Getting confidence back

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GG80

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Hi All,

Any tips on how to get my confidence back? Had a fall a few weeks ago when my horse spooked and sustained an injury which meant I couldn't ride/handle for 3 months. I've been doing as much as I can get away with during the three months to keep the familiarity there, but obviously my confidence in handling and riding has taken a nosedive. I have been handling again properly for a couple of weeks now, and she is as good as gold with me on the ground, listens to my commands if a little bit 'challenging' at times because she is very much a one person horse and I haven't been there in the handling sense, almost get the impression it is an attitude of 'where have you been for the last few weeks, who are you to tell me what to do' I have ridden a couple of times, short distances, but I just have no confidence and am almost waiting for the spook which has me off again. Both times we have been out, there has been an incident which has caused a spin in the road (first time a dog came flying out of a concealed drive, the second a car coming up the hill behind us really fast and not slowing down) so of course my confidence and trust has slipped further down. I am trying not to let my nerves show as I am aware horses pick up on it, but it is very difficult and I guess she must be picking up on it. I am now starting to doubt my riding ability and whether I should be riding at all which sounds ridiculous when most of us have fallen off! I couldn't get back on after my fall due to the injury sustained, which obviously hasn't helped me. I have been riding from a young age, but this is the first horse I have owned (did used to share for a couple of years, but that was an absolute bombproof cob). I have a polish Warmblood and am aware of all the traits that come with them, but she is normally a good horse and previous to this, one I trusted 99% of the time. My husband has been riding her a fair bit in the interim so it shouldn't be a case of her needing to get confidence on the road again. Do I lunge and get the 'respect' back so she learns I am in charge again or just put the brave jodhurs on and get on and get on with it? Unfortunately I can't have lessons anywhere as there is nowhere to hire round my area and I don't have a trailer/use of a trailer to travel somewhere. I am just a happy hacker normally, and I desperately want those times where I can't wait to leave work to go riding with confidence to come back, but they seem a distant wish at the moment and I have no desire to get back on her. Any ideas?

Sorry it's so long!!
 
Would it help to maybe have a few rides on a different horse that you know to be 'bomb proof' so that you can sort yourself out with just feeling confident riding again without the added anxiety of 'waiting for the spook' (and I know what that feels like - awful at the best of times nevermind just having just come back from an accident!). If it was me I would just do some groundwork/ride in the school then go back to short hacks 'til I felt more relaxed, because as you know yourself - she won't relax until you do - maybe work on some exercises on 'stickability' so that you'll feel more confident that when she does have a spook, you know you'll be able to sit it, recover and move on - good luck, hope it works out.
 
All my sympathy is with you, my own confidence got a bit bashed up recently. Felt like I'd climbed up a huge hill only to go rolling right back down to the bottom again. Logic and fears rarely seem to play nice together.

The way I see it, it's not so much the falling off that does the damage, it's the context surrounding it. I've fallen off other people's horses only to ride them again another day without issue, but when it comes to my own horse it's so easy for an accident to feel like I failed somehow, and that's when confidence issues rear their ugly heads. We're rarely allowed to talk about horses and fear, because the horse world is so macho in general. I don't mean macho in the masculine sense, but in the sense that riders spend a lot of time concealing their insecurities from one another and from themselves, and that we're taught to pretend as if we're in control, even when it's obvious to everyone around us that we're not. Being honest about when we're feeling low and that we need help is a massive first step.

I have no real advice to give since I'm in a similar position right now, but just wanted you to know you're not alone, GG80.
 
Thanks for the reply Caileg, but unfortunately I don't have the option of riding a bombproof horse any longer. I have a friend who has offered to come out with us, and another who has said they would ride on a bike with me, but I don't want to get in the habit of only feeling comfortable about riding when I have someone with me, I am not sure how my girl would like that either to be honest. I don't have a school either, I could use my field when it dries out a little I guess, but having only hacked out would doing something different with her make my anxiety worse as I don't know what she would be like. She doesn't have me out of the saddle when she spins, mainly probably because I can mostly see it coming, they never used to bother me until I fell off from one and now I just spend the entire ride worrying about anything and everything. I miss my riding so much, but can't find the want to keep trying in case I come off again :(
 
fattylumpkin said:
All my sympathy is with you, my own confidence got a bit bashed up recently. Felt like I'd climbed up a huge hill only to go rolling right back down to the bottom again. Logic and fears rarely seem to play nice together.

The way I see it, it's not so much the falling off that does the damage, it's the context surrounding it. I've fallen off other people's horses only to ride them again another day without issue, but when it comes to my own horse it's so easy for an accident to feel like I failed somehow, and that's when confidence issues rear their ugly heads. We're rarely allowed to talk about horses and fear, because the horse world is so macho in general. I don't mean macho in the masculine sense, but in the sense that riders spend a lot of time concealing their insecurities from one another and from themselves, and that we're taught to pretend as if we're in control, even when it's obvious to everyone around us that we're not. Being honest about when we're feeling low and that we need help is a massive first step.

I have no real advice to give since I'm in a similar position right now, but just wanted you to know you're not alone, GG80.
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Thanks fattylumpkin, it does help to know I am not alone in feeling like this. I totally agree with everything you have said to, can totally relate to it. Hopefully we will both overcome this and get back to enjoying riding soon :)
 
Hi, if all was well before the fall, and you feel the fall was not part of some ongoing issue, then I would recommend Jo Cooper for NLP. She can see people personally or give help over the phone. I have met her a few times, and know people who have been very pleased with the results they have had after sessions with her.

I live too far to study with Jo, but was interested enough after meeting her to take a course in NLP myself.

Her website is http://www.equestrianconfidence.com/
 
You mention you had two incidents resulting in spins? As you haven't mentioned anything else, my guess is that, while the spin gave you a bit of a fright, you regained control very quickly and carried on with your walk in hand with no further incident. All with a horse who's been out of action for a few weeks so is likely to be fresh. That sounds like a huge win to me!

While you're walking out in hand, after each walk, concentrate on the things that went well. If you had a little hiccup, think about what you did to put it right and what you would do again in that situation. When you start riding again, get that friend to come with you to give you and your horse some confidence. Do the same after each ride. Think. "What have I got to feel proud of after that?".

Both in hand and on board, if you need to, sing! Singing is fab for regulating your breathing, which helps to calm you down plus it's impossible to feel nervous while belting out "I Will Survive" :D The Sun Has Got His Hat On is another good one - it's so cheery you can't help but feel good singing it. Singing in the Rain is good if it is actually raining too!
 
Thanks for all the supportive messages all, I guess it will come back in time.

AnnaAgain, I'm going to take on board what you've said about focusing on the good points, I was riding both times she span and it immediately sent my legs to jelly and wanted to jump off but made myself stay put and get home, she jogged a bit but did settle back down, so I'll see it as a positive. Lunged her today and not a foot wrong, really listened to me. We will get the confidence back together hopefully. I'll also try the singing!!
 
Hi GG80,

My new horse is just like yours and I have had a bad fall after a spin from her as well. My confidence was wrecked and is still not what it was but I have done a lot of ground work with her so she is aware and understands my commands/aids better and those commands are structured to directly relate to the commands/aids I would use when riding. I am back riding now and we have a more consolidated partnership but, if I'm honest, I think she had lost confidence in me as well. She is still quite sharp and if I don't provide her with direction when she's flighty she can still become over-reactive.

Apologies if you are doing these things already as I don't mean to 'teach granny to suck eggs' but, if you are to persevere with your horse then it might be a better mindset to accept that the horse will spin and to ride her so that you do not become unseated when it happens. I sit with seat bones in contact with the saddle and feet slightly forwards with torso at least upright if not slightly leaned back - also always have a neck strap and maintain a consistent forward contact. I have learned to ride so this defensive seat is second nature and it has been the most successful for me so far. Also don't wait for her to spook, if she is tight then get her feet moving - do anything to achieve this eg. leg yield, shoulder fore, shoulder in, turning in small circles - anything to get her thinking about something other than flight. Perhaps she has a favoured thing to do that helps her settle and you could use this as her 'go to' job when she gets worried or is building up to it.

Apologies again if you do these things already but, if not, try them out and keep them consistent doing the same things each time. It will probably take a while of doing the same things over and over and don't lose heart if it feels like 'groundhog day', she will get the message and you can then go further forwards as a team together.

Good luck and keep trying.
 
annagain said:
You mention you had two incidents resulting in spins? As you haven't mentioned anything else, my guess is that, while the spin gave you a bit of a fright, you regained control very quickly and carried on with your walk in hand with no further incident. All with a horse who's been out of action for a few weeks so is likely to be fresh. That sounds like a huge win to me!

While you're walking out in hand, after each walk, concentrate on the things that went well. If you had a little hiccup, think about what you did to put it right and what you would do again in that situation. When you start riding again, get that friend to come with you to give you and your horse some confidence. Do the same after each ride. Think. "What have I got to feel proud of after that?".

Both in hand and on board, if you need to, sing! Singing is fab for regulating your breathing, which helps to calm you down plus it's impossible to feel nervous while belting out "I Will Survive" :D The Sun Has Got His Hat On is another good one - it's so cheery you can't help but feel good singing it. Singing in the Rain is good if it is actually raining too!
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10 Green Bottles is my personal favourite since I always lose count so it can go on for ages.
 
Have you tried an RS-tor? Not used one myself but I know of a couple of people who used them after spooky falls and it really helped them feel more secure. Very good for spinning ponies I'm told.

The other thing that usually helps is taking things in steps. So how about walking for a while on your hack and hopping on when your horse is settled? Or riding for 5 mins, walking for 5 mins, riding for 5 mins etc.
 
I don't see anything wrong with always hacking out in company? When the horses lived on my grandfather's farm, I used to hack out the late Catembi for hours by myself. Now I've got my own place with land, I have to go along a not very pleasant road for a good mile to get to the nearest bridleway, & Trev is very, very bad to hack out alone as when he was racing he was probably used to going out in a string & won't entertain the idea of going out by himself.

So I always have someone with me. Given the choice between a nice hack on a relaxed horse & a fraught & unpleasant hack on a totally lit up horse, I would always take the former. And when I get something that will hack up a busy road alone without endangering me, itself & other road users, I'll hack out alone again.

Sometimes it literally is horses for course, & you have to pick your battles & amend what you do according to what horse you've got. E.g. if it was v windy, I'd lunge Catembi rather than school as the wind drove him totally scatty, whereas I'll still ride Trev. There is a fine line between being wet and pragmatic, & you have to decide where to draw it. It's supposed to be fun, not a constant test of nerve.

T x
 
PeterNatt said:
I would buy yourself a 100% streetwise bombproof spookproof horse which will give you the confidence to want to ride again.
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I'm with PeterNatt on this, if you are a happy hacker and are unable to have lessons due to no facilities or transport to facilities where an instructor could meet you then you are I feel on a hiding to nothing by having a polish warmblood.

I don't want to generalise with regards to the breed but by the very nature of their 'warm blood' I would imagine like most warm bloods I have come across they need regular schooling and nerves of steel to ride (I know there are the exception to the rule horses out there)!

My YO has a Danish Warmblood, lovely horse, she does dressage to Grand Prix level, and is a BHSAI instructor, so an excellent Rider, her horse is a super chap but would scare the bejesus out of me, he is so spooky and sharp but she is very experienced.

Confidence riding is a terrible thing to lose and I really do feel for you, we have all been there, but you need support in terms of an instructor (I would have given up riding years ago without mine). But i do think that you can also stack the odds in your favour to some degree by having the correct breed / temperament of horse that match your ambition and skill.
 
I have been ill for more than 2 months so my horse has not been ridden. Fortunately I can take her to my instructor. After a couple of visits there with my horse being ridden by a very capable girl I put on my brave pants and had a short ride. When I rode from home a couple of weeks ago it was very nerve-wracking. I had lost all my fitness and a huge amount of confidence. Each time I have ridden my nerves have lessened slightly so I will persevere.

You are not alone in feeling this way. I think everyone after a break from riding for whatever reason has confidence issues. As others have said always think of the positive things that happened and don't rush yourself. We do this riding stuff for fun after all.

Best Wishes for a happy summer of riding.

P.S. My mare is a Warmblood too. She hates the wind and guess what? We have had high winds here nearly all this week!
 
I've had confidence issues after buying a horse that was unpredictable - number of bad falls and I retired her. I'd conditioned myself to think that all horses are like that but 6 months of riding my little charity pony changed all that and my confidence came back slowly. Lots of lessons, lots of ground work and I was looking forward to riding again. She's been off riding since September due to ulcers (I can get a walk out of her) and have almost given up getting her back to work so am searching for another - it will have to be sensible and safe and I'm trying some tomorrow but to avoid any issue with nerves I had a lesson at a good school yesterday. Whatever I buy I will continue with the lessons. If you can't have lessons on yours get yourself to a good school and ride as many different horses as you can.
 
Thanks for the responses all.

Had another good lunging session with her over the weekend so once I am confident she is listening to me on the ground etc, then I will get back on board. We do have a close bond, and 90% of the time she is very well behaved, I just have to remember this when it comes to riding properly again.

I am feeling more and more confident with her on the ground the more I am handling her again, so with any luck I'll start to feel the want to ride again and get back to having fun together.

xx
 
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