Giving up horses, any regrets?

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Louby

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Long story short, I sadly lost my boy 3 yrs ago, have had 3 unsuitable horses since :( getting injured 6 weeks ago and have another 6 weeks to go before I can ride again. All I wanted was a sane horse to enjoy, compete locally and basically have some fun but I cant seem to get it right and after my experiences just feel I cant trust/believe anything I read in the for sale ads. I also feel a bad owner and total failure.
Ive ridden all my life, consider myself a competent rider, have had horses for over 30 yrs but Im thinking its time to call it a day.
My horse has gone to a good friend, Im going to advertise my little wagon and Ive given my stable up as its going to be weeks before I can start to look for another, and probably months before I find one. My hearts saying come on horses are your life, you do want another... but my heads saying Im not actually sure I want one.
Friends have offered me their horses to ride when I can ride again which Im really grateful for but its not the same. Im feeling very bored at the moment but have to admit to not missing clock watching. Ive found it hard this winter trying to work round the restricted turnout, often going 3 times a day to make sure she got out and it kind of took over my life.
So what Im really asking is have any of you given up and regretted it?
Thanks for getting this far.
 
sometimes a change is as good as a rest, also maybe look for a share/loan rather than a whole one? or use this opportunity once you can go back in the saddle to invest in lessons on quality horses in what field you are most interested in, dressage etc. keep an eye out for a potential next one without the pressure of feeling you have to take one.
 
Totally get the point at which your at. I was going to say, I also had horses all my life (family connections) . . I did give up for 12 years (mortgage and stuff) and back in it again. However, reading your thread made me think, assuming you and I are a similar age . .would I do it again? . . Was there ever a perfect horse, or where we just younger and didn't think?? . . .

So you've left me in a dilemma. . . I have a young horse now . .if he went, would I get another . . ? . . If my pension allowed it, most prob yes, as it would be my only life line in retirement, and they do say, when we retire, make sure we have a hobby and get exercise!
 
yes I did give up but I couldnt live without I was miserable lonely and fed up of having nothing to do. I had an accident and havent ridden much since but I still own the ponies still poo pick daily, still go to shows with them although someone else rides them and still have the social side of them. I sometimes think I should give up altogether but cant imagine a lifetime however long or short of daytime telly and sitting about knitting. Dont get me wrong I do enjoy knitting and crochet but I still need to be outside and I only have a very small garden now
 
i lost my horse in september, she was 25 and had advanced cushings ,i hadnt ridden her for 6 months and if her quality of life was good i would still have her to look after. after she went i decided to not get another as i am now 70 so no spring chicken. i lasted about 3 weeks and was climbing the walls, house was spotless, garden done and i didnt know what else to do so looked for a loan horse even though physically it wears me out to look after a horse. i got my lovely loan horse at the end of october and she is absolutely brilliant. she is an ex hunter, half tb and is pretty much bomb proof without being a plod, i dont have to ride her every day to keep her sane and although i am tired i love having a rideable horse again.....mind you the house is now not spotless!!!!!!
 
Awww thanks for taking the time to reply. Im mid 40's jumpingjackflash and you are probably spot on with the quirky horses we rode and never batted an eyelid when we where younger lol. My old boy was very quirky but I knew him inside out and he never fazed me so it came as a bit of a shock to me when my confidence took a battering with my first disaster buy. I spent more time going backwards into anything and everything and on 2 legs than forwards, no 2 was lovely, very high maintenance but gave me my confidence back. He was awful and scary travelling and rightly or wrongly after 2 years I decided I wanted to follow my dream and compete, we managed one competition and it was so stressful and not enjoyable at all and a massive relief when we got home! My last horse ended up totally the opposite of what I was looking for, not being the Warmblood Id dreamt of but a lovely mare I rode and just loved. Whether she'd done what she did before I will never know but I ended up hurt. Looking back to when I was buying her I should have had my eyes more open really. I think the fact things have gone so badly wrong have added to the way I feel as I cant keep going through this both financially and mentally. You are so right about exercise and a hobby in retirement, I hadnt thought of that. My ideas had been that at my age now, this would be my last horse so I could enjoy things I couldnt do because of having a horse.
Lessons on a schoolmaster sounds great hollyandivy. I'd love the chance to ride a proper dressage horse! I think I do have to give it time too, thank you.
 
splashgirl45 said:
i lost my horse in september, she was 25 and had advanced cushings ,i hadnt ridden her for 6 months and if her quality of life was good i would still have her to look after. after she went i decided to not get another as i am now 70 so no spring chicken. i lasted about 3 weeks and was climbing the walls, house was spotless, garden done and i didnt know what else to do so looked for a loan horse even though physically it wears me out to look after a horse. i got my lovely loan horse at the end of october and she is absolutely brilliant. she is an ex hunter, half tb and is pretty much bomb proof without being a plod, i dont have to ride her every day to keep her sane and although i am tired i love having a rideable horse again.....mind you the house is now not spotless!!!!!!
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So sorry to hear about your horse, its awful having to start again but Im so pleased you found a lovely horse. In an ideal world a loan or LWVTB would be fantastic but they seem few and far between. Did have a chuckle at your clean house etc as Im getting a bit OCD too lol. I think the hubby cant wait to get rid of me!
 
windand rain said:
yes I did give up but I couldnt live without I was miserable lonely and fed up of having nothing to do. I had an accident and havent ridden much since but I still own the ponies still poo pick daily, still go to shows with them although someone else rides them and still have the social side of them. I sometimes think I should give up altogether but cant imagine a lifetime however long or short of daytime telly and sitting about knitting. Dont get me wrong I do enjoy knitting and crochet but I still need to be outside and I only have a very small garden now
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I know what you mean, Ive been trying to think of something to do instead, Ive actually drawn our late dog and been really suprised how it turned out! Im off work sick atm so the days are boring. I think the only good thing is Im not worrying about horses! :)
 
Another one who's had a load of unsuitable horses. First of all, Catembi died in 2007 after a long & harrowing illness; I then got Adrian who turned out to have EPSM, then Trev who is a v bad traveller, psychotic at competitions & hasn't come right from KS surgery. But...now that Trev's retired (as of today), I'm looking for another one! I'm mid-40s & have had horses since I was 3 and I simply can't bear not riding properly for another second!

Good luck with whatever you decide!

T x
 
I'm giving up. Ive finally found out after four years why my horse has been ridable, but not schoolable, (a wolf tooth, about twice the size of a match head, which has now been removed), the next step is to buy a new saddle, but I can't bring myself to do it. The saddle won't cure the problems of being too old and unfit, not having anyone to ride with, and not really having the time.
She's currently being professionally schooled, when she's more balanced and muscled up we will advertise.
Im expecting to be really grumpy when she's gone.:(
 
catembi said:
Another one who's had a load of unsuitable horses. First of all, Catembi died in 2007 after a long & harrowing illness; I then got Adrian who turned out to have EPSM, then Trev who is a v bad traveller, psychotic at competitions & hasn't come right from KS surgery. But...now that Trev's retired (as of today), I'm looking for another one! I'm mid-40s & have had horses since I was 3 and I simply can't bear not riding properly for another second!

Good luck with whatever you decide!

T x
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Thank you and sorry to hear youve had more than your share of bad luck too! I cant do anything atm but I honestly dont know where to start if I look for another horse. I would have got on practically anything, Im not saying I was fearless, I certainly wasnt but I felt competent enough to deal with what could be thrown at me.... fast forward to now and if Im totally honest I just dont want that anymore, my confidence has taken a proper knock but then I dont want a kick along type. Surely there must be some honestly described horses out there. Age isnt an issue for me, I just want a genuine sort that will be capable of doing a decent dressage test, not blow its brains, travel lol... in return for a really good life long home. Im not ooops!! wasnt an ad hoc rider, I did put the work in. Had to laugh then as my original self pity post about giving up was changed to Im not, as in current tense instead of I wasnt lol. Maybe this is my answer... get another horse lol.
Thanks for replying and good luck in finding another, I really hope you find your perfect horse.
 
I have given up and haven't sat on a horse for over 2 years now.
Do I miss a bad back? Carpal tunnel pain? Absolutely no money? Taking loads of meds to control the allergies? Not at all. Very, very occasionally, out on a walk, I will yearn for a head and neck in front of me but it is extremely rare.
I would say you need to do something though, I have taken over my husband's and son's labradors and now go picking up in the winter, and we have a farm with our own shoot so I have loads to do July to February.
 
Clodagh said:
I have given up and haven't sat on a horse for over 2 years now.
Do I miss a bad back? Carpal tunnel pain? Absolutely no money? Taking loads of meds to control the allergies? Not at all. Very, very occasionally, out on a walk, I will yearn for a head and neck in front of me but it is extremely rare.
I would say you need to do something though, I have taken over my husband's and son's labradors and now go picking up in the winter, and we have a farm with our own shoot so I have loads to do July to February.
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Thank you, we lost our hairy Lurcher 2 yrs ago and we miss him like mad. I did say to the hubby the other day, if I dont get another horse can I have a Deerhound instead :) Im lucky that my job isnt 9 til 5 all week, we are self employed and work really hard for 3/4 days a week which gives us plenty of time off so I will definately have to find something else to do if I dont have another horse
 
We have three that we keep at home. However due to serious family illness all three are away on grass livery and I rarely see them. Have to say we both enjoy the freedom that it has given us. Having to pay livery means worse off but hopefully this is only temporary. Has made us consider selling one to make it easier for the future....Having a spare is nice but not essential.

Not looking forward to the hassle of selling and hope to do so by word of mouth as she is a lovely smart cob and a fantastic hunter.
 
It's nearly 12 months since my very sensible son sold his horse as uni was coming up..
.he knew I would be the one doing all the looking after her when he was in uni...and with my bad hip and knee it could have been hard for me.
You know what..I don't miss it at all..the first horrid winter morning I just turned away from window and had another cuppa knowing I did not need to go out to muck out and poo pick a filthy muddy field..
I still get my horsey fix by going to my friends place and doing a bit there...and we have just booked first holiday for 4 years, and can afford to go now..
So in a nutshell , I don't miss it. My son can ride at uni, but he seems to have took up cycling!
 
It sounds like you need a break rather than to give up completely. have some free time /money. Maybe have some lessons at a riding school, look for a part loan that you can walk away from if not right for you.
 
If you'd asked me a month ago whether I'd want to give up horses when 'the time' came with my oldie, I'd have said yes.

I found myself being horsed out when I used to have two living out 24/7 and I also worked with them. I actually wasn't enjoying it any more.

I lost one of my boys nearly a year ago, plus I gave up my horsey job, leaving me with just my oldie who I loved to bits and enjoyed looking after. However, I still said to myself he'd be my last horse.

I lost him one month ago next Wednesday. I never realised the pain I'd feel. I'm not in a position to get another at the moment, and there's no way I could replace my beloved boy anyway, but it's so hard being without them.

I am surprised at how I feel, so never say never in my case.
 
A change is as good as a rest but I found that without horses I was increasingly depressed, grumpy, lonely and bored. I lost a lot of self confidence and came out the other side a stone heavier. Now I've got my new horse I've lost the weight and feel like I have a purpose again :)
 
If the passion has gone, then it sounds like the time to call it a day for now. You've obviously been doing this same 'hobby' (which is more than a hobby because it's so expensive and time consuming) for so long that it's feeling hard to give up because it's become part of your identity and perhaps you wonder who you would be without it. Maybe if you look at it as more of a break with options of returning to it in the future if the passion rekindles itself it might be easier?

Or loan, part share as others have suggested, that way you can keep one involved but with less commitment.
 
In 2011, I lost my little Dales very suddenly to colic and I was them down to my Welshie X who had been retired for many years, so I didn't have a riding horse. I'd had such bad luck with horses that I decided I wasn't going to get another riding horse, that I'd just stick to pampering Joe and steal rides off friends where I could. Kind friend pretty much gave me her cob for riding, hacking and farm rides but it just didn't feel the same. I was absolutely miserable (albeit loaded!) and started going out and excessively drinking on nights out. I honestly felt like I'd lost my way, despite the fact I still had a horse to go and do. I'm a teacher so it wasn't as if my day job wasn't busy enough either.

A few months later I found myself drawn to horse ads and one caught my eye and I kept talking about him. My parents said that it was the first time I'd properly smiled in months, so we went to see him and they ended up buying him for me. My life was back where it belonged.

So for me, i don't think I could do it, if that experience was anything to go by.
 
Look for a yard with a basic livery service. ie muck out, turnout, catch in, rug change etc. In most areas if you are truthful with yourself this can be cheaper than driving to a yard 2 x day, buying your own feed/hay etc etc. Yard can buy feed, bedding and staff at lower prices because they are 'bulk' buying. Your horse does not care who mucks its stable out and it really does not 'bond' with you because you do it! Than you have time to ride when you want, not even go near yard if you need day off etc etc. It is only in GB that we have this wonderful DIY mentality!! It is a huge committment. I do my own horses but they are at home outside my back door. I would not consider driving 15 - 30 minutes to muck a stable out!!
 
Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences. Im quite lucky that within 5 minutes drive there are a number of yards so the distance wasnt a problem. I think Ive just had a run of bad luck and its finally beaten me and I just cant see myself ever finding a sane sensible horse and if Im honest Im scared to make yet another mistake! Loaning would be great, a LWVTB even better as I do get attached lol. Moved my little lorry today from my old yard to another until I decide what to do but I think I will advertise it as the money from that if it sells would fund me another horse if I decide thats the way to go. We've lost so much money, I darent ask my long suffering hubby to spend more money on another potential disaster. Being up at our friends yard today, seeing people enjoying their horses did pull at the heartstrings so maybe the way forward is to be patient, make the most of this time off and keep my eyes and ears open for a horse somebody knows of and who knows.
Thanks again for listenning
 
Don't underestimate the quiet types. If you find something they love doing and learn how to harness their natural enthusiasm you can have a lot of fun. Although there might be days when you wish you had something faster and more "up for it", it won't be you who's afraid to ride on windy days/after they've been kept in/when you're feeling a bit ill etc. If you're lacking confidence something that needs kicking on is easier to manage than something that's always on the verge of losing the plot. If you don't like the idea of full livery, try to find a yard that will at least pop a pre-made feed over the door and turn out for you in the morning, or put a haynet in if they're staying in. Only having to go once daily, and not having to get up at the crack of dawn to turn out before you go to work, really does make all the difference to your own quality of life.
 
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