Giving up your own horse so the kids can progress?

buddylove

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We currently have 3 equines, my 6 year old mare, 7 year old pony and a companion Shetland. Currently my girls share the pony, but one is more confident than the other, and I think the less confident child would benefit from an older more experienced pony to show her the ropes, whereas her sister is getting on well with the 7 year old.
But, my husband has vetoed a 4th. The Shetland is a bit anti social but a fantastic companion, and has had a bit of a rough life and is settled with us. So it looks like I am going to have to give up my mare so the kids can progress 😥
Has anyone else ever done it? I am worried I will lose my nerve and never get another one when the opportunity potentially arises in the future.
 

buddylove

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Is the pony really wrong for the nervous daughter or could regular lessons (maybe on other ponies at a riding school and then some on her pony) bring her confidence up enough?
No he never does anything wrong, he is perhaps a touch forward for her. However, the logistics of sharing means less time riding at rallies and not being able to hack together etc.
 

buddylove

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Can you part loan yours?
It is having four at home that husband has the issue with. I bought her home off a livery yard as it didn't suit her. Have had sharers etc before and have only ever ended up with unreliable people who leave me in a mess!!
 

Leo Walker

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I think your husband has a nerve! Why do you need to give your horse up so your kids can have a pony each? I cant imagine my OH every saying anything like that. To be fair if he did, I'd just ignore him anyway unless he had cast iron reasons for saying it!

But if thats not an option then I'd look to rehome the shetland. You can only have 3, having 1 that you cant ride when you need it is madness. There are usually good companion homes for shetlands, so she could be loaned out if you are worried.
 

buddylove

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The issue is that although we keep them "at home" it is not our land, it is all linked in with husband's job and he is worried about taking the P with his boss.
Current mare will not be left on her own, which is why we got the Shetland in the first place, so getting two ponies that would be going out together all the time wouldn't work. I have gone through all scenarios and the only one that works is giving up my mare 😢
 

buddylove

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as the Shetland technically the size of a large dog, perhaps teach it to catch and retrieve bit of agility, then get another one and say actually we only have 3.............................and a new dog?
Ha ha, I like your thinking, all 3 equines are grey in the hope that to the casual observer there is not actually 3 😊
 

Micky

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And both girls are definitely into riding? I knew a friend who had daughters, older was less confident of riding, younger was fine (on a v forward pony) the less confident one lost interest to go do other things very quickly (despite borrowing a placid older pony to gain confidence) and has never gone back to riding, the other still is riding..no criticism implied, just be sure both really want to pursue riding before you give up your horse!
 

honetpot

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I sold my horse and bought a pony, and never regretted it. I was alaways trying to fit the horse around the children and she wasn't an easy ride. I found a nice kind young pony, just big enough for me to ride and school, which my eldest rode when she was eight at PC. I hacked it out and did anything new with it. The other daughter rode it when she was older and I have pictures of each daughter year after year at the same show on the pony.
I think finding the right pony is the first hurdle, I always go for temprement rather than looks.
 

poiuytrewq

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The issue is that although we keep them "at home" it is not our land, it is all linked in with husband's job and he is worried about taking the P with his boss.
Current mare will not be left on her own, which is why we got the Shetland in the first place, so getting two ponies that would be going out together all the time wouldn't work. I have gone through all scenarios and the only one that works is giving up my mare 😢
I totally have this issue! Even down to our “at home” being linked to OH work.
My old retired is not a good companion so we need companions. It’s really quite a difficult situation.
I did however go against his wishes and the land owners wishes and get another. Not clever but they all got over it 🤭
 

gallopingby

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Your daughters will soon have a growth spurt and then they’ll need a bigger pony/s. I would sell your horse and try and find one that is suitable for you and one of the girls to ride. From experience you really need to be able to go out hacking with them while they are young. Unless you are really really tall an experienced but broad native may fit the bill.
 

OldNag

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We currently have 3 equines, my 6 year old mare, 7 year old pony and a companion Shetland. Currently my girls share the pony, but one is more confident than the other, and I think the less confident child would benefit from an older more experienced pony to show her the ropes, whereas her sister is getting on well with the 7 year old.
But, my husband has vetoed a 4th. The Shetland is a bit anti social but a fantastic companion, and has had a bit of a rough life and is settled with us. So it looks like I am going to have to give up my mare so the kids can progress 😥
Has anyone else ever done it? I am worried I will lose my nerve and never get another one when the opportunity potentially arises in the future.

I did. It means I don't ride any more. Maybe one day, but I don't have much spare time anyway so it's how it is.
I don't regret it as it means my girls have been able to do more far more.
 

dreamcometrue

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My advice is don’t give up your horse. You need to cling on to everything that makes you as an individual rather than someone who sacrifices her needs for everyone else. Nobody will thank you for it.

As for the daughters and their pony. Pass this task on to their father to solve. Maybe he can give up something precious to him. 😊
 

Sussexbythesea

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My advice is don’t give up your horse. You need to cling on to everything that makes you as an individual rather than someone who sacrifices her needs for everyone else. Nobody will thank you for it.

As for the daughters and their pony. Pass this task on to their father to solve. Maybe he can give up something precious to him. 😊

Totally with you DCT. Kids don’t have to have everything they ever wanted that’s just not life.

I don’t have kids so maybe I don’t understand but unless it also suited me and I didn’t really enjoy my own horse then there’s no way I’d give up. Practically I also don’t think there’s an awful lot of difference between 3&4 especially as ones a Shetland.
 

southerncomfort

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I wouldn't.

I'm currently in that situation (albeit because my mare was PTS) and its pretty depressing sometimes watching the girls have all the fun on the ponies. I'm doing all the donkey work while the get all the good stuff. I see riders hacking out past our place and I yearn for lovely long sunny hacks.

We've had long discussions and one of the ponies is going to be sold so that we can get a proper mother daughter share for me and my daughter who doesn't ride as often as the other. She is happy with that, thank goodness.

Being a good parent doesn't mean giving up everything that makes you happy. When I was a teenager me and my sister shared a pony and we thought we were the luckiest girls alive!
 

EventingMum

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I'm going to go against the grain here and say this is what I did and my father also did for me. As I was show jumping and moving up the levels Dad sold his horse so I could progress although he did ride mine on occasions.

My good horse was slowing down a bit when my son was born so I wasn't competing quite as much but I did have a couple of young horses so was still doing a bit. As my son grew and became keener he got his own ponies and started going to PC and shows etc and I realised that there really wasn't time for us both to be going out and about, I could have had my own horse at home but personally, at that time didn't enjoy it if I couldn't compete so I decided not to bother. By that time I was still very involved in our yard, coaching and supporting our son so had plenty of horsey time. As it turned out he continued to compete, firstly show jumping ponies and then moving on to eventing which became a major commitment as we were travelling a lot. When our son went to uni 400 miles away I took on the role of doing most of the pre season fittening and so was back in the saddle so the horses were ready for him to pick up in the summer holidays.

We had great fun as a family team over the years that he was competing and I honestly don't regret it for a minute, children are only young for a short time and before you know it they've flown the nest. My son no longer competes and I've now got my own horse again to enjoy.
 

Pearlsasinger

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I would approach the employer directly yourself, so that you know the position without guesswork. I would also ask OH if he is going to be the be walking/cycling with your daughters who are too young to hack alone
 

buddylove

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I'm going to go against the grain here and say this is what I did and my father also did for me. As I was show jumping and moving up the levels Dad sold his horse so I could progress although he did ride mine on occasions.

My good horse was slowing down a bit when my son was born so I wasn't competing quite as much but I did have a couple of young horses so was still doing a bit. As my son grew and became keener he got his own ponies and started going to PC and shows etc and I realised that there really wasn't time for us both to be going out and about, I could have had my own horse at home but personally, at that time didn't enjoy it if I couldn't compete so I decided not to bother. By that time I was still very involved in our yard, coaching and supporting our son so had plenty of horsey time. As it turned out he continued to compete, firstly show jumping ponies and then moving on to eventing which became a major commitment as we were travelling a lot. When our son went to uni 400 miles away I took on the role of doing most of the pre season fittening and so was back in the saddle so the horses were ready for him to pick up in the summer holidays.

We had great fun as a family team over the years that he was competing and I honestly don't regret it for a minute, children are only young for a short time and before you know it they've flown the nest. My son no longer competes and I've now got my own horse again to enjoy.
This is what I was hoping. I really want to give my kids all the opportunities I didn't have when I was a kid (my older sister got through a string of unsuitable ponies and completely put my parents off letting me have one)!
Ideally I would sell my mare and get a happy little plod to hack out on with the girls, but alas it looks like my only option might be shank's pony!!
Obviously if less confident child doesn't pursue riding then that's fine, and I will get myself a happy plod, but in the meantime I want to give her every chance.
 
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