Heartbreaking decision not getting easier

[Uraeus]

I hope you'll all forgive this post but it's more of a realisation for me than anything else.

I'm due to start college in September which will be the first year of 4 on a nursing course. I came to the decision 6 months agothat although it would be hard, I'm not in a financial position to be able to finance my horse aswrll as my education, so my baby would have to move on to pastures new. Now this decision broke my heart but I had enough time to prepare myself, or so I thought, but no here we are. I'm due to start college in just under 10 weeks but I just can't even bring myself to think about what I want to put in his advert. I'm having sleepless nights over it, crying a lot more than I shouldand quite frankly, the thought that he could end up being passed on and on in his lifetime is just reducing me to a blubbering mess. When I bought him I swore that he have a forever home with me but so much has changed since then.

I suppose writing it down on here gets it off my chest but I was wondering if anyone els had ever had to part with a horse they adored and did it ever get easier?

 

[Dappledpony]

Could he go on loan?

 

[Uraeus]

I have considered it but it's not only his daily, weekly and monthly costs, if there was a vets bill I wouldn't be able to afford it now let alone when I'm not working. The excess on insurance is ridiculous, I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I know it's probably better for him that he goes but I'm so attached to him, I love him like a child

 

[hairycob]

I know it's tough but the longer you leave it the worse it will be. With less time you will have less chances to find a home you feel comfortable with.

 

[Tapir]

I have considered it but it's not only his daily, weekly and monthly costs, if there was a vets bill I wouldn't be able to afford it now let alone when I'm not working. The excess on insurance is ridiculous, I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I know it's probably better for him that he goes but I'm so attached to him, I love him like a child

if he was loaned out, surely the loaner would cover any vets bills? I know I do for my loan horse.

 

[niagaraduval]

if he was loaned out, surely the loaner would cover any vets bills? I know I do for my loan horse.

Agree.

I would loan, I went all through uni and still kept my horse. I had a sharer who looked after him when I couldn't the rest of the time he spent out pretty much all the time, except in winter when he was stabled at night, and it only took a few mins to bring him in and feed him.

I thought about it so many times, selling my horse at the time, I'm so happy I didn't. It was hard work and shattering, but I still have the old ****** now.

He only cost me a minimal amount as was on grass livery which was very cheap, and my sharer paid for front shoes once every 9 weeks and the money she gave me covered the cost of feed. I just paid for hay which didn't work out very much money as bought round bales from local farmer.

 

[SpringArising]

I think selling would be the best option here, and don't beat yourself up about it too much. Circumstances change.

For me, loaning isn't a good choice. What if the horse went lame permanently? What if their circumstances changed and they needed to give him back? You'd have to find him a new home whilst you're in college, as well as finance him without the pleasure of being able to ride.

Selling is very hard sometimes, but you need to remember that there are absolutely good people out there. People don't spend money on horses to treat them badly (most of the time, anyway). Your horse may well find him forever home with someone else, who would love him just as much as you do.

 

[_GG_]

I think selling would be the best option here, and don't beat yourself up about it too much. Circumstances change.

For me, loaning isn't a good choice. What if the horse went lame permanently? What if their circumstances changed and they needed to give him back? You'd have to find him a new home whilst you're in college, as well as finance him without the pleasure of being able to ride.

Selling is very hard sometimes, but you need to remember that there are absolutely good people out there. People don't spend money on horses to treat them badly (most of the time, anyway). Your horse may well find him forever home with someone else, who would love him just as much as you do.

Or you could be a loaner like me. Fly was on permanent loan to me for four years. The Monday I had to have her put to sleep, she was mean to be being signed over into my ownership. It didn't matter what issues she had when she was with me, when her back issues started and she was on rest for 6 months and lots of expensive treatment, it made no difference.

There are good loanees out there, it's all about doing research, getting solid references and having a good contract in place.

Of course there are never any guarantees, but it's down to the individual and weighing up the pros and cons of loaning out over selling.

 

[_GG_]

if he was loaned out, surely the loaner would cover any vets bills? I know I do for my loan horse.

When I loaned out our old pony and when I loaned Fly, it was written into the contract that it was my responsibility to insure and cover any and all associated bills. I wouldn't think it fair to do it any other way.

 

[SpringArising]

Or you could be a loaner like me. Fly was on permanent loan to me for four years. The Monday I had to have her put to sleep, she was mean to be being signed over into my ownership. It didn't matter what issues she had when she was with me, when her back issues started and she was on rest for 6 months and lots of expensive treatment, it made no difference.

There are good loanees out there, it's all about doing research, getting solid references and having a good contract in place.

Of course there are never any guarantees, but it's down to the individual and weighing up the pros and cons of loaning out over selling.

I'm not slating loaners, I have had some fantastic ones in the past. However, for some people a contract only means as much as the paper it's written on.

If I were at UNI/college, I would rather be able to focus on my studies instead of thinking about the 'what ifs'.

 

[Slightlyconfused]

What about advertising through the horses4homes charity, I've seen tempory loans on their for anything from two years to five.

 

[honetpot]

My daughter is in her third year of a nursing course and though out her training has worked as a care worker to get extra money, she was surprised that a lot of the students didn't. You get a bursary plus quite a lot of holiday and study time, I am old so when I trained it was like a full time job. There is no need to cry, part of being a nurse is being able to adapt to situations and make the best of things, doing nothing is not an option. Gets some hands on experience by signing up with a care company or agency, earn some money and think about a sharer or loaning. We are now looking for another horse for daughter, time will really pass quickly.

 

[Fun Times]

I sold my horse when I went to uni. More accurately, what I did was enjoy the summer with him, stick him in livery for the first few months and then sold him at christmas as I didnt want my last summer with him to be marred by the prospect of selling. However I realise this wouldnt work for most people. It utterly broke me emotionally at the time but I knew deep down I had to do it. I can remember riding him out hacking wracked with sobs. It was an unbearable mix of grief and guilt. But. And heres the bit that is going to sound awful....You get over it. Your studies and new friends will take over your life and you will be pleased you can devote time to them. Life changes, the trick is to make the most of the changes. Fast forward fifteen years and I have recently sacked off a stupidly high flying career to spend more time with the horse that I bought recently, who has turned out to be the best horse I have ever had. I am happy I did what I did with my education and career in my twenties and early thirties but now its time to go back to being a pony girl for a while. Maybe you could plan something similar, nothing is forever. Incidentally, I found my old horse (the one I sold) via the internet about five years ago. He lives 20 miles away from me. He has had the life of riley and has been much loved since leaving me.

 

[Uraeus]

Thanks guys, it's really nice to hear other people's stories and opinions, and its kind of nice to know I'm not the only one! I don't know whether to try and afford to keep him but when I think about it too deeply it kind of scares me in case anything goes wrong.

 

[JillA]

I have considered it but it's not only his daily, weekly and monthly costs, if there was a vets bill I wouldn't be able to afford it now let alone when I'm not working. The excess on insurance is ridiculous, I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I know it's probably better for him that he goes but I'm so attached to him, I love him like a child

You need to have a loan agreement with a condition that they insure against vet bills. That way they never have to refuse treatment on the grounds of cost - won't cover pre existing conditions though so you need to ensure he is in good health when he goes on loan. Another requirement of such an agreement is regular and unannounced homechecks, so you can go and see how he is doing from time to time, and with luck keep contact with the loanees. It isn't all bad - you will appreciate him much more seeing him now and again, and you might make new friends through it.

 

[_GG_]

Thanks guys, it's really nice to hear other people's stories and opinions, and its kind of nice to know I'm not the only one! I don't know whether to try and afford to keep him but when I think about it too deeply it kind of scares me in case anything goes wrong.

You need to have a loan agreement with a condition that they insure against vet bills. That way they never have to refuse treatment on the grounds of cost - won't cover pre existing conditions though so you need to ensure he is in good health when he goes on loan. Another requirement of such an agreement is regular and unannounced homechecks, so you can go and see how he is doing from time to time, and with luck keep contact with the loanees. It isn't all bad - you will appreciate him much more seeing him now and again, and you might make new friends through it.

Not sure if you got my PM or not Uraeus, but the last post here is a good one re-loaning.

For the four years I loaned Fly, I had to insure her and that insurance had to cover vet bills. It was also in the contract that I had to pay any insurance excess. That is normal to me. Of course you can argue that a contract isn't worth the paper it's written on but with a loan, if it doesn't work out for him, you can change it. If you sell, he is gone and you have no say in his future.

To be honest, there would be merit in whether you sell or loan. I am not pro one and against the other and agree that if you sell, you would be able to just move on and concentrate on your studies. It's just that you seem to really not want to permanently part with your boy, so loaning should be seen as a valid option that's all.

Don't beat yourself up, it's a horrible thing to have to be thinking about/doing...so go easy on yourself.