Guru syndrome

[cauda equina]

A good in person trainer is always much more useful than any amount of online stuff imo
As much as we might try to follow what we see an online trainer doing, we won't get it exactly right all the time eg with horses our timing might be slightly off
A trainer there, on the ground with us, will pick that up and might make the difference between success and failure in what we're trying to do

@SEL if you're keen to help your friend do you know any trainers who could help her with what she's trying to fix?
(Assuming she is trying to fix something, and isn't just looking at all this stuff out of interest - in which case why not?)

 

[SEL]

Bit of a late catch up here - but actually your responses have made for really interesting reading. Thank you.

She's a friend rather than a livery which is why I mentioned the ADHD. I'm not entirely sure at the moment if she's asking for my help so I love @AppyLover1996 post above because that is absolutely what is going on.

I do appreciate many of us like to dip in and out of online content - I've got a fair few myself - but she's open about the fact that she isn't using the materials. A mutual friend nabbed her login for one of the courses on loading tricky horses and posted some fab footage of her 5yo pootling on and off a trailer and she was really despondent because she'd bought that for her own horse who was still tricky. But mutual friend is a very diligent, focused personality who persevered, did all the prep work etc

Its not like I have the best attention span tbh but then I only tend to part with cash if its something I really want and have usually exhausted the freebie resources first.

Paying money and watching online webinars at home is much easier than turning up every day and doing the work Nice big dopamine hit from the couch.

Slow, boring, consistency is, well, boring. And hard. Maybe those with ADHD feel it more but I think it's probably a more universal thing than that.

I think sometimes people just get a bit stuck in a 'failure loop' where they try a new thing, fail to make it work, try another new thing, fail to make that work and on and on. I think ultimately it is a loss of confidence in themselves that is the root cause - they forsee their own failure almost before they have started and are just hoping for a magic bullet to prove them wrong.

^^^ yup! I think a lack of confidence in her abilities along with finding the routine work dull probably hasn't helped with hoping these expensive online courses will be quick fixes.

I will ponder as to whether saying anything is helpful or not. Possibly a case of waiting until the right moment.

 

[SEL]

A good in person trainer is always much more useful than any amount of online stuff imo
As much as we might try to follow what we see an online trainer doing, we won't get it exactly right all the time eg with horses our timing might be slightly off
A trainer there, on the ground with us, will pick that up and might make the difference between success and failure in what we're trying to do

@SEL if you're keen to help your friend do you know any trainers who could help your friend with what she's trying to fix?
(Assuming she is trying to fix something, and isn't just looking at all this stuff out of interest - in which case why not?)

She has a trainer! Very good and patient one - but never does her homework and I have a suspicion that's why they aren't really moving forward, which creates more frustration, which sends her down rabbit holes of trying to find fixes to problems that would probably be overcome just by doing her homework!!

 

[smolmaus]

If you have a "system" you both mutually like, would you have the time or inclination to work on some things together?

I have a lot of ideas and plans and things I'd like to do then end up talking myself out of it, and sometimes need a friend being like "LETS GO THEN" to actually get going. I've done that for other people too. It's less dull and routine when you can have a natter and a giggle.

ETA you've reminded me to do my homework too, supposed to be sitting straight at my desk so I can sit straight on a horse and I've caught myself in prawn mode again

 

[FieldOrnaments]

It sounds like she fundamentally needs something to boost her confidence so she can see that she is enough to fix the problems if she's consistent and doesn't need these purported miracle fixes. Could you withe through some of the trainer homework together and help her until the consistency becomes a habit?

 

[Cragrat]

She has a trainer! Very good and patient one - but never does her homework and I have a suspicion that's why they aren't really moving forward, which creates more frustration, which sends her down rabbit holes of trying to find fixes to problems that would probably be overcome just by doing her homework!!

So the problem could be in the homework - WHY is she not doing it? The ADHD obviously contributes, but is there a way of suggesting she talks to her trainer about why she isn't doing the homework - does your friend need the homework to be more structured/ broken in to smaller tasks/ explained in a different way etc? Can the trainer be paid to check in with her weekly via WhatsApp or something - so paying a subscription to the trainer instead of an online course?

 

[Highmileagereindeer]

There could be a 'barrier to learning.' My son absolutely hates lectures, and lessons, and tunes out of being told what to do. But outline what he needs to achieve, and he will go away and find a resource that suits his style of learning. ADHD is difficult to understand for someone who can work with a standardised way of learning. Inertia is a big part of it, and there are areas that appear linked to bipolar - as in today is a good day to do X, but tomorrow, the feeling may have gone and the task will be abandoned. Her love of on line stuff may just be recreational - a way of relaxing and watching someone else's style, and not meant to achieve anything beyond increasing her knowledge.

 

[paddy555]

Is it an ADHD trait? I could leave well alone but all these courses are £££ and I'm wondering if i could tactfully say something. I'm not the best at tact tho.....

if she is just putting it on her card and going endlessly into debt that she cannot pay off then offering a comment is reasonable. Otherwise her money and up to her how she spends it.

You can find it offensive if you wish, that doesn't change the fact that it is deemed a disability under the Equality Act 2010.. It is deemed a disability under law in the UK. Its not my opinion or choice, its a blanket statment decided by experts which applies to anyone with ADHD whether they like it or not. Im always very pro the benefits of ADHD, far more than most people, but that doesnt change the effect it has on peoples lives.

surely for it to be considered a disability under the act the effects of the condition must be substantial and have a long term impact on daily life. It doesn't seem to be the case with OPs friend who simply likes to chop and change rather than stick at one method.

 

[maya2008]

surely for it to be considered a disability under the act the effects of the condition must be substantial and have a long term impact on daily life. It doesn't seem to be the case with OPs friend who simply likes to chop and change rather than stick at one method.

As a condition it is and does. In all sorts of insidious ways that add up to reduced quality of life and in many people also reduced earning potential. There’s a Facebook channel with a woman called ‘pink’ that is kind of fascinating as it highlights all those things.

In terms of ADHD as a thing and not doing homework etc - it affects executive function (the ability to start and continue with a task independently) as well as the ability to listen to every word in an explanation. Processing speed is often linked too. Instructions can seem too slow to concentrate on and reaction times can be affected by additional processing needs. If you wrap it all up in a bundle in a lesson then what you get is an ability to follow the instructor’s instructions at the time but often an incomplete understanding or memory of exactly what/why combined with an inability to make oneself practice without some kind of external motivation.

Courses seem to offer a solution but then the same thing applies - could the person watching it concentrate fully and can they make themselves go and do the stuff?

If your friend has money to spare I would honestly recommend she find someone to school the horse/help with whatever the horse needs to improve and that she just has to work on herself. That would provide more enjoyment for her - horses are supposed to be fun after all!

 

[Cloball]

I think I'm guilty of this.

I do think having so much access to online materials and information constantly, being pretty bombarded with targeted ads claiming to fix all your problems, 'new' ways of doing things that maybe weren't available when we started out can be quite overwhelming. We all, I think, want to do the best by our horses and a lot of the time I lack confidence in my horsemanship and feel like I'm failing. I don't have regular transport to go to clinics either. A lot of these things feel like things I could or should be doing which can detract from just enjoying horse time.

I really want to learn more but I find online videos really challenging I don't learn well and I am often stressed nd busy with work which means I don't feel receptive. As someone mentioned as well I find it hard to translate to in person/horse as if there's an issue it's hard to see what you're doing wrong. I would much prefer to go to clinics but that also requires me to get pony comfortable on a box

 

[WrongLeg]

Has anyone here has experience of schooling a horse with ADHD?

Some horses ‘get it’ real quick. They don’t need 101 schooling exercises they need 1001: as soon as the horse ‘gets it’ they come up with their own questions for you because you’ve run out of new questions.

I find this is where I find ideas online super useful.
your
There’s only so many 20m circles any horse can do before they get bored.

 

[SEL]

Has anyone here has experience of schooling a horse with ADHD?

Some horses ‘get it’ real quick. They don’t need 101 schooling exercises they need 1001: as soon as the horse ‘gets it’ they come up with their own questions for you because you’ve run out of new questions.

I find this is where I find ideas online super useful.
your
There’s only so many 20m circles any horse can do before they get bored.

Ha! I know exactly what you mean. I rode a very, very hot warmblood in my 30s who needed all the 20m circles to keep his brain between his ears. Either of my cobs would go on strike if I did that. In fact I've got a friend with 2 ADHD boys and she reckons my boy cob has a lot in common with her kids.

Poles have been a lifesaver because you can do all kinds of different exercises using them and at different paces.

@maya2008 I missed your response above but you've summarised beautifully what I think is happening. All the intent is there to do the right thing but she seems to struggle to follow through. It isn't my money so I'm on the fence as regards staying out of it right now!