Help children deal with grief over pony

Ah. Please do not listen to the OPs who are saying you should be there. Until you have been in that position you really can't comment and you absolutely can not make someone else's decision for them. I am a mature adult used to looking after myself. Well I went completely to pieces whe n I had to have my old horse PTS and that distressed him it did not help. Just make sure that all the arrangements for removal, etc are set in place so you have as little to do after the event. The keepsakes are a lovely idea but also...be gentle on yourself as well. I still miss my old horse whom I lost some 12 years ago and my little stafford who I lost nearly 9 years ago. Gone but never forgotten.
 
I think we're all there with you! This is the fact that most of us will face with our beloved Neds at one time or another.

It is hard to give what is in effect parenting advice - but anyway... I would second giving them the option. Advise and counsel them according to what you know of thier personailities. But ultimately let them choose. if you keep them away when they really want to stay that will complicate matters - and vice versa.

I've been with - I'm not sure I really want to count now.... - 6 horses pts. Not all my own, a couple were freind's when the freind wanted them to have a freindly hand at the end but couldn't stay themsleves. 2 were traumatic following catastophic injury - the first one was my own pony shot where he lay following an accident on the hunting field. I was 10. (I'm 40+ now and have a 13 year old daughter of my own!)

Things do occasionally go wrong with euthansia - but not often. This is planned and controlled; the chances of it being anything other than peaceful are fairly slim. Even if you opt to have her shot it isn't that bad - either to see that the time or the aftermath.

If they stay or not I do think it is helpful to say goodbye to the body afterward. It brings closure. Unless they really can't face it in which case don't push. And yes - don't watch the body being moved - come back once she is buried.

Love and hugs.
 
i stayed with my mare when she was pts but daughter said her goodbyes earlier. We both wept buckets and still do 6 months on. I made her a photo album of their time together with little words. She loves it and i think it has helped us both remember the good times. With any bereavement there is no easy way. Will be thinking of you all.....
 
appylass said:
Great advice from other posters. I would add that if you feel that you are going to struggle to hold it together for the children is there anyone else you can ask to help them through it at the time she is PTS? The reason I ask is that, as a farmer's kid, I grew up knowing that PTS was part of life, my parents never made a big deal of it, explaining that it was the natural way of things when animals get old and/or ill. We were never kept away from animals being euthanased (that I remember); we either stayed or we didn't depending if we wanted to. I am ever grateful for the way my parents treated us with regards to euthanasia,it made it so much easier when I had to make decisions as an adult. I'm not suggesting that your children are necessarily there for the 'deed' (only you/they can decide that) but it might make it easier for them, and for you, if someone else is able to be there for your children to help them deal with it.

Good luck, I hope it goes as smoothly as it can.
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Couldn't agree more. Sadly, it's part of life I'm afraid that everyone has to get used to if they have animals.
 
Another in tears here!
Even if the children don't stay for the deed itself, do give them the option of saying goodbye if she looks peaceful ... When I lost my first pony after 17 years together I stayed with him for a long time. I managed to hold it together for the deed, for him. Then when he was gone and the vet was gone I sat with him and just let myself cry and remember and I still well up at the memories because he was so special to me, but I am so glad I had the opportunity. A good friend stayed for the removal of his body as I didn't want to see that. I've done the same for others and it's the one part I get a bit strange about when its my own horse.
 
I groom for a family who have small children (4 and 9), we had to have one of the ponies pts sleep last year, the kids came to say goodbye, they gave her polos and carrots and lots of hugs. They werent the while it was done but once she was in the hole their mum brought them back out to the field, we filled a big hay net and put it in the hole with her, as well as a big bag a carrots, we covered her in her fancy show rug so she wouldnt be cold and the smallest child put her fave teddy in there to 'to look after her'.

It was heart breaking but it helped the kids, the youngest still says she's ok because teddy is looking after her, and if she needs anything teddy will let her know.

((hugs))
 
Racing_Gal said:
I groom for a family who have small children (4 and 9), we had to have one of the ponies pts sleep last year, the kids came to say goodbye, they gave her polos and carrots and lots of hugs. They werent the while it was done but once she was in the hole their mum brought them back out to the field, we filled a big hay net and put it in the hole with her, as well as a big bag a carrots, we covered her in her fancy show rug so she wouldnt be cold and the smallest child put her fave teddy in there to 'to look after her'.

It was heart breaking but it helped the kids, the youngest still says she's ok because teddy is looking after her, and if she needs anything teddy will let her know.

((hugs))
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Gosh - that made me cry. How lovely.

OP - no advice, only you can make the decision knowing your children, but having been with my friend's old pony when she was put down it was nowhere near as bad as I had thought and was very peaceful. I'll be thinking of you all on Friday, and hope you are able to spoil her rotten for the rest of this week so you have some lovely memories of her.
 
Wow! I never expected so many replies to my post. Thankyou everyone for your kind words. I can't stop crying! She's being injected and then buried so hopefully all with be calm and peaceful. We're just going outside to spend some time with her now :) I know I'm doing the right thing for Honey and she's had a good life with us being loved and well looked after. Having animals is such a responsibilty, we have to do the right thing by them. Thanks again everyone.
 
I was talking about the need to get old boy PTS etc and getting the opinions. Friend told me her daughter was there when her young horse suddenly had to be PTS and her daughter had a good cry afterwards and sat in stable alone with a broken heart, mum said it was so sad. But soon bounced back. Her husband had to come away when they moved the horse. Agree kids have different outlook on death and usually cope better than adults(my only experience is human death). I think play it be ear and only you know your kids. The only thing is they should be safe distance and also to allow vet to get job done swiftly. They can always come over afterwards to have a look( humans are curious by nature,again play by ear). I am dreading booking the day but then watching old boy deteriorating as you have seen your pony I am now taking the view it can be a relief to get it over with as well. Who knows what is the right or wrong but your pony has been very loved and cared for up to the end. Thinking of you on friday, just do your best.
 
This couldn't have come at a more timely moment for me. Vet came to see our SI rescue yesterday and decided that she will need to be pts very soon. My little girl is 10 and very sensitive so I couldn't book it then as I really didnt know what to do for the best. I have asked her since and, despite the tears, she understands and she wants to say goodbye in the morning. So we will have to arrange for everything to be done whilst she is at school - although I am concerned that she will be very upset/distracted. I just can't see any other way except waiting for the next school holiday which would be impossible.
 
amymay said:
I certainly wouldn't want the children present. For the vets sake as much as the kids. Let them say a last goodbye in the morning.

As others have said - kids are very reliant. The important thing is to talk about it.
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I agree with above.
Having had several horses / ponies pts over the years it is extremely traumatic and for the horses sake I have always tried really hard to stay calm and not appear to be upset. Fall apart afterwards though of course but at least it gives a bit of time to come to terms with the loss before then having to help the children through it.
I lost my mare a few weeks back which was difficult as it was sudden, I then had to break the news to the kids after school. TBH I am still not over it but the kids were fine within a few days. Grieving is an important part of life and shedding tears is part of that.
My thoughts are with you and your children
 
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