Going to Uni, leaving my horse with my parents…

[My_breadbagel]

Hi, so I’m going to uni this autumn (yay!) and will only be 30 minutes to an hour from home. I might be staying up there so I can focus on my studies, but it raises the issues of horses. My parents are okay with watching them, but we have our own private yard with my two.
however, although I can come home at the weekend, my ridden will only be ridden for an hour or two each week. hes currently ridden five days a week but in actual terms it’s just over two hours work so I’ll condense it into suitable work, longer warm up, not too intense etc. He’s had extended periods of time off before and always come back into work happily, and has been ridden two days a week in the past due to my personal life and been fine with it. However, even then I was seeing to him each evening.
while my parents aren’t horsey, they will have everything covered between them. They have handled the horses, can take them in and out, pick out their hooves etc. I will FaceTime each evening to check on them and send over what rugs they need etc, I’m sure my parents have it covered but it gives me peace of mind. I’ll probably set up CCTV in the stables and field to give me peace of mind as well.
I was happy with my decision until I mentioned to another horsey person that I start uni soon and they immediately asked if I had found a sharer yet. I told them that I don’t think my horse (who’s a 2010 so not exactly a green or young horse who needs ticking over) will mind having a few extra days off a week and if I miss him too much I can always come home and commute. I’m also really uncomfortable with sharing him. It’s selfish, but he rides so well for me and I don’t want another rider ruining it. I’m really gentle with him and keep him low mileage and I don’t want some silly rider acting sensible to my face and then galloping him on hard surfaces, being rough with him or not giving him a proper warmup. I’m a pretty terrible rider, but at the very least I dismount and pick out muddy hooves out hacking, give him a massage every week and always give him a long warmup. He also has some history of back pain and sensitively, so the risk someone could ruin my years of hard work towards getting him right makes me nauseous. He’s also somewhat of a “damaged goods” story, and took some very careful training to bring right, so I just don’t want any interference. He had a stint in a riding college and always had a better rider than me on board, and they were always good to him, but he started going sour and could only hack for a year afterwards ?‍ I also have crippling anxiety and am a nervous rider so the thought of him being ruined makes me sick to my stomach.
am I being a bad horse mother? Selling him is out of the question, as he’s literally my best friend and so is loaning. Either way, he could be ruined and put back to square one.

 

[teddypops]

You have already sorted out what is happening with your horses, a situation which suits them, you and your parents. Why would you start worrying about doing anything differently just because someone mentioned a sharer?

 

[Jenko109]

I dont get it.

You dont want to share him, so dont share him.
You know he is happy only being ridden once or twice a week.

Stop worrying.

 

[Widgeon]

No! Absolutely not. If you can trust your parents to give them adequate care (which it sounds like you can), and your horse isn't going to be bored in the field (which it sounds like he's not) then there's nothing wrong with what you're proposing. I'd work hard to keep your parents sweet though - looking after two horses for you, presumably for three years, is very good of them!

 

[Arzada]

OK From 'I was happy with my decision ...' to the end of your post can be deleted and swopped with 'I am very happy with my decision because my horse will continue to be well cared for at home by my parents and myself.' I think that you have sorted it very well. No one other than you and your parents and your horse's support network need to have any involvement whatsoever.

 

[Ceriann]

It’s understandable you’re anxious but you have a plan and are prepared to adjust if needed. What anyone else outside that plan thinks isn’t relevant.

 

[Errin Paddywack]

Stick with what you have planned for him, sounds good to me. In your shoes I wouldn't want anyone else riding him either. I don't even like someone else driving my car because it takes ages to feel the same again.

 

[[153312]]

It sounds like you're sorted to me, too. FWIW - in same situation, horses/other pets at home with parents whilst I'm at uni (4 hours away so cannot really easily commute).
But it does work well with regular contact between us and I also wrote up caresheets with contact details of vets etc for everyone. I would say a sharer would be unnecessary in your situation; you've said he is fine with periods off/less intense work, so don't stress. He will be fine now, too. Ignore the opinions of others; they're your horses, so it's your say on how they are cared for, no one else's!
Good luck at uni - don't forget to enjoy yourself

 

[Ratface]

You've made a sensible plan. Your horse will be fine.
Enjoy university.

 

[lme]

Your plan sounds fine. and, you are going to be really near home so, if you do find you want to come home and ride midweek, you will be able to do so easily.

 

[cauda equina]

Maybe the person you spoke to was angling to share the horse and hoping you'd offer it to them?
Whatever - it's none of anyone's business but yours (and your parents, if they're doing the care) so I'd forget about it and carry on with your original plan

 

[My_breadbagel]

You have already sorted out what is happening with your horses, a situation which suits them, you and your parents. Why would you start worrying about doing anything differently just because someone mentioned a sharer?

this is a long term thing, not just a six month period. And numerous people have said I should take him with me, get a sharer etc, and now I’m worried if I’ve made the right decision or not

 

[cauda equina]

Why not just do what you were going to do, and see how it goes?
If it doesn't seem to be working then you can change things later

 

[rara007]

You’re only 30min away, plus the holidays are long! See how it goes. I loaned one of mine out as he was sad with the lack of work, but vast swathes of horses in the uk are only worked a few times a week. They won’t care!
Ps. I commute 2 hours each way to my (in full work) horses…. Or work, depending on which way you look at it!

 

[teddypops]

this is a long term thing, not just a six month period. And numerous people have said I should take him with me, get a sharer etc, and now I’m worried if I’ve made the right decision or not

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks and you won’t know if it’s the right thing until you try it. You can always change your plans at a Peter date! Stop worrying!

 

[Arzada]

this is a long term thing, not just a six month period. And numerous people have said I should take him with me, get a sharer etc, and now I’m worried if I’ve made the right decision or not

Nothing is set in stone. See how it goes with your plan A. And I'm puzzled that 'numerous people' are sticking their oars in when your have your horse at home. Are they just rocking up at your private yard and dishing out their opinion or are you giving them this opportunity?

 

[MuddyMonster]

Your plan sounds fine - you're only 30 minutes away so presumably could get back for emergencies. That would be the only thing I'd worry about leaving non-horsey parents in charge on a private yard. Would they have someone they could call on for hands on help if they needed it if you couldn't get back? If so, I wouldn't worry

 

[[153312]]

No reason you can't take out a share at a later date if it seems more appropriate for you, your parents, or the horse. You're so nearby that any changes will be able to be made relatively easily and you can commute to make sure everything is alright - not sure if you can drive but if you can't definitely take out a 16-25 railcard, it's really useful to have.

 

[TGM]

plus the holidays are long! See how it goes.

Totally agree with this. Our daughter went away to uni (2+ hours drive away) and left me and my husband in charge of the horses (we are horsey though). The holidays are very long, especially when you take into account the time allowed for studying at home before the exam period). She got loads of riding time in between Easter and September, and we turned the youngster away for the winters, whilst my husband exercised the older horse.

Do make sure that your anxiety about the horse doesn't stop you enjoying the social and extra-curricular activities offered by the university. It is great to get a degree, but the friendships and contacts you make at uni are just as valuable, IMO.

 

[Peglo]

this is a long term thing, not just a six month period. And numerous people have said I should take him with me, get a sharer etc, and now I’m worried if I’ve made the right decision or not

I’m not even riding my 6yr old twice a week atm. In fact maybe once every 2 weeks. Don’t stress and see how you get on. Your parents sound amazing btw!

 

[HashRouge]

Totally agree with this. Our daughter went away to uni (2+ hours drive away) and left me and my husband in charge of the horses (we are horsey though). The holidays are very long, especially when you take into account the time allowed for studying at home before the exam period). She got loads of riding time in between Easter and September, and we turned the youngster away for the winters, whilst my husband exercised the older horse.

Do make sure that your anxiety about the horse doesn't stop you enjoying the social and extra-curricular activities offered by the university. It is great to get a degree, but the friendships and contacts you make at uni are just as valuable, IMO.

This! The horses will be perfectly happy with your parents - you don't need to worry or second guess your decision at all. I suspect once you are at uni and used to the routine you won't worry so much. I cried when I went to uni and had to say goodbye to my lovely mare (she was going on loan, but went after I'd left). I have to admit that after a few days I was having so much fun that I really wasn't missing her at all!

 

[Jellymoon]

Totally agree with this. Our daughter went away to uni (2+ hours drive away) and left me and my husband in charge of the horses (we are horsey though). The holidays are very long, especially when you take into account the time allowed for studying at home before the exam period). She got loads of riding time in between Easter and September, and we turned the youngster away for the winters, whilst my husband exercised the older horse.

Do make sure that your anxiety about the horse doesn't stop you enjoying the social and extra-curricular activities offered by the university. It is great to get a degree, but the friendships and contacts you make at uni are just as valuable, IMO.

I understand your anxiety and it’s hard not to doubt yourself when others are firing opinions at you. It takes maturity and confidence to fend these off and stick to your guns, and you must only be 18/19?
Anyway, the above is what I wanted to say. And think of your horse, who will be much happier staying in his own home with his friend, and won’t suffer at all from not being ridden much in term time. In fact, it might even do him good and keep him going longer.
Do you have an experienced friend or a freelancer who could pop in to give your parents a hand though?

 

[My_breadbagel]

No! Absolutely not. If you can trust your parents to give them adequate care (which it sounds like you can), and your horse isn't going to be bored in the field (which it sounds like he's not) then there's nothing wrong with what you're proposing. I'd work hard to keep your parents sweet though - looking after two horses for you, presumably for three years, is very good of them!

Thank you- I’m extremely lucky to have them. My mum loves the horses as much as I do thankfully- and she reckons it will keep her busy with me gone!

I’m not even riding my 6yr old twice a week atm. In fact maybe once every 2 weeks. Don’t stress and see how you get on. Your parents sound amazing btw!

thank you so much, it means so much. I’m super lucky to have them!

 

[My_breadbagel]

Nothing is set in stone. See how it goes with your plan A. And I'm puzzled that 'numerous people' are sticking their oars in when your have your horse at home. Are they just rocking up at your private yard and dishing out their opinion or are you giving them this opportunity?

Usually, they start off by asking about when I’m going to uni or so forth and then they bring it up. I don’t want to be rude so I just smile and grit my teeth

 

[My_breadbagel]

Totally agree with this. Our daughter went away to uni (2+ hours drive away) and left me and my husband in charge of the horses (we are horsey though). The holidays are very long, especially when you take into account the time allowed for studying at home before the exam period). She got loads of riding time in between Easter and September, and we turned the youngster away for the winters, whilst my husband exercised the older horse.

Do make sure that your anxiety about the horse doesn't stop you enjoying the social and extra-curricular activities offered by the university. It is great to get a degree, but the friendships and contacts you make at uni are just as valuable, IMO.

Thank you, this gives me peace of mind!

 

[SantaVera]

you are so lucky. My parents told me to sell the horse if i went to uni. I didnt go to uni the horse ment too much to me. They wouldnt look after it for me nor pay anyone else to do so. your problems are very minor. your horse will be fine doing and hour or 2 at the weekend . you are a very fortunate person.

 

[My_breadbagel]

I understand your anxiety and it’s hard not to doubt yourself when others are firing opinions at you. It takes maturity and confidence to fend these off and stick to your guns, and you must only be 18/19?
Anyway, the above is what I wanted to say. And think of your horse, who will be much happier staying in his own home with his friend, and won’t suffer at all from not being ridden much in term time. In fact, it might even do him good and keep him going longer.
Do you have an experienced friend or a freelancer who could pop in to give your parents a hand though?

I really wish I did! My only two horsey friends live over an hour away (where my horse used to be stabled) and same with my instructor ?

 

[Winters100]

I don't think you have to worry at all. The horse will be perfectly happy, and as long as you don't want to do too much with him at weekends it won't hurt him. If you later on feel that he needs to move more and you want a sharer you can get one, but I doubt that this will happen. Personally I would not be very worried about a 22 year old forgetting his education, but I do think that your worry that another rider does a bit too much or doesn't notice that he is feeling off color is a valid concern.

Just enjoy this next part of your life and don't worry too much. People love to give unasked for advice about horses, but you have already made sensible arrangements, so there is no need to listen!

 

[Ossy2]

Agree with what others have said. The only caveat I will say, having been there, is that travelling home every weekend even if it is only half an hour, once you have a good social life going can become a real drag and wastes valuable drinking money in travel expenses. When I was at uni it would be unusual for someone to be going home absolutely every weekend. Plus I was friends with some people from Ireland and they literally went home at holidays or for very special occasions and that was it.

 

[AntiPuck]

Agree with what others have said. The only caveat I will say, having been there, is that travelling home every weekend even if it is only half an hour, once you have a good social life going can become a real drag and wastes valuable drinking money in travel expenses. When I was at uni it would be unusual for someone to be going home absolutely every weekend. Plus I was friends with some people from Ireland and they literally went home at holidays or for very special occasions and that was it.

I agree with this - going home so often would be quite unusual and may impact your social life, ability to join clubs/teams, build Independence, etc.

If you don't care about that, then it doesn't matter, but you may want to plan a contingency for if you find that going home each week becomes a drag on the uni experience.