Heart broken

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MrFoxtrot

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Hi, long term lurker of over a decade. This is more just putting my thoughts down on paper where no one knows me. I’m in an awful situation, one which is breaking my heart. I have a pony I’ve owned for 12 years. He has always had an aggressive streak, which I believe he was born with but made worse with his early years handling (before me) Despite this, we bonded and went on to achieve a HUGE amount. To this day I’m the only person - still - able to catch and properly handle him. I love him and I don’t trust him all at the same time. So we’ve got by like this, until last year when he suffered a ligament injury. A year on and he has never come back properly sound. He is field sound, I guess. Vet suspects arthritis in his hocks too but we didn’t get that far with formal diagnosis by the time I’d paid out for scans etc to find the damage to the ligament - it was possibly stretched. He is 16. Not old really. He is unhappy with the leg and I think in a degree of constant low level pain/uncomfortableness. This has turned him from grumpy (he’s always been grumpy!) to downright nasty. He attacked my farrier recently, they’ve been doing his feet for a decade so know him well, this was when they tried to trim the opposite leg. In the past he got in accidentally with my daughters pony and I believe would have killed him had we not got in between them with a lunge whip. He cornered daughters pony and took huge chunks out of his back. Most terrifying of all is despite maximum security-he has a whole separate section of the yard, he has taken swipes at my children, ears flat back, lunging out over fences to bite. He really means it, too. He hates small ponies, dogs, small children, despite only being small himself. He won’t go out with anything apart from a big horse who is too big to bully. He has attacked me (lunges with mouth wide open to bite, but like a feral horse, I can’t pick out his feet any more as he won’t tolerate me doing so especially the hinds, he kicks too) I know this all sounds horrific, and my childrens safety comes first. I also know the pony is miserable and probably in pain. I know there is only one outcome - several people including people I trust over anyone have told me so. But my heart broke last night when he had a moment of quiet, just resting his head against mine. Has anyone had a similar situation? A pony or horse who has reacted so badly to pain? He is on a bute trial (two a day) at the moment to see if his behaviour changes. But I don’t think we will finish it, I think the call will be made. I thought he could just amble around our fields until the end of his days but in the last year his behaviour has deteriorated so badly. I feel as though I’m letting him down.
 
When you have something that long its not just the loss of them now but the loss of what the were. The vet came out to do the teeth of my 24yr old today, and its the first time ever I have thought of him as old, in his manner he is still the cheeky little s*** he always was but he is losing his teeth.
Pain of any sort is never nice. You haven't let him down.
 
I agree, give the bute trial a chance. If it makes no difference, you’ve done all you can, 16 is a very respectable age, and you should be proud of all you have done for this challenging pony.
 
My parents had a two year old cat that was so vicious because he’d been handled so roughly as a kitten. After a year of trying everything, on vet’s recommendation I took him to the vet to be PTS. It was heartbreaking but he was in permanent anguish and anxiety which was upsetting to see. My thoughts are with you. X
 
I think he has been an extremely lucky pony to have fallen into your hands. How you describe his temperament I can hazard a guess his life and suffering could have been horrific in the wronghands and possibly much shorter than it has been in your care.

Congratulate yourself OP on a difficult job very well done, that has now run its natural course and you have the guts to make the right call for the pony. You really have my sympathy - no matter what the temperament or reason this is always a very difficult time for owners that truly care about their equines as you so obviously do.
 
He sounds desperately unhappy, whatever the reason. Perhaps you could say he was asking you to help him? It seems you know he is both dangerous and very likely in pain. Don't prolong this for yourself or for him. Get it done and you can move on. Maybe it would help your conscience to have a postmortem and maybe this will find without doubt what is bothering him so much? I have to say that the only horses I have known who have had similarly challenging behaviour have turned out to have brain tumours.
 
He sounds very unhappy and in pain. He has no concept of tomorrow, and you have given him many good years. As owners, we have a responsibility to let them go peacefully, and I think you know now is the right time.

Virtual hugs.
 
I agree, he sounds really unhappy. Trouble is, the bute might make his behaviour worse if he feels better! I think it’s a false situation and while the bute may make him more comfortable, ultimately, the behaviour is ingrained. I doubt there’ll be a huge change.
 
you will not be letting him down, you will be doing him a favour and ending his pain. i dont think animals are born vicious but are made this way by either having pain or being badly treated, your boy may have had both and the only way he can communicate is by attacking people and other animals to express how he is feeling. really sorry for you but i think you know the best course of action for him....good luck
 
Thank you so much - all your thoughtful messages have made me feel quite teary. I didn’t know what I expected, I just felt like I needed to write it all down. Mrs Jingle - thank you, I don’t know how to quote but your words meant a huge amount, so many people have said he was lucky to find me, and I think I was lucky to find him, I’ll never love another horse like him. Way too much backstory to go in to but he really did achieve so much more than I ever dreamed. I retired him from riding as he was getting too unpredictable and with dependents couldn’t afford an accident. I hoped he’d be a field ornament but he injured himself, ironically, in the field.

Leandy - the thought did cross my mind as the behaviour has seen such a swift decline but I think as he’s always been challenging any pain he’s feeling on his leg is just exaggerating his behaviour. He’s never been pleasant :( my husband still has a huge scar across the knee from when the pony kicked him so badly it went almost to the bone. This was many years pre children where perhaps our personal safety didn’t occur to us so much...I’ve NEVER let the children near him when he’s been loose as he is so unpredictable and you can never turn your back on him. So I do feel - as does my farrier who really does know him well that he is angry with pain.

This all makes him sound so awful but he’s had the sweetest moments with me too. I had a traumatic time a few years ago and used to just sit in his field, he hated cuddles and pats but would just graze right next to me. I think that was his way of helping.

Thank you again, I’ve been in such a state this evening but feel a bit calmer now.
 
What a wonderful life you have given this pony. He truly had all the luck in the world to be with someone who could accept his behaviour and still love and care for him. In almost any other home he would not have had the years of care and happiness that he has had with you. Sadly with horses the time does come to make these tough decisions. You will know when the time is right, and when that day comes you can let him go knowing that you did all you could for him. Chin up.
 
Thank you - (I think I’ve worked out quotes!) I feel a bit choked up - he HAS had a wonderful life, for all his faults, and there are lots, he’s given me so much. Not just a wall full of rosettes, so many stories too. At the end of the day, my children’s safety is number one priority but equally I need to do right by my boy. He’s not coping with his injury, or the arthritis, I’m not sure which, and is clearly telling me. I promised him he’d see out his days here so at least I can keep that promise ?


Winters100 said:
What a wonderful life you have given this pony. He truly had all the luck in the world to be with someone who could accept his behaviour and still love and care for him. In almost any other home he would not have had the years of care and happiness that he has had with you. Sadly with horses the time does come to make these tough decisions. You will know when the time is right, and when that day comes you can let him go knowing that you did all you could for him. Chin up.
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MrFoxtrot said:
Thank you - (I think I’ve worked out quotes!) I feel a bit choked up - he HAS had a wonderful life, for all his faults, and there are lots, he’s given me so much. Not just a wall full of rosettes, so many stories too. At the end of the day, my children’s safety is number one priority but equally I need to do right by my boy. He’s not coping with his injury, or the arthritis, I’m not sure which, and is clearly telling me. I promised him he’d see out his days here so at least I can keep that promise ?
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I'm normally the first to say give him and yourself time to make such a big decision but from your description I think he is asking you for help. He trusts you to care for him and whatever is causing his pain he must be as upset about his reactions as you are. Help him to go peacefully. It is the last great kindness we can do for them.
 
Many years ago when I was about 13 we lost one of the riding school ponies at my local stables. I always remember the vet saying that a lot of people think that most horses die fairly peacefully but he said that sadly that rarely happens. I had to make the decision to have my last horse put down. It was awful but he was suffering, I could see it in his eyes and I knew it was the right decision for him even if not for me to lose him. Thinking of you x
 
We got to this situation. I know your heart is breaking but PTS before anyone else gets hurt. He won't know any different. You have done your best. It's time to let him go.
 
One of ours becomes dangerous to handle when in pain. We've been at the point of our vet stood in the field waiting for the go ahead. That was the day whatever was hurting the mare stopped so we called it off. The horse is aged and retired and mechanically wonky but not in pain for now. If and when she shows those signs again then we'll say goodbye. She'll know nothing of it; it'll be us left with the broken hearts, but that's what we'll have to do to do right by her.

I'm sorry lass. It's so incredibly hard even when right.
 
We had one who behaved in much the same way and became too dangerous to persevere with.On autopsy he had a tumor on his kidney and must have been in great pain for some time.
 
You have been a very loving owner and I think he was so lucky to have found you. You have come to the right decision.
 
The greatest act of love you can given an animal is a dignified and pain-free death. Having being forced to experience the terrible suffering humans have to go through because we don't have a legal alternative, I appreciate having the option not to subject my animals top a lingering pain ridden end of life.
 
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