Good Grief....Pondlife...

'Ere, i gotta a shed at da bottum ov me allotterement - wil that littul ponee live innit wiv some cornflakes an stuff...aaaaahhh, there loverrely int they so we cud have em to luk after an at. Me 8 kidz cud elp art...................

Sorry, this has got completely out of control and I really must stop it NOW - apologies OP!
 
I was needing to prove who my dad was cos my mum was a total slapper in her day and slept around a lot. She is a total air head and put it about when she worked in a lapdancing club.

Anyhoo, me and my sister dont look alike. She is a right pig, hit every branch of the ugly tree when she fell out of it and cant even spell IQ, so we figure that we dont have the same dad, or mum, afterall, being such an air head she could have picked up the wrong kid in the hospital.

So we did DNA on the entire male population of 4 lapdancing clubs to see who our dads were.
Turns out that our mum isnt our mum. Shes actually our dad. Stupid prat had a sex change 10 years ago and forgot about it.

So watch this space for the next programme when we search for our mums..

Nah, I wasnt really, but I bet someone on here has been...
 
guido16 said:
I was needing to prove who my dad was cos my mum was a total slapper in her day and slept around a lot. She is a total air head and put it about when she worked in a lapdancing club.

Anyhoo, me and my sister dont look alike. She is a right pig, hit every branch of the ugly tree when she fell out of it and cant even spell IQ, so we figure that we dont have the same dad, or mum, afterall, being such an air head she could have picked up the wrong kid in the hospital.

So we did DNA on the entire male population of 4 lapdancing clubs to see who our dads were.
Turns out that our mum isnt our mum. Shes actually our dad. Stupid prat had a sex change 10 years ago and forgot about it.

So watch this space for the next programme when we search for our mums..

Nah, I wasnt really, but I bet someone on here has been...
Click to expand...

Brilliant!! Should have saved that for April Fools Day!
 
MMMmmm..but a morbid fascination when it comes on in the small hours creeps up on me.Salt of the earth some of `em. One lot in the dreaded DM are on £95000 in "bennifits" yesterday,not any of `em working..oh but He`s a carer for Her,wiv `er bad back an` all ,which of course has not stopped her having seven more "bennivit brats" ........after diagnosis.You could`nt make it up!
Great cartoon in it yesterday as well,same subject.:D:D:D:D:D
 
EAST KENT said:
MMMmmm..but a morbid fascination when it comes on in the small hours creeps up on me.Salt of the earth some of `em. One lot in the dreaded DM are on £95000 in "bennifits" yesterday,not any of `em working..oh but He`s a carer for Her,wiv `er bad back an` all ,which of course has not stopped her having seven more "bennivit brats" ........after diagnosis.You could`nt make it up!
Great cartoon in it yesterday as well,same subject.:D:D:D:D:D
Click to expand...

Oh come on EK.. be reasonable ;) How is the poor woman going to keep up her bennifit level if she doesn't have enuff kids under 16?? Fink abou' i' :D
 
I work with benefit claimants - not saying what I do - whenever I go into their houses in a morning, Jeremy Kyle is on their 60" plasma TV without fail (that's if they've got out of bed by 11am - they are usually in their food stained nighties still with words like "hug me" on the front - in your dreams!) I find myself watching it with one eye, cringing but with morbid fascination.....I was in a house one day and one of my "claimants" was on the show! Burberry baseball cap, tracky bottoms, slumped like a corpse in the chair, along with most of the rest of the street he lived on.
Others have five children all with names like Shane, Sharona, Shania, Shelley and Chantelle. At least their first names sound similar cos their surnames are all different and not one of them looks like the other! Amoebas have more personality...
 
The evoluntionary tree is splitting a branch again, you know like it did when apes and people evolved from a common ancester? Well one lot are going to have VERY common ancestors :D
 
guido16 said:
I was needing to prove who my dad was cos my mum was a total slapper in her day and slept around a lot. She is a total air head and put it about when she worked in a lapdancing club.

Anyhoo, me and my sister dont look alike. She is a right pig, hit every branch of the ugly tree when she fell out of it and cant even spell IQ, so we figure that we dont have the same dad, or mum, afterall, being such an air head she could have picked up the wrong kid in the hospital.

So we did DNA on the entire male population of 4 lapdancing clubs to see who our dads were.
Turns out that our mum isnt our mum. Shes actually our dad. Stupid prat had a sex change 10 years ago and forgot about it.

So watch this space for the next programme when we search for our mums..

Nah, I wasnt really, but I bet someone on here has been...
Click to expand...

No way Gweedo man! I to'ally remember that episode!!! Not beein funny but, that was dead wierd like... coz my mum's also a man! They might be bruvvers.
 
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