Has anyone had to say goodbye to much loved horse in order to progress?

livvyc_ria

livvyc_ria

Well-Known Member
Joined
2 November 2010
Messages
240
Location
Cheshire
Visit site
Just wondering what was the final straw that made you make the tough decision?

I've had my mare nearly 5 years i truly love the bones of her. She was bought very green and we've learnt so much together. She is wonderful to ride in non competitive environments but as soon as we get to a competition she goes into melt down.

I've put in 4 solid years of disappointing competition results. I've spent thousands and thousands of pounds on tuition and i now feel like i deserve much more.

Today i think was the final straw. I have spend the past 6 months training twice a week with a gp dressage instructor. We were more than ready for a novice test. I get to the competition and as ever begin spooky and tense but warm up to produce some beautiful work. To the point where other competitors were commenting on my mare and telling me "she was the one to beat" I get into the arena to do my test a little more tense but nothing horrendous and then classic Ria meltdown. Grinds to a halt and will not go forward, eyes on stalks, finally launches forward and attempts to take off with me around the arena, i somehow manage to scrabble my way through the rest of the test with a few bunny hops, rocket launches thrown in. Everyone watching couldn't believe the horse they saw warm up so beautifully totally switched.

This horse has been to so many unaff competitions and has never once helped me out in the slightest. I want to have a successful crack at BE and i just don't know if she will ever cope with a BE event atmosphere.

I have given her every opportunity to enjoy a competitive career i have never once my lost my temper over her attitude to competing, and i have always taken full responsibility convincing myself it was somehow my fault and i should have done something different. Every time i leave feeling deflated and pretty useless. I feel after all this time i deserve better and i deserve a horse who wants to meet me half way and get the job done.

I think i know what i have to do, but it is such an incredible difficult decision as i always hoped this horse would have a home for life with us.

Id just like to know if anyone else has had to make this decision and how they came to it?

Thanks everyone
 
You will never regret moving on... there's only so much banging your head against a brick wall that you can take....

Sometimes we have to accept that whilst the horse may be fantastic (or not) as a partnership its not working
 
I haven't per se but I think you know what you want to do deep down. If competing means that much to you then you need a horse you can compete.. Just think about whether you would be happy to never compete again..

But don't forget, the grass isn't always greener. And if it is, it usually comes at a price!
 
Do it!!

It happened to me. My first horse taught me lots but in the end after 6 years I "outgrew" her and my riding has come on leaps and bounds since them.
Getting my second horse was the best thing I ever did and three years on I don't regret a minute of it.
My first horse produced a lovely foal who is now 18 months old, so I will always have something to remember her by.



We only have one life, how terrible it would be to spend it wishing that we had made a
 
I am currently wrestling with this decision so I know how you feel :( my horse is the most talented lovely horse, a real horse of a life time at home and I absolutely adore him but out he is a different horse :( I feel your pain, i have pretty much made the decision to let him go but it is still horrific :(. Good luck, it sounds like the right decision :)
 
yes...

The first one was my very first horse when i was about 16. He reached 1.20m level successfully jumping but he didnt have the ability to go any further and wasnt really teaching me how to ride correctly either.
But he was fab and I loved him to bits.
I really didnt want to sell him, I wanted to keep him as a toy, as I had another horse by then.
But my parents were adament he had to go otherwise I would build up a collection of 'used' horses (very true)! I was so upset riding him for the people trying him out though :(

the other was a few years ago, I had him for 6 years, and we'd got to 1.30 level but he was a bit of a 4 faulter at that level but he was my pet! After a particuluarly hard season jumping and training he started to stop (he wasnt really a showjumper, more flash than substance!) and i fell off quite nastily a couple times (but I still adored him! )

Anyway these people turned up to try a different horse, I got him one out as well as I was told to, but smugly as I never dreamed they'd choose him, the other horse was FAR better!!
The deal was done behind my back and that was that. I had a bit of a tantrum (!), generally behaved like a nightmare and cried bucketloads when he went, he was like my dog!

In retrospect it was a good move on both accounts, as I am too soft and he did start to dent my confidence.

It is gutting but sometimes you know secretly its a good move even if you dont want to admit it at the time. I was lucky in that someone made the decision for me with my best interests in mind, although I obviously didnt agree back then!
 
Couple of things to think about, do you do a variety of different activities with your horse? Is she likely to be bored?

Can you afford to send to a pro and see what they can do with her? I hind sight I wish I had sent my naughty horse Henry to someone to see what happened.
 
You took the words right out of my mouth, I have been trying to word a thread like this all week. I am in a similar situation, had my horse 7 years (since 4) progressed so much together, achieved things I never even imagined I would do, but now I'm wanting to progress further than he's capable of. Getting upset and frustrated with him and myself as we aren't progressing but then it's dawned on me he doesn't enjoy the harder work, he would be much happier working with someone at a lower level, but i'm not, i've been there done that and see no achievement or point with going out and competing in the same classes, getting the same results etc. Yet I love this horse to bits, how can I be so selfish. He has made me a much better rider, I have learnt so much. It is so very tough. In my heart I know I should say goodbye, but the very thought of it at the minute makes me so upset. Even though i'm riding him, keeping him fit and not enjoying him.

Sorry for the ramblings, didn't realy answer your question, but you aren't the only one out there. As difficult and as harsh as it sounds you have to move on if the horse isn't cut out for what you want to do, neither of you is getting enjoyment, and you have giving your horse more than enough chances if you've had her 5 years. If only there was a magic wand ...
 
No! My horses have been with me for life. If they have not been up to what I bought them for, then we have gone and done something else that suited them better. And you do need to question yourself truthfully. Is it your horse who is not up to it - or you? Only you know the answer to that.
 
Rose Folly said:
No! My horses have been with me for life. If they have not been up to what I bought them for, then we have gone and done something else that suited them better. And you do need to question yourself truthfully. Is it your horse who is not up to it - or you? Only you know the answer to that.
Click to expand...

Are you sure it was not you that was not "up to it" as you have had to change what you set out to do with them? :rolleyes:

I don't think there is any shame in selling a horse that doesn't enjoy what you want it to do - after all if no-one ever sold a horse there would be none to buy. The horse may thrive with a different rider some partnerships just do not work out ( didn't Lucinda Green sell Murphy Himself to Ian Stark as they didn't get on?). I think it is kinder to sell on a horse especially when at a good age than keep trying to make it do something it does not have the talent for and doesn't enjoy.
 
I never have this issue about holding onto them. It costs the same to keep a good horse as it does a rubbish horse. What is the point in struggling and struggling to fit a round peg into a square hole? All you become is frustrated and miserable. All of our horses have gone onto have wonderful lives but with someone who is happy with what they can offer.
 
We have always ended up keeping / loaning our horses out to loving homes,but then now I do not have a massive urge to ride, I just love looking after them & i have some lovely young girls to ride them all, however i do really understand where your coming from ... sorry i have not really helped lol! but what i do want to say is that every1 is different you should follow your heart :) xxxx
 
Sort of, but not the same as you.

Don't get me wrong my first pony I absolutely loved, he was there for me when I was happy and when I was upset and taught me everything I needed to know but without being the easiest however, was so upset when he died :(

But on the grazing we have we can only have 2 horses and D who I was then riding at the time had various issues which meant I could no longer compete him past 80cms - he will have a home for life but with him I couldn't be content as a happy hacker as he and I together were pretty formidable as a team and as we got stronger together I found it very difficult suddenly riding with no aspirations.

So in a sense by my lovely little boy going up to rainbow bridge :( it meant that we were able to get another horse who is now proving to just give us all so much fun :)
 
I think if you are asking the question, then it has to be "yes" :( I take it you have asked your self this many times, It's very hard to sell a much loved horse, but if you found your horse a loving home and got that gut feeling that the horse could also be happy with the new owners as your horse is with you, then you would know that you are making the right decision and would be then very easy to let go and move on. Life is too short to have regrets year in year out, ask any one. It's very easy for anyone to say "yes" go ahead and sell, as we are not living in your world and can see a clearer picture, but if you had a friend or even read a post on here, what would your reply be :rolleyes: !!!! What ever you decide your'll no that you are making the right decision....
Good luck and don't look back ;)
 
and your horse doesn't understand what you want to do or that it is not doing what you to do.

Just one thought - are you sure its not your nerves clicking on when you go into the arena? as your mare only does this when competing?

But I am not against finding another home and moving on when necessary.
 
I think I would be tempted if I were in your situation to get someone else to compete the horse for you just once to see if it is actually the horse or you tensing etc...
 
I was in exactly the same situation as you a couple of years ago. The horse in question I had from just being backed and I did everything with him for the next 4 years. He was the sweetest horse, my then 5yr old child could lead him in from the field, and he was capable of competing BE novice which he did several times. I wanted a horse to compete in dressage and the more work we put in, the worse our results seemed to get. He worked well at home but competitive dressage made him increasingly tense and it was extremely demoralising for me. I made the very difficult decision to sell him and got him a really nice home who wanted him as a jumper (took me a long time to find the right home). I'm now 18 months into reschooling an ex-racer. He has won or been placed every outing prelim dressage and this has really built up my confidence in my ability to produce a horse. Your horse will make a lovely lower level horse for someone else and if you're like me, you 'll be fussy where he goes. Then you can look for a more suitable horse. Go for it and best of luck x
 
Thanks everyone. Unfortunately i think i have come to the decision that she will never climb the levels at BE. She is a very spooky horse anyway. The issue i have is i get to comps really early and usually spend an hour working her in. She starts off incredibly tense, grinding to a halt then firing off, diving etc. Then i get her to relax. As soon as we go into the ring, a new arena it starts again and i don't have the luxury of an hour to settle her.
I have friends/instructors who have been saying for a long time that i would be a lot further if i hadn't had Ria. I spoke to someone last night who's words were "At long last, its about time you got something that meets you half way and wants to get the job done"

I think now it will be priority to find her a home who will enjoy her. Very upsetting but i am in no rush, finding her a 5* home is the most important thing
 
Sounds like the right decision, after 4 years she should of got better by now. It's a shame but maybe she should go to someone non-competitive so she doesn't have to deal with the pressure of competing.
Mine adores shows, he canters up the ramp and actually goes better in the dressage at shows than he does at home! Our first little BE's I just held the neck strap, kicked on and he did the rest.
It's lovely having a horse that wants to do the job and gives 100%. Although no horse is perfect, you need one who suits you and your dreams :).
 
I realise it must be a hard decision, but if you think of it from your horse's point of view, that she may actually be happier in an environment where she didn't have to compete and get tense, than perhaps you are doing the right thing by her aswell. I think I have just been lucky that my horses have matched my desire to compete, but with all the time and effort that goes into our hobby you really do need to enjoy some aspects of it!! Good luck.
 
O_P,

I haven't read all the replies on here, so may be going over old ground, but; many moons ago I was asked to ride out a mare, on exercise. I rode down through Borehamwood, in Hertfordshire. The mare soon settled, and an hour later, when I returned , so did the owner. She asked me if I'd seen any double decker red buses! "Several" I said. "How was she?" asked the owner. The mare was fine, and didn't, from memory, show any concern.

The point is that we can sometimes induce fear and apprehension in an animal. We expect it to behave badly, and so it does!! Have you given any thought to having another rider enter a competition, and ride your horse, on your behalf? It's just a thought. If you have gone down this avenue, then you need to move on, and perhaps offer your horse to another, someone who doesn't wish to compete.

Whatever you do, good luck! It's a tough decision, but if we ignore it, then we end up with a string of field ornaments.

Alec.
 
Ditto alec - when horseS are fine at home, but then can't cope in a competition atmosphere I feel sometimes it can be more down to the rider than the horse. Can you get someone else to take her to a comp for you just to see. After four years of rubbish results, you are bound to be pre-empting the naughtiness, and might even be bringing it on yourself (not consciously obviously!)

Maybe with someone who has never seen her before, or knows the issues? :)
 
I've never had anyone else try to compete her. But i have had various instructors and friends see her out at competitions. I've asked them in the past should i send her to someone to compete her and everyone has come back and always said it wouldn't make any difference to her.
She has a very hard time concentrating and when you put pressure on she has this meltdown where she grinds to a halt and then launches herself. Bizarrely the only time i ever have her full attention is at xc.
After a friends suggestion i'm going to take her hunting and see what she makes of that. If she takes to it then i have lots of friends who she could go to to be a hunter.
I have a good feeling about it. She freaks in arenas however let her go in open spaces, she'd jump anything and ride past anything, no problem at all. So maybe hunting will give her a new lease of life.
We will test the water at a little local hunt and see what Mrs thinks of it.
 
Friends etc have said it won't make any difference; how do you know if you don't try it, it wouldn't be to much hassle, and you may be pleasantly surprised
 
See, when people say their horses freak in arenas, I always wonder if thats because the rider tenses up as soon as they go in. We are all guilty of it, even the pros I would think, its just that some horses aren't sensitive to it, and some are. I got to a stage with my last horse where we couldn't get past the 3rd fence SJ - and in reality, this must have been mostly down to me, if I had known more at the time I could have fixed it, but I was a teenager, who despite being surrounded by PC instructors never found someone to really help - now I would know where to go :)

I'm not trying to blame you, just that there may be a minute change in your riding which affects her, that a whole host of friends and instructors would not be able to pick up from being on the ground :)

Hunting is a good plan though, I think many horses do really get along and enjoy it :)
 
livvyc_ria said:
Well if anyone in cheshire wants to give it a go you are more than welcome. Any takers Pm me :)
Click to expand...

An excellent idea, well done you, and you never know, after a season's hunting, you may have a more confident horse! ;)

It's surprising how all so often, a change of emphasis can bring about a change of heart.

Alec.
 
I do know what you mean OP, but also think it might be worth trying as others suggested getting an instructor etc to take her out once or twice if she is what you want in other respects?
What happens if you go to another yard for a lesson or clinic? Is she as bad then?
My little horse used to be like this, would go nicely in the warm up once settled, and then go stiff and tense in the test, and spook at things/break into canter/refuse to walk etc etc. But it was definately me, now I compete my youngster as well I am so relaxed about competing j (because he is so easy in comparison to the elephantine 5 year old who can barely manage a 20m circle) that he stays more relaxed too, and lo and behold scores have improved dramatically!
However I would say if she is always like that, competing, schooling away from home or lessons, then you are probably right in thinking she might just not be cut out for the lifestyle you want for her.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top