give me courage...

J

Jericho

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I know that this is a decision that only I can make and I am not sure whether I am posting for people to tell me to do or tell me not to do but I really need to pour my heart out...

Some of you may recall the story of my big boy who had collapsed heels, he had a lameness work up back in April and vet diagnosed at the very least navicular syndrome but alluded to soft tissue damage elsewhere due to very poor cofnfirmation. We tried Tildren, Navilox and a very good remedial farrier. The collapsed heels are sorted now and the farrier was certain that this would bring him sound. It hasnt. The vet 4 months ago said this horse is unlikely ever to be sound because he thinks that there are a whole lot of things affecting him but I have persisted in giving my boy a chance. The vet came out 2 weeks ago and said the lameness in both front feet is there and if anything worse. After lots of careful thought I decided he was happy enough in the field and I am not worried about riding him although I do think he misses the stimulation, and was prepared to keep him as a companion for my other ones.

However and this is where it gets difficult it has been getting progressively colder here (no really!) and I have noticed a real change in his temperament - he is grumpy, he looks uncomfortable, he is bullying my other horse, he is loosing weight depsite being out 24/7, adlib haylage, top spec comp, outshine and being well rugged. He looks ....old (much older than his 12years), and although he grazes and looks fairly happy, the lustre has gone from his eyes and he spends a lot of time gazing into the distance. He gets jealous of attention I give to the other horses and he frets and panics when I so much as lead the other horse out of the field (even though he can see us!) Noticeably though he looks stiff and arthiritic on his hind legs, I can almost see him flinch where he turns on his back end.

He is on Devils Claw for pain relief and was on bute for a while but we discussed that this isnt a long term option and that we needed to see if he was getting better due to the remedial work. I am also fairly certain that I do not want to keep any horse on painkillers long term.

My thinking is that his time has come, I know in my heart of hearts I wont ever be able to ride him again and I know that life as a companion isnt great for him. I believe that the cold weather is going to make him even more miserable and sore. During Summer he seeemed happy enough and loved dozing in the sun but things have changed now... and with it my feelings about my decision to keep him in happy retirement. Even pain killers wouldnt change how he feels in the cold weather.

I cant justify myself to play god and make a life or death decision of this magnificents animals life, a horse who should be in his prime but faces a rather bleak future. I feel a coward because I cant make that decision but I feel horrendous guilt if I even think about ending his life.

So please give me courage.....
 
**Sending courage**

Not much else I can say, just that I'm thinking of you, and facing a similar dilemma (old horse) myself.

It's never easy, but trust yourself to make the right decision.
 
Hey, im so sorry for you
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, that is an awful position to be put and a horrible decision. You have to do what is best for the horse and what your heart is telling you to do though. If you feel he has no quility of life and is unhappy then the decision as to what to do is yours and yours alone. No one can help you make that decision, all we can do is feel compassion towards you. I have only ever had to have one horse PTS and the decision was taken out of my hands because he broke his withers and two legs
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. Its horrid if you have to make that decision.
Go with what the vet advises and what you feel is right, i have two friends in the same position as you at the moment, its so hard. Sorry
 
You come across as knowing your boy inside out. You obviously care about his welfare and he is now telling you that he is unhappy. No-one can make the decision for you but it sounds like you have given this a huge amount of thought and, whatever your decision, you have my support and the support of plenty of others on here.

Hugs xxxx
 
Sending you courage. An elderly horsewoman who knew loads once told me that horses tell you when they have had enough. I didn't believe it until I was in that position with Gwen who I dearly loved. In addition with the same horse a vet said 'It is the last act of love you can show them.' Have courage. Sadly it seems that these days vets won't help you to make the decision like they used to do years ago. I honestly think the weather will be harsh this winter and cold weather does not help with pain situations in animals or humans.Please feel free to pm me if you want to talk to someone in a less public way. Take care. X
 
Making the decision is the hardest part and you've already done that in your heart. It's the hardest, but most important thing you will ever do for your boy.

Take a deep breath, give him a few days of being spolit rotten and don't ever feel guilty. You are doing the best for him. There comes a point where you have to ask whether you are prolonging his life or his death, as soon as it becomes the latter it's time to act.

Big hugs for you and your boy.
 
(((((hugs))))))

TBH, I think in your heart of hearts you have made the decision....you know your boy best- he clearly isn't happy and is most likely in pain.

It truly is the final act of love and kindness we can do for our horses- as much as we are responsible for their well-being and happiness, we have to take this step when things become to much for them to bear...it is our responsibility as an owner and also I feel it is a 'thankyou' to our horses that we can give them a way to spare their suffering in return for the joy they given us......
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So so sorry to hear this.
I know how you feel we have a similar situation and are waiting to see how he copes with winter (he is 11 and has the same sort of issues and prognosis).

I keep telling myself better a day too soon than a day too late and that he will tell us when the time comes.

Can't tell you what to do but listen to him. Never feel guilty and remember he doesn't anticipate anything in the way you do. Just enjoy today and remind yourself that this is the most important thing you can ever do for him.

(((courage))) and hugs for whenever it comes xx
 
I was in a similar position with Tiggy. I thought she was going to be a long term field ornament, but she went downhill over a couple of weeks (both rear suspensory ligaments, chronic damage).

The decision came on in two stages.

The first was when I realised that she wasn't going to make it to be twenty-plus years of age (she was four). I went the pain killer route - I have to have Ibuprofen most days to keep things on an even keel, so didn't mind her having something.

She was okay for about a week.

Then the second stage came when she couldn't stale even when on three Bute a day.

I can't say what is right for your horse and for you. For me, I knew I had to try every option, because I'd only get one chance.

Hugs hunny.
 
thanks all, I feel we have tried every route, short of a neuroectomy which I disagree with anyway. I have run out of insurance money and the vet felt an MRI scan was pointless and would confirm what we knew anyway - he was lame due to a whole host of contributing factors, some may come right, others wouldnt. The physio / chiro said that he has acccumulated so much muscle mass elsewhere compensating his weight to take the strain elsewhere that its been a long term thing.

Have spent an emotional early evening discussing with my OH and he summed it up by saying "H isnt like that (grumpy etc) so he must be feeling something wrong whether its the cold or pain or boredom or life in general or all of those things, either way it seems wrong to keep him in that pain or quality of life"

I'm scared ... how do you pick up the phone and ask your vet to come to do it? Do I have the deed done at home? What happens to his body? Do I take him to the vets? I think he would like a final trip out ? He was always very loving and gentle and sweet when him and I went out for a trip. Oh god I feel sick even thinking about it. Can I have his ashes, rather than the alternative? I would like to think his final resting place was here underneath his beloved Oak tree....
 
Yes you can have your vet out, or the local hunt and I'm not sure what it costs to have them cremated. I've had 6 horses over 35 years put down at home by the local hunt, they have always treated my horses with kindness and respect and I always feel that their lovely souls have departed to a better place and the carcass that is left is no longer them.
The poem Don't cry for me at my grave as I'm not there always comes to me.
 
Oh Two Bays - sending courage and (((((((hugs))))))))) I think you've made your decision, and it will be the right one. You know him so well and he is telling you how he feels. Ring (or get someone else) the vet & discuss the options that are available. They can come & do it home & then you can have him picked up and cremated, or let the hunt deal with it with dignity. Best wishes to you xxx
 
Only you can make this decision, and it isn't easy, but ask yourself whether it's fair for a 12 year old to spend 8 years stuck in a field? Your boy obviously enjoyed his work etc.....big hugs x
 
Perhaps he wants to come in at night and more attention? You could try putting him back on the bute, keeping him in at night and taking him for walks in hand/lots of grooming etc.

One of my horses was retired at 12 (now 14), is on Danilon all the time and comes in at night during winter. He gets loads of attention and is as happy as larry.

Before you make any final decision I would try the above if it were me, otherwise you will always be haunted with the what ifs.
 
I thought that maybe he is cold which is making him more fed up but he is rugged adequately and on vets advice and from my own experience horses are better placed to keep warm actually turned out. When in a stable they are less warm because they cant move to generate warmth and cant move out of draughts plus he would stiffen up chronically on his back legs.

He also really dislikes being kept in and imo would really diminish his quality of life so it would be unfair on him anyway.

He has a massive field shelter that he uses a lot (in sun, rain, wind) so I know he will be comfortable.

As for attention, he always comes in for a groom when I ride my other one, and I see them 3 times a day if not more as they are kept at home and he is too much of a idiot to lead in hand down our very fast busy road so thats not really an option.

It does sound like I am making excuses but believe my I have been over and over this in my head... :-(
 
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