Generational differences on rudeness

[ecb89]

It's interesting that for you Teams is outside protocol. I'm not young but I have no problem with people using Teams rather than email. Current client I'm working with prefers Teams as things are less likely to get buried so they'd see it as reciprocating if they did it to me.

I work with multiple clients across different countries so am always flexible about forms of communication.

I see them as having thanked you, they just used a thumbs up rather than the word thanks. The issue isn't that they didn't thank you but you and the client had different expectations of what form that should take.

I tend to see a thumbs up as a bit friendlier. I also get smiley faces which I don't mind.

We have a dedicated client contact inbox, phone line and online service. Just because I work within the same organisation as the client doesn’t mean they should message us directly.
Also by them messaging me directly it took time out of my day which I should have spent answering queries and running process of work which had already come in. So something I should have done that day was pushed to the next day.

 

[paddy555]

I disagree. The person messaged me directly, outside of normal protocols, they asked a complex query, I took the time to answer it, I could have directed them to our main contact inbox. It is common courtesy to write a thank you.

totally agree. If someone has put time and effort into helping me I would thank them for their time and make a comment as to how helpful their reply etc was. (even if it wasn't) Thumbs up would not be sufficient.

 

[Marigold4]

I arranged to view a horse. On arrival the lady thanked me for turning up. She said that several others had just not turned up and no further contact.

That's extraordinary, isn't it. Why would you do that when you know someone is going to spend time and effort getting the horse ready for you. Why on earth did they not message and say they had changed their mind. Really annoying!

 

[Marigold4]

It's nothing to do with being young. Some of the rudest people I've ever come across have been older.

I always follow up with people if I don't want the thing (thing is usually a horse) - most people say 'No worries, thanks for letting me know' etc. but I've had a couple of people get really offended and be really rude back. I once exchanged a couple of messages with a lady who was selling a horse. On her page she had also shared the advert of her friend's horse for sale who looked more suitable. I let her know that while I was still interested I thought her friend's horse might be a better fit, and let her know I'd also enquired with her friend. She went bloody nuts at me saying what a cheek I had etc. So I can see why some people who don't like confrontation might just silently slip into the ether!

Well fear of nasty response would explain it. I would just have said "thanks for letting me know" though.

 

[Marigold4]

I do ghost sometimes. The number of times I’ve said ‘thanks but not what I’m after’ after asking for more details about a horse and then got a nasty response is rather alarming.

So strange. But it would explain what happened.

 

[PurBee]

I dont think its an age thing, it’s likely because social media isnt face to face, and for so many people, their SM is so fast-paced with them getting notifications on this, that and the other app - that its a combo of people losing track of messages, swamped in data-overload, and a new socially-acceptable behaviour of ‘just ignore if not suitable’.

FB marketplace has revealed this social media behaviour to me, and it has leaked into other older selling platforms. Actually younger folk have been better at messaging than older folk, maybe because theyre used to living a ‘digital life’?

Yet a silent unspoken communication rule has crept in that says ‘its fine to ghost if you dont want to go ahead with the sale etc’

We have been trying to buy something from a dealer of these items, and for 6 weeks have been struggling with getting info! He first said ‘yes, still for sale, had a buyer mess me about’ - so we ask a couple of questions and say ‘yeah we’ll definitely buy, we’ll inform you of when our transport guy will pick-up” - went round the houses trying to secure transport date - only to keep leaving messages for 3 weeks to buy and pick up the item, to be ghosted completely. We used another number to get in touch and said ‘ i want to give you the payment for that X and get it transported’ - we received a reply within the hour asking which one! We then are told, 12 hrs later its sold.
The sellers saying ‘no timewasters’ generally themselves are timewasters.

Its pot luck if you’ll deal with someone who’ll carry a convo to a natural courteous termination!

 

[Marigold4]

it has nothing to do with age and people really need to stop dividing people based on age.
I get yelled at and talked down to multiple times a day at work and it’s by all ages and genders.
Everyone can be rude

Very true. I did ask it as a question though - whether it was a generational way of doing things rather than general rudeness

 

[Marigold4]

I think Purbee's response answers my question - "Yet a silent unspoken communication rule has crept in that says ‘its fine to ghost if you dont want to go ahead with the sale etc’". So not generational - just a new SM thing. So they are not being deliberately rude, I just need to get used to a new SM convention.

 

[Daiquiri]

I mean if I thought you were a scammer I'd do the same. Trying to sell a saddle on fb and all I've had is scammers trying it on, as soon as it's clear they're not genuine I just block them, I don't thank them for wasting my time.

 

[Jambarissa]

I dont like that someone who asks lots of questions then even comes to view before deciding its not for them is labeled a time waster.

Someone once came to view my 3 bed no garage house then said 'we really want 4 beds and a garage', they were time wasters!

You do often get an angry response if you've asked a number of questions then decide its not for you. I'm not sure what you're supposed to do about that. I just take no response as they're not interested.

I think it's rude not to respond to a message asking if you are still interested but don't think it's rude to ask questions then go quiet.

I'm not young!

 

[Marigold4]

I mean if I thought you were a scammer I'd do the same. Trying to sell a saddle on fb and all I've had is scammers trying it on, as soon as it's clear they're not genuine I just block them, I don't thank them for wasting my time.

Why would she think I was a scammer though. I just said I FELT like I was a scammer when she ghosted me. I wasn't trying anything on!!! Confused.

 

[onemoretime]

Oh yes. I believe it’s because younger folks don’t know how to respond to something if it’s no longer of interest to them. Much easier with technology to block/delete/wipe off face of the earth if no longer interested than taking time to compose a sentence.

I agree with this.

 

[holeymoley]

I actually retract my first post, having read others it’s true,but it’s not just a younger thing, people of all ages are really rude these days.


I organised an event for someone the other week at work. I spent time meeting and talking through their requirements and how we could fulfill them. I physically showed them the set up. I contacted them by email and phone, all of which at each time everything was hunkydory. The day came and ‘she’ got two steps in the door a blasted THIS ISNT WHAT I WANTED! … now luckily I wasn’t there at the time but nonetheless I did get both barrels when I came to see what the fuss was. It was everything I discussed with her. Needless to say once the dust settled, she couldn’t have been nicer.

Folk are weird. I don’t know what’s happened, lockdown certainly done something, people aren’t as tolerant these days, almost as if they should be owed the world. Basic manners have gone.

 

[I'm Dun]

I even thank ChatGPT for generating an answer. Feels rude not to.

I asked chatgpt if it wanted me to keep saying please when I asked it a question, it replied basically saying it didn't mind. I still say please.

 

[teapot]

Basic manners don't appear to exist any more. The rise of the me me me selfish society imho.

 

[JBM]

Oh yes. I believe it’s because younger folks don’t know how to respond to something if it’s no longer of interest to them. Much easier with technology to block/delete/wipe off face of the earth if no longer interested than taking time to compose a sentence.

Yes because older people would never do that

 

[Rowreach]

Poor communication of any kind is my biggest bugbear I think. I spent a lot of yesterday chasing up people who haven't responded to things (quite important things) going back to February. And the chap who insisted that I work all over Easter to deliver a project for his organisation failed to send me the necessary photos and information for me to do it, and is apparently away on holiday. I'm assuming that come Monday he will be asking me why it hasn't been done.

It really isn't generational, some people are just rude and inconsiderate. Others understand that better communication makes everyone's lives easier.

 

[Cloball]

Does anyone else find that those who are very rude also readily police others perceived manners?

I definitely find those older than me ruder but those younger more likely to ghost.

I did find that when I was getting lots of bits on marketplace it was hard to keep on top of everything as the messages didnt always come with notifications plus people include so little info you have to ask so many questions half of which aren't answered straight away so you have to ask again or remind and some people take so long to reply for the reasons mentioned before I have just given up with the endless back and forth. I had to rearrange collecting a rug twice due to colic and vets I'm sure that person thought i was messing them about and ghosted me which was annoying but fair I suppose

Buying a pony was much more stressful due to the multiple different methods of communication, whether my phone would tell me if I had notifications etc. it made going to a dealer with multiple ponies to see seem much easier.

I'm much better at saying 'no thank you' with no feeling of obligation as I've got older though.

 

[Cowpony]

The one that really annoys me is when you arrange a lunch/coffee/whatever with somebody, send the obligatory "are we still on for tomorrow/looking forward to it" message, and then get "Oh sorry, I can't make it." I always feel like messaging back " So when exactly were you going to tell me? When I was sitting there waiting for you? "

 

[Peglo]

I was going to say similar to @Cloball

I think there’s rudeness in all ages but it’s slightly different for the generations.

I find younger folk might be more silently rude whereas those older are more likely to be outspokenly rude. The lack of manners and entitlement is rife amongst all ages though.

 

[Flame_]

I find younger folk might be more silently rude whereas those older are more likely to be outspokenly rude.

Why is it rude not to continue a conversation with someone you don't know, you've made no commitment to and you've decided further communication would be a waste of your time? Are people really offended not to get a "right, thanks, nope it's not what I'm after actually, bye then"? That just seems odd to me, but I never assume if anyone enquires about something I sell that it's going to go anywhere.

Absolutely, if you've made arrangements for a viewing and want/need to backtrack then it's extremely rude not make contact to cancel or rearrange, but the straightforward right to not go forward with buying something at any point in a transaction until you commit to buying is something I'm a very firm believer in. It's very commonplace nowadays to feel you've entered into some sort of contract with sellers just by having phoned them, it's a known tactic of car sales and it's filtered through to other things.

 

[Peglo]

Why is it rude not to continue a conversation with someone you don't know, you've made no commitment to and you've decided further communication would be a waste of your time? Are people really offended not to get a "right, thanks, nope it's not what I'm after actually, bye then"? That just seems odd to me, but I never assume if anyone enquires about something I sell that it's going to go anywhere.

I would argue how would it hurt to say
“Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions, sorry I don’t think this is right for me.”

I will add I’m not big on having long conversations online. I will often hit an emoji button to send an acknowledgement to a message but if I’ve asked a question and someone answers I would always thank them. I would whilst having a conversation face to face and so I would online, stranger or not. Just the manners I’ve been brought up with I guess.

 

[Marigold4]

Why is it rude not to continue a conversation with someone you don't know, you've made no commitment to and you've decided further communication would be a waste of your time? Are people really offended not to get a "right, thanks, nope it's not what I'm after actually, bye then"? That just seems odd to me, but I never assume if anyone enquires about something I sell that it's going to go anywhere.

Absolutely, if you've made arrangements for a viewing and want/need to backtrack then it's extremely rude not make contact to cancel or rearrange, but the straightforward right to not go forward with buying something at any point in a transaction until you commit to buying is something I'm a very firm believer in. It's very commonplace nowadays to feel you've entered into some sort of contract with sellers just by having phoned them, it's a known tactic of car sales and it's filtered through to other things.

Of course you have a right not to go forward with a purchase, I'm just thinking it's polite if you have put someone to trouble (info, photos, videos etc), to let them know you are not now interested instead of just disappearing. That's all. I had answered about 10 messages from same person.

 

[honetpot]

You can usually spot a 'timewaster' on FB they as lots of questions, get annoyed quickly, and I am never that bothered about selling, so I just say thank you for your interest and no longer respond.
I have set responses to rude or just annoying people, I refuse to waste any energy on them. I am dyslexic so never give a long reply, my sister sends me a long email, and she may get three lines back, unless I really feel you need a detailed response, you may just get a thanks and thumbs up.

I think in real life people can not cope any more with people having a difference of opinion, it becomes a personal afront, or they see you a nasty person, you only have to look on Twitter how things are conflated to an all out war of words, so its easier to ghost someone, and thats with any age group.
I love a , if no body has died is it worth the worry.

 

[teapot]

Why is it rude not to continue a conversation with someone you don't know, you've made no commitment to and you've decided further communication would be a waste of your time? Are people really offended not to get a "right, thanks, nope it's not what I'm after actually, bye then"? That just seems odd to me, but I never assume if anyone enquires about something I sell that it's going to go anywhere.

Absolutely, if you've made arrangements for a viewing and want/need to backtrack then it's extremely rude not make contact to cancel or rearrange, but the straightforward right to not go forward with buying something at any point in a transaction until you commit to buying is something I'm a very firm believer in. It's very commonplace nowadays to feel you've entered into some sort of contract with sellers just by having phoned them, it's a known tactic of car sales and it's filtered through to other things.

A thanks but no thanks is basic manners imho, esepcially if someone's gone to the trouble to take more photos or provided some actual customer service from a business pov. I was selling a few Schoffel bits a few weeks ago on fb and received so many messaged - people replying with thanks but no thanks meant I could move onto the next person rater than waiting around for replies.

You can swap the situation around too - I also think it's appalling you apply for jobs these days and never receieve confirmation of receipt, let alone a rejection.

 

[holeymoley]

Yes because older people would never do that

If you read the rest of the thread you'll see that I've retracted that to people of all ages.