giving up hope

Hey there
It sounds like she is in season and/or testing boundaries to me.
My old mare was very "girthy" when in season and once bit me on the shoulder when I did up her rug, just because she was in season.

Dont do anything drastic. I think you could do with some lessons on her. Could you get an instructor to come to your place once a week for a while to help you both get on with each other?

Persistance... but dont put yourself in danger
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You know, when you first get a horse, its quite normal to have teething problems like this. It can take a couple of years to get used to each other. I suspect she is ever so slightly taking the mickey and you need to be slightly firmer with her, maybe just using your voice harshly when she takes the p***. People sometimes forget horses are not machines. She doesn't sound that difficult a horse, these problems are not really that serious. You will probably look back this time next year and think how minor your problems were and wonder why you worried about them!

I think your lack of hacking is more serious and I still think she needs company and would be more relazed with another horse. Maybe you should try a livery yard for a few months for some company and advice and then when you take her back home, could borrow a companion horse from there?
 
google nritish riding clubs they will have 1 in ure area, def be loads of horsey people to get involved with and some of them have socials with trips to olympia etc, hope this helps if not i know in my area some riding schools have ride and coffee mornings for people to have a lesson then a gossip, maybe there is something similar in the area??? i know they even have men only 1s!!! best of luck
 
She is spooking because she feels unsafe, horses need a leader, someone to make them feel safe ie you. If you are not confident on the ground and acting as her leader, then she isn't going to feel like you can look after when you ride her. I would stay off her back until you have things sorted out. She has no other company and will be missing this, horses are herd animals, safety in numbers and all that.

She is a good horse at the moment but she will continue to develop problematic behaviour until she ends up being a problem horse.

Get yourself and her off to a livery yard where she can have some company and relax and you can get a bit of support.
And take it from there.
I understand what you are saying about feeling like you are letting her down but you will do her no favours by keeping her as you are. You would be better selling her to someone with suitable experience and facilities than continuing like this.
You haven't even got anywhere safe to ride her.

I would say it sounds like she is in season, mares don't bleed in season.

I think whoever sold this horse to you should be hung, to put a horse into a situation with no company and to someone who has no idea and no support whatsoever is ridiculous.

I don't mean to sound harsh, i really feel for you in this situation. You are not the only one who has been over horsed, and at least you are seeking a bit of help.
I don't think it would matter how well schooled or if it was something with more experience, it would still be a horse with the same basic needs and would still be going into the same situation.
I hope this works out for you and also the mare.
 
I agree cnm I also think she sold me this horse knowing i wasnt experianced enough to look after her.

However theres not much point in me going on about that. i did ask her at one point ( when i finally made contact with her) if she wanted to buy her back and she had spent the money and that was that. But i got over that and decided i needed to make the best of a bad job.

I dont want to give up on her now so armed with some advice from you kind people Im going to see what today brings. ( everyday beings something new at the moment with daphi)

it might be a good day. it might be a bad. who knows...

I sometimes think i describe her all wrong. she isnt dangerous, and i dont feel in danger around her or anything. shes just plain stubborn sometimes and it gets me down, and makes me feel like i cant handle her. but in reality i can! if that makes sence?

she wouldnt come out of her stable yesterday Lord was she playing games, i went and got the rding crop( ive never used it EVER before) I kinda dont even like the idea of owning one. but guess what i barely tapped her on the quarters with it and she moved! the little monkey dubbin!!!!! lol she was out that stable quick smart! so that hopefully will set her str8 when its time to either go in or out the stable! shes a cheeky mare thats what she is ha ha
 
Hi Jordan.

It was me and quirky who said that we'd come out to see Daphi and i believe that quirky PM'd you to arrange and you didn't get back to her?!! i have to say (and i realy don't want to seem like i'm having a go...i'm not) but i think that you should take the advice that was offered in the first place and get yourself to a good livery yard. i think your set up at your house is fab and would be great if you had more experience and confidence but its deadly being on our own when you lack these things. 12 months at a good livery yard will do you and D the world of good- you will make friends and progress quicker than you could imagine. then you could go back to your house...but i suspect you might not want to. please bear in mind that she will probably 'test the boundaries' more often in the winter than she is doing now
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good luck
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Im so fed up of hearing about riders being unhappy with their horse due to the fact that ( to be perfectly honest)-they havent got the nec experience nor back up. If you are so unhappy with your horse, please sell it on to someone who has the know how to create a happy relationship and further his education. Please , believe me, your horse wont end up in therapy for depression if you sell him on, he may well want to 'thank you'. I apologise if this isnt what you want to hear, but, you are talking about the future of an animal who depends on a human being for his sanity and comfort.
If you aint got the means, SELL, its the only honest thing to do. M.
PS, please put your horse in the position to have a happy future WITHOUT YOU. None of us know what awaits around the corner.
 
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I dont think she is! but she could be ? she isnt bleeding? is there any other way to tell?

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Hi jordanross,

Mares don't bleed when they're in season. They may just act different, and while some may 'stand', others are more discreet. Behaviour can change, but in my own experience, i believe that blaming mare hormones for difficulties is something that is increasingly lacking in evidence. It's just us lot that sometimes think they're more difficult!

I think that other forum friends' advice to get in an experienced trainer to help, is the best advice. Try www.bhs.org.uk for a list of British Horse Society registered trainers in your area (apologies if i've got web address wrong + you get British Home Stores!), or ask around locally for good trainers, and never forget approaching your local riding centre for help.

The best trainer i ever had said something along lines of 'entires are entire, everyone knows that + respects it, geldings are geldings, but we must never forget that mares are entires also'

Bit similar to the old saying 'tell a gelding what to do, ask a mare, discuss it with a stallion'

Oh bloody hell, reading this post back, sounds like i'm contradicting myself!

No - mares aren't necessarily 'moody', any more than women are. Some are, most aren't (goes for me + all mares i've had pleasure to know). But they may be a little more sensitive.

Good luck, we all want to help, BS x

PS: Apologies, only saw 1st page or so of posts before i sent this response. Lots more great advice out there x
 
Hi Jordan,

TBH it just sounds like she is in season. I wouldn't rush out and change your girth just yet though. I use the same on my TB mare and she is fine with it.

Try and find yourself an instructor that can come out to you. also try and go along to some riding club events this way you can find out what is about in the area from other people. As0.k them about livery yards as word of mouth is invaluble. I also think, while your set up is great, that you would be better at a livery yard where you can get a far better support mechanism in place

The other thing if Daphi is the same every 21 days then you know that it is her season. MAres are only in season April to October ish so it may be worth considering a mare suppliement.

I hate to say this but I have been in exactly the same situation as yourself.. novice owner, first horse, things going slightly pear shaped and I bit the bullet and went to a livery yard.... it was the best move that I ever made. The suppot I got was second to none, , my horse had companionship of the equine type and was easier to handle and I got like minded friends who helped me
 
To all those suggesting a good instructer, this is a good idea, but it's likely any instructer with any sense would advise jordon to move the horse to a livery yard so that it has some equine company and somewhere safe for them to actually teach/help them.
 
I am pleased that everyone now seems to be giving 'gentle' advice here (whichever direction you think Jordan should take) and feel he is at least coming cap in hand and eager to do his best and right by the mare.

From what I can tell, it's not falling on deaf ears. I think the advice to maybe move (for however long or short a time) to a yard where help is on hand and there is some company for the two of them is probably correct.

Loneliness combined with what may appear to be an insurmountable issue is a very demoralising combination. It's the same when they are sick. Possibly worse, even. You alone cope with the possibilities of losing your horse or having difficult decisions to make. Thank the Lord the horse is healthy at the moment!
 
In an effort not to be rude, as Jordan seems to have had a bit of a hard time here, let me put it this way.

It is not possible to teach yourself to drive a car without any form of instruction. It is even less likely that you would pass your driving test by trying to teach yourself to drive, using a Ferrari.

Please, for your own safeties sake, get yourself to a riding instructor ASAP.
 
Horses are far too expensive both in terms of time and money to keep one that is not right for you.

She looks a lovely mare, sell her to someone in a better position to get the best out of her and buy yourself a more suitable horse that you can have fear-free fun on- something sensible, quiet, happy to live alone, that hacks.

Paying someone to 're-school' Daphi would not be a quick fix- the issues would still be underlying and she would need you to carry on consolidating the work of whoever does the re-schooling with her in order for it to be effective long term. The tricky thing is that if you don't have the confidence to see things through with her, you are going to end up compounding her behaviour and potentially making things worse- wrecking your own confidence in the meantime.
 
Please don't give up yet there are so many things you can do to sort it. And also be aware that very experienced riders seek the help of professionals on an ongoing basis.

Some thoughts:
Move her to a livery yard with knowledgeable people (post something on here for recommendations). Keeping her at home is a luxury, but the support of people with your interests at heart is priceless. Even if it's only temporarily.
Follow up offers of support on here (diggerbez etc).
Join local riding clubs to mix with other horsey people.
I really think you should move, but if not, find other horsey people near you who will ride out with you - riding out on your own as a novice with a new, lively horse is asking for trouble.
Get Daphi MOT'd - vet, back, teeth, saddle fitting etc. Frequently, naughtiness is down to pain, so get every avenue checked out.
Get a reputable instructor - not just anyone, ask for some tips on here. The support of a good instructor is absolutely essential.
Respond to people's suggestions - the current situation IS NOT working, harsh though it sounds. Please make some changes so that you as a horse owner can improve and Daphi progresses too. You really need to be prepared to make some changes to the current set-up.
Talk to people previously involved with her to identify why some problems are occurring.
Keep a diary of your experiences and her behaviour, so you can identify patterns, ie situations where she misbehaves etc.
Make sure her feed is commensurate with her workload - too much will make her silly. Contact a reputable feed company such as Spillers or Baileys for advice. Be honest with them when you describe her workload.

Honestly Jordan, with all due respect, you owe it do Daphi to do the above and to yourself to ensure you don't get hurt or lose confidence. After all, having a horse is meant to be enjoyable!
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