Getting cold feet about my horse.. What should I do ? Is it too late?

Aarrghimpossiblepony

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OP, who was looking after the horse while you were away for two months?
Did the sharer keep an eye on him for you?

Just thinking that might explain the text.
 

Passtheshampoo

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Why couldn't sharer use your tack for him if you don't ride him anymore. You could have got her to insure it should it have got stolen or damaged. The been in a similar situation as i have my own stables and take everything home. I arranged to meet my sharer with tack when she wanted to ride. My problem was she didn't like my tack and wanted to change things ! Didn't last long.
 

niagaraduval

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She has willingly gone out and got a saddler to find him a saddle at her own expense and this was the only clause so I have nothing on my mind regarding this regardless of what some of you are saying and making me out to be the biggest bitch on the planet.

This was stated on the ad, if people aren't happy with this then that's not my fault they can go elsewhere, I don't think I'm asking a lot, in my area nothing is under £100/month.

Taking tack out there each time is not an option, I work. I don't see why I am being killed for this, I am willing to let someone enjoy him however they like for free I pay all his bills and upkeep I am not asking any financial contribution. For information, I also offered her brushes and head collars, which she didn't want and preferred to buy her own. I didn't tell her she had to.

My OH was looking after our horses my neighbours and horsey friends in the area were also keeping an eye on them for me when I went abroad for 2 months, the loanee hasn't seen him since she tried him 3 months ago, my OH offered to meet her up there for her to spend some time with him and she preferred to wait for me to get back.
 

shmoo

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I'd honestly be wary of letting someone put tack I hadn't personally overseen the purchase of on my horse. This was one of the reasons my little TB was injured on her very short loan. Overwork and an ill fitting saddle. I wasn't going to let my saddle go - but sell it to buy anoher for my new horse whenever I got one - then chaged my mind and told her they could have it as I didn't want this to happen. My loaner was very short about it and said 'I have one that will be perfect.'

I didn't question it... Be ever so careful, as I know now bad backs are expensive even when theres nothing really wrong as in my mares case. :eek:

Re sharer: Go with your instinct. I can see you want a sharer, for the horses sake, I'd maybe wait until someone comes along and you gel - doesn't sound like you do with this girl?
 

sandi_84

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She has willingly gone out and got a saddler to find him a saddle at her own expense and this was the only clause so I have nothing on my mind regarding this regardless of what some of you are saying and making me out to be the biggest bitch on the planet.

This was stated on the ad, if people aren't happy with this then that's not my fault they can go elsewhere, I don't think I'm asking a lot, in my area nothing is under £100/month.

Taking tack out there each time is not an option, I work. I don't see why I am being killed for this, I am willing to let someone enjoy him however they like for free I pay all his bills and upkeep I am not asking any financial contribution. For information, I also offered her brushes and head collars, which she didn't want and preferred to buy her own. I didn't tell her she had to.

My OH was looking after our horses my neighbours and horsey friends in the area were also keeping an eye on them for me when I went abroad for 2 months, the loanee hasn't seen him since she tried him 3 months ago, my OH offered to meet her up there for her to spend some time with him and she preferred to wait for me to get back.

You don't have to take the tack to her for every time she rides you could do as others have suggested and take a deposit for your own tack and have it insured. Sorry I don't want to make you mad but why would you not let her just use the tack you already have for this horse if you aren't using it? I really would worry (like Shmoo) that the sharer would end up with a saddle that did not fit the horse and would end up making more troubles than it was worth :eek:
 

baileyxboo

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I hope you refund her for the tack she brought. I would be fuming. You'll be lucky to find another loaner that will buy tack again.
 

JulesRules

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I would suggest giving her ring and talking to her about why you want to accompany her. Make it clear this is non negotiable, but explain this is for everyone's well being as horse not been ridden for a while. I think with texts it's just to easy to have s misunderstanding.

In terms of your overall concerns, I do understand how you feel. Finding a sharer to trust with your horse is so hard. I've had a couple of dodgy ones, but at least I'm on livery so there are people around to keep an eye on things.

Are you able to have a trial period where you make sure you are around as much as possible to keep an eye on things?

As for the tack, well as a sharer I would be happy to spend say £300 on a reasonable used saddle if I then got a free share. My only concern would be buying the saddle before really getting into the share in case it didn't work out,so as others suggest maybe offer to buy the tack if u do decide not to continue. Maybe then if u find a new sharer you could either ask for a small contribution or offer a free share if they buy the tack from you?
 

niagaraduval

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I will put in place a trial period and will also tell her that I want to take her out on the first ride for the reasons I have given, I don't see why this is unreasonable of me.

Unfortunately I do feel trapped with her as I did tell her to wait until the 'probation' period was over before buying anything for him and she went out and bought everything within and week and had the saddler out. So although I did state tack was needed I did make it clear that I wanted her to wait to see if 1) She got on with the horse and 2) I got on with her. Things haven't gone like that though which is why I now understand it would be to bad of me to cancel our agreement. She does have an agreement with the saddler though who will take her saddle back and refund her, but the saddle isn't everything.
 

sandi_84

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I will put in place a trial period and will also tell her that I want to take her out on the first ride for the reasons I have given, I don't see why this is unreasonable of me.

Unfortunately I do feel trapped with her as I did tell her to wait until the 'probation' period was over before buying anything for him and she went out and bought everything within and week and had the saddler out. So although I did state tack was needed I did make it clear that I wanted her to wait to see if 1) She got on with the horse and 2) I got on with her. Things haven't gone like that though which is why I now understand it would be to bad of me to cancel our agreement. She does have an agreement with the saddler though who will take her saddle back and refund her, but the saddle isn't everything.

No it's not in any way unreasonable of you to want to take her out on the first ride at all! In fact I think it's quite sensible of you :)
Fair enough that she went out and got a saddle when you told her to wait.
Do you really feel a trial period is the way to go though? It really does sound like you just haven't clicked with this lady :eek: Do you really want to keep going with her or would you prefer to start again with someone else?
 

justabob

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I hope you refund her for the tack she brought. I would be fuming. You'll be lucky to find another loaner that will buy tack again.

There seems to be a lot of fuming on this thread! Poor OP I bet she wished she had never started this. She has also stated that the sharer wanted to buy tack, it is all part and parcel of having a horse, how many of you get pleasure from buying tack? As this was/is going to be a long term loan it does seem sensible for the loanee to have her own stuff. I think the OP has been more than fair and I am sure she will oversee the fitting of the saddle. However I think all her concerns should have been discussed with the sharer and not aired to a bunch of grumpy bints on a forum. Crikey she is not wanting to put goldfish into a trough........... just to share or loan her horse to a trustworthy person. Good luck OP, I hope this situation is soon sorted and you and your sharer have a good relationship.
 

niagaraduval

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TBH I don't really know as I know some people can seem cold or distant but that's just the way they are I have judged several people quickly in the past that have turned out to be great fun and really nice people. She ticks every box on the list and out of the 8 people that got in touch she was infact the only one to tick all boxes, I know sharers are hard to find.

I'm not sure whether I should go ahead with the trial period or not, I think I should as she deserves a chance, but the fact she told me she doesn't want me accompanying her out on her first hack with the horse who hasn't been ridden for 3 months is making me wary...but then again I know if she wasn't serious she wouldn't have gone out and bought everything as quick as she did.
 

niagaraduval

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There seems to be a lot of fuming on this thread! Poor OP I bet she wished she had never started this. She has also stated that the sharer wanted to buy tack, it is all part and parcel of having a horse, how many of you get pleasure from buying tack? As this was/is going to be a long term loan it does seem sensible for the loanee to have her own stuff. I think the OP has been more than fair and I am sure she will oversee the fitting of the saddle. However I think all her concerns should have been discussed with the sharer and not aired to a bunch of grumpy bints on a forum. Crikey she is not wanting to put goldfish into a trough........... just to share or loan her horse to a trustworthy person. Good luck OP, I hope this situation is soon sorted and you and your sharer have a good relationship.

Thank you so much for this message it has just made me feel slightly better about my horrible (apparently) self. :) x
 

Capriole

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the fact she told me she doesn't want me accompanying her out on her first hack with the horse who hasn't been ridden for 3 months is making me wary....

Just tell her this is non-negotiable! I think anyone thinking that is unreasonable or out of order on your part is screwy, tbh ;) If she chooses to walk away because of that, well, fine.
 

sandi_84

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TBH I don't really know as I know some people can seem cold or distant but that's just the way they are I have judged several people quickly in the past that have turned out to be great fun and really nice people. She ticks every box on the list and out of the 8 people that got in touch she was infact the only one to tick all boxes, I know sharers are hard to find.

I'm not sure whether I should go ahead with the trial period or not, I think I should as she deserves a chance, but the fact she told me she doesn't want me accompanying her out on her first hack with the horse who hasn't been ridden for 3 months is making me wary...but then again I know if she wasn't serious she wouldn't have gone out and bought everything as quick as she did.

At the end of the day you have nothing to lose really in doing a trial period so you can always give it a go and see how you feel as time goes on, I understand what you mean about being too quick to judge sometimes :)
I'd definitely phone her though rather than texting, as someone has already said it's easy to get the wrong end of the stick through txt. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure at the end of the day you are only wanting what's best for your horse and that can only be a good thing :)
 

riding_high

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just tell her that you will be going out with her on the first hack and it's not negotiable.

if she doesn't like it and walks away then that's her problem/choice and solves your dilemma at same time.
 

Inthesticks

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When I shared a horse I bought my own tack for her, even though the owner had tack and would let me use it, if I wanted to ride without her being there then I needed to buy tack. It cost me £200 to kit the mare out with good fitting second hand tack and I didn't even consider it being an issue.

There was nowhere to keep the tack at the field so I dont know how else I would have been able to ride when I wanted to, rather than when she was there.

If I were you I would follow your gut, how do you know the people she brought were who she says they were? If your gut tells you something is wrong then do not ignore it.
 

Natch

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You told her not to get equipment before trial period was done, and she did anyway. That's not your fault.

Were you ambiguous when you said you would accompany her on her first hack - doors she think you mean you want to accompany every one?

You've got a bad feeling about this person, other people you know do too, she's gone against your advice/request/instructions and had been rude to you already, and the loan hasn't even begun. You don't trust her with your tack and I get the impression you don't trust her with your horses. This isn't meant as criticism, just observation.

Sharing/loaning a horse on a livery yard where there are people around, facilities, security etc is a different ball game to giving someone a key to your field and letting them get on with it when you're not there.

It sounds too guaranteed to go wrong to me, a recipe for disaster. What if she accidentally lets out the second one? If she falls off out on a ride and nobody knew she was riding, where or when. What if he gets injured?
 

niagaraduval

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You told her not to get equipment before trial period was done, and she did anyway. That's not your fault.

Were you ambiguous when you said you would accompany her on her first hack - doors she think you mean you want to accompany every one?

You've got a bad feeling about this person, other people you know do too, she's gone against your advice/request/instructions and had been rude to you already, and the loan hasn't even begun. You don't trust her with your tack and I get the impression you don't trust her with your horses. This isn't meant as criticism, just observation.

Sharing/loaning a horse on a livery yard where there are people around, facilities, security etc is a different ball game to giving someone a key to your field and letting them get on with it when you're not there.

It sounds too guaranteed to go wrong to me, a recipe for disaster. What if she accidentally lets out the second one? If she falls off out on a ride and nobody knew she was riding, where or when. What if he gets injured?


I did say that it was just the first ride to make sure everything went ok as he hasn't been ridden for a while. I am however going to stick to my guns and not let her take him out on her own, and I won't hesitate to 'show up' and follow her out for the first hack.

If he gets injured it's stated that she must pay for the care if he is injured whilst in her care. She will also have to send me a text when she goes out. Apart from this i'm not sure what else I can do ? I have a second gate so it's unlikely she will be able to let the second one out but I know that it COULD happen.

She ticked every box on my list : She's local, Adult with own transport, has 10 years riding experience, seems to be looking for a long term thing so hopefully she is serious and not a joy rider, she also only wanted to hack, which is fine by me..

Seems a shame after all this to call it all off because it feels' dodgy'. I'm really not sure what to do because if she IS genuine (and TBH has spent loads, although I preferred her not to which shows she has made some commitment..) I could be passing up on a really good person.
 
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MizzPurpleKitten

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I've had plenty sharers in my time and, whilst I agree that buying tack and equipment etc is not 'the norm' if she agreed to that then that is her prerogative, so I feel causing a stir about that is besides the point here.

I would also worry about trusting her with my horse if I wasn't prepared to trust her with my tack, but again, different people do things differently.

In answer to your original question OP, in your situation I would give her a call/arrange to meet up, explain your reasons for wanting to ride with her for the first time and explain that this is not negotiable, however to put her mind at rest I would also stress that you are happy to let her get on with everything she wants when she wants after a very short trial period (say a week or two) and that you don't want to accompany her on every ride.

It sounds to me like you're worried that the sharer is being awkward and thus you're worried whether this will work in the long run, but I bet the sharer is also worried that you're maybe making excuses or putting obstacles in the way of her enjoying the horse she has spent so much money on and waited so long for. You need to talk this through with her and go from there but I personally would give her a chance, otherwise you'll never know.
 

Shantara

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Why not ask one of her friends/parents to go with her? I did that with Ned when I was first taking him out alone and will do so again when I get back on him (already had a month off, so I imagine he'll be fizzy!)
Explain that he might be really excitable and you just want her to be safe. Or, if she still won't do that, ask her to at LEAST tell you where she plans to go, how long she might be and text/call when she gets back.
The first time I took Ned out alone (without mum) I text YO and mum to let them know where I was going and I let them both know when I was home.

She sounds like a fab sharer, hopefully she can prove to you that you can trust her.

A side note: My friends/family have all met Ned. It's exciting!!!
 

HashRouge

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but the fact she told me she doesn't want me accompanying her out on her first hack with the horse who hasn't been ridden for 3 months is making me wary..
Have you spoken to her since she texted you back? I wonder whether she wants to take the horse out on her own to see what he is like without company. I would perhaps give her a ring and have a chat about it. It might be that she has some doubts as well, given the amount of time that has passed between her trying him and the share starting, and would like to make sure that he is definitely for her. Or perhaps she has sensed your doubts and is a bit nervous about you being there. Either way, you will only know if you speak to her properly, and you'll also have a chance to make sure she understands why you want to be there. It might also set your mind at rest if you talk it through with her. And if it doesn't, then you should go with your gut and not go ahead with the loan.
 

On the Hoof

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Let me get this right - you have verbally told this sharer that she can share - on that instruction she has gone out and bought extensive tack and equipment.

You made the horse lame with your equipment so delayed share for two months and now you are calling shots and saying you want to pull out because sharer wants to ride alone and bought her family to see her new horse because she and I expect they are exited.

OP you sound mean and slightly anal to me! I feel for this sharer I really do! Give the poor girl a chance to prove herself and if it then goes wrong then go ahead pull out but you have lead her right up the garden path here!

This!
 

Chavhorse

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What can I put in the contract concerning moving the horse? I am paranoid she will steal him (Stupid I know !) and more importantly how do I enforce all my rules ?

From one who has just managed to extracate themselves from a bad loan experience and who really wishes she had listenend to her gut feelings can I just say if you feel like this now DO NOT sign any contract and just move on.

If you feel this uneasy about the girl then just do not do it end of.
 

sharonmaskell

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Reading your post makes me realise how lucky I am. I too do not ride my horse as he is too much for me. I advertised for someone to ride him and had a lot of replies. One just stood out, and she was the only one I asked to see him. They got on great from the start. I also pay for everything = full livery, shoes, vet, insurance etc., and I have all my own tack which she keeps at her home. It would be pointless me having it as I don't ride him. I trust her completely and told her to treat him as if he were her own. We meet up regularly and keep in contact by email also. My husband and I go down and see our boy every night so know he is ok. I hope you get it sorted, but sometimes you get gut feelings for a reason.
 

diamonddogs

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Let me get this right - you have verbally told this sharer that she can share - on that instruction she has gone out and bought extensive tack and equipment.

You made the horse lame with your equipment so delayed share for two months and now you are calling shots and saying you want to pull out because sharer wants to ride alone and bought her family to see her new horse because she and I expect they are exited.

OP you sound mean and slightly anal to me! I feel for this sharer I really do! Give the poor girl a chance to prove herself and if it then goes wrong then go ahead pull out but you have lead her right up the garden path here!

Sorry, I agree with mcnaughty. As for coming to see your horse mob-handed, I'd be quite flattered that she wanted to show him/her off to her loved ones. What makes you think she's going to bring them all with her every time?

If you haven't already agreed a probation period with her I think it's a bit rich to decide at this stage you want a trial period.

I don't think there's a hope in hell of this share working out tbh. If I were you I'd let her down as gently as you can and hope you can find someone you can trust, though somehow I doubt you'd find anyone.
 

WelshD

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Perhaps gp back through the initial replies that you had to your ad. If when sifting out the kids and the dreamers you think there is a chance of finding the right person then I would pull out of the agreement now.

If this lady is really suitable then I think you need ro ask yourself whether you will be happy with anyone at all

Perhaps this lady is testing you, she has jumped through the hoops, paid out for basics such as a headcollar and no doubt even grooming stuff and has patiently waited for her chance to ride, maybe she is seeing whether you will ever let her get on with things?

I agree that accompanying her on the first ride is sensible but would sit down and have a conversation about it - no one wants to feel like they are on test and the horse being fresh won't help! Maybe ride him a few times before you hand over to ensure his behaviour is as it was before?
 
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