Have you ever been "fetched" off your horse in a lesson?

Gingerwitch

Gingerwitch

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A few years ago now - I was on a lesson and things were really not going well! - I was basically trying far too hard and therefore lost any feel and become very mechanical so when the horse tried to move the poor thing was in a strangle hold of my legs, tense bum and fixed arms. Naturally "the only way is up" so to speak !. After about 15 mins of getting nowhere my instructor at the time lost his patience and told me to jump off the horse...... i did thinking he was going to get on........OH NO - my worst nightmare happend. The woman I absoultley hated and dispised was ordered on my horse! I just stood there I am embarressed to say.... I burst into tears and walked off - I felt about 3 years old and must say I have never ever forgot the humiliation of that day and I do not think I ever will.

Did it help? - probably because it gave me sheer bloody determination that I would ride the horse BUT I lost a lot of trust in riding instructors and will never get off my horse for anything or anyone again, alternativly it could have made me give up riding completley - but so could the lecture of "you really do not know what you have got being wasted their" could have made me give up anyway.

This affected me so much we had a group on Sunday - I was watching and the instructor (different one) wanted everyone to change horses. I felt so angry at that moment and I have literally had nightmares about being fetched off my horse and have even practiced "no I would rather ride my own for this Sundays lesson!"

OH - says to forget it and get over it - its my horse so just say no and when you are in a competitive sport and are paying to learn, every lesson is a good one! - erm...do some riding instructors like to bully people?
 
Oh no I think that is an AWFUL thing to do without your consent - I would have been furious
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Was it your own horse as in you owned it or a school horse. Either way it is bad but if your own they have no right. Utterly humiliating and embarassing in that situation I would imagine. I hope you never went back to that instructor!! I really don't think that is the best way to teach and inspire someone
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I don't think it should be something ever forced on a group of riders to be honest. Totally different if you were a group if friends and discussed it and said why not swap horses....

Also I would wonder what the insurance implications would be if somenoe then came off someone else's horse and had a serious accident - so not sure if best idea for that purpose either!
 
DarkHorseB - it was my own horse - and do not get me wrong I did not know what I had brought at all - as when I had fetched him he was completley switched off and desensatised. We had just gone through a very slow 6 months where he had started to come out of himself and he was now at that "urm lets see what we can get away with stage" and because it was being drummed into me that the horse was "far too good to be wasted on me" I was loosing confidence by the hour -let alone by the day. One of the other girls did take me to one side and tell me that she thought the instructor was trying to get me to sell him to him ! if that makes sense !

I do still use the instructor..... but I like to think this is more to do with "I will show him" rather than I am a wimp ! (but not so sure). It also made me want to use other instructors and that is my aim this year.

But it is a shame as even if someone had all the good intentions, or really wanted to show me something on MY horse I know I would just switch off now.
 
If the horse you were riding was uncomfortable and possibly about to misbehave and did not belong to you (I assume from the way you wrote your post) then the instructor was perfectly within his rights to get the horse going again properly before you got back on. He was not to know that you did not like the person he asked to get on! The horse is not a machine and if you had hit a mental block (and believe me I know how this feels) then getting off and giving you and the horse a break is the best thing to do.

If it is your own horse then you can say you don't want to swap but I would then suggest you have private lessons from now on. Your OH has the right attitude - stop stressing, listen to your instructor and learn everything you can. And riding different horses is the BEST way of learning.

I don't see why you would have been humiliated as per the reply above - if you are having lessons then you are learning! This happened a few years ago so get over it, stop worrying and enjoy your horse!!!
 
FMM - thanks for the post - it was my horse, and it was a private lesson - the other woman was sniggering in the viewing gallery - (well that how it felt to me !) and the group lessons are also on our own horses.

But I really appreciated your stance (just wont tell the OH that !)
 
Sounds like a very poor instrutor I see shouting and other bullying as a very poor teacher at work, and in your case if
the instructor was any good they would have been able to work out what was going wrong and find a way of taking you back a few steps and explain what they could see and constutive way forward... I wouldent worry you were there to learn and the instuctor failed, I am so lucky to have a fantastic instuctor she is firm but fair and goes out of her way to explain things, push you alittle , and make a lesson positive for both you and horse... so dont be put off keep looking and try other instructors you will find someone you
trust and respect ... just have to kiss a few frogs
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In that case, I think you were right to be pissed off - he should have asked your permission. ANd really should have got on himself. Crap instructor! You are right to change him.
 
I would of firmly told my instructor that yes I would get off, but over my dead body was "that" woman getting on...... the instructor should of gotten on if you were having a bad day......
 
gingerwitch I made a comment on another thread that too many people in the horse world worry about what other people think. You fit firmly into this catagory.

What you instructor did was insensitive, however you knew yourself that the lesson was not going well. I agree that the instructor should have got on. Yards where I have been only allow spectators by invitatation to private lessons; I don't understand a setup where anybody can watch (and participate it seems)
 
i would be pissed off too especially as you are paying for the lesson and this other lady gets taught because basically the instructor couldnt be bothered to help you ride your horse properly after all you are the one who is going to be riding him at competitions etc
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i think instructor was trying to humiliate you otherwise he should of got on himself
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No way would somebody I don't like be getting on my horse. She would be told, as would the instructor.

As for the group lesson swap, I think these are a good idea. It is so easy when you ride just the one horse (assuming you do) to ride the way the horse wants you to, iyswim.

Being able to get on a different horse and being able to get a tune out of it is the sign of a good rider imo. Also, some people may look at your horse, thinking he/she looks an easy ride. It's only when they ride it themselves (badly) do they realise it's you that makes it look easy
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It is vital you have a good relationship with your Instructor and shouldn't ever be forced into something you don't want to do!! As you have experienced it undermines your trust in the Instructor and inhibits your ability to learn because it becomes all about doing that particular thing, rather than about taking the whole lesson away with you.

...having said that I used to frequently offer my horse out during lessons, as I found it hard to articulate our problems and found the advice I got back from people once they had actually been on him was much more constructive
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I would not have minded if it were the instructor getting on, but if someone else did, I would have told them to get lost - I pay to be instructed or have an instructor ride my horse with my permission and not some bystander.

I prefer private lessons with my instructor, though I don't have huge problems, I like her to get on him first and ride him to (a) see how he feels and is he progressing and (b) when I get on, I get a feel for the way he has been set up and this is what I need to achieve myself.

I will not go to an instructor who behaves badly - I don't mind being told to get off my arse and ride it, by an instructor who knows me well and what I can achieve, and I do like them to get me to push myself.

I have been asked would they like for me to have them get on and have a go, but never made to feel the way you describe.

If I were you, I would find an instructor I could get on with and build a good relationship with and start with private and then go onto group lessons with them and try to put this incidence in the past. Lessons should be both educational and most importantly, enjoyable.
 
IMO in a private lesson to be told to get off your horse for the instructor to ride if fair enough, but to have some one unrealted to the lesson is out of order. If in a group lesson there is a swopping session, again there should be the option to opt out, but to have a chance at riding other horses is a good thing..... if nothing else you get to see your horse worked and get the chance of a " oh good it isn't just me" moment!!
 
My instructor always asks my permission before riding my horse, and would definitely ask my permission before putting someone else on. I would have been completely furious and would not have allowed the rider to stay on board. I doubt I'd be still using the instructor either. That was crass bad manners and calculated to make you feel bad. That is not what you should be paying for.
 
yes, years ago by a top top trainer (supposed to be one of the best event trainers in the country) because my lovely big homebred rather green horse could not, at 5 yrs old and 17.2, do simple changes on a 3-loop serpentine as he crossed centre line... (i didn't mind, i knew i hadn't worked on them so the horse couldn't do them yet, so was relaxed about it and happy to do them progressively in balance through trot.) this trainer got angry, got me off, got on, and proceeded to force the horse to do them, socking him in the teeth to stop him, changing bend sharply and then booting him to get him to do a sharp canter transition.
i was so so stupid, i just stood there and let him do it with everyone watching... but he was a "name" and i'm just a nobody (although i'd produced to Advanced at that point so should have had a bit of self-belief i guess.)
the horse had NEVER ever ground his teeth before, and did so from that day onwards. it stressed him hugely and i eventually lost him to colic. gutting because he was the best thing i've ever bred, by Criminal Law, and had the real 'look of the eagles'.
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my regular trainer was so disappointed that i'd let this "name" do that.
it still makes me well up to think about what i let that b*****d do to my lovely naive young horse just for the sake of his ego, the ****.
 
Kerilli - I have just gone cold reading your post - and I am so so sorry.

Mine was nowhere as bad as that - more about my ego- but I was just getting this horse to have the confidence to "relax" and yes he was testing the water - and after the previous owners treatment of him I should have been singing from the treetops that he was having any kind of attitutde - good or bad !. And yes I was having a crap time and yes I needed my butt kicking, but I had to walk away - I know my horse was smaked as I heard them, and I know it took a long time for him to start to come back out of his self again after that day.

Again Kerlli - If I can feel as bad as that after all this time and I am a rational being (supposedly) I now understand more of how and why an animal will react to a set of circumstances - (I am not condeming you at all - as I felt as helpless as you so obviously did and just did not have the courage to say "Do One!")
You make my issue insignificant to your loss and I thank you for being as brave and open to have posted this - you are much braver than me and I am off to wipe my eyes now.
 
I would suggest learn from it (ie don't let it happen again) and move on.

It was years ago. If that is the sort of thing that affects you for years, you're potentially in the wrong hobby/sport, as horsey people can and will do far worse.

Kerilli - horrible story
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I think its the fact that it was someone you 'depsised' that has really upset you, and if that happens again then its within your rights to point out that you don't want her riding it. My sister never does pony swaps at camp, depsite them being quite a large part of some lessons because she didn't want anyone riding her pony (admittedly she didn't want the pony wound up by someone else, and someone to get huirt) so would just say no. Its up to you, not him- and he should have got on!
 
Like Kerilli I have let a "known named" instructor put me and the horse through hell,
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although luckily for us it was recoverable. I knew from 5 minutes into the lesson that I wouldn't go back to her ever again, but stupidly, out of politeness, lack of belief in my own convictions and a british sense of stiff upper lip I put the horse through the entire hour's lesson with this supposed wonderful horsewoman. Burst into tears on the hack home and spent the next week crying about how stupid I was to have ruined this horse, he was so stiff and confused.
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It took a good few months to recover from that one hour. At least she didn't get on him or put anyone else on him either.

Back to the OP, sounds like you're not enjoying lessons with this trainer, and I don't blame you - can you get someone else? It must be difficult if everyone else on your yard doesn't have a problem with him, but I would hedge no lessons are better than bad lessons
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Please let this be a warning to everyone. In future, if you're unhappy or unsure about something your instructor tells you to do, ask them to explain why, don't let them rush you and if you're still not convinced just say no. Its your money and your lesson. Don't suffer from the Brit disease of being polite and saying nothing.
 
I would often offer to get on if I feel someone I am teaching has hit a bit of a brick wall in the lesson, or if there is something that I think I might get a better impression of from on board. I would always ask first and I would never, ever put someone else up on the horse, never mind with or without permission. I am the one giving the lesson, therefore I should be the one to help the pupil and horse work through any issues.

Mind you, it has backfired on me in that regular clients got too fond of the assistance and half way through lessons when they were running out of puff would often ask me to get up and get the horse going for them!!!
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Gingerwitch, have you ever spoken to your instructor about this and how he made you feel? If not, at some point you could work the conversation casually round to mentioning that lesson. It might sound abit odd, but I think the feedback to him would be useful and might stop him doing it to someone else, and also it would help you put it behind you and stop getting upset by it. I really felt for you reading this and hope you find someone more competent to have lessons with in future.

Its one thing for your OH to tell you to forget and move on, but if it was that easy you would have done by now. I think you need to talk it through with the guy who made you feel like this and get it off your chest.
 
The thing is I think it is appallingly bad and lazy teaching. It is a totally different thing for an Instructor to ask to get on the horse themselves to get a feel for how they go or see how to best get them to do something or just to demonstrate what they mean. I always prefer for someone to have got a feel of my horse if they are teaching me.

The whole reason we go to an instructor is that we want to improve and by we I mean the partnership of horse and rider. I am certain there are people out there who could ride my horse better in all disciplines but the fact is I want to ride him myself!! So that is what needs focussed on.

I have instructors who I come away from the lesson feeling really inspired and full of confidence and to me that is what a good lesson feels like. I will always try different instructors and have come away from some feeling totally uninspired, demotivated or ignored and to me the answer is simple I do not go back. That is not to say a good instructor doesn't need to challenge you or even get after you but there are so many better ways to do it. In a previous job (nothing to do with horses) I used to have to do alot of training. People were of different levels and some got it quickly others didn't I would have been shot had I got exasperated with one of the less able ones and said oh give that to me and I'll get X to do it instead as they are so much brighter!! In fact these days could well be up in front of a tribunal for hurt feelings!!

I do think your relationship with this instructor has been irreparably damaged though and you should not use them.
 
That is such a sad story kerrili
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I think we have all found ourselves having to go along with something we are not 100% happy with and it probably is a case of stiff upper lip and doubting our own judgement - so please don't feel bad about it.
Some horses are way more sensitive than others and need gentler handling and an instructor who does not realise this is stupid!
I rode pure TBs for years and I always swear you get nowhere with them by bullying. Not saying they don't need told off but have seen people get on mine to prove a point and really bully them and it got them nowhere they were just twice as stubborn afterwards. Luckily they were resilient and it did not worry them for long afterwards or stress them it just didn't work though!! My current youngster though I can tell is a sensitive soul and I know at his age and stage he could be badly spoiled if bullied.
 
aw, Kerilli, what a horrid story
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have never been ordered off one of my horses. DR trainer used to get on the grey in my siggy when i hit a brick wall...but thats different.
with my current horse i would let very few ppl get on him. he's cold backed and has taken me a lot of time and patience to get him so that he doesn't bronk me off when i get on- i wouldn't want to risk someone ruining my good work (my trainer agrees- even he has never sat on him, altho i think that is fear about how big he bucks!
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) I'm not saying i'm the best rider in the world (far from it) but i don't see how it will help my horse to have other average riders on him?
 
I had a couple of awful experiences with a jumping "instructor" & was left totally demoralised & completely lost my confidence. It took my new trainer a lot of patience & time to help me rebuild my self belief & confidence in myself & my pony. I trust him completely & am always honest if I don't understand or feel nervous, I had some sessions too with a sports psychologist which helped no end, & the feedback from these helped Paul tailor his teaching slightly to help me more. Please don't let this man ruin your riding career, its taken me so long to get back what was taken from me I would hate the same thing to happen to someone else.
 
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I can't believe that you're all so daft.
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If I'm not happy in a lesson, I ask the instructor/trainer.
I've had a lot of lessons, and never let anyone walk over me or my horses - and you don't have to be rude.
In extremis, you could always pull up and say your horse feels ever so slightly unlevel - probably so mildly that it won't show to those watching. Walk round on a long rein.
Then thank the instructor, pay, leave, and never book him/her again.
Simples.
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in my defence, this was with a world-famous trainer (of the GB team) with loads of people watching. when he got on, i had absolutely no idea of what he was going to do. i simply thought he'd ride better than me, never dreamt he'd seriously abuse my horse. once he was on and started yanking and booting him around, i was struck dumb.
i'll NEVER let anyone do such a thing to one of my horses again... but it's easy to accept things at first because you believe the other person knows much better than you (that's why you've gone to them for instruction, after all.)
 
Kerilli i had a similar experience to you with a horse who is now retired to my parents farm - he was always verging on a headshaker, but had tons of potential and was a great chaser in his day. Instructor got 'irritated' in our lesson as he was getting very wound up, tossing head everywhere and insisted on getting on. Proceeded to just sock him in the teeth for a few laps of the school
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It was horrendous to watch, and i thank GOD that the lesson was at home and that my Dad was watching, who doesn't half love this horse, and ordered the rider to get off as 'he was undoing years of racehorse trainers and jockeys hard work, in 5 minutes flat!' At the time i was only 16 and mortified that my Dad had spoken to this 'amazing rider' like that, but now i look back and wish i'd gone and socked them in the mouth back!! It tooks MONTHS to get the horse's head-tossing down to a minimum again, and we even had to employ his ex-stablelad to come down and work with him and me to get the horse's confidence back. Awful, i'll never forgive myself!

I'm interested who your instructor was Kerilli!
 
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