Getting through winter on a big livery yard.

[YoungNag22]

Hi everyone,

What are all you tips for getting through winter time on a big DIY livery yard with regards to the environment of lots of (mainly) females around each other day in day out? It can become a very bitchy, judgmental place. I've managed to avoid any actual issues and always stay on the good side of the yard owner. I adore spending time with my horse not just riding but the day to day too but omg i literally hardly get left alone - people want to bitch about each other, moan constantly about things at the yard and its day in day out. There is so much competitiveness going on with everything horsey possible. The yard is great for the facilities and my horses needs, plus i literally live a 2 minute drive away so i would be gutted to have to move as there really isn't anything else suitable at all. But (not wanting a pity party at all) i have personally had a very tough year outside of horses and find myself struggling with the environment at the yard and everything seems to be getting to me. I really need to find a way to let things go over my head, develop some kind of peace when I'm there and stay out of conversations that are negative but with 30 plus of us all in American barns i end up with people stood/sitting right by my stable and cant really get away from it unless I'm riding or once I've finished and left.

I have tried headphones but people just wave at me to take them out so i can talk so that was a fail. I have been "in a rush" and then get people being shirty with me about it or told i was being 'off' so that was also a fail.

Really not wanting to me a misery at all but trying to get some balance so i can actual be a more positive and happier person just staying out of all the negative conversations.

 

[Gloi]

Just smile and nod.

 

[ponynutz]

Headphones and pretend not to see them (or pretend you're on a call - say, 'One minute' and take one out and say, 'Just on a call is there anything you need?', 'No, just a chat', 'Oh, sorry can't really hang up!')

Sorry about your tough year x

 

[YoungNag22]

Headphones and pretend not to see them (or pretend you're on a call - say, 'One minute' and take one out and say, 'Just on a call is there anything you need?', 'No, just a chat', 'Oh, sorry can't really hang up!')

Sorry about your tough year x

I will definitely try the headphones again. I feel so petty but it is literally twice a day every day and i just want some peace haha. Thank you, I've been on yards a long time but this year has been particularly difficult and it really is all getting to me at the yard. Everyone knows how they can be. Thank you for your reply x

 

[MuddyMonster]

Honestly, just keep your headphones in when they wave at you to take them out - I always say I'm catching up with a recorded work seminar so can't chat. Or you could say it's a recorded training course you're doing or something else to make it fit.

They don't need to know I'm actually listening to Taylor Swift's new album.

If people say you are being a bit off, I'd just repeat I'm in a rush so don't have time to talk.

You have to become a bit of a grey rock and be consistent in the 'sorry - I'm in a rush/listening to a work thing' and people will eventually stop trying so much.

 

[ponynutz]

I will definitely try the headphones again. I feel so petty but it is literally twice a day every day and i just want some peace haha. Thank you, I've been on yards a long time but this year has been particularly difficult and it really is all getting to me at the yard. Everyone knows how they can be. Thank you for your reply x

Not petty at all! Everyone has different boundaries I found having places where I'd go for a natter, like on a hack with someone or in the tack room over lunch/a cup of tea really helped and then when my headphones was in that was it. People get into routines very quickly, just tough sometimes setting those boundaries in place. Horses are a lot of people's downtime, not extra socialisation (myself included) so u won't be the first or the last! x

 

[nagblagger]

Have you got a yard whatsapp group? Could you put it on there that you are not being 'rude' but sometimes you just need peace and quiet, the yard being your escape from life, and don't want to be involved in yard gossip.

 

[MuddyMonster]

Oh, I've just thought - if there is someone that really won't take the hint I've often rung my boyfriend/parent/friend (and explained why I'm calling from my car) so that I'm on a call the whole time I'm there so I can't be interrupted.

 

[YoungNag22]

Have you got a yard whatsapp group? Could you put it on there that you are not being 'rude' but sometimes you just need peace and quiet, the yard being your escape from life, and don't want to be involved in yard gossip.

We do yes - it has a lot of people in it though and i would be a bit worried i would be the talk to the yard for putting that on there but i could try it - at least im being clear then without being rude! Thanks for your reply x

 

[YoungNag22]

Oh, I've just thought - if there is someone that really won't take the hint I've often rung my boyfriend/parent/friend (and explained why I'm calling from my car) so that I'm on a call the whole time I'm there so I can't be interrupted.

This is literally such a shout i will defo give some family and my other half a call, they will be sick of me in no time haha - i also sometimes bring my mum up who is horsey but sadly has to work away a lot of the time these days but when she is with me we can chat ourselves and be busy together as she is horsey too.

 

[Barton Bounty]

I have fake called myself ? I stay away from negative people, no time for them

 

[PeterNatt]

YoungNag22! I am sorry to hear of the issues you are having at your Livery Yard. I must admit that spent very little time at the yard as I used to to hack my horse out for some nice long hacks and on returning would sort the horse out and off I would go back home.

 

[MuddyMonster]

YoungNag22! I am sorry to hear of the issues you are having at your Livery Yard. I must admit that spent very little time at the yard as I used to to hack my horse out for some nice long hacks and on returning would sort the horse out and off I would go back home.

I do the same too generally but it can still a hard if people are on the yard when you are sorting out your horse/mucking out etc regardless of how long you ride out for - you do have to come back at some point! Don't get me wrong, there are sensible people I'll happily talk to but for the others there are headphones or calls to people!

 

[Peglo]

Have you tried saying your just in a really bad mood so best not to talk. I use this excuse except it’s not an excuse ? sometimes I’m just in a bad mood and not worth speaking to. ?

Sorry to hear of your tough year. I often need my own space after work and feel bad for OH when he wants to chat but I’m just mentally exhausted. People bitching is the last thing you need when your already tired. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do.

 

[AmyMay]

Just be straight with people. If you don’t want to get involved with yard politics and bitching - just say.

 

[ihatework]

Just turn every dig/bitchy comment into a positive

eg. ‘X doesn’t give neddy enough hay’
Return ‘Neddy looks happy and healthy enough to me’

 

[LegOn]

I think sometimes it pays to be a little bit honest - but also putting it back on the 'bitcher' - they only want to talk about their own stuff and their own drama so I find the easiest way to get rid is when they say they are unhappy with something or start going on about a drama... just go off on some made up boring drama at work - nothing turns a bitcher off quicker than starting a response with 'you think that's bad, well at work Karen won't even entertain the new system I want to put in place for printer paper, so it was in the cupboard, and that was okay but it was over the other side of the office... blah blah blah'

Watch their eyes glaze over and bugger off to the next person who will listen to them!! ?

 

[northernsoul]

As much as you like the facilities I’d look for somewhere else , dosn’t sound this is right for you , it would have a negative effect on me if I felt really uncomfortable feeling like this going to do my horse every day , I’d be miserable and not enjoy it. There are plenty other yards with nice people around you might be able to compromise with facilities , wish you all the best

 

[black and brown]

I also think I would go for the honest approach on your yard group chat. Simply explain that you don't want to appear rude but that you need time and space for your own thoughts. I don't think that you'll be the talk of the yard for too long, people will soon gossip about someone they consider more 'interesting'. I sympathise with you, yards can be difficult when you are a bit different to everyone else!

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

I just told folk I’m too busy to stand and chat and after a few pouted faces and grumpy looks they knew just not to bother me.

 

[Lotsoflemons]

I always had such a hard time at livery yards especially winter when everyone was around. Some people expect you to be there and chat and others just get on with things. and go home, A simple Morning or something is all I used to do and then go on with your day but it can get tough with the selected few expecting constant conversation and I eventually left because i felt so trapped. Its nice to have a conversation now and again but when ts constant and especially on a big yard theres no escape

 

[rextherobber]

Just turn every dig/bitchy comment into a positive

eg. ‘X doesn’t give neddy enough hay’
Return ‘Neddy looks happy and healthy enough to me’

This! Just be relentlessly nice - people do stop trying to make you join in with the bitching. Downside is, they then tell you all their woes...

 

[LEC]

Once you manage the skill of being Teflon coated and letting everything slide away from you, it’s one for life. Personally I find being blunt helps but you need the confidence to do this. Just don’t get dragged on but the more you avoid it the more it will carry on. Just be polite, end the conversation before it gets started with a polite smile and nod and keep moving. They are not going to want to chase you round the livery yard.

 

[throwawayaccount]

Smile, nod, ignore.

Maybe try going at times that aren't peak (if possible) to enjoy a quieter atmosphere?

 

[Birker2020]

Its taken me many years to learn not to get involved in yard politics. I ended up speaking out on behalf of others and it just got me into loads of trouble so now I try hard not to get involved.

I genuinely love my YO, we didn't always see on the same page and have had disagreements like everyone but this person has helped me so much especially with my current problems and they have been genuine and sincere. I am so grateful to them so I try very hard not to get embroiled in the 'them and us' situation which there inevitably has been in the past. I swore I would never do this again.

There's only a couple of people I don't get on with, I try very hard but you can't like everyone or get on with everyone. I think I'm too honest for my own good and so I try and avoid these people because I will inevitably end up having words, although I will pass the time of day with them.

 

[Widgeon]

Just turn every dig/bitchy comment into a positive

eg. ‘X doesn’t give neddy enough hay’
Return ‘Neddy looks happy and healthy enough to me’

Yep I've found this works well in many areas of life. It makes you immensely boring (in the eyes of the person who's started it) as well as not getting you involved in any disputes.

 

[Sossigpoker]

I wouldn't just shut yourself away if you don't want people bitching about you....although sounds like they'll bitch about everything! If someone wants to have a catty gossip you could just change the topic and start talking about something you saw on TV or the awful weather etc. If the gossip mongers just want to gossip, they'll soon get bored with you and leave you alone

 

[Wishfilly]

Smile and nod, minimal polite replies, earphones in/on as much as possible? Being "on a call" a few times can help too!

It is tough when you're all crammed in together and everyone's up at the same time, but hopefully polite but boring will get you through!

 

[Glitter's fun]

Most humans train very easily. Sacrifice a short part of your day when you deliberately go to the tack room/beside the kettle etc - where ever everyone congregates. Be as outgoing and cheerful as you can muster & initiate brief cheery conversations. End the short time with a definite "well that's my chatting done I'm off now" sort of finality. It won't work straight away but when someone follows you to your horse get vague, absent minded, just distractedly reply "mmmm" and definitely put headphones on (if someone tries to talk to you just point at the headphones & smile sweetly. Make a point of talking to that person next time you meet in your social place.)