Giving up

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Equi

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Ever feel like the universe is just saying "no, you don't deserve a horse"

Well it has been saying this to me for years and i've been stubborn but i give up. After my little bolting incident i took it al right back to basics and spent a week or two of ground work really building a relaxed trusting environment, feeding the magox every day, had two lovely rides and felt on top of the world. All turned back into a big black hole and she went back to the way she was at the very start and i had enough.

I had a calm confident friend coming to ride, but she fell in work the very day she was to come so couldn't. I had two lessons booked, both got cancelled due to some reason or other on their end. I had another lesson in somewhere different but they just never text me back and i was left not knowing a time (i text them several times) i even went as far as calling a behaviourist who can't come out cause shes too far away.

Just seems never ending and as if the world seems to not want me to get any better so i'm done. No point carrying on and potentially ruining a horse further because i can't get the bloody professionals to actually help with her and my issues!

Shes going back home and i will not be looking for another horse.
 
I'm sorry to hear that, perhaps she is just not the right horse for you, or you just haven't found the reason for her behaviour BUT if she is not yours, I wouldn't spend a fortune/loads of time trying to get to the bottom of the problem. Definitely send her home and then after a while, if you feel more like it, look for something more suitable for you, after having some more lessons, maybe.
 
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Give yourself a break, this might not be the horse for you, that does not mean that you have to give up. The pain you feel is evident in your words. Take sometime off, have a nice Christmas and in the spring look for a horse to rebuild you faith...if you want too. I am sorry that this one did not work out.
 
Sukistokes2 said:
Give yourself a break, this might not be the horse for you, that does not mean that you have to give up. The pain you feel is evident in your words. Take sometime off, have a nice Christmas and in the spring look for a horse to rebuild you faith...if you want too. I am sorry that this one did not work out.
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I love caring for horses but riding is my downfall and i don't even want to ride anymore. I might go for a trek now and then, or get a lesson on a plod but i can't see me getting another ridden horse.
 
Your profile pic shows a driving pony - what about getting a wee native - Shetland, Welsh, Darty - to drive? They make great driving ponies and don't take an awful lot of looking after compared to a big horse.
 
equi said:
I love caring for horses but riding is my downfall and i don't even want to ride anymore. I might go for a trek now and then, or get a lesson on a plod but i can't see me getting another ridden horse.
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Please don't think I'm being nosey or trying to pressurise you into doing something that you don't want to do but;

How long have you been riding?

Have you plenty of experience of riding different horses?

Have you ever been on a riding holiday?

Have you had lessons at different riding schools?

It might just be that you need more, varied experience before you start to look for another horse. There are older horses around which know their job and are looking for a quieter life, whose owners would like to find them a knowledgeable, caring home because they are not up to the work the owner wants to do, there may be one out there just waiting to find you, when the time is right.
 
Sorry you have had a rotten week :( . If you change your mind about riding get an old one. Oldies are lovely. They go to sleep at every opportunity, including sometimes when you are riding them! Maybe it is because they have seen it all before. I do not mind having to wake an oldie up before asking for trot, it is better than being carted off with. It is very relaxing to be able to take in the scenery whilst riding without constantly surveying for the next potentially spooky item coming up.
 
EKW said:
Your profile pic shows a driving pony - what about getting a wee native - Shetland, Welsh, Darty - to drive? They make great driving ponies and don't take an awful lot of looking after compared to a big horse.
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I have two minis and drive the larger one and show the smaller one. I don't really count them they're more like dogs!
 
Pearlsasinger said:
Please don't think I'm being nosey or trying to pressurise you into doing something that you don't want to do but;

How long have you been riding?

Have you plenty of experience of riding different horses?

Have you ever been on a riding holiday?

Have you had lessons at different riding schools?

It might just be that you need more, varied experience before you start to look for another horse. There are older horses around which know their job and are looking for a quieter life, whose owners would like to find them a knowledgeable, caring home because they are not up to the work the owner wants to do, there may be one out there just waiting to find you, when the time is right.
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Done it all, just lost my bottle and can never seem to get it back no matter what i'm riding.

Firefly9410 said:
Sorry you have had a rotten week :( . If you change your mind about riding get an old one. Oldies are lovely. They go to sleep at every opportunity, including sometimes when you are riding them! Maybe it is because they have seen it all before. I do not mind having to wake an oldie up before asking for trot, it is better than being carted off with. It is very relaxing to be able to take in the scenery whilst riding without constantly surveying for the next potentially spooky item coming up.
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Yes thats what i want, but have yet to find. My old tb was the best, he was about 30 and nothing phased him and he was just 100% bombproof - a bus going past his head at 60 wouldn't even make him bat an eyelid.
 
There are some around, I've had many over the years, some bought in their teens, others younger than that. Look for a ride and drive horse, either a cob type or a Standardbred. They are usually bombproof and unflappable in virtually all situations. I have a 3 yr old cob atm who is just about as bombproof as my aging Draft horse, who has definitely seen and done it all. The cob was bred to and has been broken to drive by a previous owner, she just takes life in her stride, no matter what it throws at her.
Just read the adds carefully and preferably buy/loan from a professional home.
 
Horses are hard work and when you're up you're up but when you're down its so difficult - I'm two years into a hard relationship with my mare so completely sympathise. I've found some prof do help, you just need to root out the good from the indifferent. It sounds potentially like you need a break and a re-think in the NY.
 
If it helps....I do not class myself as a confident rider....I have 3 big warmbloods, I jump 1m plus, I take on problems, quirky horses, nappers etc....BUT I doubt myself...but that's just me, in every area of my life...I haven't lost my confidence as it were, I just will never be a confident rider, you just learn to feel the fear and do it anyway.....xxxxxxxx
 
Sounds like you've made your mind up. Give it break over Winter then think again in spring. I used to live in NI and rode at a stables near Lisburn, the owners name was Jennifer and she was very good, gave me my MoJo back. Good luck and enjoy a mud free winter!
 
Frumpoon said:
If it helps....I do not class myself as a confident rider....I have 3 big warmbloods, I jump 1m plus, I take on problems, quirky horses, nappers etc....BUT I doubt myself...but that's just me, in every area of my life...I haven't lost my confidence as it were, I just will never be a confident rider, you just learn to feel the fear and do it anyway.....xxxxxxxx
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I admire you for that!
 
Liz H said:
Sounds like you've made your mind up. Give it break over Winter then think again in spring. I used to live in NI and rode at a stables near Lisburn, the owners name was Jennifer and she was very good, gave me my MoJo back. Good luck and enjoy a mud free winter!
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Yes i know where you mean. Thanks x
 
I think you could do it....treat the lack of confidence like an illness...you learn to manage it and live with it

It's always there but you master it, it doesn't master you....
 
Absolutely nothing wrong in stepping away and giving yourself a break. I did for about 20 years! Not through nerve, but because of work and children etc. When, if, you feel ready, you can ride again. It's supposed to be an enjoyable pursuit, not a punishment. Cycling looks a lot less hassle and much cheaper! (but probably more dangerous than horses in the traffic!)
 
Do what you want to do, but if your horse is a PITA, do try changing it for one that isn't before you give up completely - it makes a world of difference having a good, straightforward, genuine horse.
 
madmav said:
Absolutely nothing wrong in stepping away and giving yourself a break. I did for about 20 years! Not through nerve, but because of work and children etc. When, if, you feel ready, you can ride again. It's supposed to be an enjoyable pursuit, not a punishment. Cycling looks a lot less hassle and much cheaper! (but probably more dangerous than horses in the traffic!)
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lol! I went cycling for the first time actually. It wasn't as bad as i thought. A bike doesn't spook! I honestly have to say at certain points i was waiting for it to then i had to catch on its a bike :)
 
I tried to give up once. It worked, like reverse psychology, I just ended up pushing myself because I didn't want to give in to my nerves. I'm not confident but have learnt when to stop, when to push myself, when to take a step back, and that it's ok to admit I can't ride everything
 
I've given up. I spent years trying to keep my nerve on a horse I loved that was too big and prone to bouts of terrifying stupidity when not being a donkey. I was gutted when he was PTS but a tiny bit of me was very secretly relieved that it was over. I have ridden a handful of times since but not enjoyed it. I have a pony I can't ride who lives at home and I enjoy caring for but I can't see me riding again for a long time if ever. I even find myself hoping my daughter stays un interested even though she can ride said pony as all I can think of is the 'what ifs' and get scared for her . I feel a bit sad as it was a huge part of my life but it is so nice not being deeply but secretly scared of something that cost so much time and money !
 
JLD said:
I've given up. I spent years trying to keep my nerve on a horse I loved that was too big and prone to bouts of terrifying stupidity when not being a donkey. I was gutted when he was PTS but a tiny bit of me was very secretly relieved that it was over. I have ridden a handful of times since but not enjoyed it. I have a pony I can't ride who lives at home and I enjoy caring for but I can't see me riding again for a long time if ever. I even find myself hoping my daughter stays un interested even though she can ride said pony as all I can think of is the 'what ifs' and get scared for her . I feel a bit sad as it was a huge part of my life but it is so nice not being deeply but secretly scared of something that cost so much time and money !
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Yeah thats the thing, its too much money and effort. This mare is extreme tbh - even the behaviourist said she sounded a little extreme. I know shes not normal, but the thought of even a lesson on a bombprrof dead riding school pony makes me feel weak. I enjoy it when i do it and get a good result but i really can't cope with the stress anymore. Its supposed to be fun, i'm supposed to get excited not feel sick.
 
equi said:
Yes thats what i want, but have yet to find. My old tb was the best, he was about 30 and nothing phased him and he was just 100% bombproof - a bus going past his head at 60 wouldn't even make him bat an eyelid.
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That's the tb in him not his age, my tb at 6 would ignore a high seed bus! Think the right horse would be important for u and this mare is not it.

Something in teens with a chilled attitude that enjoys cuddles and grooming and the odd hack sounds more ur thing right now and these being a touch older and less flashy struggle for homes at moment.
 
Spotsrock said:
That's the tb in him not his age, my tb at 6 would ignore a high seed bus! Think the right horse would be important for u and this mare is not it.

Something in teens with a chilled attitude that enjoys cuddles and grooming and the odd hack sounds more ur thing right now and these being a touch older and less flashy struggle for homes at moment.
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Honestly, here, there is only young hot ones. If someone gets that good old bombproof one they keep it.
 
I really feel for you OP, have been feeling the same lately.

It might be you and your mare aren't suited, but that doesn't mean you should give up completely. I know it's hard when you feel low and like everything is against you, but I think you need to take a deep breath, a relaxing bath and take things a bit slower for a while.

I know you've said you don't want a lesson on a RS plod, have you considered taking a day trip to somewhere like Castle Leslie where you can pop on one of their horses and go for a blast round the xc or have a lesson?
I've been down twice, two years ago when I was less confident and came home feeling much more confident, and then this summer which left me feeling maybe a bit too confident!
I had a fantastic time second time round though, found the instructor in the lesson was brilliant and I felt I got a lot out of it.
We went down with a friend who is a more nervous rider, at the start of the lesson she was worried about the height of the jumps (I think they started at around 80cm) but by the end was jumping well over a meter confidently and was volunteering to go first xc - if you have the funds I definitely recommend going down and being completely honest with your abilities and exactly why you want to go down.

out of curiosity, whereabouts in NI are you? If you're near me I would gladly offer you the chance to come and have a go on B however he is not being very well behaved atm and is only just starting back into work so it is maybe not a good idea if you aren't feeling too confident.
 
hugs OP. You can send back your mare (on loan?) and stop riding, nobody will judge you.

And one day, if you just can't resist the pull again, you can gently start to get back into it. At over 50 I have finally managed not to over-horse myself and I am having the best time ever. It took about 6 years but turns out the Universe wasnt telling me not to ride, it was just telling me to find Bilbo! :)
 
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