Has anyone given it all up when lost confidence?

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swampdonkey

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I have posted before about my lack of confidence and I have had a moment of clarity.
I have decided to sell my lovely boy and take a complete break from horses, it is breaking my heart but we are 14 months in and getting no further forward.
I am wondering if anyone here has sold up after loosing confidence and gone back to it later, whether thats years or months later.
I love my horsey life and I love my horse but the time has come that its not fair on me or my horse. Its no fun anymore.
Very sad about it but know its the right thing to do, hoping that after a complete break and hopefully a fully healed back I will be back at some point doing what I used to love.
 
I sold up after I lost confidence, I had had one too many falls and getting to the age when I didn't bounce as well! That was two years ago. I still miss it at times and I am seriously thinking of getting a nice ploddy cob next spring. I think I need to try a few and I will know if I truly want to ride again.
 
I think half the problem is accepting that a certain horse doesn't suit you.

I sounded just like you a few years ago, I wouldn't accept that he wasn't the horse for me until one day I woke up and asked myself why I still had him as I was actually frightened to ride him and he just took the pee even more!

I sold him and then spent ages finding the right horse and eventually the right one came along and I am back out competing, hacking and enjoying it all again.

I was so on the the verge of packing it all up - especially after sitting on lots of horses as I was so nervous and unconfident and most of the ones I tried picked up on this, I never thought I could do it again.

I put a wanted ad on Horsequest and got lots of replies and finally found the right one - I knew as soon as I sat on her.

That was over 5 years ago and I have actually bought another one since hubby stole her to ride himself but it is good as we can hack together now.

Once you find the right one you will look back and wonder why you spent so long with the wrong one.

As for the horse I sold, the chap that bought him actually found him boring, he was a compete pee take with me! Just goes to show that some horses suit some people but not others.

Sell the one you don't enjoy and find one that suits and start enjoying it again.

Good luck :)
 
I lost all my confidence (and I was VERY confident) after buying a pony for my daughter. The pony was wild and a colt and turned very aggressive, my maternal instinct kicked in and this led to me being terrified of him in case he hurt her. It took me years to get over it even after he had been sorted out professionally for me and me being taught how to handle him. I still get a bit nervous if any of ours play up now but fake it and pretend I am ok with it. I didn't give up but I did have moments when I regretted ever allowing my daughter to start riding and become interested in horses.

I don't know the history of you and your horse but if it is making you feel bad then it isn't a bad thing to take some time out, you could consider loaning if you think you would want to start again with your horse, good luck whatever you decide to do.
 
Totally understand your situation, why dont you sell go have some lessons to get your confidence back or buy a real plod type?

I too have had issues with confidence still do a bit, but I had a wonderful boy on loan who really helped me no end build it back up especially out hacking where my issues lie.

I hadn't ridden since my accident so a good 2-3yrs then built it up, loan horse went home :( I then had a further 6 months out and missed it so much, I started looking for another one and my one I have now fell into my hands quite literally and although I have some small confidence issues I am beginning to overcome these as he really is a good horse just a little green, so I have had to talk to myself (when no-ones around of course) ha ha and say to myself to get a grip I can do it.

I have had a great few rides on my boy the last times and I am beeming with more confidence since he needs reassurance from his rider so I have to give it to him which enables me to get on with it too so were basically helping each other out. :D

Its easy to lose it and harder to regain, you mustn't feel bad and do what you feel is right for you and your horse, have you had any lessons with him?

Best of luck in whatever you deceide to do
 
I've not given up but I did sell my boy of 7 years after I lost confidence. I fell off a few times and my confidence slowly eroded away. We battled on for a year - I tried everything, rescue remedy, hypnosis (sp), took more lessons, went back to basics etc Finally called it a day when I was about to have a lesson and my instructor (who is excellent) asked me what I wanted to do and I burst into tears. I used to feel really sick before I rode.

I took the decision to sell him as I knew I could never do the things I wanted to do and I knew he could do so much more than I asked of him. So I sold him. The first person who saw him bought him and now he is out competing at a level I could never do with him.

Anyway a couple of months late - after a good think - I bought another horse which is the exact opposite of my boy. She is a kick along plod but can go up a gear if need be. Until I had my accident (not horsey) my confidence was begining to grow.

A think the advice I would give is not to be too hard on yourself and take a wee break to think. Perhaps you could still do horsey things - maybe help oot a friend or volunteer for a charity.

Anyway lots of (((((hugs)))) to you.
 
I am going through the exact same thing myself swamp donkey. I feel your pain cause today I too made the tough decision to sell my horse. I have had him for two and a half years and in that time had some very nasty falls from him. There is a difference from falling off cause you didnt have right balance, took a jump wrong etc than actually being thrown off. That really does knock your confidence.

Anyway I have decided to sell and take a break. I hope to find the right horse one day. Good luck to you.
 
I have had lessons on him from the beginning and have also tried everything, rescue remedy, watched others ride him, tried to give myself a kick up the backside, tried taking the pressure off and keeping in my comfort zone but this zone has got smaller and smaller :(
I have had horses for the last 6 years and cannot imagine my life without them but know I have to do this.
I am hoping after a small break to start having lessons again and I have many good friends whose horses I can ride if I get brave.
I think your right in that he is not the right horse for me although he is a good boy I have become so nervous so don't want to get on anything at the minute.
Trying to look at the positives, i.e, be able to afford some clothes for myself, spending some time with long suffering hubby and maybe even have a holiday.
I know its the right decision but it feels like part of me is being torn off.
Thank you all for the replies.
Now that I have made the decision I want him to find the right home quickly so that I don't change my mind and so that I can let my mind and body heal.
 
Swamp donkey try not to be so down. You will have gained great experience from it all, the good and the bad. You will be in a much stronger position mentally next time you look for a horse. We look at it from a very sentimental point of view but the horse does not and the horse will never say sorry to you whether you walk away from a fall or god forbid not.
 
I took over a 10 year break after a terrible accident... but wish I hadn't left it that long:( confidence levels increasing nicely... tbh I wish someone had been tougher with me when I gave it up... could you get lessons on a weekly basis, lunge lessons would be a good idea perhaps!
 
I lost my nerve with my old Arab, no particular reason but think it stemmed from a nasty fall when I was a child. I couldn't bear to part with him so he became my pet along with my sec A,
Anyway he got leg injury and had to be PTS, so I carried on for about 5 yrs just looking after sec A, when I suddenly started thinking about riding (would see people out hacking and thought how nice it would be to be out riding again)
Told mum I was thinking about horses again and 4 months ago she found me the perfect safe sane horse.
I spoke to the lady who was selling him and told her of my nervousness, horse had been originally for her to get her confidence back which he had done.
So went on 8hr round trip to try him (hadnt been on a horse for 5yrs!!!) went on a hack on my own along 50mph road, I thought lady was going to follow in her car and she drove off and left me to it.
I encountered every type of vehicle possible and I was a nervous wreck!!! Horse though was a complete star and I knew when I rode him back through her gates that this was my horse of a lifetime!
4 months on he is as good as ever and I am really confident on him, but I wouldn't dream of getting on a different horse, much to nervous for that!!

So yes I got my neves back but it took just over 5yrs and one very special horse :-)

I
 
Ralph is a 15.2 Andalusian, he was entire until last year and had covered two mares when he was 5/6, he is 9 now and so laid back, he is turned out with 3 shetlands (2nd which are mares!!) and my sec A.

OP I hope one day you find yourself a confidence giver like I did, because when you do it's the best feeling, good luck x
I couldn't of found a nicer horse if I tried!
 
I have been on the verge of giving up a few times over the last 2 years.. i bought a 6 month old foal to keep my other horse company with the plan to sell the foal when he turned 3 and then buy another youngster.. his 3rd year came along and decided to send him away to be broken and then sell him after..then started to ride him... after 18 months i had a bad fall off him after he spooked..i couldnt walk for weeks and now permanently scarred.. started to ride again...i was nervous..he constantly spooked until in the end my nerves were in shreds..i got someone else to ride him..they gave up also after a fall off him.. so i planned to sell him. i put off riding him for a few weeks but decided i needed to keep him going to sell him...after 15 mins he bucked me off and galloped home..that was the last straw!!.. decided to get his teeth checked, one had erupted recently as he was just turning 6 yrs old now..i got an instructor to ride him for me and he tried it on with her.. so then got his back checked..it was sore!! his saddle no longer fitted.. so then i've had a new saddle fitted, the wonderful instructor returned after having new saddle and hes a different pony! i am very slowly regaining my confidence on him..i stay within my comfort zone on the forest, but the last 3 rides we've been further afield and even had some lovely canters..i guess what i am trying to say is, that maybe your confidence can come back with the same horse..i am still nervous, but working on that..and with every new ride it grows (we still have our not so good days) i am nervous about him putting his head down in case he wants to buck, but hes hardly spooked and not a buck in sight so far..still doesnt mean i trust him yet..lol i am going to try and do a charity ride next year..thats my goal..then maybe a local show..i said maybe!

Good luck with everything, everything happens for a reason... i'm no spring chicken at 41 either and i dont bounce well!

just thought i'd share.......
 
Well, I lost my confidence after 7 years of being away from horses, due to having children. Always loved them, and used to get so frustrated watching my brother-in-law catching his horse in the mouth over and over, and him smacking the horse for stopping.... I did roar and shout at him, and thankfully, got him going forward, so NO MORE catching in the mouth!!
When I started riding again, I was a bag of nerves, but found my best boy very soon afterwards. He wasnt an easy ride, could buck for Ireland, but i trusted him completely, so we got on well. It took me 6 mths to get him to leave the yard on his own, and if it was any other horse, i'd have been crying in the corner. I just had total trust, so it worked. I'm back to square one, as I lost my boy to pedal degenerative disease. I have the most fab boy at the moment, but as he is young, I'm a big chicken. He's so quite, but i'm a sad person. confidence is fickle. hope I get back to where i was going, It was great!!!!
 
Yes, I sold my four year old warmblood after a bad fall - had him on schooling livery for six months while I made up my mind, but we'd lost each other's trust. I took a complete break from horses for seven years and hadn't really intended getting involved again, until I was asked if I could look after Merlin for a few months. He ended up not leaving, even though he wasn't really the right horse for me, but I got bitten by the bug again and a few months ago I finally found my confidence giver. I'm still not a confident rider, but Finn and I are slowly getting there together and I find I'm spending more time in the saddle laughing at his antics than panicking :)

As for the warmblood - selling him was the best thing I did for him. He ended up in a fantastic home, his new owner is still in touch, she's affiliated him and has been taking him slowly up the levels. I think they're starting to compete Medium this autumn, but when they went to dressage camp over the summer one of the instructors hopped on him and produced flying changes, canter pirouettes and a few steps of piaffe with no problems at all, so she's done an absolutely fantastic job with him and she loves him to bits.
 
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