Having problems with my sharer - help please!

[welshponylover]

Basically we have found a sharer for him to ride during the week and flexibly at weekends. She seemed really perfect saying that she had experience in bringing on young horses and schooling, but when she rode him she couldnt make him stop and she was jabbing him in the mouth. She also rode with her toes really out turned which made her give him constant leg aids which my boy needs very little of! I thought it might just be cos it was the first time she rode, but she rode again and she couldnt even get him to canter cos hes not very well schooled and has to rush into a fast canter before he settles atm and every time he did she would jab him in the mouth. Hes got a rubber pelham and i could tell it was hurting him cos she was leaning on her reins and stuff. Then she fell off when he ran out of a jump - we have a trial for a month, but hes such a sensitive man and we had interest from two other people and i just dont want him ruined - she evidently wasnt telling the truth about knowing how to school because she couldnt ride him over a grid, or keep him on a circle and she didnt even know how to lunge!
Want to put an end to it before anything happens - but no idea how!

HELP PLEASE!! im actually desperate!

 

[ThePony]

err, tell her?!!

 

[MerrySherryRider]

'Fraid its one of those times when you have to be straight with the sharer. You have to speak up for your pony because he can't. Just say that he's not right for her and that its not a criticism but simply a question of matching horse and rider.

 

[TheShark]

Just tell her she is unsuitable and find someone else. Your horse is more Important than her feelings.

When I looked for shares I expected to be turned away from at least one or two
potentials for not riding well enough/being right for the horse.

 

[ShmellyEm]

'Fraid its one of those times when you have to be straight with the sharer. You have to speak up for your pony because he can't. Just say that he's not right for her and that its not a criticism but simply a question of matching horse and rider.

ditto!

 

[nikicb]

Your horse, you don't like how she rides, you tell her she can't any more - simples!

 

[dogcalleddill]

And BREATHE...

If you're unhappy with the situation, you don't have to stick with it. He's your horse and you have to be happy with anyone riding him. Simples

I know it'll probably be a difficult conversation but just politely tell her you don't think she and your horse are suited. Just be honest; it really is the best policy. And your horse's welfare comes way above her feelings.

Good luck!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Did you not see her ride before making the arrangement?

It's not too late, just tell her that you don't think your horse is suitable for her.

Make sure that you watch any other potential loaners BEFORE offering a trial period. I would ask for references as well.

 

[WandaMare]

I find its easiest to start those conversations with something like.....how do you think its working out so far? rather than going straight in by saying something negative.

With any luck she will say she doesn't think she's riding him very well, people normally know and this will then give you the opportunity to gently agree and suggest leaving the arrangement...

If she says she thinks its all going OK, you will just have to be blunt and say you think it would be better if she found a horse which is better suited to her style of riding eg. less sensitive. It sounds more constructive than making specific criticisms and pointing out what she's doing wrong.

Hope this helps

 

[Abz88]

Have you got her to sign any contract at all regarding the share? Did she pay up-front for the month or does she pay weekly? I ask as if you have a contract between you (written) which states she pay 1 month in advance, be very very careful in how you approach saying she isn't suitable and can't ride your boy any more. If there is no written/signed contract and she has not paid up front for the month, you are within your rights to tell her to go and not come back! If she has paid up front with no contract, give her the differnce back and tell her to go. As soon as you get contracts involved it can make life very difficult!

Good luck with it! :0)

 

[becca1305]

tell her politely and refund any monies owed. Don't stress about it too much, everyone makes mistakes and next time you know to watch them ride before agreeing to a months trial . But as others have said, your horse's welfare and education are more important than her feelings so you've just got to be honest and as nice as you can about telling her she isn't suitable for him. Perhaps also consider a change of bit if possible to something very forgiving for the next trial of a sharer. As you say he is a little inexperienced don't be afraid to not let the potential sharer jump him first time and ask them back again to do more flat and have a pop (if you think they might be suitable), the right sharer won't mind coming back again . Then if you think they are still suitable you can agree to a months trial. I understand its often very difficult not wanting to be rude even though someone has been inaccurate with you leading you to the decision you made but you are doing the right thing in telling her hope this helps a little.

 

[Bikerchickone]

I think asking her how she thinks it's going is the way to go. You might find she's not too happy either and would appreciate a chance to say so. If not you can politely say you're not sure they're suited to each other. No use stressing about it, you have to do the right thing by your horse. Good luck. xx

 

[starryeyed]

'Fraid its one of those times when you have to be straight with the sharer. You have to speak up for your pony because he can't. Just say that he's not right for her and that its not a criticism but simply a question of matching horse and rider.

I think this is a good way to put it, nice and clear without being offensive.

 

[Ranyhyn]

If the horse is sensitive and she's not a subtle enough rider she will ruin the horse, just tell her. She'll find another horse better suited to her I'm sure. That's your investment, both money and love and I wouldn't have anyone thrumping around on mine and jabbing it in the gob!!

 

[NooNoo59]

Dont let her ride him anymore, tell her she is not experienced enough, end off, you dont want the horse spoilt

 

[welshponylover]

thanks everyone - gunna give her one more week and just explain why im concerced i think xx

 

[somethingorother]

Why give her another week? I think it's unfair to do so, to take another weeks money off her (?), another week where she may become attached to the horse. Just do it now, tell her as someone said above, she and your horse are just not suited.

And in future, watch someone ride your horse a few times before making it an official share.

 

[vixiem]

As some of the others have said , did you not get her to come and meet you and the horse and have a ride on his before sorting out her sharing him?
I have a sharer for my mare and ive had them for previous horses and if they have replied to an advert i treat it as if i would a veiwing really if they were coming to try the horse to buy.
i always let them see what the horse is like in the stable and to tack up, then i ride her for them to see then let them have a good ride on her.
My current sharers are amazing!!! i wouldnt swap them for the world, they came twice to see her before we agreed on any sharing agreements.
I think this would be a good thing to do next time.
As for your current problem i think you should just tell her asap its the best thing for everyone.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

Get rid, now, not in a week. I've been through several sharers, gave them a chance, watched them ride twice, got rid. I just refuse to have someone hanging off his mouth or kicking him in the ribs as they get on/off. My horse, my rules. I will not have him hurt or ridden by someone clueless.

 

[Puzzles]

I don't see how things will improve in a week - why risk having a confused, worried horse in pain? If it was as you described just in 1 riding session, imagine how your horse will feel & behave after she's ridden him every day for a month - or even a week! I really do sympathise with her but this isn't about not hurting people's feelings, it's about your horse getting the education & care that he needs. Personally I don't think I could stand for it - there are far more sensitive and competent riders out there who would suit him far better.

 

[SamanthaUK]

The best thing to do is be honest. Just state it in a kind manner. For example,
'Hi Love, I'm really sorry but i've being having a think and I don't think you're suitable for horse. (If you don't want to be honest about her lack of riding skill just make something up) I feel that he is too strong for you and that you'd be much better off and safer finding a novice mother daughter share. I've thought long and hard about it and i've tried but failed to find a way around this problem. So I'm sorry.

*Grab your bag and run*

 

[.Redmerl]

Font understand why she had another try of him? Surely you just say thanks for your time but u think you aren't what we are looking for. I have done it loads of times. Generally people understand

 

[ShadowFlame]

If you're not happy, be straight with her. Having said that, though, it can take time to get used to how a horse likes to be ridden... have you told her that he doesn't need the leg aids and that he's quite sensitive?

 

[springer1021]

Just tell her - before there's an accident.

The same thing happened to me, I just said "I'm sorry but I don't think you're experienced enough for ......"

 

[flowerlady]

thanks everyone - gunna give her one more week and just explain why im concerced i think xx

WPL sorry if I'm wrong here but for some reason you sound very young? If I'm right maybe your mum could tell her? As Pearlsinger said I can't beleive you didn't see her ride before agreeing her as a sharer? I would have watched them ride in a menage and then asked what they honestly thought of how my horse went and how they think they would ride it to improve it's way of going. But I would certainly not be giving it another week????? Why?

 

[SamanthaUK]

WPL sorry if I'm wrong here but for some reason you sound very young? If I'm right maybe your mum could tell her? As Pearlsinger said I can't beleive you didn't see her ride before agreeing her as a sharer? I would have watched them ride in a menage and then asked what they honestly thought of how my horse went and how they think they would ride it to improve it's way of going. But I would certainly not be giving it another week????? Why?

Have to agree dear, why give another week? By the sounds of things, you've seen enough!

 

[Shilasdair]

Who gave this thread CPR?
If you are going to bring a thread back from the dead, may I recommend you resuscitate 'Why do people want to own cobs?'
Thank you!
S

 

[SamanthaUK]

Who gave this thread CPR?
If you are going to bring a thread back from the dead, may I recommend you resuscitate 'Why do people want to own cobs?'
Thank you!
S

Cobs are the best!

 

[flowerlady]

Who gave this thread CPR?
If you are going to bring a thread back from the dead, may I recommend you resuscitate 'Why do people want to own cobs?'
Thank you!
S

Oh god not again