Giving up horses and is it right?

[Hugobear]

I absolutely adore my cob, he’s just perfect. But I don’t have the same drive or passion anymore. If I can’t get to the stables for a week, I no longer crave or pine for it. He’s on full livery and in a fantastic yard.
But, it’s taking a toll financially. Most of the liveries have paired up so it’s a bit lonely. I’m not the most confident especially out hacking and probably ride on average 2 - 3 times a week. But can easily find excuses not to ride or go to the yard!
He could make another person very happy and could have lots of fun together. I look upon it as not abandoning him but allowing someone else his pleasure.
But, my question!
Has anyone been in this position? To not have him in my life again would be so difficult and hard hence the decision x

 

[bouncing_ball]

To find a sound uncomplicated horse a new loving home would in no ways be wrong. But only you know if that is what you want to do.

 

[Melody Grey]

Would getting a sharer that could make a financial contribution lighten the load all round and keep your options open?

 

[Abacus]

Absolutely not wrong. Maybe have a think about whether it's having a horse and riding that you don't love, or something about the situation. Although you sound happy with the yard, you seem a bit lonely, and maybe would find it fun again if you could find people to ride with or go to outings with. But if you decide that you'd rather spend your time and money on something else, it's totally right, and you'll find him a good home to go to.

 

[christine456]

Sorry you're struggling, perhaps take a break and this may reignite your passion ( took a 10 year break now loving it more than ever) but finances are not tight for me. You could maybe loan out to someone you trust see how you feel without horse time before selling what sounds like a quality horse? ( tentatively hunting for a good one at the minute and its an absolute minefield)

 

[Annagain]

It's certainly not wrong but I think I'd try a few things first so I'd know I was making the right decision.
1. Think about a sharer. This would reduce the financial burden and would mean he was getting ridden if you take a break. Then if you don't miss it he's fit enough to find him the best home.
2. Make arrangements with people to ride. I find this a huge help when I'm lacking a bit in motivation. It might also help you feel a bit less lonely at the yard. You say people have paired up but I'm sure they wouldn't mind a third person tagging along on a hack or joining them in the school.
3. Put him on loan / LWVTB so you're certain you don't want to carry on before you sell - he sounds like he'd be very hard to replace if you realise you've made a mistake!

 

[millikins]

Could you do 5 day livery? I expect a large part of why you haven't paired up with anyone is because you aren't there just doing horse stuff, chatting while mucking out, cleaning tack etc. It would reduce your costs a little too.

 

[Crazy_cat_lady]

As someone who's given up, I don't miss it at all

I'd lost interest a few years ago but kept plodding along. It was the cost and time consuming aspect, the chores (although I never minded mucking out!). I didn't even enjoy riding anymore, probably because by the time I'd done the chores it felt like I'd taken a lot of time. Each time I thought I'd be able to save some money each month something always came up that he needed be that prascend, bedding etc, bam instantly wiped out

The cost of living crisis warning is what made me give up.

I've sat on a horse once in the last year and a half, when I was on holiday. Yes I enjoyed it but that was a lot because the setting was magical as it was a sunset ride abroad. The horse I had was no riding school plod either! However critically, it didn't make me miss or want to get back into it.

I don't miss worrying about finding money each month for horse related costs. I don't miss the time and commitment of a horse. I don't even miss riding.

I have other things I want to do with my life. I'd also like children in the next few years, and I'd never have been able to afford both as children are about the only thing to make horses look cheap! As someone at work said, think about what you could do with the money that goes on the horse each month and what you could do with it.

I know everyone on here will say don't give up, but thought I'd offer a different perspective from someone who doesn't regret giving up in the slightest and actually feels their mental health is better for it.

Horses aren't the be all and end all, as I'm now discovering after having spent many years horse mad, there is more to life than horses.

If I do ever want to dip in and ride, I have options such as going for a gorgeous hack some place that does them, or maybe trying a lesson on a nice school master but ATM I don't even fancy that.

 

[cindars]

Thinking this today. Have been around horses so ce small,owned for many years,today I had my last mare put down due to laminitus,I'm thinking what do I do,am 75 and don't think I could take the pain anymore but I will miss the physical side and just being round them.

 

[Cortez]

My last horse went 18 months ago, and after more than 50 years I no longer own any horses. I don't miss any of it, which surprises me slightly, and I am thoroughly enjoying the freedom of not being tied to the farm, not worrying about any of the myriad things that come with having horses to take care of.

 

[Ratface]

I can't imagine my life without a horse in the middle of it. I've cut back on food, although I have to be careful with that as have Type 2 diabetes, cut back on all outings except twice a week to see/mess about with Mr Horse who's on 5* full livery. I'd miss him dreadfully when he goes, but he costs £500+pm and that's a serious lump out of my work pension. CC, the new cat, costs about £16 a week with wet and dry food and full insurance. She comes out of the State Pension. It's all a bit of a juggling act.

 

[JumpTheMoon1]

If the passion is no longer there then its time to call it a day.Your cob will bring somebody joy and happiness who does have the passion.
Only you know how you feel so its your choice.

 

[MuddyMonster]

Are you sure the yard is right for you? When I've been on full livery and not liked or the yard has not suited, it's been easier for me to lose enthusiasm and disengage a bit (to avoid YO/YM/ liveries or whatever the problem is) as the horse is looked after.

Whereas when I've been on DIY/assisted DIY even if the yard is not right, because I have to go up I still I feel I have that connection still so am still motivated to do stuff.

I only ever feel like this now temporarily when I get back from holidays when I have to kick myself back into the routine. But it's not at all about the horse, it's the 'real life' routine. Once I've had a ride or two and an afternoon of pottering at the stables, I'm raring to go again.

I'm not saying move to DIY but if everyone's buddied up, perhaps you could look to move somewhere where there is more riding/hacking support or more to feel part of things?

Or reaching out to see if people can join in with you? Or arranging a group session - sharing a lesson or arranging a clinic?

Would having something to work towards help - a dressage competition (could be online) or signing up for a clinic or something to get you focused?

A sharer might help financially & give you some breathing space to make up your mind?

Equally, there is plenty of life outside of horses so if you don't find yourself motivated anyway more it's an expensive way to be miserable.

 

[Jambarissa]

This sounds very difficult. It can be easy to get out of the swing of things, especially when you know that your horse is well cared for and not missing the riding.

I do agree with others that a change of yard or something to aim for might get you back into the spirit, but do you want that? You're feeling the pain financially and it doesnt sounds like you'd buy a horse now if you didn't have one so maybe it's time for a new chapter in your life.

There is nothing wrong with selling a sound and rideable horse, he'll get a good home. If he has any niggles I'd be honest and very careful who you sell to but genuine life long homes are out there waiting.

 

[Chuffy99]

I no longer have anything at home, last pony moved out with my daughter, noticeable increase in finance and I can still get my fix as groom when she competes
Only bit I miss even after several years is late night stables, I loved pottering about and the sound of contented munching at 10.30pm every night
Would still love to drive again but the road outside is now so busy it would be dicing with death every outing
OP it really sounds that you have lost the enthusiasm and it’s too expensive a lifestyle if you’re not excited to be going horseying so have a break, find nice horse a fabulous home and see how you feel

 

[PSD]

I had a similar situation, though I was on DIY not full livery.

I had absolutely no motivation, I felt like all I was doing was rushing to get the horse sorted so I could get home. I couldn’t hack out because there were so many different “obstacles” we would meet so my anxiety was through the roof, I’ve always enjoyed hacking alone but with a huge housing development being built locally it meant so much more “traffic” and people. We had an outdoor school but had to pay the YO for use of the lights and most of the time I would be down later in the evening and she wouldn’t be home, so I’d have to either ride in the dark or not bother. The location of the school was away from the yard too so if anything happened no one on the yard would know.

I came so close to selling up and throwing the towel in, the cost was too much and I just wasn’t enjoying it. Horse wasn’t getting the exercise he needed or turnout and turned into a nervous wreck which made everything so much worse. No one really rode out, competed etc so the lack of motivation rubbed off on me. In summer I’d just leave him out to make up for the lack of turnout we had in winter.

So I moved yards and it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done. I now want to go to the yard every day, I want to ride and I want to do things with my horse! This is because (personal opinion) I’m around like minded people. Liveries on my new yard are always riding, competing, on the yard just socialising, you name it! I really do believe that the type of yard you’re on and people you are surrounded by have a massive impact.

It’s too expensive to not enjoy it, I would definitely look into moving yards or even dropping the level of livery you’re on just so you have more involvement.

 

[Skib]

If you benefit from having this particular horse in your life, but dont want to ride him, and are questioning the expense, I would find him a sharer to contribute some money. Or even two sharers, depending on how often you would like him to be ridden.
There are lots of riders like myself (an elderly woman) who can afford to ride or hack a couple of times a week on a share horse but who cant afford (or dont want) to own a horse themselves.

The alternative for an unridden horse is to find grass livery with turnout 24/7.

The social side of riding has passed me by. I started riding in my 60s so have always hacked alone or with a RS staff escort. A groom I liked to hack with has just left our yard and this happens a lot with regular staff turn over. I dont have friends who ride.