Heartbreaking decision - help!

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Minty45

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I’m just after some reassurance, advice and wise words here really…

After a year long journey of diagnostics, treatment, rehab, failed rehab, more treatment, new approach to rehab, failed rehab, I feel I have reached the end of the road for my young mare. Given how she is now presenting - increasingly sore, anxious and lame with a ‘floating’ limb the vet believes she is neurological and has recommended PTS. I am financially and emotionally broken, but ultimately will always seek to do what is best for the horse. Since informing her past owner of my intention, I have received a torrent of highly emotive messages telling me that I can’t PTS, saying they want her back to try a new rehab strategy and just generally trying to emotionally blackmail me into something I don’t think is right for a huge number of reasons. The guilt and heartbreak is now eating me alive though, and it’s literally the last thing I need 😓 how on earth do I handle this situation? TBH can’t quite believe this is happening to me again after I put my last horse down 18 months ago, but here we are 😭
 
The vet has advised you it is in the mare's best interest to PTS, it is not a decision taken lightly by anyone, including the vet who will know all options available. It sounds like your horse is not happy and suffering.
Ignore the previous owner, if they cared that much about her they would want what is right for the mare. Just block them and do what you know is the right thing.
 
If your vet has recommended it you can feel confident that it’s in the horse’s best interest. It’s a very emotive topic but the previous owner is thinking of their own feelings over the suffering of the horse. It’s easily done when they are not the ones who’ve had to support the horse through multiple failed rehabs. Sorry you’re in such a shit position x
 
I'm so sorry - I have to confess I only told a prior owner about one of mine after I'd had him PTS for precisely this reason.

Are you looking for something to help you respond to them? How about

"I'm absolutely devastated but the vet has confirmed we have come to the end of treatment options and as she is obviously in a lot of pain I have to put her welfare first. Thank you for respecting my wishes at this sad time"

Or just ignore them, take a deep breath and know you are doing the right thing xx
 
Block them. They've lost all privileges and access to you and your horse. You don't need or deserve that from anyone

You've already gone above and beyond as AA has said. You know your horse and know that she is suffering now. You are doing the final kindness for her.

Take care of yourself x
 
I'm really sorry, it's a dreadful position to be in. However, I don't think the response from the previous owner is that unusual. I had a horse with a degenerative condition that was lame on 3 legs and most people I spoke to were horrified that I was going to pts. Saying things like 'couldn't he be rehomed as a companion' or 'can't a rescue take him', well no, he was already retired as a companion/pet and was getting worse and there was no treatment available at all, either to me or a rescue organisation, otherwise I would have paid for it.

My advice is, having been in your situation is to discuss with nobody other than horse professionals like your vet. My farrier and trainer are also a source of pragmatic, sensible advice and support. Once you have made the decision, make the arrangements with your vet and go ahead fairly quickly. You are doing the best thing for your horse so try to be kind to yourself and get through it as best you can. You will look back and realise that you did the right thing.

Block or ignore the previous owner.
 
nutjob said:
I'm really sorry, it's a dreadful position to be in. However, I don't think the response from the previous owner is that unusual. I had a horse with a degenerative condition that was lame on 3 legs and most people I spoke to were horrified that I was going to pts. Saying things like 'couldn't he be rehomed as a companion' or 'can't a rescue take him', well no, he was already retired as a companion/pet and was getting worse and there was no treatment available at all, either to me or a rescue organisation, otherwise I would have paid for it.

My advice is, having been in your situation is to discuss with nobody other than horse professionals like your vet. My farrier and trainer are also a source of pragmatic, sensible advice and support. Once you have made the decision, make the arrangements with your vet and go ahead fairly quickly. You are doing the best thing for your horse so try to be kind to yourself and get through it as best you can. You will look back and realise that you did the right thing.

Block or ignore the previous owner.
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This is why I never discuss PTS with anyone. Talk is cheap, and there is nothing so soul destroying as knowing the best outcome is PTS and having to face that fact daily until the deed is done.
OP, your doing the right thing, but you know that really. A big hug.
 
OP, as others have said, it is very rare that a Vet advises to PTS, it’s a horrible situation to be in. There will be MANY of us on here (myself included), who have had to endure others forcing their opinions on you when the only option in the horses best interest is to PTS, it is a horrible situation to be in. I’m afraid I would now just block the old owners, you’ve explained and they have nothing helpful to add to this awful situation. You have to do what is right by your lovely four legged friend. Thinking of you x
 
I've had someone offer to take a horse "off my hands" . They couldn't afford to buy so how were they going to afford vet bills? My horse
my responsibility .
I've so been on a yard where someone sold their much loved🙄 18yo WB for a lot of money to another livery
When at 21 he was lame she shouted abuse at the new owner for PTS as she "would have had him back". Not your horse not your decision
OP I'm so sorry it's gutting but the horse is lucky to have you xx
 
TPO said:
Block them. They've lost all privileges and access to you and your horse. You don't need or deserve that from anyone

You've already gone above and beyond as AA has said. You know your horse and know that she is suffering now. You are doing the final kindness for her.

Take care of yourself x
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This. Just do what you think is right and don't engage with them anymore. It's nobody's business but yours.
 
I am so sorry you are having to face this awful decision 😞

The only ones who matter in this situation are you, your vet and your lovely mare.

You are the one who has looked after your horse and tried everything possible, over and over again.

Your vet has been with you on this journey and has now advised PTS.

You lovely mare is obviously not responding to all of your prolonged efforts to bring her sound. I know if she just needed your love to do this she would be as right as rain now.

The previous owner has no say in the matter whatsoever. You are the one who has taken the brunt of this, physically, mentally and financially - not them.

It is the one last act of kindness to ensure your horse does not end up in the buy/sell/buted up to the hilt merry go round.

None of us on here would judge you for that. X
 
The second the old owner sold the horse they lost any say in decisions about their future. If they wanted control over what happened they shouldn’t have sold, simple as.

The only opinions that count are those of you, the vet & the horse. Everyone else can get stuffed unless they’re going to offer you genuine support.

Block this person if you have them on social media & ignore all contact they try to make through other means. You shouldn’t have to factor their guilt into your decisions.
 
Thanks everyone, I sent a very polite and diplomatic message back and blocked her this morning. Though I’ve now just had a call from my vet to say that she has contacted them for the clinical notes, saying that I had given permission for her to see them 😭 I’m literally being harassed 😣
 
Minty45 said:
Thanks everyone, I sent a very polite and diplomatic message back and blocked her this morning. Though I’ve now just had a call from my vet to say that she has contacted them for the clinical notes, saying that I had given permission for her to see them 😭 I’m literally being harassed 😣
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Yes you are, but stick to your own decisions and remember you are doing the right thing for your horse, this behaviour is totally out of line, far more than just being insensitive and interfering. I would also drop an email to your vet confirming that nobody is to have access to any information about you or your horse incase she comes up with some other scheme like pretending to be your family member or some such.

Again, I'm sorry you're going through this and there is someone making it so much harder.
 
Minty45 said:
Thanks everyone, I sent a very polite and diplomatic message back and blocked her this morning. Though I’ve now just had a call from my vet to say that she has contacted them for the clinical notes, saying that I had given permission for her to see them 😭 I’m literally being harassed 😣
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😲😲😲😲

I hope your vet said no!!!!
 
Minty45 said:
Luckily they called me to get verbal permission and were quite shocked when I explained the situation 😣 my lovely vet has offered to talk to her if I would like that to happen
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I wouldn't want the vet to talk to them. They don't need involving any more than they are. You were kind enough to tell them the horse was being PTS. End of discussion.
 
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