Hello and help please!

[crazypony]

Firstly, Hi, I'm new, have been reading posts for a while and thought it high time I joined in.
I have a bit of a dilema at the moment. (long one sorry)
I got a pony last year, and have been keeping him at local livery. As I don't have use of the car (OH is always working) and 3 children to look after I can't get down daily. The yard has brilliant facilities (indoor and out school, huge stables, safe tackroom, lifts to shows etc) BUT it's a 6 mile walk (which I do as often as I can with 3 kids in tow). YO is a family friend and has done alot for me. I help her out as and when I can in return for her looking after pony when I can't get down and free livery.
Recently things have got pretty bad (YO had a couple of horse PTS is going through divorce etc), and the atmosphere is awful. I had a whole day of sh*te on thursday of being shouted at if things weren't done immaculately (ie stable not neat enough, when YO usually doesnt even bother to muck out anyway, and things not done her way, when the way I've done it is the way she's told me to!! ). I am constantly getting put down over things, and made to feel like a kid. She also feels she can say what i should and shouldnt do with pony, and she shouted at me for buying him a stable rug. Turns out he hasnt a stable this winter, as she gave it to someone else (she said I should be grateful as I get free livery anyway).
Now, there is another yard which is nearer to me. I can get to it easily (it's 1/2 a mile away). But it has no facilities. All roads for hacking, no school. It would actually be more convenient to me, but is pricey. Also, if for any chance I couldnt get down no-one could look after pony for me as I don't know anyone at that yard. This is the only other yard for miles.
I don't know what to do, do I move and lose all facilities and offend a family friend (plus quite a well known respected person in local horsey world) or stay and just put my head down and get on with it?

 

[mandy4727]

Firstly. Hi and welcome to the forum. You will soon be addicted as the rest of us are. Personally. I think I would stay where you are. I know it is tough at the moment for you but it sounds as though she is having a tough time of it and hitting out at people close by. Which is yourself. To move to a yard with no facilities and no help with the feeding etc (3 children are hard enough to see too never mind a horse aswell) especially as we are coming up to winter will be hard work for you. But I am not in your shoes. Try to give it to say just after Xmas and if things don't improve or get worse then leave. Let YO know that you are on her side and there for her if she needs you, as you are a family friend. I think if a good friend left her after what she is going through might be the last straw for her. Is she not approachable to talk to and just tell her what you have told us? Or maybe let her know you are looking for somewhere else and see if she is any more tolerant. Is getting a second car not an option. Just a cheap old banger with about 10 months MOT on it for a couple of hundred quid which again will help through the winter months. How old are the children? If they are school age can you not cycle up or a little moped which is cheap to run. Anyway. Hope it all turns out okay for you. You have come to the right place for advice here. Let us know what you decide to do. Or even part loan your pony? Just thinking of ideas for you.

 

[Tharg]

Personally I`d stay, sounds like she is going through one hell of a crap time.

 

[PapaFrita]

Ah, well, your YO IS going through a difficult time, so a certain amount of tolerance might be expected HOWEVER your situation isn't ideal in other ways; the distance from your house, for instance, and the fact that YO does seem to treat you like a second-class citizen.
First things first, if the YO really is a good friend you should probably try and get her to sit down and talk to you. Tell her you understand what she's going through but you're not her personal punchbag. I'd ask her straight out if she would be more comfortable with you leaving as she's given your stable to someone else and seems unhappy with the way you do things. Clearing the air will probably help, but in the end you might have to decide whether the great facilities make up for the personal treatment you get- Unfortunately it's sometimes the price you have to pay to keep your horse happy and comfortable (I know!) Hope things work out for you!

 

[crazypony]

Hi, thanks for the welcome.

My OH says I should give it till xmas and see, but this has been going on for weeks. YO is quite erm, scary at times, so i wouldnt dare tell her! I asked her yesterday if she wanted a chat over a cuppa and I just got snapped at.
I have one school age child, and two pre school. Buses round here are pretty good, so i have no other use for a car. OH and I did discuss me getting a car but it isnt financially viable until next year. And to get a moped I would need to pass a test which isnt worth me doing.
I don't want to bail out on YO, but don't know how much more of this I can take, you know, there's only so much patience you can have with someone, and all the other liveries get spoken to like royalty. I am a normally confident person but when YO starts on one of her bitchy moods it turns me into a wreck.
But then on the other side, as you say, with 3 kids, life in winter with no-one to help out would be difficult. I DO have the option of renting a field from my neighbour (field of 8 acres at the bottom of my garden), but my boy would be on his own, and I can't consider a companion pony. (We only just afford the one pony and if I got another OH would divorce me!)My boy would never cope in a field on his own.

 

[mandy4727]

I feel for you. I was in the moving yards dilemma a few months ago and it is hard work!!! But in the end I stayed where I was - better the devil you know etc - and things have worked out better for me. The field at the bottom of your garden sounds great. And there are people out there on websites offering "free to good home" ponies as companions, if not free then very very cheap, especially with winter coming up people might want rid of something that they are going to have to pay livery for. I probably would bide my time where you are. If she has always been okay in the past it is just the stress of what she is going through, everyone deals with things in different ways, and she may come out the other end fine. But then again. At least you are looking for options.

 

[crazypony]

she seems to have been going through this for a hell of a londg time, and it's only me who gets the c**p.
She speaks to my parents fine, and when we all go out for meals or drinks, she's happy as larry. Her horse was PTS last year, the other PTS just after xmas.

writing this down and reading it through, i think perhaps i'm just feeling the worst of it from thurs. I might just try and avoid her for a few days then ask her if I've upset her in some way, and let her know I'm prepared to move as that might open the door for her to have a chat if she wants to.

 

[PapaFrita]

Oh dear. NOT a nice situation to be in. She does seem to be picking on you! Are you sure you can't sit her down for a talk? Not even if you get quite cross and shout at her?! She seems to be taking the p:ss to a certain extent; if she can be civil to your parents and other liveries she should probably try and extend the same courtesy to you.

 

[Tia]

Move; would be my advice. I wouldn't even wait till after Christmas, I would aim to move as soon as I could arrange it.

Who cares if you don't have facilities at the new place? Do you use them much? Can't see how you can have much time to use them if you are restricted on getting to see the pony and whatwith all the yard duties you are doing there can't be much time left to ride.

Okay so you may not know anyone at the new yard - you will! Once you have been there a little while I am sure you will find someone who is happy to look after your pony in exchange for you looking after their's some time.

Roads - is the pony good in traffic? Have you checked out the OS map? Are you sure there is no off-road riding? I would ask at the new yard where everyone rides; you may find that they have access to private off-road riding.

Nope, I understand the YO is going through a bad patch but that is absolutely no excuse to treat people like cr*p......especially friends! If I treated any of my boarders like this - I wouldn't have them for long.

As I see it the biggest problem going on here is that fact that you do not pay for board. This always sounds like a good idea at the time - rarely works in my experience!

If you do decide to leave, then try to do it on good terms. Just say that you want to see the pony more often and you have found somewhere much closer. If she is a true friend then she will understand this. Good luck.

Oh and just one more thing: Welcome to the forum - hope you enjoy it here.

 

[frannieuk]

I would agree with tiaand start looking elsewhere - imo we don't spend all our money and time on our horses only to feel horrid coping with bad attitudes etc. It sounds as though your YO is bullying you, and tbh although she is going through a rough time it's no excuse.
If you go to the new yard you're almost bound to find someone who will help you look after the pony, and cos its that much closer to you things will be far easier anyway.
Good luck

 

[JAK]

Everything Tia said!

If you do decide to stay however, get yourself a cheapo little car - you can pick up a roadworthy old Fiesta or something for only a couple of hundred quid if you shop around!

p.s. Welcome to the forum!