Heartbreaking Evening Advice Please :(

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chancing

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Hi guys,

Bought my first horse about 2 months ago from an advert on horse mart. He isnt the ideal first horse I first thought. He is perfect for someone wanting to do pony club eventing etc which is what I wanted to do however for a first horse he is not. I know horses can take the pee but I bought him to have fun on. To learn more to start doing some competitions jumping hunting etc. However he is just too much for me great in the areana a total jumping machine however took him for a hack tonight and he spooked soo badly the whole way to cut a long story short ended up with me coming off and him running off round the field. I love him to bits but think i have over horses myself my boyfriend whos ridden for years and has taught me thinks hes like a donkey when ridden however to me hes beginning to become a confidence killing nightmare. And im worried hes going to put me off. So heres the thing I want to either sell him as Im going to waste him and he has SO much potential gorgeous paces a fabulous jump and fabulous looks. Or would it be possible to swap him with a family who have a quiet something that their kids have learnt more on and want something fun and whizzy. Hes worth a fair bit £3000 or thereabouts and for a confident experienced rider hes easy but for someone new to the game but not a complete idiot hes abit much.
Sorry for the ramble but Im at my wits end if anyone has any ideas they would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou

:( xx
 
Sorry to hear things aren't going brilliantly. Have you considered having regular lessons on him? If you feel more able to have control when out hacking you might feel more confident. If you feel more confident hacking then your horse will pick up on this and I bet he will spook less. If his rider is scared then he will know and it often makes them spook more as they pick up on the riders anxiety. Working on improving your confidence with a good instructor might well help you over this blip so you can enjoy the horse you have instead of having to sell and start the hunt again, especially if other aspects of him are just what you are after?
 
Hi, the other option you have is loan him out for a year or 2 and get one onloan for a bit thats a bit quieter till youve got your confidence and your ready for him, it would be a shame to sell a horse you love and then be ready and have o find another very similer to him.
 
I'm very sorry to hear you're not getting on with your new boy, and it sounds like you've already made the decision to let him go. However, before taking the plunge, is there nothing you can do to gain confidence on him?

Take regular lessons with an instructor who you trust to give you honest advice.

Having someone hack out with you on a bombproof horse, first just a short distance, then gradually build it up ..... just taking baby steps and not rushing it. Or let the other person ride your boy and you hack with them on the trusty one to see how they deal with him ......

Is his feed appropriate, ie. is it causing him to be extra fizzy?? You could check with your vet or a nutritionalist.

Does he get adequate turnout?

Could you afford to send him away for schooling or have someone really experienced at your yard ride him for you, then re-evaluate in the spring?

Maybe you already know the answer and you really are ready to sell him. Whatever you decide there's no shame in admitting defeat. After all horse riding and ownership is supposed to be fun!

Good luck with whatever you do! :)
 
Sorry to hear you're having difficulties :( But if I we're you I'd consider a wider range of options. I don't talk about this much cos it kills me :'( but early this year my grandad found me the loveliest horse I've ever met; it was from a friend of his and wanted to make sure she was perfect so offered her on loan for a while. She was my best friend and I loved her to pieces, but she just wasn't the right horse for me and my grandad made the toughest decision ever to send her back. i was devastated, but accepted the decision, as I knew it was the right one... skip forward several months and I've now got polo pony, I love him to pieces, but they'll always be a space in my heart for her :') Sorry to ramble, but I think its one of those decisions that should be taken into alot of consideration xx
 
It's a shame he's putting you off. However I will say 2 months is not very long to allow you to get used to each other.

Will echo glosgirl and try lessons, and to hack in company.

Took my daughter 11 months to get back to the same confidence she had on her Sec A with her 'new' NF - she went to a show yesterday and for the first time she wasn't worrying about him bucking/bolting off/refusing jumps, and said today that she wished she didn't have to go to school (which she really loves) but could go back and do Sunday again because it was so much fun.
 
OP you say he is great in the arena but spooks out hacking. Lots of horses are like that. Has he spent most of his schooling time in the 'safety' of an arena? If so you need to build his and your confidence.

I have two horses in my yard who were happy to work on the road and in traffic in their previous homes, one came from Scotland the other from Hungary. It took time for them to settle down.

I agree with other posters. Find someone with a safe sensible hack to escort you and find an instructor you trust to help you through this. Then make a decision as to whether this horse is right for you.
 
I really feel for you, and think that admitting a horse is too much for you is a brave thing to do. I think you have two options: to move on from this horse and find something more suitable, or to find a very good and sympathetic instructor to nurse you through the next year or so while you get to grips with him.

How do you feel about the horse? Do you have any kind of connection with him, ridden or on the ground? Could it be that he isn't right for you now, but in a years time could be your perfect horse? If so have a qualified impartial trainer (ie not your boyfriend, who is too close to the situation) to come and assess the two of you. He doesn't sound like a bad sort and maybe with the right help you could over come your issues.

On the other hand if you feel you are putting yourself at risk by riding this horse, or that there is a personality clash you can't get past, then be brave and sell him on. He sounds like a type there is a market for. If your boyfriend is experienced maybe he could school him up a little to sell, then you can find him a good home with someone he suits better. Then you can find a horse who is more suited to your needs.

We invest so much money, time, energy, and (in most cases) emotion into our horses that it's unfair to keep the wrong one. I'm sure you will find the right solution foryour horse and yourself.
 
Follow your instinct, self preservation and all that, find a slightly forward going plod and learn together new experiences. Quiet forgiving horses dont have to be boring, you can stretch your capabilites together. I had a similar experience, she was sold immediately to a hunting yard, I then under horsed myself and my confidence grew, he is now a bold very capable horse and we have fun. Good luck
 
Was it his behaviour on the hack specifically that bothered you, or is it that in general he doesn't feel right? If this was the first time that you've hacked him out and the first time that he's shown such behaviour, then it's impossible to know for sure whether it's the way he constantly is whilst out hacking (if so, then I sympathise; I've been riding one recently who used to spook violently to the side at absolutely anything, both in the school and out on hacks. It's not pleasant).
If this was the first time that he's shown to be spooky and difficult, then I'd say that it's definitely worth giving him a little longer- perhaps either hack out with a couple of other riders, or ask someone else who's a little more confident to hack him out for you so that you don't run the risk of battering your confidence further.

However, if he really doesn't feel right, and he has consistently felt too strong and you don't feel as if it's working, then I can understand your desire to sell him. I shared a horse when I was younger for a year, who was far too much for either myself or my friend to handle. I learnt a great deal from that, but at the time we just weren't right for her, or her for us. As you have only owned him for a short time, however, I agree that it might be worth your while just holding onto him for a little while longer. Some horses bond very quickly, others take far longer, but it's rarely a short and defined length of time. I don't know whether or not you have lessons, but if not then it might be worth investing in some good tuition to build up your confidence with him? Or perhaps (if it's affordable) have someone else school or hack (if that's the issue) him one or twice a week so that you're not totally under pressure to be his sole rider.
Failing that, if it still doesn't feel as if you're 'clicking', or you're totally sure that he's just too much for you right now, then yes, it'd probably be worth selling him and buying something that feels right. Or if you don't want to let him go and can afford not to have the profit of the sale price, put him out on loan for a year or so (as someone suggested earlier).

Whatever your decision, I wish you the best of luck. x]
 
I agree that 2 months is nowhere near long enough to get used to each other and to learn to trust each other. He needs to have trust in you to go hacking, needs to know that it is you looking after him and the responsibility isn't his to look after you both, hence the spooking.
I had a wobble with my mare some years ago and got regular lessons with a confidence giving instructor and got it sorted out.
as for him being ok with a more experienced person, it will just be because they are riding him with confidence. He will sense your nerves and be acting accordingly.
Don't do anything rash just now, i think you are panicking a bit and might so something you regret.
 
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