Getting cold feet about my horse.. What should I do ? Is it too late?

I know your tack is expensive but me i would rather my horse ridden in tack that fitted, rather than some rubbish saddle that may not, this is the reason i dont have sharers for my horses sorry but most cant be trusted, i only have friends and people i know riding mine, if you are unsure about her i would suggest you call it off better to be safe than sorry.
 
I think if you have had doubts for a while it has been very unfair not to voice them and to allow the sharer to go on buying items for the horse. Also, why talk now about contracts if your gut instinct is that it isn't right. I really think it a bit of a cheek for you to try to write into the contract that she can't bring anyone but her other half with her when she sees the horse? You sound like you don't really want a sharer, and at the very least, too controlling to have one go well.
 
tinap said:
I really don't mean this to sound bitchy but personally if I couldn't trust the sharer with the tack, there's no way I would trust them to care for/ride my horse! imo tack can be replaced, a horse can't xx
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I'm another who ditto's this ^ my sharer has a key to my tack locker, I wouldn't want someone to buy their own tack (personally I think this was a bit above and beyond the normal tbh :o) anyway in case it didn't fit correctly.

I also think you've maybe been a bit too concerned about her taking people up to see the horse, my sharer has had a few friends up to see my boy (although she did ask if it was ok first) and I have no problem with it. I think it's lovely she's proud of him and wants to show him off.

However I would be a little concerned that she didn't accept you saying you wanted to come out with her for the first ride out at least, I'd be explaining why you want to do so and making it clear that this is a my way or the highway situation really :o

Sharing like loaning is based on a lot of trust, yes you have a contract but you trust that the sharer will stick to it, you trust them to care for your horse to the standard you want etc. If you have no trust, like any other relationship it becomes a futile exercise I'm afraid.
 
Id have to you to take a hike as well buying tack for a horse that belongs to someone else :eek:

I think your wasting this girls time and should have told her long ago that it wasnt working. Personally i think your looking the strange one in all this and not the sharer as you have wasted her time and money and if this was you on the other end you would be spitting feathers.
 
If the share is free then I think op can make whatever rules she likes!! People should be damn great full to have a horse to ride whenever they like without having to pay a penny!!!
 
Midnight mayhem - did you read any of the post? The poor sharers had to buy all her own tack as OP doesn't trust her with tack but trusts her with a live animal!
 
Yeah that is a good point elsiecat. If you don't trust sharer then need to find someone you do trust. I wouldn't let anyone I didn't trust/know loose with my horse.
 
Wow, this gets better! You won't let her use/look after 2k of tack but are happy for her to use what to most people is priceless.

I think you should seriously ask yourself if your inner control freak could ever let you loan out your horse out and do it happily.
 
well it turns out she doesn't trust her with the live animal, isn't that what the whole post is about? :confused:

I'd be fascinated to read if this share goes ahead and goes tits up (not wishing it on you, OP) how many people will have a go at the OP and blame her for not heeding any red flags right at the beginning. Bet there would be a fair few.
 
Elsiecat said:
Midnight mayhem - did you read any of the post? The poor sharers had to buy all her own tack as OP doesn't trust her with tack but trusts her with a live animal!
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The sharer seems to have agreed to this bit though, its hacking out first time with the owner which is causing the issue now....
 
If you renege on signing the share contract now, the sharer might have a legitimate claim to reimbursement for all the equipment she has bought the horse on the expectation that you gave her, that she would be sharing it..
 
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I wonder, if you are now going to tell this girl to take a hike, are you going to refund her for all the equipment she has spent for YOUR horse?

I can see both sides of this, however, have you considered that this girl agreed to be a sharer, bought expensive tack, then couldn't ride for months but spent this time spending more money on your horse and now is being told she has to be watched before she is trusted to take him out on her own.

You should not have had her buy all this equipment and stopped this share long before now if you had any doubts.

As for your criticising her bringing all her family and friends to see the horse - do you not recognise excitement when you see it?

Obviously her excitement is now wearing thin - she just wants to ride the damn horse that she has spent hundreds on!

Its a miracle you got anyone to agree to this in the first place - and I am another that thinks if you cant trust someone with a piece or two of leather, why would you trust them with your horse?

ETA - I am truly gobsmacked you couldn't even give her the head collar
 
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I'm confused, in your op it sounds as though sharer has already ridden the horse (when all her family and friends etc came with her) and you were happy with how she did? If she's bought tack and otherwise done all that you've asked maybe give her a chance and see how it goes. But, as I said, I could be confused
 
If you don't ride the horse OP, then forgive my ignorance, how is it a share??

Sounds like a free loan to me (apart from the ££ the "sharer" has had to fork out before she has even had a chance to ride your horse. Even to the point of buying a head collar?

I've never heard of sharers being forced to buy essential equipment for the horse. Whole situation sounds very odd to me.
 
I've just had a re-read of your previous thread "sharer dilema" OP and tbh it sounds like you've been umming and ahing over this sharer for quite some time. At the end of the day it sounds like in your heart you've already decided that this is not the right person for you. If you have been swinging back and forth for so long IMO it's not right and you should seriously consider terminating the share and re-assessing if A) a share is what you really want, B) what you want in a sharer and C) I really think you should allow your sharer to share the tack too, it does seem a bit backwards that you will share the horse and not the tack - I know which I would prefer damaged/lost/stolen if it were me :o
 
Darremi said:
If you renege on signing the share contract now, the sharer might have a legitimate claim to reimbursement for all the equipment she has bought the horse on the expectation that you gave her, that she would be sharing it..
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Agree with this. If it were me I would feel obliged to buy all the kit off her if I decided not to go through with the share, its only fair. I would much prefer to do this than to enter a share agreement I didn't feel happy with.
 
I can see both sides of this but I really believe you are being a bit unfair on the shwrer/loaner/whatever you want to call her.
2k worth of tack is nothing compared to the sentimental value/welfare of your horse surely..?? Is your tack not insured??
You need to get your priorities straight really. And if you decide not to go ahead then I think the least you can do is reimburse her for the money she has spent out x
 
Your talking about a long term share but you are struggling with the short term aspects. This isn't going to work. Be prepared to offer something for the money she has spent rethink the whole plan.
 
niagaraduval said:
She just doesn't feel right, I don't know her yet though it's just an impression I have been giving her regular updates though so have been talking to her for a while.
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well then stop the deal right now. She may not be the right fit but based on what you've said here, she's every right to feel as though her time (and money) has been wasted. I'm not even sure how a rug could cause such an injury if you've used it before tbh, in such a short space of time. Bringing her family along could just be excitement, maybe she wants them to be involved and I don't find that odd at all.

I've been a sharer and it seems from on here many get a bum deal tbh. You're expected to treat the horse as your own but with none of the rights or the perks. I'm not sure that you could do it (sharing) from reading this but if you don't ride him, perhaps a proper loan might be better all round. Let go a bit?
 
Is it really going to be worth the hassle, no I don't think so, as one person pointed out, if you don't really trust this person with your tack, then why put your horse at risk, I think you know in your own mind that its a bad idea, so go with your gut feeling, especially as you really don't know this person very well or in fact at all !:eek:
 
Not read all replies but if you don't ride the horse why can't she use your tack? No need to leave it at the yard, she takes it home.
You just make sure you have photos of it all before you hand it over and have a 'you break it, you replace it' clause.
 
This arrangement has not started well and I can't see things improving, terminating the agreement is going to be unpleasant but necessary.
 
If i was the sharer i would not take you up on your offer, having to buy tack for a share horse is crazy , especially if you are going to dictate when she rides...... what if she has trouble the first day will you not let her ride on her own ever???
Then what happens if you terminate the share , she has tack that wont fit another horse?

Why cant she keep your tack at home? even get a deposit if your that unsure of her

all sounds very petty to me on your side op
 
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