Hard to move on

benson21

benson21

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My horse was tragically killed 8 weeks ago, and I am finding it really hard to move on.
we have found another horse who seems just right for us, although he would never replace benson, he does seem lovely.
But now I feel I am moving on to fast, and putting Benson in the past too quickly.
How long was it from when you lost a horse, to when you got a new one?
 
You can only do whats right for you. Some people take months or even years to get over the loss of a horse or pony. Others need to have another horse almost immediately. There is no right or wrong.
If you like this new boy, and want him, then you go ahead and get him.
 
I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your horse Benson.

My friend lost her horse suddenly toward the end of June in 2008. We're a tight knit team and I was also very attached to him, it was a bad time for us all, horses and humans.

She got her new horse at the beginning of August 2008. We all love the new horse, she is very sweet, but I promise you she has in no way diminished the memory of the first horse if that makes sense.
 
I tragically lost my mare in the field, she shattered her leg. I bought a new horse within a week (because I was lost without going to the stables)....................but have never forgotten my little mare!!
 
I lost a horse very traumatically whilst travelling and was utterly devastated, I had a new loan horse with a view to buy within a month as this particular horse was recommended. I just couldnt find the strength or had the inclination to look for another horse, I really took the easy option of someone taking over really, I really thought that my days of buying another were over.

I did buy the loan horse he was completely different in all ways to my other horse (which helped) I must admit that I resented him in some ways and It took at least a year to bond with him. Time does help and it does get easier. I tried to take the view that he was not a replacement, that I still wanted to ride and enjoy owning a horse and that this new horse was going to help me move on.

He has helped me move on, and I love him to bits. Its been such a journey for me emotionally but after 9 years Its still very hard. Wishing all the best.
 
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my horse 3 years ago and have just bought another a week ago. But that was only because we couldn't afford to buy another horse so we had to wait. But had me and my Husband had been in a better position at the time, I would of had another horse as soon as possible. People cope in different ways, only you know what is right for you and if that means getting this horse, then you go for it. Like you say, it will never replace your horse who passed away, but it will help to heal the wounds and help you to move forward. Good luck for the future, and trust me, the pain won't last forever, it will be replaced with happy memories some day, just take one day at a time. xx
 
my horse of 14 years died in my arms and it was a year before i bought another.not through lack of trying but my new mare although lovley never replaced my other horse.there is no right or wrong .do what feels right for you.a new horse doesnt betray the love you had for benson but you have had a trauma and need to look forward.
 
I hope you can move on,
but only do what feels right for you. Theres no rush and you will know when you feel ready
to think about another horse.
I lost my old mare in December from old age and arthritis. But I have other horses. Although
I feel a massive vacancy. You dont ever forget, they are individuals and they leave a huge gap when they pass on.
 
My heart goes out to you, it must have been an horrific experience :(

I too have lost horses in tragic circumstances and I can assure you that the pain and grief lasts a very long time - however, I think getting another horse quite quickly is a good thing, especially if you have found one you like - not to help you forget Benson but to give you something to occupy your mind and keep you going on a daily basis.

Good luck and keep us updated :)
 
So sorry for your loss. I lost Holly to a broken leg in the field in Dec 2005, Izzy came on New Years Day 2006. I cant explain even now why I got another one so quicky. She just came up on the compter screen, went to see on Boxing Day and came on New Years Day. I saw it as a new year and a new start. Holly was very special and the circumstances in which she died are still unbelievable even now. Izzy is different but also similar and I love her to bits. Hope this helps x
 
i havent lost a horse - and can only imagine the pain and feeling of loss - especially in the circumstances you lost him in - but if you have found something suitable i say go for it - he or she will never replace benson but will help you feel a little better about being without him. You will always remember benson, and your new horse will also have a special place in your heart. It will keep you occupied and get you back into the saddle and that will surely help you feel happier - i say go for it.
 
Oh hun. Hugs to you.

I lost Tiggy at the end of October '08. I was horse hunting within a couple of weeks. If anyone had told me I'd do that I would have thought them mad; but I was so lost without her.

Dizzy will never replace Tiggy, but I didn't buy her to replace Tiggy, I bought her because I love horses and I love riding and I love having a horse and I love caring for one :).

I still have Tig's picture on my mobile, I keep the last rug she wore in my dressing room. I cried at first when I rode Dizz - a long chestnut neck in front of me instead of a short mahogony one.

I love Tiggy's memory and I wish I hadn't lost her, but I did and I can't change it and that is how it is.

Dizzy is Dizzy. I love her for what she is and what we do together and how she gets me out of bed and how beautiful she is. All pretty much the same as with Tiggy :)

Sorry, terribly worded. More hugs.
 
Im so sorry about your boy. i'ts the most awful experience and i'm sure everyone who has ever lost their horse knows exactly how you are feeling and their hearts go out to you.

If you feel you have found a suitable horse then you should go for it. Remember the good times and look forward to the ones your going to have in the future x
 
you can never replace the one you lost! you can only re new! at the time appropriate to you. but sometimes one will find you .. and everyone has diffent timescales................. good luck with your new boy. nd dont compare. this is a NEW journey explore and enjoy
 
benson21 said:
My horse was tragically killed 8 weeks ago, and I am finding it really hard to move on.
we have found another horse who seems just right for us, although he would never replace benson, he does seem lovely.
But now I feel I am moving on to fast, and putting Benson in the past too quickly.
How long was it from when you lost a horse, to when you got a new one?
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Personally, I looked immediately - to take my mind off losing a dear friend. It didn't mean I had forgotten him or was ready to move on as though he had never existed. Moping is just pointless and achieves nothing. Busying yourself doing the things you once did with them is good. Why should you stop?
 
anya01 said:
I tragically lost my mare in the field, she shattered her leg. I bought a new horse within a week (because I was lost without going to the stables)....................but have never forgotten my little mare!!
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Exactly the same happened to me - I too spent every waking hour on the internet looking at horses and bought another one within a week. I have had him for 4 years now but I will never forget my other boy,

I know some people thought I was hard or crazy but what I did kept me sane and gave me purpose, otherwise I think I would have just folded.
 
You will never replace Benson and you will never forget him but sadly nothing you can do will bring him back so you have no choice but to move on. It will take time to bond with a new horse and the relationship you have with a new horse will be different to the one you had with Benson but will not take anything away from the time you had with him.
It sounds like Benson had a wonderful home with you and I'm sure he would want another horse to enjoy that as much as I'm sure he did.
 
Don't push yourself to feel anything, these horses of ours have absolutely no idea how much they mean to us.
I know I am going to be a mess when I lose my girl. Regards moving on, personally I feel I would need something immediate to help take my mind off the whole thing, I always need to keep my mind busy otherwise I can get really down in general.
So my point is, if this horse is what you want, do not feel guilty for taking on another so soon, because I think many of us would want to crack on with things as best we could.

*big hugs* to you x
 
We have lost a few over the years, thankfully not in circumstances quite as traumatic as yours. With the first one (pts following a field accident) we didn't get another for nearly two years. When we did we ended up with a small herd! This has, in some ways made it easier to get another, when we have lost one, as we have to carry on looking after the ones we have left. Life without horses is unthinkable for us, so a new girl comes after we have lost one. We do keep all our horses at home and until the end for them, which means having retired ladies about the place.
 
When George suddenly died at 18 months old I was devasted i really had a bond with him and he was going to be my star show pony, no other pony could replace George and even after 3 years it really upsets me that he has gone, but I was recommended another pony the day after he died and decided to buy him, got him home 3 weeks later and have never regretted it and in a lot of ways his character is so much like George's that its like George is still with us.

But my tb riding horse who was getting way too much to handle and after her causing a nasty accident with another pony of mine which ended up being killed I had her pts, it took me nearly 3 years to find another horse to ride, must admit though that part of it was financial and part was due to not knowing what I really wanted as decided I didnt want another tb, low and behold the horse I have now is a tb but much for sensible then the previous one. But then I also had the ponies to keep me occupied, if I hadnt have had them then i probably would have got another horse much sooner.
 
I think it is harder to move on when it is an accident which, with the benefit of hindsight, may have been prevented by not doing what you chose to do that day. Maybe that is how you are feeling. Sometimes we blame ourselves when really it is just one of those sad things that happen. It is much easier when they die from natural causes.

If you dont feel ready then dont do it. But dont feel guilty if you do decide to buy the horse.

Sorry, not much help!
 
Yes when my first horse was pts with heart problems--a legacy from strangles---
Friends found me another horse very quickly--he was a challenge, which perhaps I needed at the time--but not sure that you need one.

I hope I am reading your post correctly Benson21 but please if you have taken on more than you are ready for (your loss was completely different to mine) then please return the horse for its sake as well as yours.

PM me if you like for a chat.
 
Im so sorry about your loss.There is no right or wrong time to get another horse,you will never replace Benson,but as a good loving owner you can offer a lovely home to another horse to follow in Bensons footsteps.
 
I feel so sad for you and it is only natural you are going to question any decisions you make. It is such early days, you went through a devastating experience but time is a healer and it will get easier.
Only you know if the new horse fits the big hole in your life at the moment but I don't think it matters when so long as it is right for you.
((((((((((((((((((((great big hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
 
Cuffey said:
Friends found me another horse very quickly--he was a challenge, which perhaps I needed at the time--but not sure that you need one.

I hope I am reading your post correctly Benson21 but please if you have taken on more than you are ready for (your loss was completely different to mine) then please return the horse for its sake as well as yours.

PM me if you like for a chat.
Click to expand...

Can't resist can you?
 
Please don't feel guilty about getting another horse as it doesn't take anything away from your memory of him. You had Benson because of your love of horses & horse riding. If you have found what seems to be the "right" horse see it as fate as I am sure Benson would want you to carry on riding & to give the same love to another horse.
I am really sorry about your tragic loss and admire you for having the courage to get back on a horse.
 
I have never been in your position, thank god, but agree with MrsM. You are not replacing Benson, you are making a fresh start with a different horse and that is because you love horses and riding. You will never forget Benson, the good memories you have will last forever and hopefully a new horse, will keep you busy and help to stop the bad memories from taking over. I recently lost my little springer and although I have 2 other dogs, Soph left such a hole in my life that within a week I had been to look at some ESS pups and now have little Chloe. I still miss Soph like crazy, she is in my thoughts most of the time, but Chloe keeps me so busy that the pain is getting easier to bear. She is also a very different little character and I already love her so much, but for a different reason. Dont feel guilty if you decide the time is right to move on. You will never love Benson any less, a new horse will capture a different little bit of your heart.
 
We had Sammy pts on Valentines Day 2003 but he'd been lame for a number of months prior and the AHT had advised us there was nothing more that could be done. I swore blind in the weeks before we lost Sammy that I wouldn't even consider another but Jesper arrived a month later on 14th March 2003. He was very different to Sammy in personality which made it easier. He wasn't a replacement, more a distraction. It did take me some time to bond with him and during those first few months there were times when I hated him for not being Sammy but now I wouldn't change him for the world. The right time is when the right horse comes along.
 
He will never be forgotten, but if you have a big well of love - how nice to think to be putting it in to another horse. They would be very lucky.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
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