Has anyone had second thoughts a few days before having a ill horse PTS?

lialls

lialls

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Iv had my mare nearly 5 years now. Although we've had our ups and downs shes been my dream horse.

About 4 weeks ago she was diagnosed by Liverpool Uni as having sarcoides. Some of them are a mixture of the types and others are just the Verrucous ones, they are mainly on her chest/shoulder, girth area and between back legs. Liverpool have said that the furture dosnt look good for her, they think it will take 3 treatments with Liverpool cream and even then they think it wont be the end, they have warned us that 3 of the sarcoides will be very difficult to treat as they have veins running through them. My own vet also thinks that she has a poor immune system as she seems to pick up every illness thats going and dosnt respond to treatment very well. Shes quite accident prone and dosnt like not being worked, she becomes very over excited and difficult to handle safely.

Based on this, me, my vet and my family decided it would be kinder to have her PTS. We are a few days away from the date aranged and i am having second thoughts. I feel like im trying to convince myself that she will be ok to just be turned out in the field but its not fair to not treat the sarcoides as she is in some pain from them, but Liverpool dont think that the treatment will be successful.

Please dont jump on me, i just want to know what people think its best to do with my horse and also how to not keep questioning myself? I dont want to miss my horse when shes not here for the wrong reasons :'(
 
Oh hun. Sadly I know how you feel. Hugs to you.

I was coming and going over my decision with Tiggy, but when she couldn't turn and couldn't stale I knew I didn't have a choice. Other than that, she looked fit and well and it broke my heart.

I questioned the decision every day. I didn't want to lose her. But I could see that she was not going to survive, except in pain and confusion.
 
Illness or not I always have second thoughts...

It shows that you care that you love your mare and that you don't want to let her go. Those are all good things.

The difficult bit is actually doing it. There are no words of wisdom. It hurts like hell and only time helps in anyway shape or form.

Good luck. Sounds like you are doing the right thing.
 
It's perfectly normal hun. I'm so sorry for you to be in this situation.

It was the same with T last year...we gave him every chance possible, but the final ultimatum came down to it once everything had been tried. Had it done within the hour of making the decision, but even in that hour I was racking my brain for everything, anything, that might change the outcome. But there just wasn't and deep down I knew that.

Toughest decision to ever make for any animal, let alone one that means so much to you, but it is ultimately, from the sounds of it, the kindest and bravest decision you ever have to make. You wouldn't even be considering it if it wasn't necessary for her :(

I'm sorry hun, hugs and thoughts to all x
 
:'( Thanks guys. I just feel like i need her with me to get through this, yet thats the problems, shes not going to be with me after. So theres no more questioning myself i guess. I do know what i have to do, its just so hard.

How do you get over it after? I have nothing to focus myself on after this. How did you guys make your self feel abit better?
 
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I didn't have days/weeks to make the decision- sadly it was only a couple of hours at most:(

I miss him like hell - but I wouldn't do anything differently. He looked at peace when he was gone, and I sat with his head in my lap - I will never forget it, I will never forget him. But it was the right thing to do for him.

You, your vet and family have made the dicision- thats almost easy- doing it is hard. When its done there's almost relief for a short time, then you start grieving.

You will miss her, you will never forget her- but if the vets are not giving her a good prognosis you now need to be strong and do the kindest thing you can do for your mare.

Huge, huge, hugs to you.
 
You don't really, time's a healer as they say.

For me, it was just straight back to work and doing the rest of the horses really. Stayed with him after it had been done for a while after I'd cleared his stable out and then the yard was left for the rest of the evening.
Next day went for a bloody good gallop on my horse on my own and just let it all out really.
Next day went to go down for the 'removal', I would strongly strongly strongly suggest you do not go up when this happens. Get a mate or bloke to go up or tell them where the horse will be and money etc and leave it to them. They're well used to their job and will sort it fine and even recommend you themselves not to be their. It is not nice and not the last sight of your horse you want to see.
So I honestly would not be there for the final bit hun.

Hugs and thoughts xx
 
Of course it is natural. My horse became ill and my vet sent us straight to hospital. That afternoon they told me they could not make her better. She looked so perfectly healthy and beautiful. But she had lost control of her back legs and was in danger of falling. So I made the decision. People told me I was brave. I wasn't. It broke my heart, but what else could I do. It is the HARDEST decision to make, but it shows how much you care about her, that you are making this decision before things get out of hand or unpleasant for all of you - horse included.
 
A friend of ours is going to deal with her on that day so i dont have to be pressent.

We had to have a pony put down a few years ago, she suddenly became very ill and the decision was made there and then, i was present through out as there was no one else to deal with it. I dont want to go through that again, i wasnt really attached to the pony but it was still so hard.

Even our vet said better a day too early than a day too late, shes so accident prone and being left in the field to her own device she will be in all sorts of trouble. I dont want to replace her in anyway yet but i do wish that i had another ridable horse to focus my attention on. I have a yearling and im also worried that its going to be upseting for her.

I think im just working myself up about it and then everything else seems like such a mess. Finding it hard to come up with answers to all of my question that i totaly agree with and cant find any holes in.
 
(((hugs))) of course it is normal:( It shows how much you are considering her needs.
I have had time to consider both times I have PTS and it is very very hard. The "countdown" to the final day is horrendous and TBH is, in many ways the worst part. The good thing is you have time to think, come to terms and spoil her.
Even immediately afterwards in all the grief I remember saying "it was the right thing" but oh my it is hard. So sorry.
 
So sorry for you. It sounds like you have made the right decision for your horse. I agree with your vet that it is better a day too early than a day too late. If you find yourself having strong doubts perhaps it may make you feel better if you had a second opinion from another vet, just for your peace of mind?

I also understand exactly what you are saying about finding something else to distract you. Perhaps you can take on a loan horse to ride, so you have something else to focus on?
 
I was in a similar position to you nearly a month ago and so I know what you are going through and I feel for you, it is devestating, but it does get easier. At the end of the day, you have your horses best interests at heart and I think as owners although it maybe the toughest decision we ever have to make, it is the last act of kindness we can give our friends when they are suffering. You know your horse best xxxx thinking of you, whatever you decide xxx
 
Oh Hun I do feel for you!
Unfortunatly I have been in the same situation as you. Our pony had cancer, had op, had chemo, everything we could throw at the cancer we could.
But five months down the line although he hadn't lost weight, gone off food etc he went lame with the pain in his groin.
When my vet pts she even said to the crem man he doesn't look ill- which didn't help my feelings.
But I knew him and couldn't bear for him to get worse.
It's now nearly two years and funnily enough I heard a song this morning on the radio that reminded me of him and I cried I want him back!!
I felt like I had killed him for a long long time but deep down I know I SAVED him from further suffering.
Be strong it IS the RIGHT thing to do. No one will suffer more than you will but she won't and that's the main thing.
Thinking of you! x
 
Thanks everyone.

For insurence reasons we have had a 2nd opinion. They agreed that the sarcoides probly wouldnt clear up with treatment but said that they would just keep treating them(:O?!?!) even after having treatment for 2 years they said that they would just continue with it(!), my horse would have to be on bute to keep the pain at bay, but other than that they didnt see any reason why she codn't just be left in the field. It wasnt really wat i wanted to hear, but we feel that if my mare cant live happily and pain free in the field then its not right.

I have a friends horse i can ride sometimes but im not sure if i will want to be around horses for a little while after this. Obversly i have my yearling and she will still need seeing to daily but other than that i dont think i want to take on much else horsewise. I guess i will have to see how i feel after. I must not mope around the house tho!
 
Oh god yes. My mare was diagnosed with 3 tears to her DDFT in April. Box rest, bandage etc. She got lamer as the weeks went by and the vet seemed stumped but thought maybe it had to get worse before it got better etc etc. She was unhappy, worried and I felt dreadful. I finally made the decision that she wasn't going to get better, organised the vet and then spent the 4 days changing my mind every half hour. The day it was done was truely awful but by the following day I knew that she was out of pain and happy (also the PM showed that she had in fact destroyed the tendon and it would never have healed).
It is the worse decision to make and takes a brave person to do it but I promise you will feel better in the end and time is the best healer in the world. Thinking of you.
 
We are not expecting to take our old lady through this winter. Sister discussed this with the dentist, who is also a vet. The vet's assistant said 'oh she can come and live with me'! I wasn't there, but I would have given her a mouth full. This beautiful super safe mare has been with us for 18 years, is 29 years old, has weight on, but no muscle tone and no top line. She retired 5 years ago following a week long bout of colic. She has had two episodes of choke within the last month, appearing to have symptoms of a stroke at the same time. We will only do what is best for our mare, as I am sure the OP will. Well meaning outsiders DO NOT HELP. None of us want to say goodbye, but people can make it harder :(
 
Sorry to hear of your situation. I think if both vets are saying the prognosis isn't good and she would probably need treatment after treatment which if I remember right is painful anyway then you are definetely doing the best for your mare.
Sending you lots of ((((hugs))))
 
Thanks yorksG. What i think prompted me this morning to question myself was my farrier. He came to trim my yearling this morning and made a few remarks about my mare. Hes usually really good and we get on well with him, hes a good farrier but he obversly dosnt agree with our dissision. He left saying 'well shes your horse and you know her' to which i just replyed 'yes'. I no he means well but it just wasnt helpful.

When we had the 2nd opinion vetting done even the vet said that she cod see L was in some pain from the sarcoides as everytime the vet went to examin the sarcoides L would threaten to kick. I did try and explane this to my farrier but he wasnt listening by then. He said that he would try anything to cure it if it was his horse, the problem with that is that i dont want to use my horse as a gunienpig :(
 
I'm very sorry to say that I had to make that decision for my beautiful beautiful boy this morning following a totally out of the blue attack of colic, his first ever. He was 22 and so fit and healthy in every other way. I was willing him to improve but he had spent over 24 hours with a pulse rate of over 80bpm despite four vet visits, and just couldn't cope. Even then, I was worried that I was making the wrong decision, but in my heart of hearts I knew. I think it is the last act of kindness you can bestow on your horse, and I wish you luck with your decision, whatever it may be. As for my wonderful little cob Dixie, RIP and thank you for 12 amazing years. xx
 
Its always hard and yes, you do change your mind like the wind. Personally I like to have it done there and then, once the decision has been made, the waiting is the hardest part and the most heart wrenching, esp. if horse seems to be mooching about happily.
 
lialls said:
Thanks yorksG. What i think prompted me this morning to question myself was my farrier. He came to trim my yearling this morning and made a few remarks about my mare. Hes usually really good and we get on well with him, hes a good farrier but he obversly dosnt agree with our dissision. He left saying 'well shes your horse and you know her' to which i just replyed 'yes'. I no he means well but it just wasnt helpful.

Interestingly I was discussing our mare with our farrier this week, telling him this was probably her last trim. He has known the mare all the time we have had her, she is still quite supple and had no problem having her feet done, but he did not suggest that we should carry on with her. My greatest fear for her is her going down in bad weather and having to do the deed in an emegency when she is not happy. I feel we owe her better than that.
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lialls,
I really feel for you. Been there with the sarcoids. It was a combination of that & arthritis that led me to make the decision for my beloved mare in July after nearly 2 years of treatment. But honestly it really does sound like you are doing the right thing.
As for getting over it - same things everybody else has said - keep busy, time etc. I hate crying in front of other people & found going into the shower for a private sob helped - I was so clean! I made a memory box with photos, rosettes, her last shoes etc & tbh I still can't bring myself to look in it but it helps knowing it's there. At the time I didn't think I'd get another horse, just share my son's. Then I thought I'd get a loan, but 1 1/2 weeks ago I bought Jason & he is helping in his own way too.
 
It is a really difficult decision to make I kept doubting myself right up until the vet actuallyarrived. Charlie had cancer of the gut and severe arthritis in his hocks but he still had a gorgeous shiney coat and was quite bright in himself it was only when he moved and went to the toilet that you could tell.

I had tried everything possible and trusted my family when they agreed thatit was the right thing. Recently Ilooked at some photos taken the day before he was pts and was shocked to see how tired he looked. I definately did the right thing and I could see itin his eyes.

This happened in June and I still havemy bad days, I try to think that it was the lastkind thing Icould do for him. I was with him to make sure he had knew how much I loved him and to reassure him. I stayed for 20mins afterwards then left him this was the hardest thing.

I am luckyto have had my mare and her foal (who was only a week old at thetime) They kept me busy and forced me to go to the yard. In time you will remember all the good times, I have surrounded myself in photos of my boy and he isthe last/first thing I see at night.

Be reassured that you are doing the right thing and i will be thinking of you xxxx
 
Lialls you are doing the right thing by your mare, have to think about quailty of life for her if you don't. I'm afraid a lot of people would perfer to pass horse on through the sales than do the decent thing.
 
Lialls, so sorry to hear this, but you are doing the right thing by your Mare. You love her to bits which is why you are having second thoughts. All you have to think about is the fun you have had and that she will be at peace where no pain or harm can come to her.

I lost my mare a week ago today (5 weeks after losing my other mare) and although miss them like crazy there is a very strange feeling of relief, don't get me wrong, it isn't because she has gone, but because I saw the scans and now realise just how much pain she was in... She is free from this now and in a massive big field in the sky. Their spirits will live on in you and you will get through it I absolutely promise you. It just takes time. Big Hugs
 
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I will be a mess tomorrow after it all but atleast i know that she isn't in any pain anymore. Im sure my youngster will get in to some mischife(sp) to keep me occuipied anyway.
 
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