Help cheer me up please.

Niddlynoo

Niddlynoo

Well-Known Member
Joined
8 October 2011
Messages
286
Location
essex
Visit site
I am currently undergoing chemotherapy for cancer (in my kidney, spine, pelvis and lungs). It was all going ok, but scans show the disease is out of control again. They have plenty more drug options but I still feel pants. I haven't yet got on my horse I bought after my diagnoses so I need to get past this. Please post any funny jokes, horse stories etc to brighten day as being in hospital is really boring!
 
Hi sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. Tell us about your horse what breed colour etc
I have three a welsh x pony chestnut mare and the best pony you could ever find so although I have no rider for her I can't pass her on! A rising 5 traditional piebald gypsy cob mare who is as bombproof as they come and a three year old unbroken black cob filly who I will be backing Easter time.
I recently had a hysterectomy and am only just back riding. Luckily my girl is one of those you can leave and just jump back on without her being silly!
It's the pits being in hospital isn't it? Do you get to come out soon?
 
Niddlynoo, couldnt read and run. Totally understand why your feeling poo.

For the life of me i cant think of a funny story, minds a blank. Can tell you a good news story if that helps ??

My daughter got back on her horse yesterday after 10-12 weeks off after fracturing her T12. had her instructor get on first just in case, horse was ace, didnt put a hoof wrong ( and shes a chestnut TB)
Then my daughter got on at the end, when horse was exhausted. Horse was fed up wanted to stop so napped to get the gate. i was mortified. But daughter just laughed gave her a kick and shouted you wont do that again !!!

Will try and think of a funny, keep your chin up in the meantime xx
 
When I recently got back into riding, I was luckily given the chance to ride a fell pony my uncle owns. He's a cheeky little menace but safe as houses. Having no access to a suitable saddle, I had to make do bareback. Getting a bit of confidence I thought 'ooh, I'm just like I was 20 years ago. Bet I can vault on'.

I took a good run up to make sure I had enough momentum, jumped... And slammed straight into his not insubstantial tummy. Then I bounced off and landed on my bum in a sea of mud. He turned round and gave me a look of disgust. The three small children watching at the gate, who I hadn't noticed, gave me a round of applause.

I share my shame with you in the hope that this cheers you slightly while you are on box rest. Xx
 
My mum has cancer and after having her chemo and loosing all her hair, it started to grow back very finely. It looked like baby hair, so she asked me to colour it for her so it looked better and more obvious.

Well, we bought some very dark hair dye (mums natural colour) put it on best we could on her wisps of hair, but all it did was dye her scalp black and she looked like a lego man! It was the funniest thing ever and I still laugh about it now! Her skin was really frail so we couldnt scrub it off so it was back to the head scarves for another few weeks until it faded!

My mum was told over 4 years ago she wouldnt last Christmas and she is still here going strong. She has lung cancer which has spread to her liver and kidneys too. She had 6 months of chemo followed by 6 months of radiotherapy. This ended 3 and a half years ago. The cancer is still there, just smaller and she has needed no further treatment. She also has emphysema which causes her more problems but she is doing great, so please have some hope. xxx
 
Helloo there, I do hope your chemo is blasting the blighter and best wishes my dear.
My horses are quite boring really, they tend to conserve as much energy as possible in order to reach the next blade of tasty green grass, nothing else exists. When the horses in the next field start having a hooley around they just have a little stare to work out why on earth any self respecting horse would want to do that, whats the purpose, surely its tiring and exhausting, hey ho back to head down grazing.

I do hope you get back to your horses soon. What do you do with them, hack, show??
:)x
 
I have a funny hospital based story if that is good enough....

Stick with me this might be a long one!

A couple of years ago I finally took the plunge and had my EPIC tonsils out. Doctor had been badgering me for years to get them out but didn't want to have the operation (massive wuss)

So the day arrives and OH takes a blubbering mess into hospital. I am beside myself with pathetic hysterics. So embarrassing for such a routine operation... Nurses were bemused but lovely. Anyway..... Several doctors etc came to check me out to make sure I was in good health. Finally they were ready to take me to surgery, they asked me to put my hospital gown on, with dressing gown and slippers. Dressing gown and slippers? No one had told me to bring anything.... Oh they replied... Nurse came over and smiled sympathetically and said have two gowns, one to cover the front the other to cover your little botty (her words not mine!). She then said you'll just have to wear the shoes you came in.... Dirty old falling apart boots. Brilliant. Nurse gave me the gowns and a plastic packet, showed me a changing room and off I went. Sorted gowns out and put rank boots on. Hmmmm plastic packet stumped me.... What was it? Opened it up. Ah ha... Something to put in my head to keep my hair in! Years of watching casualty told me that's what you had to have on your head to have surgery. So popped on elasticated head wear and realised there was a hole is the back. For my ponytail I thought.

So picture this. Double gowns, dirty ankle boots, blotchy red puffy face and 'hair net'. Left the cubicle ready to go. Walked back on to the ward... 8 people in beds, 4 or 5 nurses all stare at me. Wowzers... Do I look that bad I thought...? Nurses seem to be staring in horror... One just slowly pointed to her own head and shakes her head from side to side... I Quickly darted back into cubicle... Looked at myself in the mirror... Fiddled with head gear. Ah... Found another hole...? What's could this be..? Oh. Oh dear. These. Are. Pants. Hospital pants. That I have put on my head. And walked on a busy ward. After crying like a baby all
Morning. I felt so ridiculous but my goodness did I laugh, as did everyone else when I came back on the ward with the pants in the correct place!

Really hope this has cheered you up just a fraction. :-)
 
Lol pogface!
I did the quivering wreck (one thing that scares me is ga as I have to have more than standard) followed by the lack of dressing gown and shoes, followed by the pants on or off worries as not given any... Was the last thing on my mind going out and thankfully distracted me!

As surreydeb says I'd love to hear about your horse op x
 
Lami pony like throwing his feed bowl at people when they walk past.....or if he is in a real mood he will spit water at you like a camel :D

Also I was riding lami pony last year and my brother was on old mare hacking round the back fields of the farm. A bird flew out of the hedge and brushed the top if lami ponies ears so he ducked like any sensible horsey would do....then birdy slammed into old mares face who spun dumped brother on the ground.

Took one look at us and then ******ed off home! Leaving lami pony staring after her going "where the hell is she going! We are on a hack!" :D do brother had to walk home while I ran on lami pony to catch up with old mare who had taken herself back to her feild!

(Brother was fine just bruised!)

Xxxx
 
So sorry to hear you feel so rough. I haven't been able to ride for some weeks as I have been confined to barracks with pneumonia, so I know how miserable it can make you (not to compare, by any means, with what you are going through).

I haven't got a story but have a look if you can at 'John Bishop's Only Joking' (on Sky 1 last night). It was half an hour of just old fashioned corny jokes (well, it made me laugh!).

Maybe someone could record it on a cd for you if you don't have Sky in hospital? I don't know if you can watch online??

Good luck with up-coming treatment and remember that there are lots of H&H-ers thinking of you!

ps: the 'pants on the head' story made me laugh out loud! ;)
 
Hi Niddly, Sorry you're feeling pants. Dont worry about riding the horse, he won't mind having a break.
I tried to find the thread about some man buying a three week old rotty puppy from a man in a pub and then took it to the vet because it just lay on the lawn and ate grass to find out it was a guinea pig.
 
Sorry you're feeling miserable right now, though entirely understandable...I was reading a little book of horse quotations this morning, where someone had written they were ill in bed, when their horse stuck his head through her bedroom window and she was able to fling her arms around his neck, made her feel so much better. Sorry I don't have any jokes right now. Remembering the great times you've enjoyed with your horse will help you, and maybe working out a training/schooling plan for when you're back up to speed?
 
Niddlynoo - so sorry that you are going through this. Massive healing vibes and hugs going out to you!

Pogface - that is soooo funny! I can empathsize as also a massive wus - I cried like a baby the day I went in to have to thyroid out. It wasn't even really a big op or anything... I was just pathetic. I had to wear my mums leopard print slippers(think footballers wives meets Bet Lynch) as I actually didn't even own a pair myself and hospital insisted you had slippers on to walk down to theatre - was not a good look!

x
 
Phone call last week....

Your cob is on my croquet lawn and the highland is drinking from the oriental Lilly pond....

Oops, cob had itched and popped the gate open....
 
Thanks for all your replies, I'm trying to persuade my husband to let me get a lap dog, maybe if I tell him it's a guinea pig......
 
So sorry the hear you're having a rough time. They do say laughter is the best medicine.

I can't offer a joke, but when my mum was in hospital recovering from a maestectomy we go permission to take the horse box into the hospital grounds and cause great consternation by creeping up behind her bed, it backed onto a window, and waving at the ward from atop 3 Arabians me, brother and dad, with her favourite mare on the lead. We did cause a stir in the middle of a city hospital but it certainly brightened up a number of ladies stays, not to mention my mums.

It must have worked as she was out and showing 10 days after her op. She is the most stubborn women I know and was not going to let anything get in the way of getting back in the ring, even if it was all done one handed with her operated side not taking any of the strain!
 
We had snow this morning and my silly Welshie D was scared of it! He has a mobile stable in his field so I just open his door and he normally charges out, but this morning he stood in the doorway snorting at the ground and then backed back into his stable to 'hide'. I had to stand in the field like an idiot saying 'come on, its alright, good boy'!
When he did finally brave it he took a running leap out of his stable and then danced about on it like he was on hot coals before squealing down the field...daft so and so!
I do hope your chemo works well for you, I know of a few people that have been where you are and eventually managed to get out for some gentle horse riding in between chemo sessions. So fingers crossed and take care.
 
Hello. Here is a Phot of my Exmoor to make you smile.
DSCF0062Chad.jpg

I took our Mini Shetland out for a walk one day, and had stopped to let him graze. He was munching away near my feet when suddenly he trotted between my legs with me on board. I could see his tail getting closer and closer and then SPLAT! I was face down on the grass. He is the smallest pony that I has ever fallen off.
 
Misty05 that is a very cute pony, love the story about the Shetland as well!
Ozpoz, that made me smile - Thankyou
Stuck in hospital until Friday having radiotherapy on my spine. They need to find me a new chemo as well, could be a long week!
 
Niddlynoo,

Nothing much to add, other than hang on in there and stay strong.

But just reading the word 'pants' always makes smile!

My daughter (who is 7) comes out with some funny stuff every now and then... we were having a BBQ last summer, I'd done her some salmon in foil - she asked "Mummy, what's in the fin toil?".... My dog was in season last week and I'd put blankets on the sofa. Husband comes home and asks why, daughter replies "Bree's seasoning, that's why!" She was watching a 999 show and asks "What are Pam and Erics?" when she meant paramedics...

:)
 
I can offer a couple of poems. THey are a bit long but if you are stuck in bed you will have time! First is from me to my horse Izzy. Then he replies - he is very clever.;)

To Izzy

Izzy, I’d like a little word,
If you would be so kind
To get a few things straight,
And let you know what’s on my mind,

Your stable is a safe place,
There’s hay and water too,
And even when your friends have left,
There’s no need to barge right through.

I understand your abiding love of food,
I’m also partial to a treat.
But when you see a tasty blade of grass,
Please don’t knock me off my feet.

I know you like to jump,
That it’s lots and lots of fun,
But is it really necessary,
To buck and dump me on my bum?

I don’t think I’m a wussy rider,
In fact, I’m actually quite brave,
But let’s not buck in canter,
I’m not yet ready for my grave.

Steerings not my strong point,
Left, no the other left, they call
But really, did you have go
And crash into that wall?

On the subject of instructors,
We really need to speak,
I think it’s best if we try, at least,
To leave them on their feet.

I know you are a bloke.
And, as such, can’t multi-task,
I’ve heard that some can poo
And walk. Is it too much to ask?

So, go on, have a carrot,
Alright, I’ll give you two.
But let’s get on,
We’ve got so much to do.
 
Izzy replies.


I’ll take a moment from my hay,
To have a chat with you.
In answer to your questions,
About what we should do.

I must admit my manners,
Sometimes slip my mind.
Mostly when there’s food about,
Or I’ve got friends to find.

If we keep up the groundwork,
Say, weekly come what may.
I’m sure I’ll keep my manners,
Much better every day.

I love our little lorry,
I like to go out to a show.
But really, once I’m on there,
Let’s just blooming go!

I don’t know much of money,
It’s really not my thing.
But could we have more carrots,
If we cut down on the bling?

Bucking. There is a reason,
My strategy is clear.
It’s called tough love, and
It’ll help improve your rear.

And, see how it is working.
Face plants, they are less.
You should be thanking me,
Now your seat’s not such a mess!

Alas. We are not slender.
I cannot tell a lie.
But if I can’t have an extra treat,
Must you scoff that pie?

One last thing, talk to your Dad
And tell him what is what.
I may not be a racehorse,
But a cart horse I am not!
 
There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She laid on her back and opened her crack
And p!$$ed all over the ceiling!

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
50,000 volts went up its bum
And turned it wool to nylon.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sincere apologies for these rather vulgar and cruel limericks, but they do make me chuckle! Also, if you like him, search Lee Evans and holiday jewellery on you tube ;) cling claaang!! Gets me every time :D
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top