Getting confidence back

horses99

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I had a fall two months ago SJ after misjudging a long stride to an oxer and landing on a fence resulting in a broken bone! I am now riding on the flat fine and although SJ a bit hesitant she’s confident and even if a bit strong she takes me round confidently. Happily jump 80cm course with her and she hasn’t stopped sj since the fall.

However xc has now become our ‘bogey’ phase. She has started stopping at fences with little or no excuse for it and it is slowly stripping my confidence every time we go. I have been 3 times in the last month and half. First time 1hr 30 session working small fences 70/80 (previously 80/90) having 3 stops but otherwise not too bad. Second time at an event stopped at a ditch and refusing to jump it (she could have walked it!) and stopping at two further fences probably after that upsetting her. Third time went today stopped at a 60cm warm up fence. I went with a trainer to the same place as the first time and she stopped 10/20 times some of which she jumped first time a few weeks ago. A year ago she jumped xc first time no stops now whenever she feels like it.

The problem I now have is while before I was a confident rider who got on a horse who may have been quirky and a friend may have struggled with i now struggle to jump the smallest of courses. I find it hard to fully commit even when she does jump as I’m scared of having another bad fall. I realise this does not help but if I think she’s going and she doesn’t sometimes I almost fall off again! I don’t know how to get out of this cycle having tried training with a group and with trainers. I know to some extent to perceiver and continue but I feel every time I go out my confidence goes down and down to the point where I no longer enjoy doing it and now I do not want to go at all.

She has recently had back, teeth etc checked

I am considering having a friend take her round first then rising her but it’s getting to the point where I’m considering selling her as soon it may put me off xc/ jumping all together when I used to enjoy it. But i do care for her very much so don’t want to give up. Sorry for the essay just feel a bit embarrassed to admit this out loud ha ha, just thought someone else may have experienced similar, any advice will be appreciated I just feel lost as someone who was always confident rider for years on various horses even if they stopped or ran out and now I don’t know why but I’ve just lost my bottle with it.
 
It is not that long since the fall and if you broke a bone I guess you had some time off so I would be inclined to take a step back for a while, the first thing I would do is to get the horse checked by a vet in case there is an underlying issue that is causing her problems, foot pain can make them back off and is easily missed if you are not looking for it.
Then I would concentrate on rebuilding the confidence and trust by doing loads of gridwork and SJ until you are not hesitant at any time and only then get back to xc training, stay well within your comfort zone ensuring you do not do too much or just jump one more and risk losing her confidence again, mares are extremely sensitive and when they are on side will give everything but once they lose the trust in their rider will need extra care to build it back up, every stop is a negative step she needs far more positive ones now to make up for the fright of the fall and the more recent stops that will have compounded that fright, it may seem like you are going backwards but it will be worthwhile in the long run for you both to get going again.
 
When a rider is confident they subconsciously transmit that to the horse. When a rider is less confident, they also subconsciously transmit that too - you may be unconsciously be tightening your contact, gripping with your knees, taking your leg off her side - none of them intended actions, but they will all make her think that maybe you don't want her to jump.

A confident rider is soft in the saddle, giving with the hands and encouraging with the legs - if this isn't happening, then she will be taking those signals from you.

I don't blame you at all for not being confident - broken bones hurt! As bepositive suggested, I would take a step back, even to the point of not jumping at all - just going out on some great hacks, some schooling ... just stuff to get your relationship and trust back with her again.
 
If you have a competent friend you trust I'd definitely put him or her up for an xc session, and take it from there.

It may put your mind at rest to know whether your mare is still confident with someone else up...

Best of luck anyway....

Fiona
 
Thank you for your comments I will try to take them on board (literally!) I have been fine with her refusing on occasion before my confidence wasn’t too bad recently and today I think the main reason it took a bit knock was she was stopping at something that should of given us confidence but instead she stopped and I lost faith. Now I don’t feel I can trust her to take me safely over a fence as she stopped at the first fence today (a long 60cm roll top) which she would haven’t even looked at before. At that point I rode it completely normally expecting her to jump it and when she stops and I do try it’s just disheartening but I’m going to give it a break and hopefully rebuild our confidence in the long run and maybe get a friend on board when we next go in a few weeks thank you 😊
 
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