H&H ad done, hows it look?

JinglebellJessi & MistletoeMagic said:
http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/clas...colchester/142hh-appaloosa-x-mare-416090.html

I went overboard with the pictures. It said i could have 20 so panicked and put a picture proof of everything i'd written. Its terrible and mostly irrelevant.
Is she too much, is she too cheap, is she worthless.
Oh god.

Thoughts, advice, whisky?

J
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I hope you don't mind but I would say its too wordy. I would cut it down to

Rising 7 (March) Newforest x Appaloosa Mare. Kyra is a full up 14.2 middleweight horse.
Brilliant in all traffic. Hacks alone and in company. Will take a child around the school or roads happily but needs a more confident rider wen hacking in open spaces alone.
Has done pony camp Jumps 3ft with scope
good with the farrier, Good with the vet and loads perfectly.
Lives in or out all year round.
Comes with full wardrobe.
Financial reasons force reluctant sale.
Brilliant mother and daughter share.
£1,550 ovno
Open to vetting

Price wise I would say £1200 or thereabouts.

Can you restrict the photos to say one jumping shot, one conformation shot and one under saddle in other words demonstrating the points you make in your ad?
 
I like ads with lots of pictures so don't think you can have too many! I think she looks a sweetheart and your ad reads very genuine. Priced sensibly for the current market, I'm sure someone will snap her up. Good luck in finding her a lovely new home.
 
I think lots of pictures is great too but agree with katherinef about cutting out the wordy bits. Think she is reasonably priced given she comes with a complete wardrobe and she looks a lovely quiet sort. Good luck with finding a home :)
 
I could have written so much more! I've missed out bits like snaffle mouthed, passported and reg'd and low worm count on 20/01/2014. Oh but Morag4, she travels like a dream!

Alot of people have mentioned about being too far so i was thinking of doing a video of me walking onto the yard, catching, bringing in, tacking up, riding and jumping, hacking ect as a kind of 'pre-veiwing' normal day thing. I dont know. I've never sold before.
 
I live almost as far West in Wales as you can get and found selling my mare last year really hard as no one wanted to travel. We offered people to view her at stay away shows we were at which worked well as it was a more central location for selling
 
JinglebellJessi & MistletoeMagic said:
I could have written so much more! I've missed out bits like snaffle mouthed, passported and reg'd and low worm count on 20/01/2014. Oh but Morag4, she travels like a dream!

Alot of people have mentioned about being too far so i was thinking of doing a video of me walking onto the yard, catching, bringing in, tacking up, riding and jumping, hacking ect as a kind of 'pre-veiwing' normal day thing. I dont know. I've never sold before.
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Well I know a video like that especially demonstrating how excited she gets in open spaces would definately help me in deciding to travel that far, but I don't think you will need to I think she will be snapped up quick enough sadly for me!
 
webble said:
Given everything she comes with I think she is a bargain. pics are lovely. I agree it could have fewer words but it sounds genuine the way it is if i was looking I would be on the phone to you
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^This. Less wordy would sound more 'professional' but then, as far as I know, you aren't a professional dealer so you don't have to sound like one. Many people would rather buy from a 'genuine' private home and that is what you sound like. Good luck.
 
I don't think it's too 'wordy' at all!
This is exactly the kind of ad I like to see: lots of pictures, offers more pictures and footage, detailed info, written in a friendly style by what comes across as an approachable honest seller who cares about their horse.
If I were looking and your horse was fine in open spaces I'd be calling right this second!!
Your ad is fine :)
I hate impersonal 'list' style ads
 
sarahw123 said:
I don't think it's too 'wordy' at all!
This is exactly the kind of ad I like to see: lots of pictures, offers more pictures and footage, detailed info, written in a friendly style by what comes across as an approachable honest seller who cares about their horse.
If I were looking and your horse was fine in open spaces I'd be calling right this second!!
Your ad is fine :)
I hate impersonal 'list' style ads
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Agreed!
 
I reaslly like the advert and personnally wouldnt change a thing. I think she's well priced too and if I was looking for another would definately be ring you up to view. Hope you find a super home for her.
 
Im glad of all the positive feedback, i think ive exaggerated the open spaces thing as really, its my fault because the only hacking is shared with offroading motorcycles, atvs, dog walkers (with little manners) and i get scared and tense, then she champs on her bit and picks up her head and then i end up freaking myself out, finishing early and heading back to the roads. However every loan that ive had has hacked her out for hours in the forests, hills and fields with no bloody problems!
Im the opposite of most people, i honestly believe i could hack her along the side of the a12 and i'd be fine but as soon as i even think about a field without fencing i freak out!
 
I don't think you can ever have too many pictures- the more the merrier! I think the wording is fine, i prefer people to write more and explain things, rather than an ad with a few key words and no detail. I think a video is a really great idea.
I actually think the pricing is very reasonable for this sort of horse (plus the extras you are including), i don't think you will have any problems selling her. Good Luck! :)
 
JinglebellJessi & MistletoeMagic said:
Im glad of all the positive feedback, i think ive exaggerated the open spaces thing as really, its my fault because the only hacking is shared with offroading motorcycles, atvs, dog walkers (with little manners) and i get scared and tense, then she champs on her bit and picks up her head and then i end up freaking myself out, finishing early and heading back to the roads. However every loan that ive had has hacked her out for hours in the forests, hills and fields with no bloody problems!
Im the opposite of most people, i honestly believe i could hack her along the side of the a12 and i'd be fine but as soon as i even think about a field without fencing i freak out!
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Arrrrgghhhh I'm so tempted. You're not far from me either. Keep telling myself I'm not looking. Not looking. Not looking
 
webble said:
Given everything she comes with I think she is a bargain. pics are lovely. I agree it could have fewer words but it sounds genuine the way it is if i was looking I would be on the phone to you
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My advert for Barry was quite long (as long as OPs probably, if not slightly longer :p). I had a few people telling me it sounded like a very genuine advert, which made me haply (considering I'd never written one before!).
 
hnmisty said:
My advert for Barry was quite long (as long as OPs probably, if not slightly longer :p). I had a few people telling me it sounded like a very genuine advert, which made me haply (considering I'd never written one before!).
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I think an ad written by someone who obviously cares about their horse and knows it well is much more inviting to read and makes you feel like you could ring and ask questions etc :)
 
It does sound personal and therefore genuine, and all the photos add to that impression. But I don't think you need to worry about missing off things like 'snaffle mouthed' when she's pictured looking after those tiny children :) What a lovely pony, I'm sure someone will be delighted with her. Good luck!
 
I like the wording as well. It sounds like you care about your horse and it's not rambly, it actually gives useful information.

For me the photos don't work. Some of them are pointless, e.g. the one where she is rugged next to a car, and others could be better, e.g. the confo and jumping ones.
 
I think it's a great ad Jessi and she is very reasonably priced. Probably sensible at this time of year!

Sorry to see you have got to give up horses though :( If you feel like coming as far as norfolk (good train between colchester and norwich) you can ride one of mine any time you like x x PM me if so! :)
 
I'm going to sound like a complete cow so I'll apologise now..... SORRY

The advert in principle is fine, things like low worm count etc can be discussed when people phone. A video montage of clips would be a good idea to email to people who have contacted you and may be travelling a distance but not necessary on the ad. The one thing that does jump out at me tho is the spelling (and here is when I become a cow!).

There are a few spelling mistakes in the ad please proof read and correct them..... A friend had an ad up for a fab pony, with one word spelled incorrectly (transposed letters) cue a deluge of children callers asking to buy for pocket money amounts, or parents wanting to buy a pony for their child 'coz its cute! And asking questions such as 'can it be kept in the garden?' When pressed on garden size etc, turned out it was a 10 x 10 concrete garden in an inner city area!

As soon as the spelling mistake was rectified, she was inundated with calls from more 'suitable' homes (I'm trying soo hard to not sound snobbish). He sold v v quickly and she got her asking price without quibble.

It's hard enough selling your horse without time wasters (which you will get). But hopefully these *may* be minimised for you.

I sincerely wish you all the best with this hard decision xx
 
I think the wording is fine, Anybody genuinely interested will have time to read a bit more whether it's relevant or not (That all is!!) I LOVE her so much and i can't view the vids so don't know about that :)
 
Morag4 said:
I have been looking at a lot of ads recently and although its wordy I think it answers a lot of questions right up front and lots of pics is great.
If you weren't so far away I would be pounding on your door right now!
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I agree. I think that although it's not necessarily a list of what she does etc.. it comes across as genuine and honest.
 
A genuine honest ad with detail. To me,whilst lots of words, its the honesty that comes through. If i was looking i would ring you. Hope you find a lovely home :)
 
The advert seems perfect (and so does the pony!). All the information I'd want to know. If I was looking (I wish!) I wouldn't feel the need to phone up with a list of 100 questions because you've covered it all in the ad without it being too waffley. I've not seen the videos (I can't work out how to find them on YouTube, but I'm sure that's just me!). You sound like a genuine owner who cares for their horse, but you don't come across too gushy either, if you know what I mean. Her price seems very reasonable, if a little low (but that could be that others I've seen have been overpriced! Others on here seem to think her price is right, so listen to them rather than me :)). I certainly wouldn't expecting to pay any less than that though.
I'm sure you'll have to problem finding her a home, even at this time of year.
 
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