Giving up

If you are feeling really rotten about riding then I would take the pressure off and forget about it for now.

Liz H said:
Sounds like you've made your mind up. Give it break over Winter then think again in spring. I used to live in NI and rode at a stables near Lisburn, the owners name was Jennifer and she was very good, gave me my MoJo back. Good luck and enjoy a mud free winter!
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Jennifer Howes? And her elderly mother? Both still going strong, my yard is just down the road from theirs. Small world of so!
 
sasquatch said:
I really feel for you OP, have been feeling the same lately.

It might be you and your mare aren't suited, but that doesn't mean you should give up completely. I know it's hard when you feel low and like everything is against you, but I think you need to take a deep breath, a relaxing bath and take things a bit slower for a while.

I know you've said you don't want a lesson on a RS plod, have you considered taking a day trip to somewhere like Castle Leslie where you can pop on one of their horses and go for a blast round the xc or have a lesson?
I've been down twice, two years ago when I was less confident and came home feeling much more confident, and then this summer which left me feeling maybe a bit too confident!
I had a fantastic time second time round though, found the instructor in the lesson was brilliant and I felt I got a lot out of it.
We went down with a friend who is a more nervous rider, at the start of the lesson she was worried about the height of the jumps (I think they started at around 80cm) but by the end was jumping well over a meter confidently and was volunteering to go first xc - if you have the funds I definitely recommend going down and being completely honest with your abilities and exactly why you want to go down.

out of curiosity, whereabouts in NI are you? If you're near me I would gladly offer you the chance to come and have a go on B however he is not being very well behaved atm and is only just starting back into work so it is maybe not a good idea if you aren't feeling too confident.
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I get nervous on rs plods, thats how bad my nerves are! But for some reason i can go and do a two hour fast blast in mount pleasant. But thats because in their entire history ive not had a single incident there because the horses are hacked by staff for years before punters hah! If i get the urge, thats where i will be going as i trust their horses 100%
 
equi said:
I get nervous on rs plods, thats how bad my nerves are! But for some reason i can go and do a two hour fast blast in mount pleasant. But thats because in their entire history ive not had a single incident there because the horses are hacked by staff for years before punters hah! If i get the urge, thats where i will be going as i trust their horses 100%
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it is good fun there for sure!
 
Well you ride about 100 times better than me and I intend to potter about on horses as long as I can. Dont say never just cause this horse is not suitable- there are plenty of horses out there needing homes that do not need expert riders , and there is one that needs YOU!!!!
 
Face it OP this mare was a poor choice, someone fobbed you off with a gorgeous looking but very green pony hoping to get it schooled for free over the winter.

You dont have the particular skills to deal with this particular one and it may take a boatload of cash to get to the bottom of something only to find you still cant move on.

You just have to accept that and move on. This is ONE pony that you cant deal with stop being so hard on yourself :)

There is no reason to give up entirely just take the pressure off and relax for the winter and see what next year brings
 
If you want to give up, do it. You're in a position where you can without too much hassle. I'm puzzled at the number of folk advising you to keep going. I feel like I'm missing something.
 
teabiscuit said:
If you want to give up, do it. You're in a position where you can without too much hassle. I'm puzzled at the number of folk advising you to keep going. I feel like I'm missing something.
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I don't think many people can fathom giving up entirely. Prob just trying to be positive.
 
I'll not try and talk you out of it-I am very much the type of rider who has to use it or lose it (confidence). Due to horse lameness/illness and PTS and the rest all being youngsters, I've not ridden much in the last 2/3 years. Although I backed a pony this year and all went well, I have a horse to bring on next spring who has the potential to be sharp. I am currently having riding lessons at a local RS with someone who seems to get me and is encouraging when required but also gives me a kick up the backside when needed.

I just wanted to tell you that TFT can be a really useful technique for all sorts of confidence issues, not just riding. If you ever wanted to start again then google Jo Cooper and have a chat with her. I was very sceptical about it but it does work. She got me over a nasty fall out hacking some years ago (where I was less worried about the fall and more about the horse legging it home).
 
As I read your post you are not giving up the pleasure of having a pony around, you have two minis, you just do not enjoy riding at present! There is nothing wrong with taking pleasure in caring for your minis and driving and showing them, it sounds like good fun to me. I decided years ago that I just got too nervous to ride on a horse after various escapades. For years I got my pleasure keeping ponies for my children, now I enjoy having rescue non ridden youngsters around to handle and care for!
 
I agree with you selling one in spring and my 24 year old will do his time then I out of it as well winters getting harder and I'm getting to old now after 42 years hanging up my boots
 
If you want to give up, then give up. Life's too short to force yourself to do something you hate.

It sounds like you're just feeling sorry for yourself, though. The universe doesn't care what you do - only you can make your own luck!

I don't really understand the problem with your current horse (although I may have missed some of the story).

From what I can work out you got a Friesian on loan, but it took off once and now you're too scared to ride it. Is this what's happened or has she done something else?

Sometimes we just don't click with horses and it's perfectly OK admit that. This one is probably just too much for you and needs someone who doesn't mind her quirks.
 
SpringArising said:
If you want to give up, then give up. Life's too short to force yourself to do something you hate.

It sounds like you're just feeling sorry for yourself, though. The universe doesn't care what you do - only you can make your own luck!

I don't really understand the problem with your current horse (although I may have missed some of the story).

From what I can work out you got a Friesian on loan, but it took off once and now you're too scared to ride it. Is this what's happened or has she done something else?

Sometimes we just don't click with horses and it's perfectly OK admit that. This one is probably just too much for you and needs someone who doesn't mind her quirks.
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That was one incident, that has been on repeat. She spooks at everything, ive not had one ride where shes not spooked. And this has all been in my yard where shes been walking through for two months. Yesterday she spooked and took off three times on me and wouldn't even stop long enough for me to dismount. When you already have no confidence, this is not the kind of horse needed. With a more confident rider, chances are she would not even do this i don't think it is a habit shes got but shes doing it with me, and i dont want to ride her anymore. I just dont enjoy riding now and i have tried and tried to get back into it and lessons and treks and the like but i never actually enjoy it its just always an hour of terror followed by a relief that i lived.

I am feeling very sorry for myself, i love horses and when i see people riding i think wow that looks great i really wish i could do that, but if you aint got it you aint got it and i aint got it.
 
Concentrate on your mini's get them out showing properly if they are registered and put the big boys to shame.

As much as I love being the centre of attention (and not always for the right reasons!) On my stunning big grey horse I still love nothing better than taking the shetlands out in-hand! I usually do far better with them than my poncy tb lol! They have such great characters you can't help but laugh at them. I have one mare who I love showing. She walks along with a jaunt and spring in her step. Trotting it's ears flat back and trying to nip me but at some point in her trot she is going to have an explosion for the sheer fun of it! I just laugh! She's doing it because she finds it funny. She doesn't kick out at me or anything she just gives her head a massive shake and boings around in canter bucking for 2 or 3 strides. You can't beat a good shelty!
 
I absolutely identify with your situation OP. I've reached the decision to sell my little horse today. He's a super little 6 year old jumping pony, who will make a teenager a brilliant pony club pony (13.2 high). However, he's absolutely not right for me (he was kind of a rescue, so I didn't actually set out to buy him). I've owned him for a year and he's come on brilliantly but what I've always wanted is an elderly hacking plod who is content with a pootle round the woods. Please don't be disheartened OP. it's not failure to be calling an end to your relationship with this horse.
 
equi said:
I am feeling very sorry for myself, i love horses and when i see people riding i think wow that looks great i really wish i could do that, but if you aint got it you aint got it and i aint got it.
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I think you've got it, just not at the moment. And that's ok, you don't have to have it for years if you don't want to. A horse taking off is my biggest fear, I've had horses tank with me even for only a few paces and it will reduce me to tears. Do NOT like it. Fortunately I've always had my own horses whom I trust 100% - I guess this is the problem, you've got nothing safe and sane to fall back on. Give yourself a break and if you never come back to it, there is nothing wrong with that. I have a feeling you will though... Best of luck to you x
 
equi said:
I get nervous on rs plods, thats how bad my nerves are! But for some reason i can go and do a two hour fast blast in mount pleasant. But thats because in their entire history ive not had a single incident there because the horses are hacked by staff for years before punters hah! If i get the urge, thats where i will be going as i trust their horses 100%
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In Castlewellan? That's where I first sat my bum on a saddle & was hooked. Take the pressure off yourself. No one thinks badly of you. I'm 20 years out of the saddle. Read my "Eventful Day" thread & have a little chuckle to yourself at my adventures.
We're all here & feeling it for you.
 
equi said:
That was one incident, that has been on repeat. She spooks at everything, ive not had one ride where shes not spooked. And this has all been in my yard where shes been walking through for two months. Yesterday she spooked and took off three times on me and wouldn't even stop long enough for me to dismount. When you already have no confidence, this is not the kind of horse needed. With a more confident rider, chances are she would not even do this i don't think it is a habit shes got but shes doing it with me, and i dont want to ride her anymore. I just dont enjoy riding now and i have tried and tried to get back into it and lessons and treks and the like but i never actually enjoy it its just always an hour of terror followed by a relief that i lived.

I am feeling very sorry for myself, i love horses and when i see people riding i think wow that looks great i really wish i could do that, but if you aint got it you aint got it and i aint got it.
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I think you're right in saying that with a more confident rider she wouldn't do it.

There's a definite element of 'if the rider's nuts, the horse bolts!' here. That's not to say you're nuts (at all!), just that she's clearly sensing your worry.

I have a lot of respect for your honesty; most people wouldn't admit they 'don't have it'.

You're being too hard on yourself. I know it may not seem like it, but everyone goes through crappy patches where they wonder if they have it.

Just enjoy your other horses :)
 
Hiya just wanted to add, if you're anywhere near me (I'm in the ards peninsula) and ever in the mood to go for a hack or something you can come have a blast on Juno. 100% guarantee she'll never run off, and I'll even walk out with you if you wanted. :)
 
flurryjuno said:
Hiya just wanted to add, if you're anywhere near me (I'm in the ards peninsula) and ever in the mood to go for a hack or something you can come have a blast on Juno. 100% guarantee she'll never run off, and I'll even walk out with you if you wanted. :)
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What a lovely kind offer, thank you. I have currently two friends who are "forcing" me to ride their plods because they could use the help. One is a lovely old boy who is a beginners ride and seen and done too much to care a toss about anything - so after xmas maybe i will think about hacking out with them if im up to it and go from there, atm i still dont really even want to ride. I am definitely not going to be buying or loaning a horse in the near future, apart from another miniature. Driving is getting quite popular here they are thinking about putting more classes on and i would love to give that a crack.

I can't wait to feel free lol minis are no bother to look after.
 
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I have a thought. You sound like a rider, not a novice, but you suffer with nerves for no reason. Are you riding in an arena or field? So the horse will be safe if you let go? What about something from the "falling off" thread, where you teach the horse to stop and wait for a treat if you dismount or fall off? If you are a good rider with a small horse it should be little trouble to learn to vault off and land running like gymkhana games riders do (start with walk). So if you can not stop at any time to dismount you vault off instead, let go if you feel unsafe keeping hold and the horse will come back for a treat? A running martingale will help to stop the reins going on the floor or round the horses legs. It might help combat your nerves to know you have a Plan B.
 
I would never have the nerves to jump of lol ive been using my yard which is not huge but not small either. I have a round pen and had one Incident in there so didn't use it again until I felt she had got used to the mounting block that caused that incident and then she was fine in it since then. everything was just in the yard - I want to hack and if she can't walk around a yard after two months being on it she's not going to hack safely either, not with me riding anyway.
 
I meant to learn it on a better horse, maybe one of your friends plods, so you have it for an extra technique. I agree your current horse does not sound a good match for you :) .
 
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