Girls/guys be honest

No partner would ever "tell" me that I could not purchase whatever I chose, if I were buying it with my money and it would be my money that kept it. Anyone that did would be an ex-partner in very short order. I would not lie about my purchases, I may discuss, but would not be asking. I am an adult who earns her own money, in a demanding and stressful job, so any disposable income is spent as I choose. All of this may explain why I am happily single these days.
 
HGA-12 said:
Ahh but what if you hubby said you're are NOT allowed to buy another horse. You could only share or 1/2 loan and you had spent the best part of 6 months looking and all the horses were
A. not allowed to move yards
B. all of the companion only or dressage only or wrong height
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The thing is I wouldn't buy one if we couldn't afford it, so I can't see myself ever being in that situation.

If he said I couldn't have one I'd ask why. If it was for money reasons then I'd already be aware of them, and as above wouldn't have talked about getting one in the first place.

Could you not have lessons for a while?
 
I tend to leave the cost out of most conversations, he doesn't really take an interest so wouldn't notice the day to day or matchy stuff!
He wouldn't tell me not to, but I know exactly what face he would have!
We don't have shared money though so it's not like it affects him directly...does affect the savings for a house though..:-/
 
I have no reason to lie to my partner and to be honest, if I did then we would need to question our relationship.

We contribute equally to the joint account, so what's left over is ours to do with as we wish. I sometimes ask for his opinion on which widget I should purchase (usually when I'm trying to justify to myself) and he will sometimes buy things for my horse, and if I've bought something I'm excited about I'll tell him straight away.
 
I think SadKen has raised some valid issues; you've had a lot of heartbreak and an injury to contend with, it's bound to have affected him as well. Also if he has had to pay for large vet bills or there are bills outstanding I can understand him being reluctant. He could be thinking long term and whether any future retirement income will be affected.

I think the way forwards would be to get another job yourself, so that he isn't expected to fund anything, and perhaps consider compromising on what you want to do, competing can be expensive and soon mount up when you factor in transport, lessons, entry fees etc.

I'm kind of with SpringArising on this one, my husband would love to retire early, and a horse to keep on top would make it more difficult for him to do that, so I've made the decision not to buy another when my mare goes. Partly because I'm getting older and I don't want to return to work; I keep my horses for life and I would worry about coping with one along with ageing parents etc. It will also give us the opportunity to do things we haven't been able to do for lots of years.

I think you need to sit down and have a frank discussion with him on his reasons for not wanting one, and if cost is the issue then I'd find a way to earn the money myself.
 
My OH moans to anyone who listens that I've bought the horse another "coat" with my "housekeeping" but it's more for comedy value than anything. He doesn't mind at all and I don't lie to him. I don't tell him about every purchase, just like he doesn't tell me about everything he buys for his cars, but I certainly don't hide it. If it comes up in conversation I will tell him and we have a 100% joint account and a joint credit card so he'd only have to look at the statement to know about it - we don't feel the need to keep tables on each other like that. We don't have kids, and we're very comfortable so why not spend it?

When he does moan, I just remind him very sweetly that I earn more than him and if he doesn't want me to spend MY money as I want, he'll have to get promoted so I can retire and then he can have a say in what I spend it on.
 
chocolategirl said:
I always tell him it was 50% less than it really was and he stills says "you spent how much?????!!!!!" Lol!
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LOL I too like to shave a few quid off so it doesn't sound so bad! Although it's my money I work for it I spend it how I want, so I don't know why I feel the need to do this really!

I suppose I do it because I can see my boyf is a bit peed off when he knows I've spend a load of money on horse shoes then have 'no money' to get a round of drinks in the pub :s
However, he spends big amounts on things I think are stupid like phones and gadgets, so I guess it's the same.
 
Mine is very good, and doesn't moan. He wouldnt dare!
But, I don't use his money, I work to keep the horses. He would not keep them for me, and much as I would like to have him pay for them, they are my hobby and life style choice, not his.
Equally, if he said I couldn't get another one, I would do it anyway.
He always says no more animals, and to that tune, we have 2 cats more than he wanted, a dog and 4 extra horses have been acquired too! He does, of course, love them all even if he's in denial over it!!
 
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Spottyappy said:
Mine is very good, and doesn't moan. He wouldnt dare!
But, I don't use his money, I work to keep the horses. He would not keep them for me, and much as I would like to have him pay for them, they are my hobby and life style choice, not his.
Equally, if he said I couldn't get another one, I would do it anyway.
He always says no more animals, and to that tune, we have 2 cats more than he wanted, a dog and 4 extra horses have been acquired too! He does, of course, love them all even if he's in denial over it!!
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Mine never wanted a dog, just because he'd never had pets growing up and couldn't see the point. He worked away at the time and 'our' house was just mine (long before we were married) as he had a flat where he worked. He went to work on a Monday morning dogless and came home on Friday to a Westie I'd 'rescued'. It was a spur of the moment decision to say yes when my social worker sister turned up with a dog and asked me to take him in so I didn't keep it from him, but I didn't have time to consult him. A client of hers was dying of cancer and her husband went out to watch the football, had a heart attack and never came home. My sister was sent in to sort out her care package as the husband had been doing it all and ended up bringing their dog to my house as the owner was too sick to care for him.

When we lost him a few years later, OH was visiting the dogs home that same day as he couldn't bear not having a dog around.
 
TGM said:
If you are able to cover the possible vet bills as well (I know horse will be insured but you would need to cover any exclusions/excesses) then it seems unreasonable for him to stop you getting another horse. The only proviso being that you/he are not currently in debt for any reason, but particularly animal-related costs like vet bills.
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NO not in dept he is on high wages and currently has loads money it is his retirement I think that is the issue.
 
SpringArising said:
The thing is I wouldn't buy one if we couldn't afford it, so I can't see myself ever being in that situation.

If he said I couldn't have one I'd ask why. If it was for money reasons then I'd already be aware of them, and as above wouldn't have talked about getting one in the first place.

Could you not have lessons for a while?
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I am an BHS instructress myself - so any lessons would be expensive as I would need another instructor higher than me which could end up more per week than the cost of feeding a horse.

I am however settling (for the moment) a full loan mare which I will go see Wednesday and the second highlight is I am going to meet H&H member _GG_ in the evening.:D
 
Ah the joys of being a single girl - I earn it and I spend it how I wish. I have a work mate in a similar position - she has just shouted herself a Porsche because she can. I so get that.

Over the years I have hidden everything from clothes to horses for various friends and acquaintances. No surprise that some of them are no longer married.
 
My partner switches back and forth between supporting me and not, at least horse wise, but he knows that I have given up allot for him so often he complains but doesn't say much after that. Recently I have been buying little things and not saying anything but only because they are maybe $30 purchases. I only do it when money isn't tight, and when I know it won't put us in a tough position. He does gripe about vet and farrier bills allot, but they are usually larger then what I spend, but he knows that the preventative care will save more money in the long run. I guess mine likes to gripe and complain allot but he would never really get mad at me.
 
I don't tell him about every small purchase but would discuss bigger ones such as purchase of horse, saddle etc. We are currently spending a lot to bring on a youngster and I feel a bit guilty about that as I no longer work but he is happy to pay and wants me to have my dream pony. I think we have a general rule of not discussing purchases under £100 say but anything more than that we would. That was also the case when I worked.
 
I'm honest about what I buy for the horse and how much it is. But OH always gets me horsey stuff for birthdays and Christmas so he knows how much it is. I don't moan about his game console collection (all the retro one's included!) and his huge collection of comic books that have taken over our dining room, so he doesn't moan about horsey stuff :)
 
He doesn't ask. So I don't tell lol

I pay for my horse so he really doesn't care.

Which is great as he pays the majority of the house bills. No wounder I married him :)
 
I'm honest about it. I'm probably lucky in that his hobby is motorsport so he understands expensive pastimes!

It's my money I'm spending anyway.
 
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