/advice/opinions before asking on here about my riding - and if I did ask on here I think it would be by pm to people I thought knew what they were talking about :) You soon get to know who they are. And yes, forums are odd ;)
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LOL why thank you :p

You're right, perhaps that is something for me to consider next time i'm telling someone they look great together (but to be fair they often do) I don't mean the riding as I say I am no way qualified to comment on that) I would hate to think someone would injure themselves because I said their horse looks lovely :D

Think aswell this is why I prefer soap box :D
 
flamehead said:
I am all for people being told that things are wrong, and how to improve.

However, I've just sat in tears reading through some of the really horrid replies on my post, suggesting that I can't look after my horse and am a horrible person.

There is constructive crit (and thank you v much to the people who have given that), and then there is downright bitchy, horrid and rude.

It also says something that I've just received FOUR PMs from people saying "I'm not going to post on your post because I disagree with the comments about her saddle and don't want to be yelled at". Surely we should all be entitled to state our opinions without feeling that someone is going to bully us?! Thanks to those who PMed me.
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I'm sure this will just get me banned again but so be it.

If you post that you are riding a post op KS horse in a badly fitting saddle, what exactly do you expect? People can't be supportive and cheery if they think they can read exactly where your problem is coming from, they want to tell you. Naturally they will get frustrated with you if you disagree.

Don't get upset, you did the right thing explaining that there is more to it than what you said in your OP, just thank them for their advice and choose which bits to take on board and which to just think "bitch" and ignore, lol.

Not aimed at you Flamehead, but using you as an example before you expanded on your OP, I fail to see why people can't foresee the abuse they're going to get if they post that they are doing something that sounds pretty stupid. Plus, tbh, if they can't see what they're doing sounds stupid, they're generally in dire need of the abuse to get it across to them, IMO!
 
I think constructive critisism is good but some people are nasty and aggressive with it, or don't read the OP and are like a dog with a bone.

Flamehead's post the otherday I read and was pretty disgusted by, I didn't comment because it is way outside my expertise. Redmone's post about her daughter at the show was another, she'd got a saddle that had been professionally fitted and she was getting lots of proper qualified advice but lots of people felt justified to jump on her.

At the end of the day most people will quite rightly believe a professional qualified person that they meet in the flesh and who sees the problem in the flesh over a bunch on anonymous people on an internet forum who have seen one photo. While we can say, maybe you should get a second opinion that doesn't sound/look quite right we shouldn't be advising people over and above their vet/saddle fitter/instructor/farrier etc.

I think the other thing to remember with contructive critisism is the level and age of the person in question. I think the teenagers on the forum are a good example of this, for example if Thellwell Girl posts a picture of herself jumping we all know she's a novice just learning to jump and we should be gentle with her, as a novice she isn't going to have the position and balance of Mark Todd but saying "that is great but try and concentrate on giving with your hands" or whatever is helpful. On the otherhand BSJA123 needed a slightly more robust response (not quite as downright nasty as some have become) as clearly she was already riding to a level and seemed to if anything have a slightly overinflated view of her abilities which was not doing her horse any favours.
 
I, like most of you guys, am keen to imporve my riding/horse care and thats the primary reason why I use this forum yet the last time I posted something on here asking advice to got ripped to shreds by one lady and I have not wanted to ask for any further help.

I also saw a thread that a lady had posted where she was clearly upset and two/three forum users were being really really rude to her. It was cringeworthy to read and simply looked like a case of internet bravado where people think that because they are not face to face they can say whatever the heck they want. Its cowardly and bullying and it really annoyed me. I thought they must be have been tennagers they way they carried out but then further posts talked about their kids being back at school..??
 
Excuse me?? So, becuase I didnt right downe everything properly in my first post its ok for people to tell me i dont deserve my mare? that i dont look after her properly?!

She's had:

THE DENTIST
THE VET X 4
THE BACK LADY
THE SADDLER

Tell me it is NOT A PAIN ISSUE.

But thats alright becsause people think its ok to tell someone taht they dont think i dserver my horse and im hurting her? But tehy werent saying hta twhen in the midddle of winter I was looking after her ater her surgery. nobody complained that i was doing a shitty job then. Nobody complains that im no tlooknig after my youngster, our other horses, my beautiful dog who needs surgery, I lvoe them SO much im trying to find £5000 for her to have surgery to make her better but NO I'm OBVIOUSLY an animal abuser and deserve to have abuse screamed at me!
 
I really really like this forum, I find that any CC is valid and crucial and most of the time is not too harsh, i dont offer much CC even though I`ve been involved with horses for 21 years there are far more experienced people out there than me, i`m mainy a happy hacker, I`ve brought my own horses on but dont feel comfortable telling other people what they should be doing unless it something like wear a hat, dont hang on his/her mouth etc that stuff im good with :)
if i asked for CC id me more than happy to take anything thats been said on board, im good at abusing my own riding position from time to time a recent jumping photo i`m jumping a simple 2 foot X like a huge 5 foot oxer :D.
i asked for CC on my mare last week, i know she`s not perfect, she has her flaws and i`ve taken on board and researched into the stuff that people have mentioned.
IMO if people ignore advice which could be very very imprtant then more fool them.
 
Flame_ said:
I'm sure this will just get me banned again but so be it.

If you post that you are riding a post op KS horse in a badly fitting saddle, what exactly do you expect? People can't be supportive and cheery if they think they can read exactly where your problem is coming from, they want to tell you. Naturally they will get frustrated with you if you disagree.

Don't get upset, you did the right thing explaining that there is more to it than what you said in your OP, just thank them for their advice and choose which bits to take on board and which to just think "bitch" and ignore, lol.

Not aimed at you Flamehead, but using you as an example before you expanded on your OP, I fail to see why people can't foresee the abuse they're going to get if they post that they are doing something that sounds pretty stupid. Plus, tbh, if they can't see what they're doing sounds stupid, they're generally in dire need of the abuse to get it across to them, IMO!
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The thing is when writing a post it is very easy to miss crucial bits out or not expand on the important stuff, because you know what you mean. I'm sure when Flamehead posted she meant it to mean that whilst not ideal the fit of the saddle was satisfactory and in no way harmful and had been check by a proper saddle fitter, she probably assumed that people would know that she wouldn't be so stupid as to ride on an obviously ill fitting saddle. But people often assume the worst on here! Add to that the number of people (one in particular that I can think of) who seem to reply before they have read the whole thread, or even the whole post.... and meanings get lost and people need to clarify.

I think it is a shame that people don't feel able to support the OP on the open forum and only do so by PM though, it leads to threads looking very onesided and a bit of support would be most welcome.

I posted months and months ago about my search for a horse, and got jumped on by loads of people saying "its your first horse get a veteran ploddy cob that is suitable for novices" and it wasn't until one poster came on to say that she knew who I was, had seen me ride and would happily let me loose with her five year old that people backed off a bit!
 
I think aswell the OP's don't help looking at a recent thread asking no CC but when people are actually giving very good advice in a nice manner they are getting shot down by the OP and then the advicers get upset about this and then you get arguments.

I'll repeat what my instructor told me "once you think you know it all, give up because you'll stop trying to learn"
This is the problem with a lot of people on here.
 
flamehead said:
Excuse me?? So, becuase I didnt right downe everything properly in my first post its ok for people to tell me i dont deserve my mare? that i dont look after her properly?!

She's had:

THE DENTIST
THE VET X 4
THE BACK LADY
THE SADDLER

Tell me it is NOT A PAIN ISSUE.

But thats alright becsause people think its ok to tell someone taht they dont think i dserver my horse and im hurting her? But tehy werent saying hta twhen in the midddle of winter I was looking after her ater her surgery. nobody complained that i was doing a shitty job then. Nobody complains that im no tlooknig after my youngster, our other horses, my beautiful dog who needs surgery, I lvoe them SO much im trying to find £5000 for her to have surgery to make her better but NO I'm OBVIOUSLY an animal abuser and deserve to have abuse screamed at me!
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*and breathe*:)

ALL the people posting on your thread are concerned for your horse and therefore for you, as you are obviously really worried. Many of them are posting their experiences, which is what you wanted, I thought. Other people are trying to offer suggestions for how to help her cope or giving you names of people to contact who have had horses come through this - the one I suggested had her horse back competing at his previous level so she's obviously done something right and has experience of the issues involved.

No-one has screamed abuse at you, read through all the replies again, discard those you know to be rubbish and then out of what is left see if you can formulate a plan to try to get the end result you want - a fit, happy-to-be-ridden horse.


Someone might like to quote this for flamehead, if they think it's worth it, as I should think she has me on UI. It is meant sincerely.
 
jemima_too said:
*and breathe*:)

ALL the people posting on your thread are concerned for your horse and therefore for you, as you are obviously really worried. Many of them are posting their experiences, which is what you wanted, I thought. Other people are trying to offer suggestions for how to help her cope or giving you names of people to contact who have had horses come through this - the one I suggested had her horse back competing at his previous level so she's obviously done something right and has experience of the issues involved.

No-one has screamed abuse at you, read through all the replies again, discard those you know to be rubbish and then out of what is left see if you can formulate a plan to try to get the end result you want - a fit, happy-to-be-ridden horse.


Someone might like to quote this for flamehead, if they think it's worth it, as I should think she has me on UI. It is meant sincerely.
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I think some people were a little harsh with flamehead, but as you say it was mainly well meant and more likely due to misunderstanding the steps taken so far. Most people can't remember the history of every user or their level of experience.

The advice of going back ignoring the rubbish and reading the rest is good though and should be applied in most cases as amongst the hysteria there is normally some amazing advice from brilliant knowledgeable kind people.
 
I just don't think people realise on here that you're talking to a real person, who owns a real animal, with a real problem. I generally think, that if they're on a forum asking for advice about their problems, then they're unlikely to be horse abusers! There is no need to be so rude sometimes.
 
flamehead said:
I am all for people being told that things are wrong, and how to improve.

However, I've just sat in tears reading through some of the really horrid replies on my post, suggesting that I can't look after my horse and am a horrible person.

There is constructive crit (and thank you v much to the people who have given that), and then there is downright bitchy, horrid and rude.

It also says something that I've just received FOUR PMs from people saying "I'm not going to post on your post because I disagree with the comments about her saddle and don't want to be yelled at". Surely we should all be entitled to state our opinions without feeling that someone is going to bully us?! Thanks to those who PMed me.
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Agree with this, there is no need for people getting nasty which a lot do on here. Comments which will help are allways welcome but general rudeness and being bitchy is no exceptable and helps nobody. And at the end off the day if you have the say so off vets etc on certain issues who can argue with that.
 
Should I no longer offer my support and congratulations by suggesting the horse is fab, the horse/rider go well together, and say nice things *sigh*.?? I haven't got a lot to offer jumping knowledge wise, and have masses to learn, but maybe i should just butt out. I am not good at critising other people, sorry.

Do these same people get upset when they get very few replies at all, constructive or otherwise ? Tbh, I am a sucker for replying to nil - point threads, cos I know what it feels like !!

And i squirm when the threads get so nasty, everyone thinking "they know best" and destroying the original poster. NO-ONE knows best, everyone has a different school of thought, and being destructive does not get a point across.

hmmmph. sm x
 
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I'm probably going to get banned for this, but, from my post on the mare's KS/saddle, here are the comments I think are totally uncalled for and bullying (not just "blunt").

Fleabitten: I'm sorry, but I feel sorry for her

Amymay: But I'm amazed you can just disregard her behaviour

Princesssparkle: so why the heck are you riding in it?! poor mare deserves better than that.

honestly, people do confuse and frustrate me sometimes....................

Sundance: I cant understand why you are not doing everything you can to make everything work out for you and more importantly your horse, who lets face, wont have had the time of her life recently

Princesssparkle (again): is my brain not working or something....the saddle should be perfect!!!its resting on her back with your full weight in it for christs sakes!!!! and if it doesnt fit perfectly then it may well have made her back so sore the roller hurts it too......or is that just too logical.

but carry on, because without people like you, i wouldnt have a job re-schooling all the ruined horses out there.

there is NO argument for using a saddle that does not fit.ever. if you have to pad it to fit around muscle wastage-fine. but if you cant do that and it has to be re-flocked every month, just do it. find the money. because long term you will end up spending more if you ride her in a badly fitted saddle.

................find wall.apply head.

Amymay: Thankfully though it appears that actually this horse is not owned by her. So hopefully the lady who does own her has a little more common sense and concern for the mare's behaviour

Oh, and by the way, Amymay, my OHs mother owns the horse, we do the day to day care. She just wanted something to pat.
 
shysmum said:
Should I no longer offer my support and congratulations by suggesting the horse is fab, the horse/rider go well together, and say nice things *sigh*.?? I haven't got a lot to offer jumping knowledge wise, and have masses to learn, but maybe i should just butt out. I am not good at critising other people, sorry.

Do these same people get upset when they get very few replies at all, constructive or otherwise ? Tbh, I am a sucker for replying to nil - point threads, cos I know what it feels like !!

And i squirm when the threads get so nasty, everyone thinking "they know best" and destroying the original poster. NO-ONE knows best, everyone has a different school of thought, and being destructive does not get a point across.

hmmmph. sm x
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(((((HUGS)))))

I think we all need to remember that a poster's place is firmly in the wrong - whoever we are and whatever we have posted:D
 
flamehead said:
I generally think, that if they're on a forum asking for advice about their problems, then they're unlikely to be horse abusers! There is no need to be so rude sometimes.
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I don't think that's entirely true. I remember when I was on my second pony and she started refusing. Now, I would know she was starting with a problem. At the time, I was convinced she had developed an attitude problem and had I come on a forum and said so I would have deservedly been told by more experienced people, "she's probably telling you something's not right".

You're right that the vast majority of people want what's best for their horses but they also dole out a fair amount of unintentional abuse along the way at times. Ok forum replies can sometimes be a bit harsh, but they mostly are well meant.
 
shysmum said:
Should I no longer offer my support and congratulations by suggesting the horse is fab, the horse/rider go well together, and say nice things *sigh*.?? I haven't got a lot to offer jumping knowledge wise, and have masses to learn, but maybe i should just butt out. I am not good at critising other people, sorry.

Do these same people get upset when they get very few replies at all, constructive or otherwise ? Tbh, I am a sucker for replying to nil - point threads, cos I know what it feels like !!

And i squirm when the threads get so nasty, everyone thinking "they know best" and destroying the original poster. NO-ONE knows best, everyone has a different school of thought, and being destructive does not get a point across.

hmmmph. sm x
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I'm like you and feel bad if someone has no posts so I normally comment no matter how ridiculus my comment is :p

I think saying you look fab is very nice and makes the OP feel good but if theres like 6 pages of people saying you look fab I most likely wouldn't comment unless I had something differeing to the previous 6 pages.
 
shysmum said:
Should I no longer offer my support and congratulations by suggesting the horse is fab, the horse/rider go well together, and say nice things *sigh*.?? I haven't got a lot to offer jumping knowledge wise, and have masses to learn, but maybe i should just butt out. I am not good at critising other people, sorry.

And i squirm when the threads get so nasty, everyone thinking "they know best" and destroying the original poster. NO-ONE knows best, everyone has a different school of thought, and being destructive does not get a point across.

hmmmph. sm x
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Nah I think the occasional "I can't help but what a pretty pony" post is great for diffusing things, and everyone likes a compliment. If people don't feel able to say nice things then the forum will be a pretty grim place to be, as long as the comments aren't the sort that might lead people to think they are better than they are in a way which could be dangerous.
 
flamehead said:
I'm probably going to get banned for this, but, from my post on the mare's KS/saddle, here are the comments I think are totally uncalled for and bullying (not just "blunt").

Fleabitten: I'm sorry, but I feel sorry for her

Amymay: But I'm amazed you can just disregard her behaviour

Princesssparkle: so why the heck are you riding in it?! poor mare deserves better than that.

honestly, people do confuse and frustrate me sometimes....................

Sundance: I cant understand why you are not doing everything you can to make everything work out for you and more importantly your horse, who lets face, wont have had the time of her life recently

Princesssparkle (again): is my brain not working or something....the saddle should be perfect!!!its resting on her back with your full weight in it for christs sakes!!!! and if it doesnt fit perfectly then it may well have made her back so sore the roller hurts it too......or is that just too logical.

but carry on, because without people like you, i wouldnt have a job re-schooling all the ruined horses out there.

there is NO argument for using a saddle that does not fit.ever. if you have to pad it to fit around muscle wastage-fine. but if you cant do that and it has to be re-flocked every month, just do it. find the money. because long term you will end up spending more if you ride her in a badly fitted saddle.

................find wall.apply head.

Amymay: Thankfully though it appears that actually this horse is not owned by her. So hopefully the lady who does own her has a little more common sense and concern for the mare's behaviour

Oh, and by the way, Amymay, my OHs mother owns the horse, we do the day to day care. She just wanted something to pat.
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If they didn't get banned for posting it then I can't see why you'd get banned for repeating it?

And yes, they are not nice comments BUT remember everyone is concerned for your horse and that's not a bad thing in so many threads. So look past those comments and see what else there is on the thread that might bring a lightbulb moment for your mare!
 
Have re-read through, Jemima-Too, thanks, there are useful comments, I know that, just some of the comments above are disgusting! Nobody would say that to someone in RL.
 
flamehead said:
Have re-read through, Jemima-Too, thanks, there are useful comments, I know that, just some of the comments above are disgusting! Nobody would say that to someone in RL.
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I totally agree with you flamehead, some off the comments, ESP princesssparkle is totally out off order, it's a horrid bitchy comment which is totally un called for. I read the post but didn't comment else I would off got into a arrugement with some people.
 
I haven't read any more than first page of your thread Flamehead, cos it was looking like becoming one I would squirm at. Don't get me wrong, I worked in welfare, and was very good at telling it like it is, but those comments are just so out of order, if I had said anything so bloody tactless, i would have been sacked on the spot.

There are ways of getting a point across, and there is an art to being able to advise without patronising or being downright nasty, while being tough and being heard - what does rudeness achieve ? NOTHING !!! i never claimed to know more than I did, i went and found out, and then shared that info on a level that was understood. And NICELY !!! And it worked, time and time again. And the person did not have to close their ears to me.


I'm so sorry the other thread went tit up. seems the way people get their kicks. sm x
 
Thanks SM.

Although I have a bone to pick with you! You're still posting with that bootiful boy in your siggy and NOW there is a photo of him with an equally cute companion... ;)
 
Monsters said:
I totally agree with you flamehead, some off the comments, ESP princesssparkle is totally out off order, it's a horrid bitchy comment which is totally un called for. I read the post but didn't comment else I would off got into a arrugement with some people.
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Phew Flamehead having read the comments I can see why you are so upset, unpleasant and self rightous in many cases, which will no doubt draw the defence of "I will say what I want when the Horses Welfare is an issue".

Take comfort from the fact that if there was not a keyboard to hide behind then these comments would never be made to your face (although no doubt the response will be "oh yes i would" yeah yeah yeah!) You do sometimes have to wonder if people actually read what they spew of their keyboards and if they do do they actually care that they are coming across in such a negative manner Hey ho it takes all sorts.

Look to some of the other posters who have given good advice, in a fair manner having considered all you have to say and with politeness.

Oh and as for remembered pain or as my Vet explains it "the expectation of pain" my guy will still when we ask him something new lift his off hind in a "can't do it it hurts" before he remembers that actully it doesn't any more and we are now a year on from his injury.
 
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I am always glad and open to recieve CONSTRUCTIVE crit on here :) after all if you take it on board and work on it it helps to make you a better rider :D

There is a post going at the min and I am trying SO hard not to comment as the person doesn't want CC....but could possibly be detrimental to their horse in the long run...but hey ho :( this forum deffo needs a zipped mouth smiley!


To all those who CC my piccis etc I THANK you and please continue to CC :D
 
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