Having a much loved child’s pony pts - any tips on easing the transition for the child?

[maya2008]

My old jumping pony is now my daughter’s first ridden. She has been beyond amazing for her and they have been inseparable for the last year. The pony is old and struggling though, and it will soon be time to call it a day. I’ve known this was coming for a year or so, since the pony no longer became able to carry an adult or stand up to more than first ridden type work. My 7yo daughter obviously doesn’t know. Any tips from people who’ve had to do this?

We have another pony who will be backed soon and intend to swap around so my daughter gets the Shetland (who she learned to ride on but is lead rein/second ridden rather than first) and my son will have the youngster. Do I gradually swap her over onto the Shetland in advance of her pony’s passing to ease the transition?

 

[Errin Paddywack]

I would say yes. The sooner she starts to get to know the other pony the better. Try to explain that her pony is getting very old and can't work as much so that she starts to process the fact that she won't be able to ride it at all soon. Actual talk about it dying can wait a bit hopefully.

 

[Leandy]

Yes, I would be transitioning her on to the other pony and explaining that the old one is getting too old to do any work. I wouldn't talk about it dying unless she brings it up. Personally with a child that young I wouldn't be warning her of it being PTS. It is all too complicated and worrying a message. I'd just sort that out behind the scenes if it becomes necessary and then just tell her that the pony died in his sleep whilst she was at school or whatever.

 

[TGM]

I've found that children take this sort of thing better than we fear. Obviously they are upset at first but most get over it fairly quickly. Sounds like a good plan to transition to the other pony in advance. I agree with the others not to warn her about the possibility of the pony dying in advance, although mentioning that the pony is getting old, is a bit poorly etc., helps to pave the way. Personally, at that age I wouldn't go into the detail of euthanasia, I think children can find it hard to grasp that you are making that decision for the best reasons. You don't have to lie, but just say the pony has died because it was poorly or whatever.

 

[Catbird]

It's horrible - our 29 year old pony will most likely be pts this winter. I've explained to my 6 and 8 year old what's going to happen and why, and they're really sad, but know that it wouldn't be fair to keep him alive if he's very ill. He's been on medication for a long while so they know he's got some issues.

I wasn't sure about whether to explain how its done (we'll opt for injection), but they asked and it seemed to answer their concerns as they were worried about him being alone, scared and upset. Was a horrible conversation to have (lots of tears all round) but seemed to help them. It'll be their first experience of death, so no idea what their reactions will be once it happens.

One thing I would say if you're going to tell her is to wait until the vet is booked - our pony went downhill over a week and we decided it was time, but before the vet was booked, he got better overnight and started cantering about. He's been fine since which is obviously great, but not sure it's helped with their understanding of it all.

 

[FourWhiteSocks]

It sounds like you have though about and planned this carefully which is admirable. I value the lessons I learnt about life and death as a child around horses. However you choose to do this, give your children space and time to talk feelings through. Have those difficult conversations, they will increase your bond despite being sad. Children are resilient if they don't have to deal with trauma alone. I wish you and your family best wishes.

 

[stangs]

Really good responses above, just wanted to add to make sure that you're supporting your son through it as well. Ime the older children tend to help younger siblings work through the transition, but that takes a toll on them as well, even if they're old enough to know that this was to be expected.