Have I gone mad or am I being perfectly reasonable?!

[Accidental Eventer]

So not for the first time this year, I have been contemplating selling my beautiful Henry. It all started when I met my friends lovely horse and I fell in love with him a bit, and she was talking of selling him. Friends horse has an amazing brain and I’d love to work with him if she does sell. Except I’d need to sell Henry to fund it and have time for a new horse!

Then I started doing endurance on my other horse and fell in love with the sport. I’d love to pursue it more, but Henry isn’t the horse to do that with. He wouldn’t cope at all, he’s just a bit too alert!

Henry is a sharp competition horse, I haven’t met his limit jumping because I’m not brave enough to jump higher, he cruises around a Xc course with ease and is training to go medium dressage. He’s the most well trained horse I’ve ever had and I love riding him.

He is a thoroughbred and so has some thoroughbred quirks and needs managing quite a lot. I’m always thinking about what will work or not work for him, trying to keep him relaxed in warmups etc. he’s not naughty, he doesn’t buck or rear or get nappy, just gets tense and hot. It’s not a big deal, but it’s another thing to manage.

I fell out of love competing in the last few years. I don’t have as much time or money, have serious mum guilt and while I’ve never felt Henry has been wasted, I like the idea of doing more. Except managing him adds to it being harder.

My other horse has always been easy, fun and I’ve never really worried about how he might react in different situations. I miss that. I can’t help but think a new horse would allow me to do that, and also get more into endurance. I’m at the time in my life that I want to give everything a go and just really enjoy it.

I really love riding Henry at home and in lessons, he’s sensible and forward and fun. He’s turned into a brilliant horse. He is also a sweetheart and so kind and gentle with my son. He’s the friendliest horse I’ve ever had!

So am I nuts to think about selling him??? Part of me thinks yes and part of me thinks no.

Next horse would likely be green and young. Which I love, but also I’d be starting over again. I have some people viewing him in friday and I feel equally devastated they might love him and devestated they won’t!

My brain is going round in circles!!

 

[Barton Bounty]

I wouldnt say nuts, but if you want him to continue his full potential then selling might be the option especially if he loves his job. Thats the way I would have to tell myself it was ok to sell.. for my brain to accept it.

 

[paddi22]

When I get very sharp hot horses in the first thing I do is endurance. I find it brilliant for them, to help them settle and relax. Even the spookiest, sharpest ones seem to settle after a bit and get to enjoy it. It's not clear exactly why you want to sell, other than him being unsettled and tense? but if you get green horse, you are going to have to go through all the settled/tense stuff again anyway? If you think he'd benefit from a com petition home then it might be the best choice. but But if you want a horse that you know will react calmly in all situations, a green young horse doesn't seem the right choice? even the calmest ones go through teenage phases and throw bucks/rears etc.

 

[Accidental Eventer]

For me his full potential is only a small part of my decision. He is perfectly happy pootling around with me, trail riding and having lessons etc. he has a very nice life just being loved! I do feel like he would suit a competition home well (which is what I bought him for, to get to high level eventing!) but mostly I want him to be loved and enjoyed the way I do.

I wouldnt say nuts, but if you want him to continue his full potential then selling might be the option especially if he loves his job. Thats the way I would have to tell myself it was ok to sell.. for my brain to accept it.

 

[Accidental Eventer]

When I get very sharp hot horses in the first thing I do is endurance. I find it brilliant for them, to help them settle and relax. Even the spookiest, sharpest ones seem to settle after a bit and get to enjoy it. It's not clear exactly why you want to sell, other than him being unsettled and tense? but if you get green horse, you are going to have to go through all the settled/tense stuff again anyway? If you think he'd benefit from a com petition home then it might be the best choice. but But if you want a horse that you know will react calmly in all situations, a green young horse doesn't seem the right choice? even the calmest ones go through teenage phases and throw bucks/rears etc.

It is so hard to explain myself because it’s not clear cut. If I take him to endurance I know exactly how he will react and he will be a real handful. I can manage it but I don’t want to. I want it to be fun, and I don’t think it would be! Which I think is what it comes down to

I’m very aware a young green horse has a teenage phase and might get fresh, Henry was 3 when I got him annd my third young horse. And don’t get me wrong I quite like a sparky horse! I guess if I were to sell him I’d be looking for a specific type, preferably one that doesn’t think “runaway” when it gets scared. I guess that’s why my friend horse turned my eye. He’s super inquisitive and a real thinking type. Henry has always been the run away type and I’ve convinced him to do more thinking over the years.

I guess this is why I’m going in circles. I know Henry inside out, I’d have to start again with a new one, but the new adventure and the idea of creating something better is alluring!

 

[Barton Bounty]

For me his full potential is only a small part of my decision. He is perfectly happy pootling around with me, trail riding and having lessons etc. he has a very nice life just being loved! I do feel like he would suit a competition home well (which is what I bought him for, to get to high level eventing!) but mostly I want him to be loved and enjoyed the way I do.

Well, can you keep him too

 

[Ample Prosecco]

Some may disagree but I never really see a problem with responsible selling: place the horse well with full disclosure/don't move on one who is old/ill etc etc. And I also think horse ownership is so expensive and all consuming emotionally, that it is reasonable to want to have a horse that wants to, and can, do what you want to do, than either to make your horse adapt to something he is less well suited to, or to compromise your own wishes and ambitions to suit the horse.

 

[Barton Bounty]

I dont disagree with responsible selling either I just don’t think I could, Im too soft which is why when Alan told me to buy Orbi and said ‘if you dont gel with him you can sell him on’
I knew he would never go anywhere even if he was a knob

 

[Accidental Eventer]

Some may disagree but I never really see a problem with responsible selling: place the horse well with full disclosure/don't move on one who is old/ill etc etc. And I also think horse ownership is so expensive and all consuming emotionally, that it is reasonable to want to have a horse that wants to, and can, do what you want to do, than either to make your horse adapt to something he is less well suited to, or to compromise your own wishes and ambitions to suit the horse.

I think this is where I’m at in my head. If I was competing how I thought I’d be, there would be no question in keeping him. There isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with him. He’s just a sharp, performance thoroughbred who likes a job and direction. I can give him those things, but I guess in my heart I’m looking for something a bit less sharp but still forward and fun.

You’re right that they are too expensive and involved to not enjoy, I have experienced that before and it was horrible.

I just wish it was more clear cut this time around. Or that I had more money.

 

[Accidental Eventer]

I dont disagree with responsible selling either I just don’t think I could, Im too soft which is why when Alan told me to buy Orbi and said ‘if you dont gel with him you can sell him on’
I knew he would never go anywhere even if he was a knob

That’s my problem. I’ve never sold a horse. Coolie is 22 next year and will be with me forever, I’ve had to put one down and have given one away to a very competent person because he wasn’t right for me and I couldn’t responsibly sell him. This would be the first time and is adding to the what ifs!

 

[ihatework]

I think this is where I’m at in my head. If I was competing how I thought I’d be, there would be no question in keeping him. There isn’t anything fundamentally wrong with him. He’s just a sharp, performance thoroughbred who likes a job and direction. I can give him those things, but I guess in my heart I’m looking for something a bit less sharp but still forward and fun.

You’re right that they are too expensive and involved to not enjoy, I have experienced that before and it was horrible.

I just wish it was more clear cut this time around. Or that I had more money.

I think this dilemma will end up being solved if you find a really good buyer that is a perfect fit for him. If you don’t then you keep him.

 

[Accidental Eventer]

I think this dilemma will end up being solved if you find a really good buyer that is a perfect fit for him. If you don’t then you keep him.

I think you’re right. It does need to be the right home, one that will love him for him

 

[Equi]

How old is he now? Would he suit the time trials type of life?

 

[IrishMilo]

I would definitely sell in your shoes. It's not like you've had him for 2 months and decided you can't be bothered. You've given it a good go and just come to a natural conclusion that maybe you're not the best fit for each other. He sounds like a great horse who will do someone a really good turn.

Life is too short to not do the things that make you safe and happy, particularly when we pay through the nose for it.

 

[Accidental Eventer]

How old is he now? Would he suit the time trials type of life?

He is 11, I don’t think we have time trials here! We are in Western Australia

 

[Accidental Eventer]

I would definitely sell in your shoes. It's not like you've had him for 2 months and decided you can't be bothered. You've given it a good go and just come to a natural conclusion that maybe you're not the best fit for each other. He sounds like a great horse who will do someone a really good turn.

Life is too short to not do the things that make you safe and happy, particularly when we pay through the nose for it.

Hah no, I’ve had him 8 years! In a life where I hadn’t had a child he’d be right, I think! And he was right pre child. But said child has massively changed my priorities, though horses are obviously still very front and centre, competing isn’t, and when I do do it, I just want it to be fun

 

[Patterdale]

If you could click your fingers and he was gone, and money in your account, would you do it?

If so then it’s the process you’re struggling with, and owning the decision. You already know it.

If not, then sit on it for a bit longer.

 

[gunnergundog]

Don't know the history of this horse, but a horse that you've had for eight years, if it's been sound all that time and without vet issues, is worth an awful lot in anyone's book.
How old is the other one and how much of his vet history is a known?

 

[PurpleSpots]

I know you've said you know how he'll react when doing endurance, but is there something you could take him to soon where you could check that theory to know for sure?

Ironic worst case scenario would be that you sold him, they wound up doing endurance with him, and he was great and loved it!

 

[IrishMilo]

If you could click your fingers and he was gone, and money in your account, would you do it?

If so then it’s the process you’re struggling with, and owning the decision. You already know it.

If not, then sit on it for a bit longer.

This is exactly how I decide whether to sell too. I've had a couple where I'd much rather have the cash in the bank than the horse in the field...

 

[silv]

I would definitely sell in your shoes. It's not like you've had him for 2 months and decided you can't be bothered. You've given it a good go and just come to a natural conclusion that maybe you're not the best fit for each other. He sounds like a great horse who will do someone a really good turn.

Life is too short to not do the things that make you safe and happy, particularly when we pay through the nose for it.

This, he sounds like a great horse so you should be able to find a good home for him. Life is too short to keep going with a horse that no longer suits your needs.

 

[Boulty]

Sounds like much as you love him what you’re after in a horse has changed since you bought him & that’s ok. If nobody ever sold anything then there’d be nothing for anyone to buy.

 

[tda]

This is not going to help much with your head going in circles, but here goes....
On another thread, SV, people are saying that competion horses/thoroughbreds do not need to be hot, and if they are maybe something else is going on. Not saying there is with your horse....and I see you've had a child which also impacts a lot of peoples view of their hot horse.
Starting at home, how is he kept/turnout etc.
Could you go to a couple of quiet pleasure rides just to see how he reacts. I imagine a lot of horses get a bit giddy at their first ride.

He sounds like a star in all other ways, I'd be loathe to let him go

 

[sbloom]

This is not going to help much with your head going in circles, but here goes....
On another thread, SV, people are saying that competion horses/thoroughbreds do not need to be hot, and if they are maybe something else is going on. Not saying there is with your horse....and I see you've had a child which also impacts a lot of peoples view of their hot horse.
Starting at home, how is he kept/turnout etc.
Could you go to a couple of quiet pleasure rides just to see how he reacts. I imagine a lot of horses get a bit giddy at their first ride.

He sounds like a star in all other ways, I'd be loathe to let him go

100%. Tension in a horse is so often part of discomfort or even just a physical compromise eg posture. To be devils advocate I'd say have a look at serious postural or connection programmes to see where they take you, Annie Dillon Horsemanship would be the ultimate for posture, someone like Amy Skinner Horsemanship for some broader work looking at posture in part but connection, lunging, all sorts. Even the first exercise in the free FB group "7 secrets of self carriage" would help you find out if there's any chance something's amiss in his body, training or management. Almost all horses can be more emotionally regulated if they're happier in body and mind, I think we're only just learning HOW much.

 

[Accidental Eventer]

So he is calm and quiet at home and gets amped up out and about at comps. He is fine at lessons, clinics, in the bush, dressage clubs and some venues. I try and be as on it as I can with soundness issues, he was last vetted 12 months ago and was sound. He is kept in 24/7 turn out, consistent feeding, has a friend, worked regularly, hacked, and really is a good boy. I dont think we have a soundess issue, though do think that his posture can be improved and that is a work in progress.

Re the endurance, he thinks horses moving in the distance are running from something and wants to run away from whatever they are running from. Thats what i'm not sure he would cope with.

I have a viewing of him tomorrow and the closer it gets the more I'm dreading it, it has helped clear my mind. A big part of me can't imagine not having him around.

Just to make it clear, the problem is me. My attitude is different, my goals are different, but then does it matter because I love riding him and enjoy him immensely, and feel safe on him.

 

[tda]

It sounds like he is kept in a near perfect way. I fully understand your goals are different, but it's got to be worth a few goes at endurance (with a safe buddy) before you let him go