HAs anyone seen my confidence? Its gone AWOL!

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tangoharvey

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Really cross with myself. I am 36, ridden all my life, apart from last 5 years due to 2 slipped discs. Now back in the saddle (just) on my mare who is as safe as they come. Yesterday I was going to ride....and I didnt......and my reason.........it was too windy(!) All these thoughts ran through my head of her spooking and rearing and cantering off donw the road, hitting oncoming cars with people screaming at the sides of the roads whilst I hung on for dear life before being crushed by a lampost. (I really really thought this!). So I asked someone else to hack her, they did and had a fab ride. I felt so bad, and just wondered if anyone has seen any confidence lurking around, as I have really lost mine!
Warm choc muffins and a coffee for reading!x
 
Oh dear that sounds just like me!! Even though you know you being irrational its hard not to at times. Probably cos we don't bounce like we used to.
 
Delicious muffins!

I can really relate to this as I had a similar crisis of confidence after breaking my back. Injuries make you painfully aware of the fact that you actually are breakable and that all the things you've done on horses could have hurt you in ways that would leave you in a bad way. It's a real mind game.

For me what eventually worked was realizing that I didn't care. Enough time had elapsed from when I'd been hurt that I missed riding terribly. I'd watch movies like Seabiscuit and cry through the whole thing because I wanted to be on a horse. Kind of put it in perspective.

If you're able to ride in an arena or enclosed area for a bit, that might help boost your confidence. Or riding with a friend. Or even taking some lessons on a school horse, even though your mare is dependable - sometimes being on a horse that you know is used for beginners can help build that confidence again.

And don't kick yourself. Your mare got out, she was fine - use that to try to put some perspective on it.
 
Don't be cross with yourself. It's soooooo easy to lose your confidence and there's no shame in admitting it. Just take baby steps. Tiny rides to begin with, without stretching yourself unless you want to. Stick to the arena or a well known safe route, preferably with a pal on a solid citizen. You'll be ok :)
 
perhaps your confidence eloped with mine? mine disappeared quite dramatically a couple of years ago. completely AWOL, nowhere to be seen.

it's heartbreaking. try to nip it in the bud now, keep riding. i didn't, and mine spiralled out of control. today i just sat on my (bombproof) horse for the first time in months. and actually puked before getting on.

have a couple of lessons with someone you trust, either on your own horse, or a riding school one.

good luck! keep riding! and if it gets worse, read kelly mark's confidence book. it helped me. well, it did temporarily... ;) xx
 
Hugs hun, i guess after a fair break from riding it can be a bit nerve racking, perhaps you are being extra cautious as you dont want to injure your back again, i also think its hard as we progress away from the crazy earlier get on anything jump anything years to look back on that and get down about it. However you obviously realise your fears are slightly irrational and will be able to work toward gtting more confidence perhaps hacking out with an experienced chum for moral support more than anything? best of luck :)
 
tangoharvey said:
Really cross with myself. I am 36, ridden all my life, apart from last 5 years due to 2 slipped discs. Now back in the saddle (just) on my mare who is as safe as they come. Yesterday I was going to ride....and I didnt......and my reason.........it was too windy(!) All these thoughts ran through my head of her spooking and rearing and cantering off donw the road, hitting oncoming cars with people screaming at the sides of the roads whilst I hung on for dear life before being crushed by a lampost. (I really really thought this!). So I asked someone else to hack her, they did and had a fab ride. I felt so bad, and just wondered if anyone has seen any confidence lurking around, as I have really lost mine!
Warm choc muffins and a coffee for reading!x
Click to expand...

Oh no it must be an age thing! I'm about your age (1 year younger) and my confidence keeps trying to scarper too!
18 months ago I bought a new horse who I definitely would have coped with when I was in my early twenties. I would probably have laughed at his capriole displays back then, but I've discovered that once you hit your mid 30's you don't bounce, and my dodgy back means I don't have the secure seat I did 10 - 15 years ago, and my nerves have put in an appearance for the first time, and they seem to be staying :( .
Without realising at the time I over-horsed myself. I feel such a pathetic failure.

I'll share your warm choc muffins and coffee with you xx
 
Don't beat yourself up for your thoughts, when you feel yourself imagining all sorts of negative outcomes try and stop your thinking and turn it positive so you imagine a great hack, nice and relaxed, no problems, or little ones that you cope with.

I lost my confidence totally a few years ago after a lot of bolting and then cracking my ribs, it's mostly back but this week it's been a bit hit and miss again. Positive visualisation, riding in the school until I'm bored and desperate to get out, and making a plan, with targets - i.e. ride to x and then back, has been what's worked for me. Rescue Remedy's great too ! Having someone else ride my horse and show me she's not a nutter has been really helpful so you can use the fact someone else rode yours today and it all went well to give you the boost you need.

I got mine back with the help of a patient friend who didn't mind walking when that was all I could do and made sure that my first canter outside a school was calm and relaxed. Her and lessons so I could trust myself not to fall off were really essential.

I've not had lessons for a while and think that's why my confidence is up and down again, so I'm just trying not to overthink and getting on anyway.

Good luck with it, it is possible to get it back once it's gone.
 
god im feeling your pain but in my case i feel my confidence problems are not when im riding more when im getting her from the field or working with her on the ground....my imagination runs wild and takes my heart with it....i imagine being kicked bit, walked over.....all sorts...but as soon as i mount i feel safe as houses, is that weird or what??????:eek:
 
Mine legged it too when I got my new mare last year she is not wonderful on her own took her on the Downs and she went loopy in a large open field have only been on the hill once since and that was witha friend, but she is the kindest little mare and would never knowingly hurt anyone my riding is confined to our farm bridlepaths now really want it back even at 62!:)
 
Oh thank god for that:rolleyes: thought I was alone in loosing the plot,even gone back on being led when i first get on a horse.
Brought a 19 yr old welsh D and she is really honest and slowish. Still thought she needed a bath so could not tack up yesterday...yes another excuse.
Well back on lead rope for a walk round then off it for the trot.

:eek: Do you think that there is a confidence thief about :eek: lol
 
Don't worry. Try to remember some really good times when your horse behaved well and you had great fun.

I have the same problem. I think as you get older you don't bounce as much. It can really hurt when you come off but you will have the same chance of an accident now as when you were younger.

Take things slowly. Little rides at a time. Just walking in the school to start and take it from there as your confidence increases. Your confidence will come back as mine did as this is how I started again after having the Winter off.

I imagined all sorts of terrible things happening but put it in perspective when I remembered some of the things we had done together and it had all gone well.
Good luck to you and hope everything goes well for you xx
 
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