Guilt ridden *please help*

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wildcard

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Hi i am in need of some advice, i have got 2 horses a 5 year old and my most amazing 25 year old.... I have 3 jobs and no time to do both justice...!!!

My older horse domino is a 15.1 coloured cob who we bought as a family horse 22years ago. He has taught everyone in my family to ride including my mum and dad, friends ,boyfriends etc. He has certainly earnt his place with us but a few years ago he got arthritis is his legs.. not massively but enough to stop competeing taking him out and about he can now only walk and occasional trot... ( Not through his lack of trying though acts like a 2 year old most of the time) but there was not question about it he is with us till the end..

so when this happened i couldnt afford to get another for a couple of years as was more important to keep him than have something i could compete so decided to wait. Then winter i was given a young horse to play and she is taking up a lot of my time trying to get going to hopefully eventually BE she is a really fab little mare and is doing everything asked of her so dont want to really give up. But im meeting myself coming backwards with 3 jobs and 2 horses to ride and a bf who is actually extremely undertsnding of my situation and even helps muck out and rides occasionally...

but im feeling dreadfully guilty about not beeing able to give my old boy as much time.. i dont want him to remember his last few years as being neglected (not that he is he's spoilt really) Just mean i dont manage to ride him more than 1-2 a week now at the most and i hate this. Find myself getting really upset about it.

Id love to put him out on loan but could never do that selfish i knwo but he's been with our family 22 years now i dont want anyone not looking afte him properly... Ive thought about just getting a rider for him.. not interested in money or even mucking out done it for long enough. I would just like someone to give him a bit of fuss and occasional hacking out..

But will anyone actually want to do this... i dont nt a young teenager or kid who isnt going to respect the fact he is 25 and can occasionally go a bit intermitant lame ( vet has suggested to light hack still tho) but just want someone that would be able to notice this and take into consideration when riding him he may only be able to do 15mins one day instead of an hour etc..

is this asking the impossible?? should i stop being selfish and give back the mare and concentrate on him for his last years!!

Sorry for the drawn out essay just kills me to think of him feeling left out :( xxxxxxxx
 
Don't be guilt ridden!

I rode my OAP once a week during her arthritic time when she was 25-27 years old. That was more than enough for her.

I had my new horse alongside her during this time.

I don't think 1-2 times a week should be increased really. What you are doing is fine!

Would not consider going out on loan nor giving your BE horse up.
 
Is it riding you're struggling with time wise then?

If so would your old boy be just as happy pootling about retired in the field or does he need to be out and about to be kept happy?

At 25 I wouldn't feel that I had to pull myself apart to keep him ridden :)
 
wildcard said:
Hi i am in need of some advice, i have got 2 horses a 5 year old and my most amazing 25 year old.... I have 3 jobs and no time to do both justice...!!!

My older horse domino is a 15.1 coloured cob who we bought as a family horse 22years ago. He has taught everyone in my family to ride including my mum and dad, friends ,boyfriends etc. He has certainly earnt his place with us but a few years ago he got arthritis is his legs.. not massively but enough to stop competeing taking him out and about he can now only walk and occasional trot... ( Not through his lack of trying though acts like a 2 year old most of the time) but there was not question about it he is with us till the end..

so when this happened i couldnt afford to get another for a couple of years as was more important to keep him than have something i could compete so decided to wait. Then winter i was given a young horse to play and she is taking up a lot of my time trying to get going to hopefully eventually BE she is a really fab little mare and is doing everything asked of her so dont want to really give up. But im meeting myself coming backwards with 3 jobs and 2 horses to ride and a bf who is actually extremely undertsnding of my situation and even helps muck out and rides occasionally...

but im feeling dreadfully guilty about not beeing able to give my old boy as much time.. i dont want him to remember his last few years as being neglected (not that he is he's spoilt really) Just mean i dont manage to ride him more than 1-2 a week now at the most and i hate this. Find myself getting really upset about it.

Id love to put him out on loan but could never do that selfish i knwo but he's been with our family 22 years now i dont want anyone not looking afte him properly... Ive thought about just getting a rider for him.. not interested in money or even mucking out done it for long enough. I would just like someone to give him a bit of fuss and occasional hacking out..

But will anyone actually want to do this... i dont nt a young teenager or kid who isnt going to respect the fact he is 25 and can occasionally go a bit intermitant lame ( vet has suggested to light hack still tho) but just want someone that would be able to notice this and take into consideration when riding him he may only be able to do 15mins one day instead of an hour etc..

is this asking the impossible?? should i stop being selfish and give back the mare and concentrate on him for his last years!!

Sorry for the drawn out essay just kills me to think of him feeling left out :( xxxxxxxx
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Don't feel guilty! He will not mind that you don't ride him much (or even at all). If I were you I would stop riding him all together and retire him completely. But still bring him in for a ten minute groom every day. That way he gets all the best bit of your attention and it doesn't take you so long as when you ride him. At 25 he is ready to stop ridden work, so long as he has turnout etc.
 
I think he's earned his retirement and horses don't think the same as us, as long as he's fed and warm with some company he'll be quite content.
 
He kind of is semi retired but the vet recomended light hacking couple of times a week to help him tick over.. the more he is light hacked out the more comfortable he seems to be on his legs...

I do struggle to get him hacked out that often and find usually the only way i can do it is if i ride him and lead my mare trying to kill to kill 2 birds with one stone.
Sounds daft but i dont want his legs to get worse due to the fact i dont have the time to work him little and often... :( used to be much easier when my mum could occasionally help ride as didnt have to worry so much but she has couple of health issues and now cant risk hurting herself ( not that he's ever do anything is bomb proof) but just dosent want to risk it..
xxxx
 
Don't feel guilty, you BOTH need to have fun.

Look for a sharer, I'm sure there'd be loads of people out there more than willing to come and give your old lad some fuss and attention a couple of times a week.

I have an old boy who is now 29. I stopped riding him about 4 years ago and have had the most perfect sharer for him since then. She's loved him and fussed him like I do :p freeing my time up to concentrate on my competition horse. Sadly last September he had to retire completely due to injury but she still comes up and fusses him lots. She also now rides my competition horse (who's 19) a couple of times a week, freeing up my time now to concentrate on my youngster :)

The right person is out there for both of you, I know! x
 
I know how you feel. I don't have 3 jobs but do work full time, have a couple of youngsters, two ponies and my oldie between two of us to ride them all. My oldie is only 22 but is arthritic - not enough to make her properly lame but she is only really up to walk and trot although still tries to charge around the field like a baby. She finds the hard ground a bit uncomfortable so I tend to leave her as a field ornament when its like this. When I ride her its prob only once or twice a week and I feel guilty about that but she seems happy and tbh its probably about right for her. I wouldn't trust anyone with her on loan as shes not a novice ride and I always think someone experienced wouldn't want to just hack gently. Not sure if thats much help but sometimes its nice to know when someones feels the same!
 
Thank you all is great to know other people feel the same.. I did try having a girl from our yard ride him a bit couple of months ago and explained all about him to her.. me being over protected was there the first half a dozen times she rode him to make sure they were both okay and it seemed a perfect match and then, came down the yard one day and found her galloping down the fields with him.. I was livid he could barely walk the next day and i had to give bute for a bout a week to ease the pain and stiffness from doing to much...

This puts me off getting someone again. but i really wanna?? I arent bothered about money at all and i think that attracts "joyriders" and people looking for a free ride. Rther than someone who does it for the love and enjoyment...

Catch 22 situation.. xxxx
 
Okay so riding him may increase his life span by what..6 months..a year? By leaving him in his field, with his mates, with food, water and loving attention will reduce his life slightly because he'll stiffen up quicker BUT and it's a huge BUT he's had a lovely long happy useful life so does that short time span of increased life really matter? If his last few months are spent with the people he's served all his life it really is much more important than the length of time.

I'm a huge believer of quality over quanity as for my old dogs I ensure they enjoy a walk everyday, I rather then die quicker because they wore out enjoying themselves pottling around fields and beaches than had an extended life but spent locked inside the house.

Don't feel bad, you are giving him the best possible life by letting him live out his days with the family he's always known...I wish that could be said for more people. Enjoy him and forget about guilt you honestly have nothing to feel guilty for.
 
Don't feel guilty!!

Staying in a home he knows and with people he loves will make him much happier than anything else, and i'll bet he loves going out ride-and-lead, my old boy does! He has a back problem which means he can no longer be ridden, but he loves going for a pootle with one of my others.

Sounds like you are doing the absolute best for him and beating yourself up for nothing. If only other owners of elderly horses cared as much as you obviously do. :D
 
:( i wish i was nearer to you hun, I would love to help you out, he sounds perfect for me ..a lovely oldie who wants/needs a love and fuss and a plod about ..ahh if you move towards the wirral let me know ;) x
 
Don't feel guilty, your quality of life is important here too!

Your old boy would much rather stay with you and be retired than have to move house, so rule that one out, but if you can find a sharer to come and help out with him where he is I'm sure he'd love it, and there is bound to be someone out there. We've got a 25 year old ex bsja pony that my little sister used to compete, the mare is very stiff these days and not really up to much, but we have a girl who comes and grooms her and potters around the farm on her 2 or 3 times a week. When this girl gets to big (she's only 12 - they're not all nutters!) then depending on how the pony is we might try and find someone else, or we'll call it a day with ridden work and retire her if we can't find someone suitable.

As long as he's got turnout and friends and all his basic needs met he will be more than happy, horses are very easy to please, especially in their old age!

Don't beat yourself up, you've been a great owner to this horse and are still doing a great job by looking after him in his old age. That is all our horses would ask if they could.
 
You could try advertising for someone who wants to ease themselves back into riding.

Someone who is a little older that maybe hasn't ridden for a while that wants a perfect gentleman to gently hack about on 1-2 times a week.

If not as the others say, reducing his hacking time as long as he is turned out shouldn't cause him too much deterioration.
 
I'm sure there would be quite a few 'older' ladies out there who would love the chance to potter around quietly on a hack. A few years ago I was horseless due to having children so I put an ad in the local tack shop saying 'sensible older rider looking for sensible horse to hack out during the week' and ended up riding for a lady who was at work all week. She was happy to get the horse excercised and I was happy to plod around the country lanes once or twice a week. As long as you state exactly the sort of person you want, I'm sure there will be some one who will jump at the chance.
 
If he needs the exercise, I'm sure someone would love to have a quiet wander round on him. Pop up a two/three day a week share or something to be kept on own yard - Just be very selective - sounds like he'd be ideal for a wobbler or an older ride who just wants something safe and steady ;) You sound like a lovely owner to me so don't feel guilty!
 
dont feel guilty - he is a very lucky boy!!!:)
Its a shame your in Yorkshire because i would snap up the chance to ride him and give him lottsa cuddles please remember not every1 wants a competition horse i would give my right arm for a sweet little horse like him ;)
 
I swear my old dear 'waves' Beau off as she comes in to work each day with a smug grin on her face!!

All Lottie wants from me is ample food, warmth, shade, water, a groom when available, once a week will surfice, and 2 cuddles a day and she is a happy bunny.

31 this year and only fully retired this spring she has been my 'spare' horse for a number of years, ie ridden when a friend comes and we all go hacking or once a week/fortnight to keep ticking over.

I make a point of going to her in the field if she is not by the gate and always push the others away so she gets her own cuddle but she is happy as a pig in the proverbial.

Don't stress, he'll get used to it quickly and begin to enjoy an easier pace of life. Maybe a local 'at home mum' would like to come and ride him walk and trot in exchange for some extra tlc and grooming for him. Never too old to make new friends and many mum's who rode in their youth can't afford their own due to kids and don't want to gallop about. Lottie did this for a bit a few years ago.

It's like they know that you are giving them what many owners won't and they appreciate it, plus horses don't actually care that much. I rode and led Lottie out before she got too stiff and short sighted so she could still go out but not take more time to do or have to carry weight.
 
Aww Gracey if only we lived closer youd be perfect for my little hunk.. i think he'd love you..

Really appreciate everyones opinions making me realise situation not so bad just his cute face when i take the mare out the field instead of him brings me to tears nearly everytime. He really is a one in a million horse couldnt have asked him for anything more.. which i why i just wanna do so right by him now.

must admit "JSR" he does love his walks out with the mare seem to really like each other as they share a field aswell she's like a female version of him temperament wise think he's rubbed of on her cos wasnt like that when i got her was very mardy. just feel bad not given him the one to one attention he'd been used to his whole life..

why do horses pull on the heart strings without even doing anything.. lol xxx
 
As above... there will be suitable sharers out there. E.g. I'm considering looking for a second, quieter, share for the novice OH to hack out on with me once or twice a week.
 
As others have said, I'm sure once or twice a week is fine with him! However, if you wanted to do more can you ride your youngster and lead him, or vice versa, a couple of times a week? I always find it's easier to lead the faster one so the "vice versa" option may be better!
 
Wagtail said:
Don't feel guilty! He will not mind that you don't ride him much (or even at all). If I were you I would stop riding him all together and retire him completely. But still bring him in for a ten minute groom every day. That way he gets all the best bit of your attention and it doesn't take you so long as when you ride him. At 25 he is ready to stop ridden work, so long as he has turnout etc.
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I agree with this. At that age I'm sure he's quite happy to have the chilled out, paddock way of life! Just give him lots of cuddles and if I'm short on time I tend to give my two a quick brush in field and I do some stretches with them, give them an apple and a smile! Half the time when I check on them they're amusing themselves anyway!
 
Dont feel guilty you are doing a great job juggling with jobs and two horses, as a few on here have already said, a more mature person who just wants a quiet ride might be the amswer, I had a more mature lady ride my old horse, she was brilliant really loved her and I knew she wasn't being galloped about, I would advertise and say you want a mature person. good luck
 
Im not sure if this has been said already because i havent read all the comments, but if youre struggling to find time to ride him, im sure there are some young/nervous riders who would love to have a walk/trot on your OAP for 15mins. Having a parent there to supervise, they can learn to groom, tack up, and get confidence in riding. That way the rider and the horse may benefit :)
 
:D hope you are feeling lots more positive now hun, you have had some great replies.. i hope you find someone lovely for your little hunk ;) xx
 
No doubt he would enjoy the odd potter about, but hasn't he earnt his retirement, with his mates,plenty of food et:- If need be get BF to go for a hack with you once in awhile.:D:D:D:D
 
I have a 16 year old who was retired two years ago due to kissing spine. He loves his retirement - I lead him out off one of the others a couple of times a week and pull his mane and shampoo him etc. with the others so he does not feel left out. I would not feel guilty about yours - they all earn a bit of quiet time. Maybe you could find someone to ride out with you a couple of times a week on one or either of the horses, but honestly I do not think he will mind being left behind!
 
Yes - young and nervous or older and less adventurous riders would love him. I have an older horse who is ridden by a lady in her 60's who is perfectly happy to potter about (but equally game for a canter). I'd share her with you but we aren't in Yorkshire... Get a few ads up, ask your farrier and as you already do, ride and lead him from time to time.

Lucky lad.
 
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