Getting someone to stop interfering without being rude?

StormyMoments

StormyMoments

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Without saying too much as i dont want to hurt any feelings but.... how do you stop someone interfering without being rude?

The lady keeps coming along adjusting peoples tack on their horses, offering an opinion which wasnt asked for etc. one of the other liveries is breaking in her pony and she keeps telling her how to do it and just generally getting in the way and she comes along while we are schooling and tells us how our horses should be going compared to how they are going and its making me feel very uncomfortable.


So how do i politely tell her to stop interfering without coming across as horrible?

(im fairly shy in that i dont like confrontation so im trying to figure out how to do this in a way i am comfortable with... if i cant figure it out then i shall just try to ignore it and hope someone else on the yard says something!)

eeppp i feel mean already :( but anyway if anyone can help that would be really helpful!
 
I think that this is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you are shy!

I think that the best thing to say is something along the lines of 'I aappreciate your concern, but this is my horse and I am quite capable of looking after him/her'.
 
thank you! im not used to having someone in my space and questioning everything i do. makes me feel very awkward! i have tried the glazed over eyes bit she just ignores it and when im doing something like tacking up and im not listening as im doing something, she will step between to get my attention and its far too in my space. i think the majority of the time down the yard i will wear headphones but i do feel rude :o thank you!
 
Up your big girl pants on and tell her no, firmly, just the once. It won't take more than once if you physically move her away-gently, just remove her hands very nicely from your horse. :)
 
p87 said:
I love how polite you all are, I'd be telling her exactly where she could shove her 'advice' !! :P
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I probably would too, but TBH, it would be funnier and more effective to just go "Oh right" and carry on doing what you were doing, plus if she stands in your way say "excuse me, I can't see what I'm doing".
 
Ladyinred said:
'Thanks for the advice but I am happy with things the way they are'
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This! Or 'Thanks. I'll bear that in mind'. Then ignore and do your own thing.

Though I have to say if she adjusted my tack I think I'd have to tell her firmly not to touch. That's overstepping the mark by quite some way in my book.
 
I would say thank you for your advice but if I want help with my pony's way of going, I will ring my qualified instructor.

Out of interest, how well does she ride? Or is she one of these know it all about riding, but doesn't actually ride herself?
 
I'm sure people like this don't realise how irritating they are... or maybe they do, and that's why they do it... You could say "Gosh, you're a veritable encyclopaedia, aren't you! I certainly know where to come for advice now!!", but the sarcasm wouldn't get noticed, I'm sure... As others have said, maybe just say "Yeah, cheers" and ride off.
 
I am in the "OK, Thanks for that, I will take it on board" camp

As for altering tack, sometimes it is natural and automatic, I have found myself unconsciously putting straps in keepers etc, very embarrassing.
 
Is she older or younger than you? If she's younger i would use the old teacher giving a pupil a talking down to crossed with my mother being in a bad mood tone of voice " WHAT on earth do you think your doing touching my horse/tack without my permission?" Then look dissbelievingly at her like wtf???? I she's older i would tell her "With respect if i want your advice i'll ask for it thank you" Its not been rude its been curtious, something which imo she lacks. I'm sorry but i find her over stepping the mark by a mile to just take it upon herself to alter tack etc. As for the comments when your riding i'd say "i have an instructor thank you" smile and just carry on. Even if you dont she doesn't know that! Cheeky mare:mad:
 
Ooo I hate people in my space, if someone that wasn't my boss/instructor walked up and adjusted my horse's tack (I loan one of my horse from my boss and she is more knowledgeable than me hence why i take her advice on board!) I'd remove them from my space very politely or turn back and block them/put the tack back how it was!!

As for offering advice etc I agree, just say 'yeah thanks' and carry on as you were, she should get the message.
 
This happened to me whilst i was schooling a friends horse and it was my first time riding her in front of friends and this woman who had come from another yard to hire our school piped up with some uncalled for comment which mortified me as I am to shy to say anything luckily my friend isnt and quick as a flash put her in her place very quickly! no need for people to stick their nose in all the time unless for very good reason or advice has been asked for
 
Oh dear, I have a tendency to fiddle with tack if keepers are out, nosebands aren't level etc. I know I annoy, BUT would always rather say something than ignore a situation which could be hazardous.
Is this woman knowledgeable or is she an interfering knownothing.

I understand people getting frustrated but when I was a kid the horse world was populated by ferocious ladies who would stop you in your tracks and correct you if you were doing something stupid. This interfering is sometimes how knowledge does get passed down and there isn't really enough of it IMO. There are lots of people making it up as they go along and really resentful if anyone dares to criticise....

It's all well and good that you are paying the bills (not you OP - generic you) BUT if you are messing up then invariably the horse is the one who suffers so while in this instance the woman sounds a nightmare, I think people should be tolerant of interfering people - who may just have some snippet of advice which is useful.
 
For the tack, just say " oi, leave it please" !!
Anything else when riding just ignore her, if she asks you directly, tell her youre busy and dont have time to listen right now, if she insists tell her thanks for your input but i'll do it my way as discussed with my coach thanks.
 
On the flip side, maybe the things she is suggesting you alter/do are actually correct? In which case, surely that can't be a bad thing? We all carry on learning.
 
I find this very hard as well!

I had more of you are doing it wrong, ruining horse, etc. from one person on my yard whereas the trainer who i go to is highly respected international rider who is more than happy with my riding and would be very happy for me to ride any of their horses! Nobody is perfect and there is always room to improve but yard person appears to expect perfection from all!

Yard person was also very keen in telling me i had too many rugs/using wrong feed whereas what they were feeding their horse was the best - i have a poor doer big eventer and they have a always in show conditon dressage horse :rolleyes3:

What i am doing now is just nodding with what they say, saying something like "true,true" and then walking away and continuing with what ever i am doing ;)

This works really well - also just going to yard, doing your do, and then leaving :)

I am very happy to listen to constructive criticism but if they are just putting you down all the time then they are not helpful.
 
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StormyMoments said:
thank you! im not used to having someone in my space and questioning everything i do. makes me feel very awkward! i have tried the glazed over eyes bit she just ignores it and when im doing something like tacking up and im not listening as im doing something, she will step between to get my attention and its far too in my space. i think the majority of the time down the yard i will wear headphones but i do feel rude :o thank you!
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Blow a huge raspberry in her face
 
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