Getting cold feet about my horse.. What should I do ? Is it too late?

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niagaraduval

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I have been looking for a sharer for quite some time now for my horse. About 3 months ago I found someone, they came and tried him etc. all went ok. As he is out 24/7 atm with no facilities I have told her I can't leave tack for her at the field so she would need her own. All was fine as she was happy to get her own saddle fitted for him as she wants a long term share and so do I.

Thought great, found an ideal person for him, long term, will all their own tack etc. Happy to look after him as their own.

Girl turned up and there were a few things I didn't like (Brought her whole family, friends, partners, kids, parents etc.) when she turned up to ride him. Apart from that all was fine she rode him pretty well etc. She seemed ideal as only wanted to hack and had her own transport etc. had been riding for about 10 years so I was confident she would be able to handle my boy.

Anyway, as I posted about 3 months ago my horse got rub sore on his withers, so horse couldn't be ridden. As I was going abroad for 2 months I decided to leave him and give him the time off to recover and just mooche about with my oldie. Luckily, the sharer was ok with this as it gave her time to source other items she hadn't yet bought such as head collar etc.

Got back and now is the time to sign the contract for my sharer to start sharing next week. I said I would like to accompany her on her first ride as my boy is an ex racer and although a star I don't know how he will react to being ridden after 3 months off. I ofcourse am totally confident on him and wouldn't bat an eyelid but I personally would be wary of riding such a horse and certainly wouldn't want to take him out on my own if he wasn't mine.

I sent a message saying I want to take her out on the first ride just to make sure everything goes ok and directly she sent back 'Want to go on my own sorry! when will you give me key to the field ?' . I am now imaging all sorts of things.

What can I put in the contract ? I have stated that only she is to ride him and even go and see him unless it's her partner etc. not let anyone else ride him.

He lives in a field with my other oldie and there are no other horses around so it's not a riding school or livery yard, there is nothing there which makes me think she wants to bring loads of people with her. What can I put in the contract concerning moving the horse? I am paranoid she will steal him (Stupid I know !) and more importantly how do I enforce all my rules ?
 
I vaguely remember this story, it was all a bit strange back then.

For starters I would text the girl back and say she will not get the key or be hacking out alone until you are confident - probably in another week or two. Put that in the contract too perhaps? As in a two week trial period..
 
I'd have told you to jog on as soon as you suggested buying a saddle (and other items) for your horse. I think you're very lucky she is still keen :eek:
 
That's a good suggestion I was also suggested to enforce a trial period. How do I make sure that she respects my contract though ?

I am going to say that for 2 weeks she will have a probation period where I will accompany her out and she will only get the key to the field when I feel she can take him out on her own.
 
quirky said:
I'd have told you to jog on as soon as you suggested buying a saddle (and other items) for your horse. I think you're very lucky she is still keen :eek:
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Can't leave my tack at field, sorry ! and there will be no payment involved, not even for shoes.
This is also a long term thing I'm not looking for someone to get him fit and then leave I want someone to have some fun on him.
 
Go with your gut. If you feel something is wrong then it probably is.

Build in a trial period and make sure you are happy. This is a share - not a loan. You are in charge.

I would be asking how the wither rub happened. You can by a cheap wintec on ebay for £20 or less. Unlike Quirky I would have no issues about telling her to buy a saddle - but I would have serious concerns about what sort of saddle she would buy! I would far rather my sharers use my tack becuase I know it fits, is clean (because I clean it!) and well maintained.
 
Shay said:
Go with your gut. If you feel something is wrong then it probably is.

Build in a trial period and make sure you are happy. This is a share - not a loan. You are in charge.

I would be asking how the wither rub happened. You can by a cheap wintec on ebay for £20 or less. Unlike Quirky I would have no issues about telling her to buy a saddle - but I would have serious concerns about what sort of saddle she would buy! I would far rather my sharers use my tack becuase I know it fits, is clean (because I clean it!) and well maintained.
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Totally agree, she had a saddle that didn't fit so sent it back and got a new one which was suggested by saddler so we will see, if the saddle doesn't fit she won't be riding him, she knows this.

The sore withers were due to a rug I had left on him one night, a fleece one, had never rubbed before so didn't hesitate to leave it on one night when it was cold. I've bought an anti rub vest now so should be ok, although he has been out 24/7 rug less now for the last 3 months.

I don't know why I have this gut feeling as on paper she seems perfect, there's just a way about her that really makes me question her for some reason.. which is totally ridiculous..
 
I think if I'd gone out and bought tack for a "share" horse, I'd expect to be able to ride it. I'll be totally honest I too, would have told you to "jog on", I understand you can't leave the tack at the field but maybe you could have arranged for her to pick it up? How do you know the tack she has bought to ride your horse in fits?
 
Because she has had a saddler out to tell her what she needs to buy. How do you find a saddle for your horse then ?

FGS - The horse is free, I don't ride him any more he is an excellent horse to compete on or ride he is a star I pay for his shoes and every thing else I would just like someone to have fun on him. He is only 10. I would have jumped at the chance, especially as shares my way are over £100 a month. I had several people get back to me and were all fine with buying tack. As long as the tack fits I don't mind if it's new or second hand or cost £10 from ebay. And even for a long term I don't see how this can cause that much problem, I would personally prefer to have my own tack for a horse I shared any way especially if it was a long term share like this is. I think that's an ok thing for me to ask, I pay for all the upkeep and shoes I can't leave tack for him at my field which is surrounded by houses and no doubt theives.
 
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Her text message would signal big alarm bells for me, sorry. If you are havings hassles with this now, before the arrangement is even up and running, imo it is bad news.

I think its risky to plan for a long-term share with someone you don't know well. I would be looking for a short-term arrangement first, see how it goes, then start to consider long-term. So many of these shares don't work well, I know some do but plenty go pear-shaped so you can't assume its going to work out OK.

I would have spoken to her about the hacking thing rather than texted, she might have got the wrong impression, its easily done from a text. But anyway, the fact that she texted back in that tone would be a big no-no for me, especially as she hasn't even signed the contract yet!

I would call her, say you have got big reservations now about the whole thing and ask to meet up for a coffee and talk things through. I would be completely open and honest with her, and if after that you still feel uncomfortable, then pull out. If shes responding to you in that manner now, just think what might happen once the contract is signed.
 
tbh if I went to try a horse for a share, was told I was fit for the job and then told I needed a nanny I might also get a bit huffy. In this case, maybe she interpreted your text wrong (really not a good method of communication IMO) and its worth a call to sort it out.
 
Is it possible that the sharer wants to try your horse out hacking by herself before she signs the contract? I have no idea, it's just a thought. It's very hard to read the situation without first hand experience of it - you could be overreacting, but there could be something genuinely off about her. Is there anyone close to you who could give you their take on her?
 
Let me get this right - you have verbally told this sharer that she can share - on that instruction she has gone out and bought extensive tack and equipment.

You made the horse lame with your equipment so delayed share for two months and now you are calling shots and saying you want to pull out because sharer wants to ride alone and bought her family to see her new horse because she and I expect they are exited.

OP you sound mean and slightly anal to me! I feel for this sharer I really do! Give the poor girl a chance to prove herself and if it then goes wrong then go ahead pull out but you have lead her right up the garden path here!
 
I don't see a problem with asking a new sharer to go accompanied on the first ride after a lay off :confused: She doesn't know the horse or how it is likely to act whereas the owner does. I wouldn't have a problem with that question whether I was sharer OR the owner. I'd simply say that's how it's going to be, and if she get's huffy about it, well, too bad! I'd be less worried about hurting her feelings than in her safety and that of my horse.
 
I was wondering the same Natch? Why can't the sharer use your tack if you don't ride him anymore?

It all sounds a little odd to me!
 
I'm not keen on lending 2 k worth of tack to someone to take home and keep at their house.

The deal was the person could ride whenever she likes do what she wishes with him (including compete) but they would need a well fitting saddle.

I don't plan to 'nanny' her just wanted to go out with her on her first ride out with him especially as he hasn't been ridden for 3 months. If it goes fine then she can take him out whenever she wishes.

My OH doesn't really think anything of her TBH, thinks she's a bit unreasonable to tell me she doesn't want me to go out with her the first time. Some horsey friends think that she is slightly 'strange' too, which isn't helping. She just doesn't feel right, I don't know her yet though it's just an impression I have been giving her regular updates though so have been talking to her for a while. Like I said, she seems perfect on paper, ticks every box, just doesn't seem right when I am around her.
 
There is no way you can 'enforce' a sharer or loan contract in a watertight way. The only thing you can do is keep a close eye on the other person for several months (or longer) until you are happy that they will do what you want.

I had a sharer for 7 months - lots of little niggles (mostly related to her knowing everything!) but nothing to really concern me until we had 4 weeks of snow and the boys were in for that time. When we started riding again I asked her to keep in walk for a week or two to build him back up as they'd not been out of stable for 4 weeks - she said fine - then next day my OH spotted her doing a really hard schooling session, he asked her about it and she told him she thought building up slowly after time off was pointless so she was going to ignore me!!!!

That was the last time she rode him!
 
I really don't mean this to sound bitchy but personally if I couldn't trust the sharer with the tack, there's no way I would trust them to care for/ride my horse! imo tack can be replaced, a horse can't xx
 
I agree you should trust your gut too, your request was perfectly reasonable. You need someone who understands and accepts you have concerns as the horse's owner, its fundamental.
 
Well...I think if you aren't sure about her and you don't feel like you can trust her then that could easily become a difficult situation, so it may be better in the long run to look for someone else.
 
mcnaughty said:
Let me get this right - you have verbally told this sharer that she can share - on that instruction she has gone out and bought extensive tack and equipment.

You made the horse lame with your equipment so delayed share for two months and now you are calling shots and saying you want to pull out because sharer wants to ride alone and bought her family to see her new horse because she and I expect they are exited.

OP you sound mean and slightly anal to me! I feel for this sharer I really do! Give the poor girl a chance to prove herself and if it then goes wrong then go ahead pull out but you have lead her right up the garden path here!
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Glad I'm not the only one who thinks the sharer's getting a rough ride here
 
I am another who would have told you to "jog on". You don't sound like you want a sharer at all!! Cant believe sharer agreed to buying tack never heard anything like it tbh!!
 
I feel really sorry for the sharer.
She's gone out, bought tack for your horse, you now sound like you don't trust her to be alone with your horse, and you're slagging her off for wanting to show her new horse to her family?
I'd tell you to whistle I'd I was her.
 
tinap said:
I really don't mean this to sound bitchy but personally if I couldn't trust the sharer with the tack, there's no way I would trust them to care for/ride my horse! imo tack can be replaced, a horse can't xx
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This definately, my horse means far more to me than any amount of tack no matter how much it cost and I find it strange that a person would trust their horse under the care of somebody they wouldn't trust with their tack. That to me is unfathomable and if I thought she was the type of person who may steal or damage tack then they wouldn't be anywhere near my horse.
 
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