heartbroken can't seem to move on

[Finlib]

I lost my beautiful Red Setter last week he was 11 and a half .The circumstances of his passing mean i am crying every day when I think of him and I can't seem to move on I have lost dogs before his life long setter companion back in October but this has really got to me
We had a week on Exmoor with his Red setter friend our 8 month old puppy he had a ball both running around like puppies!
About a week after we got back he seemed have a very slighty cough and a slightly higher resperation rate.As my other setter died in October of heart failure after a year of treatment aged 11 years (he started with a slight cough) I booked him straight into the vets
They agreed his resps were a bit high and booked him in for a full heart check.the next day this was on the thursday.
Full heart check said heart fine so asked if they needed to check his lungs.The next day friday x rays untra sound checks of lungs and chest and broncoscopy done . Found inflamation in his lungs samples sent of for analysis .Thet decided to start him on antibiotics while waiting for results .i asked could this be tumour and was told no highly unlikely
Dog still asking to go for walks eating but nor ravenously (he has never been a big eater) Resps still highish.
Results come back no infection identified nmow saying major allergic reation ( He is a reactive dog will react to bee stings and some wormers and tick preparation)
They decide to start him on steriods while consulting with an allergy specialist it is now thursday I am due to go away om Friday asked them if I should cancel but told no these things react to treatment slowly particularly in an older dog.
My dear friend was livng in looking after the dog and the puppy and my horses and she was fine with what the vet said.
I went off to the north of Norway for a long posponed holiday.
On monday my friend calls me on waking up Monday morning breathing suddenly much worse rushing him up to the vets as an emergency.
He had seemed quiet but fine up to then.
My darling boy died on route to the vet my friend said she was talking to him the whole time and strocking his head.
She left him at the vets arranging for an individual cremation they said I could have a post mortum if i paid £170 .
I said a pm wouldnt bring him back and already the vets bill was £1750 ( as an older dog the insurance covered most of that less excess and 20% of the bill so I paid £500)
I have contacted them about collection of his ashes and it it appears he died of lung cancer which had metasticied.
Looks like they did a pm for which I haven't paid.
I feel they let him down and me I never would have left him if they had diagnosed his condition .
All my dogs (and horses ) have died in my arms I feel heart broken that this was not diagnosed and feel given all the tests they did it should have been.
RIP my beautiful gentle boy

 

[Flowerofthefen]

I have no words...I am so sorry. Take care of yourself x

 

[meleeka]

I’m so sorry. I’m guessing it’s because you weren’t there and you’d tried so hard to prevent it that you are so tearful now. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. It wasn’t your fault, you did everything possible, so you can at least know that.

 

[Odyssey]

That's awful, I'm so sorry. It's hard enough to lose them when we have time to prepare ourselves. It's so sad that you weren't there, but you weren't to know that it was his time. I found my middle aged dog dead, he had been absolutely fine, and it was a terrible shock. I really thought it was going to break me, he was a gorgeous dog and we had a very strong bond. In time I came to terms with losing him like that, and although I know it doesn't feel like it now, you will too. Try to be kind to yourself, you did everything you possibly could for him and what happened was very unfortunate. Sending big hugs. xx

 

[Bowie]

When we lose them we always start with the ‘what ifs?’. We do this because they are our world and we didn’t want to lose them. So for now there is no immediate need to ‘move on’. Cry for your loss and laugh about the wonderful times. We never get over losing them. We just begin to accept it as a new norm. I hope that if you are able in the future, that you will be able to welcome a new family member. Because they will certainly land on their paws! Take care.

 

[Finlib]

He was my shaddow a gentle and kind dog always at my side.i have a red setter puppy aged 8 months who also misses him.
The puppy is a typical teenager and does make me smile but i think there is room in my heart for another setter have always had 2 together .May think about looking for a rescue setter to honour the memory of my boy would would urge me to give love to a boy who needs it.
There will never be another Finn.

 

[SAujla]

I'm very sorry, this was tough to read, you'll find your way but its okay to be inconsolable right now. Don't fight the tears just let it happen, grief is a personal thing so whatever you feel is right for you.

 

[NinjaPony]

You’ve experienced a terrible, shocking loss. Please allow yourself the time to grieve and process what has happened, without blame. We can’t always be there and we can’t always predict or diagnose an illness in time. You did the best you could for him with the information you had at the time and that’s all we can do. Be kind to yourself.

My diabetic family cat died suddenly of a heart attack whilst staying at the vets whilst my mum was away (I was at uni) and it remains the worst call I’ve ever taken. I always thought it would be the diabetes in the end and we would have to PTS but he just went in the vets arms with no warning. The shock was brutal as was the realisation that I’d never be able to say goodbye. Wouldn’t wish that on anyone, so I’m very sorry you’ve been through such an awful experience. He was clearly a loved and cherished dog.

 

[Moobli]

I think because you weren't with him at the end it will hit you harder than it might have otherwise done. You did everything possible and your darling boy knew how much he was loved. He had your good friend with him at the end, so try not to let any misplaced guilt eat you up inside. Losing a family member is heartbreaking and difficult, but I hope you can take solace in knowing what a wonderful life he had and how much he was loved, right until the end. Big hugs. Be kind to yourself.
I think another setter (puppy or rescue) is the greatest tribute you can give to your dear old boy x

 

[Quigleyandme]

So sorry. X

 

[Chiffy]

So sorry for your loss. I so understand your extra anguish that you weren’t there but you did everything you could to find out what was wrong with him and ofcourse you gave him a wonderful life for 11 years.
I hope you soon can remember the good times. Cherish your pup and finding a new friend would be great. You will never forget your special boy .
Thinking of you xx

 

[Cinnamontoast]

I’m so sorry. Mine died of lung cancer last year. I was thoroughly peed off at what I felt was a basic lack of knowledge from the vet we were referred to. Fortunately, the RVC gave us a quick diagnosis.

I think different things help different people. We were in the doldrums until my OH sprang a litter of puppies on me and after some very hurried arrangements, brought home 2. I wasn’t ready, but you have to deal with what’s in front of you.

 

[Sandstone1]

I am sorry for your loss. The blue cross has a phone/email service for people struggling with pet loss. It may help you.

 

[misst]

It is only a short time since this happened. It was a shock. You are grieving. Don't be so hard on yourself - it is early days to be moving on.
I am so sorry you lost him like this but he was only ill for a short time. He was with a trusted person who sounds loving and kind. He does not sound as if he suffered. Your anger at not having the opportunity to be with him is of course understandable and in time will settle into sadness not anger, but the vets although wrong do not sound unreasonable.
Two and a bit years ago I lost my little shadow. I used to say I didn't know what I would do without her when the day came. I was lucky I had time to prepare. I was so bereft I never thought anything would fill her gap. She was my "special" girl and although we have and have had others she was "the one" for me.
Like you I started thinking about a pup soon after. 3 months later we picked up Ruby. She is completely different of course but I realised after about a year that she had filled that awful gap for myself and my husband. She also cheered up our other dog.
I am sorry for your loss. Look after yourself and give yourself time to grieve. There is someone out there waiting to fill the space when you're ready.x

 

[MurphysMinder]

It's totally understandable you are feeling as you are, not being with him at the end will be particularly hard, but you obviously trusted your friend and he was with someone he knew . I think when they go suddenly like this there is a shock element as well, I lost my 10 year old GSD nearly 3 weeks ago. I took her to the vets as she was a little under the weather, despite being full of beans 48 hours earlier, within 2 hours of arriving at the vets she was pts with a ruptured spleen and masses on the liver due to haemangiosarcoma. I was lucky I was able to be with her but I am really struggling with the suddenness of it all.

I know it's easy to say but try not to feel guilty, at his age would you have put him through treatments if you had received a diagnosis? It sounds like he had a wonderful life with you and was only unwell for a short time, take comfort in that.
Everyone is different with regard to getting another dog. It is the first time in my life (66 years) I haven't had a GSD , I am sure I will have another but not for a while. However, if you feel it would help you , and your youngster, then there is nothing wrong in looking for another. I hope we both feel a little better soon x

 

[Moobli]

I am so sorry to read your sad news too MM It is heartbreaking to lose them so suddenly like that.

 

[TheOldTrout]

So sorry to hear this, your dog sounds lovely and very loved.

 

[HelenBack]

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a huge shock for you and only very recent so you shouldn't be putting any pressure on yourself to move on at all yet. You need time to process things and come to terms with your loss and that takes time sadly.

I lost my dog of a lifetime last year just before his seventh birthday. I felt massively let down by the vets who I think made mistakes and missed things to the extent that I know I will always wonder if things could have been different for him. I was and still am heartbroken and angry with all those who dealt with his case. I'm nowhere near okay even now, don't sleep still, still struggle to believe it's actually true, can't believe that something so awful could have happened to us and still can't really think or talk about it even now without getting upset. I'm struggling not to cry even as I write this. You have a different kind of shock to deal with because of it being so sudden and you not being there at the end but it's still a lot for you to work through.

The Blue Cross have a fantastic support service where you can call or email and speak to trained advisors. If you call you will just get whoever you speak to on the day but if you email you get the same person every time so can start a dialogue. They're wonderfully supportive and many of them have been through horrible losses themselves so they really understand. There's also a Facebook group and I have had some great support on there from other people who have lost their pets so I definitely recommend joining that if you're struggling.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

He was my shaddow a gentle and kind dog always at my side.i have a red setter puppy aged 8 months who also misses him.
The puppy is a typical teenager and does make me smile but i think there is room in my heart for another setter have always had 2 together .May think about looking for a rescue setter to honour the memory of my boy would would urge me to give love to a boy who needs it.
There will never be another Finn.

That is a lovely idea. Of course no 2 dogs are the same although some share common traits.
2 1/2 yrs ago we lost a 6 yr old Rottweiler bitch to bowel cancer, which had spread from the spleen. It was a shock as we hadn't known that she was ill, the vet tried to operate and rang to say that they thought it best not to bring her round from the op.
Her litter sister was bereft, so we got a pair of Labrador pups to distract her. They did a brilliant job, have grown into super adults and since we had to pts the remaining Rott aged 8, have helped us to come to terms with that loss too. We often talk about how well our 'emergency Labradors' turned out. I would almost always recommend getting another dog after pts.

 

[Finlib]

Finn has come home I picked up his ashes yesterday and we have buried his casket next to his life long friend a red and white setter who died in October 2021 aged 11.They are buried under a red maple tree a red tree to remember our red dogs.
I feel more at peace now.
The puppy is settling into a new routine.
The vet receptionist and 2 of the vet nurses came out to see me when I picked up his ashes and they were tearful and so so sorry it has happened this way one had taken two of his paw prints in charcoal which she gave me.All said what a kind and gentle dog he was.
The practice manager was going to take up with the vets the fact that despite 2 days of expensive tests he hadn't been diagnosed though I doubt I will here anything.
Wheels are turning with regard to a rescue red setter and I'll let you know if it works out Nothing will be confirmed for a few weeks what wil be wil be.

 

[misst]

I am glad you are feeling more peaceful x It's good Finn is home with his friend, take your time and the right dog will find you as you know.

 

[BeansNsausages]

It takes such a long time doesnt it.

I lost my dog in October and found myself shedding tears over her last night.

I still have a condolences card up that the vets sent. I just cant bring myself to take it down yet.

 

[Bucked_off]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

 

[Morwenna]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my old boy two months ago, also to lung cancer. I still miss him every day.

 

[GSD Woman]

What a horrible loss. I am so sorry for you.