Getting confidence back - how did you do it?

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Abbeygale

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As title really! I have read a lot of posts on here where people have lost there confidence and have managed to build there confidence again, and I am interested in how you have managed to do it?
I am working on mine - but just would like to know if people have used any "techniques" to help.

Somebody mentioned something about hypnotherapy the other day - which is something that I have thought about - and haven't ruled out yet. Has anyone any experience of hypnotherapy? (even if it is general, not specifically related to horses)

I am a "what if" person - and I need to stop this - but don't know how!! aaaagggghhhh!!
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I dont know how you lost yours but I got bronked off on a few occasions by an unsuitable horse that ended up stamping on me. I got my confidence back by finding the right horse and did a little bit at a time. I wouldnt jump a x pole without getting in a panic before but now have just affiliated BSJA with my lovely mare who I have had for over a year now.
I am still a bit nervous on horses I dont know though.
Find the right horse and build the trust.
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My confidence over a fence was completely shattered by my previous horse.

So I went out and bought a horse that will jump anything you point him at!
 
I got mine back over the past year with the help of a pony who is perfect for me. When I got him I was too scared to ride 100m down the road in walk on my own but we've done all sorts of things together (see my post in PG!!).

My tips are to celebrate every achievement, no matter how small (give yourself a pat on the back, post about it on here, reward yourself with wine and chocs etc), and don't dwell on the times when things go wrong. Don't tell yourself and others repeatedly that you've lost your confidence and are a nervous rider, you'll only reinforce it in your mind.

If you have a scary/difficult ride, write down what happened, or think/talk your way through it. Then turn it round to be positive, for example, if you're thinking

"I rode today and my horse kept spooking. He started off going really nicely and then was dancing around all over the place - I even thought he might rear. Luckily I just about stayed on. "

turn it into:

"My horse went really well at the start on the ride today which was great. He had a few silly moments, but nothing serious, I stayed on with no problems, and next time I'll be prepared for it"

Hope that all makes sense, I've been there and you can get your confidence back.
 
I had a nutcase headshaking TB nightmare & was going to give up riding cos he was one seriously scarey mental horse.

Got my confidence back by buying a *very* steady ID mare & plodding about for 2 years. I only fell off her once & that was cos I thought we could fit under a low branch (we couldn't) & even then she stopped & waited for me.

Then I gradually felt like doing a bit more, so in the end I sold her & bought something feistier. The ID mare was fab & just what I needed at the time.
 
As above had a youngster that bucked me off everytime i rode him.So i bought a quiet cob i still worry , will never be the most confident rider and still dont like jumping.
I have learned to trust her and even managed to take her hunting this year which was amazing

Think i will always be a "what if person"but have the trust in sasha to give things a go
 
My confidence was shattered two years ago when my horse bolted and I had a nasty fall.

But I've regained my confidence now and I'm a better rider and more confident than before my fall.

All the advice I can give is to be honest with how you feel and not scared to ask for help and don't expect anything overnight. My confidence came back very slowly taking one step at a time with the help of very undertanding friends and slowly trusting my horse again - oh and bucket fulls of bach rescue remedy (wonderful stuff)
 
This might sound odd but I have a real Ferrari of a TB and when I tense up and get nervous, so does he. So I sometimes sing out loud (nursery rhymes, nothing too challenging, lol) to keep breathing and relaxing and he's come to know that singing means chill out time. It gives me something to do and stops me worrying about whether something bad is going to happen.
 
Kit279 - I sing nursery rhymes too - people probably think I'm mad but it gets my girl listening too me and means that I breath properly meaning that I don't tense up as much.
 
Sold my youngster and found an older (17year old) more suitable horse that i know would never bolt off or buck as indeed the other one did. Take it slowly and increase your comfort zone gradually. Also riding with someone else or having friend etc on a bike when hacking helps..
 
Thanks for all your replies. I know that the main part of my problem is in my head. I do know that I can do it - just have to get on and be brave.

Still am tempted to try the hypnotherapy route - and I have a gallon drum of rescue remedy lined up - although I am thinking that a double brandy might do the job just as well!
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I still have lost a bit of my confidence when I'm riding Athena. it's when she goes into canter that's when I start to panic. I keep thinking I won't be able to stop her if she takes off - not that she ever would, I don't think.

I'm OK trotting and walking on her, it's just cantering

There is a menage that I could use, but it's slighty uneven and has a slight incline in the middle (if that makes sense) Do you think I should get some lessons in a menage/areana or just continue out in the 'open'?
 
You sound like me.

Little and often. One step at a time. Start by just sitting on your horse, you don't have to move. Next time take a few steps forward. Time after that even further forward.
But only go forward when you feel ready. Don't let ANYONE make you do more. If you just sit there for 2 weeks then so be it, and if it takes you 3 months to just walk around the school, again, so be it.

It will come back but only if you do thing in your own time.
 
a horse, who even though is a bit scatty, i can trust.
and a friend, who even though is a bit scatty, i can trust.
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started off nervous and just built up slowly and my "just get on with it" attitude took over. along with my friend who is insane but safe, we go out hunting together now. Our horses are friends too and get on really well, my mare trusts him and will follow him over pretty much anything which helps.

i wouldnt jump half of what i do now if it wasn't for her and her horse given me confidence and making it fun.
 
Vicki1986 - I think half of my problem now is that I don't really have anyone to ride out with - and am starting to resort to having to pay someone to ride my dad's driving pony so that I have someone to ride with. I think if I am riding with someone I stop solely thinking about the big hairy beast that I am riding - and concentrate on other things. Which means that my brain isn't concentrating worrying - but can do other stuff!
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I have ridden my mare down through the village and back again and I was well chuffed with myself - but I just keep chickening out of going again. Keep telling myself its too windy / rainy / the horse eating sheep over the way will appear again..... I always have an excellent excuse for not going....

On the up side though I took my mare up into the ickle indoor school I have the use of on Monday to play. I took all her tack off and did some games. She followed me aroudn just like a proper Monty Robert protoge! (sp!!) I was so proud of her! Absolutely love her to pieces and will conquer the fear and what ifs!
 
You can do it!!! I did!! I think you are doing the right things and I was lucky to have the most fantastic friend to help me and bolster my confidence when I had the wobbles. I can now ride out on my own quite happily but it took me a long time. It also took a lot of riding very short distances away from the yard and literally going backwards and forwards until I felt I could go a bit further. You can definately do this.
 
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