has anyone bought a horse to be told its not right for them.

[EJ87]

Iv had my mare for over a year now. she is my first horse and wev had loads of lessons we get on ok some dsys but some days we dont. shes been for schooling twice now for napping issues but at the min shes been schooled and thet have found no issues apart from she is strong and has a serious jump in her and that she may just not be for me. my confidence also is so up and down and is probably affecting her. although at min i dont feel there is a realiable horse that u can hack out after two days of being in stable with no problem or jumps anything or can canter across a big field without getting strong. i feel that all her problems are me and not her im just maybe not ment to be any good at horse riding?? :-(

 

[AmyMay]

It's easy for anyone to buy the wrong horse. And often we only discover it after a few months of ownership.

I think you should consider selling this one and getting one that is really a true all rounder for a novice rider.

 

[Grumpymoo]

I have been told that my horse is not right for me by someone. I have had similar problems to you with a napping horse but we have been getting there! With loads and loads of walking out with him in hand and riding with my friends on foot.

I know how you feel tho and my confidence is very low and some days I cannot get on him but with encourage of people around me I have improved loads. Is there another horse you could ride to build your confidence and improve your riding? That helped me loads.

My advice is don't give up but it is a long road!

 

[Grumpymoo]

Oh and if you do decide to sell and get something else don't feel bad about it as thousands of people have been in the same position. X

 

[Black_Horse_White]

I wasn't told but knew I'd bought the wrong horse for me. I gave him 3 months but he wasn't suitable for hacking which is what I enjoy. So I sold him and now have the perfect horse, I'm full of confidence with him so much so I've booked up for my first horse camp next year, at the age of 45

 

[EJ87]

I was considering going to a riding school and riding a few of there horses to help build my confidence but prob i feel i couldnt even ride them iv had a few bad experiences of riding other horses and feel i have no notion how to ride at all im just dont know what to do perservere with my mare on sell her and regret it there is no such thing as a horse for me.

 

[SadKen]

Nobody has said so to me yet, but I'm picking up hints! My lad is young and spooky and his education isn't nearly as advanced as I thought when I tried him. I've ridden him three times and fallen off once. However, I'm convinced that we'll get on all right in the end, and am getting lots of support from YO and doing some groundwork to catch up. I've been away from riding for a long time although did have a lot of experience when younger - do think I've taken on too much but will have to make the best of it, as this is my boy's fourth home in five years so I'm just NOT GIVING UP!!

Having said that it's early days for us, and when he goes well, I feel so pleased with him. He's pretty quiet really, just young and silly, and although I fell off it's no biggie, and I don't feel bad about getting back on because I understand where I went wrong.

In short - is he the right horse for me? Not really, I should have taken the lovely fell pony I was offered on loan. He's the horse I wanted, not what I needed. It's done now though, and I'm not quitting until I can say I had a really decent crack at it. If you're at that stage, don't feel bad - after all, your mare sounds like she'd be fabulous for someone who's got a lot of experience and will enjoy that big jump!

 

[Black_Horse_White]

My previous horse really knocked my confidence, and I was nervous to get another horse. I now have my new boy and have even done a bit of jumping again. Good idea to have some lessons to try and get back your confidence. The right horse did it for me, so could do the same for you. Good luck in whatever you decide.

 

[Star_Chaser]

Could you find a trainer to come to you or go to a competition stables rather than a riding stables for lessons?

 

[Marydoll]

Yes, and that he was dangerous, and to get rid of him, ive still got him 13 yrs later, we worked through the problems, but i always felt with help and support i was able to deal with the issues.
To be able to aknowledge that a horse isnt for you is a good thing, and sometimes its nothing to do with experience, just that you dont click, or that theyre not " your type". It was only last year Mary King gave up the ride on 4* horse because they didnt click, and she knew she wouldnt get the best out of him, so it was better for both to part company.

 

[ISHmad]

Most horses would be full of it if they have been stabled for two days! If she isn't for you there is no shame in moving her on. But look at her feed, management and things first to see if there are positive changes you can make to help you both.

 

[AmyMay]

although at min i dont feel there is a realiable horse that u can hack out after two days of being in stable with no problem or jumps anything or can canter across a big field without getting strong.

Oh, I'd missed this.

Why isn't she turned out?

 

[Gypley]

Although I dont feel anyone should just "give up" on their horse, I do think that horse ownership should be on the whole an enjoyable experience and the thought of getting on your own horse shouldnt scare the bajeebees out of you. I think that if you feel as though you have explored all routes and are making no progress and getting no enjoyment from your steed then I would fully support anyone who felt to move them onto a new home and get something more suitable.

 

[Wagtail]

I think that with mares it is even more important to build up a real bond. They need to be able to trust you and you need to take their fears seriously. If they see that you take their fears seriously and offer them support then your bond will grow and so will both of your confidences. An example of taking their fears seriously, is if they nap because they are afraid of something, something spooky, a strange smell or just leaving their friends, then instead of getting all wound up and fighting her, get off and lead her. Once she calms down and is walking nicely, remount and continue what you were doing. This way you are acknowleging her fear and showing her there is nothing to be afraid of by walking along side her. Eventually, the napping will get less and less. Far too many 'experts' tell you to stay on board or you have 'lost'. That is a load of bull. Take the pressure off the both of you and get stronger together. Good luck!

 

[showpony]

No one said it to my face BUT heard about people saying it behind my back!! Its been a rocky few mths but one thing Im not is a quitter!!! something " Clicked " a month ago as in we both trust each other now & haven't looked back... Its a marathon not a sprint when you get a new horse so stick with it & don't be afraid to ask YO for advice oh & Im taking more lessons that ever since I got my mare!

 

[Tonker121]

YES! My first mare was a nutter - or well was just so not suited to me! She destroyed my confidence and I should have sold her when my instructor first told me to.

Fast forward 10 years and I've got my boy back off loan and have zero confidence in my ability and especially jumping. My RI invites me to her yard and I ride her horse who has a canter to die for and is just lovely. I go from being a nervous wreck, holding on for dear life in canter and unableto jump more than 2ft to cantering her mare without holding the reins and jumping 3'3 + spreads, within one 30 min lesson. She was like "you're actually a pretty good rider". Seeing what I could do on a horse that wasnt going to make my life difficult and being told that I was good gave me a huge confidence boost in myself and my ability. It didnt cure the issues I had with my horse but it enabled me to stop blaming myself so much and gave me a fresh perspective.
My confidence isnt exactly great at the moment with the new horse I ride and I think I'm not good enough for him but having an RI that tells me differently makes all the difference.

I think you should just ask whoever teaches you their honest opinion as to whether they think you should sell her or not...

 

[ihatework]

I've been in that situation a couple of times, and wouldn't class myself as a novice either. I sold both horses, felt an immediate sense of relief and then got horses far more suited to my needs. It is not failing, it is being honest with yourself that you are just in the wrong relationship! Same goes for men

 

[Patterdale]

As an instructor, I have told people this before.

Riding is supposed to be FUN! We pay a lot of money to keep our horses and the idea is that it gives you enjoyment.

If your horse isn't doing this, or worse, making you unhappy, then if it is the wrong horse for you sell it and get something you will get more enjoyment from.

It's nothing to be ashamed of - plenty of people have been mismatched before.....do something about it if it's making you unhappy.

 

[Spudlet]

She might not be the right horse for you, but I do also think that if what you said about having her in for two days then wanting her to hack is true, then you might be asking a bit much. Maybe it's worth looking at how you manage her to see if there is anything you could change, like more turnout for example, or a change of feed? Or maybe she needs to be ridden more often?

It may well be that in the end, she is not the one for you, but it would be a shame to sell if actually, a few small changes could make a big difference, so perhaps consider that first.

 

[LouiseG]

I think with the right help and instructor you will be able to build up a partnership. If you are feeling this way it will only get worse until your confidence is in pieces so I would be inclined to get as much help as possible. It is amazing what the help of a good instructor can do!

PS If my boy had been stabled for a day I wouldn't ride him without at least lunging him first! 2 days without turnout he would go bonkers with excitement, especially on a hack!! (And he is very chilled out and laid back most of the time!)

 

[wench]

Depends on who is telling you...

Is it YO? Ie you shouldnt have this highly strung TB/WB. What you need is a ploddy cob that will live out all year (and cost me less in feed and mucking out time, but I can still charge the same livery and make more profit out of you)

Instructor? This TB/WB is too much for you and is dangerous (and I have just the right horse for you which I can sell to you and make a tidy profit from you).

If there's any chance of the above scenarios, beware - I've been in both. However, only really you know if the horse is the right one for you. If your not enjoying him get rid and get one you enjoy and have fun with.

 

[kc100]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I was considering going to a riding school and riding a few of there horses to help build my confidence but prob i feel i couldnt even ride them iv had a few bad experiences of riding other horses and feel i have no notion how to ride at all im just dont know what to do perservere with my mare on sell her and regret it there is no such thing as a horse for me. "

Did you ride much before you bought your mare? The reason I ask is because you say you feel you have no notion of how to ride at all, so I'm just wondering what your past experience is with horses.

As others have said, riding is supposed to be fun and if you are not enjoying it despite having had a lot of lessons with her then perhaps she is not the right kind of horse for you.

What parts of riding do you enjoy the most? What did you want to do with her when you bought her? She sounds like a great horse but if she's strong and has a big jump perhaps she was hunted in the past (did you ever ask this of her previous owner?) and she may be suited to going back to hunting, or being sold to someone who wants a jumping horse rather than a happy hacker.

I personally prefer strong horses and havent really ridden much other than strong, fast horses. There is a knack to it, but it takes years to get used to! But if you are looking for a happy hacker who is also a good all-rounder in the school, then you might be better with a school-master type horse. What breed is your mare?

And when you say "i dont feel there is a realiable horse that u can hack out after two days of being in stable" - then the answer is definitely no, not many horses would hack out without any issues if they have been stuck inside for 2 days! Even the calmest bomb-proof horse might be a bit fizzy after being stuck indoors for 2 days! Why is your mare not turned out daily? Unless there is some serious health issue then all horses should get a few hours per day as a minium out grazing, not only does it help their digestive system but it also means they have the space to move around and burn off a bit of energy. I wouldnt ever feel comfortable riding a horse who isnt turned out frequently, any horse I ride is turned out for a minimum of 7 hours in the day during winter, and 12 hours during the night in summer.

Without a bit more information it is hard to say whether you should sell her or not, if you could let us know your past experience and what you want to achieve with your horse (i.e. do you want to just hack? Or do you want to go out competing? Or something in between?) that would help. But from what you have said so far (putting your mare's routine to one side) then she doesnt sound quite right, probably a bit too strong for you if you are looking for a more novice ride.

 

[Flame_]

Instructor? This TB/WB is too much for you and is dangerous (and I have just the right horse for you which I can sell to you and make a tidy profit from you).

Haha, you forgot, then get paid to ride it and take it out competing for the next ten years while you're too scared to ride it because its even bigger and sharper than this one. Terrible but it happens quite a bit.

OP, it sounds like your horse has a lot of positives and sometimes with changing horses its better the devil you know. Saying that, if the horse scares you and you aren't enjoying riding your mare all those positives will mean she's just right for somebody else and selling her shouldn't be difficult. Its up to you, but keep in mind you haven't failed if you decide you want to part company, just decided you aren't right for each other.

 

[noblesteed]

Yep I was told to sell mine by the instructor/YO who found him for me. He was my first horse, wrecked my confidence and put me in hospital. 4 1/2 years on I still have him and he is brilliant. We know each other inside out and I trust him so much I rode while pregnant, in fact this morning he's just given my 8 year old nephew his first ride!

The key to sorting out my horse was a move to a private DIY yard where I had time to work with him at our own pace, and regain my shattered nerves. He had 24 hour turnout, a new feed regime, tack etc. The move was our fresh start - if it hadn't have worked out he would have been sold. But it did work out and here we are.

Not all horses suit being on a busy livery yard, not all horses suit being stuck in their stable. It might not be anything YOU are doing, OP, it might just be that your horse isn't happy with their surroundings. That is something you can change if you want to.

 

[mandwhy]

It looks like your confidence has been knocked by this horse, maybe you should consider selling and getting a different one, there would be no shame in that as sometimes the partnership just isn't there, but only if you think you should not purely because of what other people say. People do spout rubbish sometimes and can also easily get the wrong picture of the relationship you have with a horse if they catch you on an off day! However it does seem like you are not enjoying having this horse very much?

 

[Cortez]

I'm amazed that MORE people are not told this, it would help an awful lot of frightened riders and bemused horses. There is always another horse, you know, and there is no shame in allowing yourself to realise that the horse you have may not be the horse you need at this particular time. The horse would probably appreciate a different rider/owner too.

 

[EMC]

What happens if you've ridden your ex-racer on the gallops everyday in training and got on fine, so much so that you saved every penny and bought him. Now you both have to learn to ride differently and he is knocking your confidence by being more badly behaved than he ever was in racing on race feed etc.?? Is it just a change of scenery/regime etc. or something more??

My boy is being re-schooled by my YO and due to injury (not from him) I'm now not able to ride for the next month.....and I have to say I'm not as heartbroken as I'd thought as he had become so unpredictable it is like I have a different horse!! YO loves fizzy horses and see's no problem with spooking but I want my mellow boy back

I can just hear the 'over horsed' comments being whispered now, how do I get my confidence and that of my boy back?? OP you have my sympathies, afraid I can't give you any advice other than chin up chuck.

 

[AmyMay]

I can just hear the 'over horsed' comments being whispered now,

Nope. But I do wonder about management, and how you're going about the transition from race horse to riding horse?

 

[posie_honey]

my physio says i should get rid of her due to my back problems - she's too wide for my bad hips and her movement is too big for my lower back to absorb and tbh i'm in agony most days after riding i ride narrower horses with less extravegant movement far better - but i wouldnt change her for the world!

Riding is suposed to be fun - its way too expensive a hobby to not be. there is NO shame in admitting a horse is wrong for you and selling - its prob better for the horse too tbh. i think many folk get too emotionally attacehd and cant see that they have the wrong horse.

i would however also re-evaluate management. i'm not sure be willing to get on mine after 2 days in a stable without lunging first - esp if in full fitness! (but she lives out so it really wouild be a shock to her system )

 

[AmyMay]

my physio says i should get rid of her due to my back problems - she's too wide for my bad hips and her movement is too big for my lower back to absorb and tbh i'm in agony most days after riding i ride narrower horses with less extravegant movement far better - but i wouldnt change her for the world!

Damn, because you know what I was going to say.............