Heartbreaking decision...advice pls

Noodlejaffa

Noodlejaffa

Well-Known Member
Joined
28 March 2006
Messages
2,139
Location
Edinburgh
www.ailsamactaggart.co.uk
Bear with me...pour yourself a glass of wine. This is a long one...

As some of you may know, I am leading a rather crazy life at the moment due to renovating a property and building my new yard. I'm also commuting 2 hours a day each way to a full time job, and looking after 4 horses as well. Competition/lesson plans have been on hold for some time due to every spare minute going on doing up the house (we move in in 6 weeks and still minus heating/electricity/kitchen/bathrooms!).

I'm finding work/life balance difficult - I start work at 7am when I catch my train, work all day in the office, then work on the train on the way home, finally getting back to the house at 7pm. My day starts at 4.30am as horses temporarily in livery so I have to go and do them before catching train. Fortunately Mr NJ turns them out/brings them in for me so all I have to do is rug/feeds once I get back from work. And all this before I even fit in any riding.

Unfortunately, there is no school at the yard I'm at so daylight dictates when I can ride (but counting down the days til the clocks go forward).

My ideal would be to go part-time with work to give me more daylight time with the horses, but have bills plus the additional livery to pay at the mo so can't afford to give up any hours. Working closer to home would seem a sensible option, but I have a very specialised job (lucky to find it in Scotland as tends to be a London-centric career) so unlikely to find that kind of work near home.

So, the BIG question is, do I give up one of my horses? I only have to ride two of them, as other horses are my 19 month old gelding plus Mr NJ's hunter, but I'm struggling to devote time to either of my two ridden horses. My grey (in sig) I've had for nearly 4 years and while he's talented, he's quirky and could go much further with a braver rider (I'm getting a bit long in the tooth!). My chestnut is rising six and had to take a back seat over the last couple of years while I concentrated on my grey. She is way more talented, but green because I haven't had the time to devote to her. Feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place :-( It would literally break my heart to sell my grey as we've done so much together and come an awful long way since I got him as a very gangly 5 year old, but then my chestnut is losing out.

Any thoughts/advice? Am I being hasty deciding to sell my grey, or am I finally realising that I can't cope with life anymore?
 
When you move in 6 weeks, will your horses go with you? The weather should be better then, more time to ride, could they live out for a while?

I think you would regret selling your grey...

If they can't go with you and will be in livery for longer, what's a realistic timeframe for the current situation? Sometimes having an end in sight makes everything seem much more bearable...
 
I personally think you should hold off. you could give your grey horse a season out and concentrate on your chestnut. Horses don't really care what they do as long as they are fed, watered and warm.

You could always let someone local ride your grey - a young eventer person if there are any in your area?

Although i don't work as hard as you do (sounds very very difficult) I am also unable to work my horse until the daylight comes so we are missing out Kirrimuir as I don't think he will be ready.
Shame I'm not closer to you (and had facilities), I would have ridden your grey! I would love to take on another horse even for one season!
 
is there any way they could live out?

would cut down the time spent looking after them and save some £££ on livery, at least while the house is finished and still costing money?

or perhaps look at sending away to grass/retirement livery for 1 or 2 of them until the house is sorted and yard built?

it is difficult though- I am now down from 4 horses to 2 and soon to be 1 as I cannot realistically do more than 1 horse 'properly' as well as doing my job, paying mortgage etc. It is time as well as money to weigh up.
 
First off - hugs to you cos this is obviously a horrible thing to come to realise! However, its is supposed to be a hobby and enjoyable and there are only so many hours in the day to do that! It has been (another) long winter and things will get easier with the longer daylight hours but it sounds like your days are already crazy and that it would be a lot easier /more enjoyable with one less horse and a bit less guilt that one is taking a back seat to the other? No advice on which would better go/stay and I hope that perhaps you can find a way to keep them both?! Sorry not much help am I! Its ok to admit that you cant cope with so much though!!! I only have one horse and I struggle so I dont know how you have managed this far!!! xx
 
anyone that you could consider loaning to??

... or maybe just decide to totally rought one of them off for a year and throw them out in the field and leave them there more or less??

good luck whatever you decide.
 
I have been through exactly what you are describing and it was pretty duff all round at the time. The house thing is a nightmare while it is ongoing and it is completely rubbish - it sucks up all your waking thinking time (and money) and makes you exhausted and anxious about whether it will be done on time! However, if you have a defined end point (ie. the house is liveable even if not finished) then it becomes slightly more bearable. If you want to feel a bit better, PM me and I will show you the horrendous before and after photos of my house and you can have a good chuckle at my expense!

I put my horses into 'storage' with a pro and doing it again at the moment while commuting. However, realistically if I could not have done this, then I would have put them out in the field and accepted that riding was not going to happen until the house got finished. If that's not an option, I would think about loaning your grey to someone temporarily and maybe offer to cover their entries - something for a pony club kid with not a lot of money but time?

I seriously considered selling both horses all of last year as had no time but then I reminded myself that the whole point of the house was to be able to have the horses at home and I would feel silly if when the house and yard was finished, I hadn't got my favourite horses to put in my stables!!! I'm not going to lie - it was hellish but it was SO worth it to see the boys outside my back door every morning.

Chin up, the clocks are about to go forward and spring is nearly here. Things (house/horses/renovation) are MUCH easier in the spring and summer so maybe grin and bear it for another 4 weeks and see how you feel then?
 
For what it is worth I think you would be making the right decision.

I have come to a realisation that horses do not have to be quirky to be talented. There are more straightforward horses out there who are not as frustrating. Particularly if you are talking about something to compete at up to Pre Novice Lvel. I have been there on the quirky but talented horse and it is amazing how the pressure is lifted when you don't have to worry about whether they are going to have a good day or bad day.

You have had 4 years with him. Realistically how far do you want to go as a rider and how far do you think he could go?

I would love to have another horse (when I show jumped I usually had at least 2) but realistically I realise my time is stretched far enough as it is and would rather do one well and enjoy him than be stretched with two. Have enough guilt trips already balancing a career, children, husbands business and one horse!! At the end of the day we do it for pleasure not more stress!
 
aww hugs how rotten for you :(

for what it worth moving house/renovating house is seriously stressful, throw in some tiredness and you have a situation where everything seems more difficult!

if it was me i would give yourself a bit of time, wait the six weeks and if you can get moving house out of the way that will be one thing. Then would you be able to move horses to the house and let them live out? If you find once you have finished the house/made it liveable! you can start deciding what to do with horses. Could you reduce your hours in office? you say you work on way home so could you leave earlier and work remotely? or would cutting hours slightly be more feasible if you didnt have the expense of livery? if you still think you havent got time for Alfie then maybe a loan to start with rather than sell?

its rotten having to fit everything in - would be great when you win the lotto!

hope you can sort somethin out - meanwhile feel free to vent/PM completely understand how hard it is to get work/life/horse/OH balance sorted! :)
 
What a horrible choice to make :( 6 weeks is not long to wait and if you did decide to sell then you may regret it in the long run, surely there must be a competent person around where you live to help out with the riding and chores? Am so glad that I only have the 1 horse, I really don't think that I could give equal time to more, I take my hat off to the dedication of those who do, although it does help if you have a helpful OH!!
 
i would ask at your livery yard if anyone wants something to ride in the short term...bet you'd easily be able to find someone to help you out til the weather improves and yu can get the horses at home :)
 
Oh you poor thing. TBH it sounds to me like the tiredness is overwhelming you and things are becoming a massive problem when, from reading what you've written you really just need to get over this 6 week hurdle, get some rest and then make a decision.

Can you not get the gang living out? Presumably you've got the land at the new place. It's so much warmer than it was and a few good rugs and some hay they would survive? B lives out 24/7 fully clipped and I can't belive how much fitness he's retained over our enforced break this way.

I know you've had Alfie 4 years but if your still getting the same satisfaction out of riding and competing him does it matter what level your at? You can always have him as a 'fun' horse and your youngster as the 'serious' horse. I would consider giving him an easy year and concentrate on the chestnut this year. But concentrate on NOTHING until you've got yourself rested and back up to speed!

All the best and whatever decision you make take your time over it.

Lx
 
hmmm a toughie!

Would u be willing to loan out one of them until you get yourself sorted?

I really dont know why i would do in this situation. I felt like this a bit last year, and i only have one?!

X
 
Oh dear, poor you. :(

A lot of sensible advice on here already. As already mentioned, is there any way you can keep them on grass livery? It is so much less work, and they really do retain their fitness better. Can riding take a bit of a back seat for a few weeks at least until the clocks go back?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top