help fell off my horse now have to choose

He does sound controlling. I would tell him I refuse to make a choice and I bet he will calm down and forget about it after a time. Someone I know has a husband just like yours and standing up to him is the only thing that works. She usually just waits for things to blow over but stand your ground and don't let him push you around. You are an adult and cam make your own choices but do not give an answer to his ultimatum. He will calm down but I can easily see why you wouldn't want him to stick around. I think that life is just too short not to have what you want.

He should not be treating you like a child. A relationship like yours appears to be can only work if you point blank refuse to be bullied. I tell my boyfriend what I am doing, and discuss things with him, but I would never ask permission. Once you do that, he knows he can control you. I have seen so many controlling relationships and seen how destructive they are that I am very careful that mine does not go that way. However, I am a person who is just as happy single! I hope you find a way to resolve your situation; only you can decide how to handle it.
 
I think it must be hard for him to sit back and watch you get hurt and he's probably worried about a worse injury or accident, but if it's actually your horse that you've bought then I think it's unreasonable to make you choose. Everyone has their passions and hobbies and it's up to your other half to support you with it in my opinion, even if it's not their thing! If you had children would he not let them ride then, meaning you couldn't share your passion? Personally I think this is out of order but I'm sure a non-horsey person would feel differently and agree with him to be fair. Hope you get things sorted xx
 
it is hard.

My husband has supported me through a cracked arm, a bleed on the brain, and a broken back. All horse related.

He's supported me because he knows how deep my love for it all is.

Equally, I've supported him through being thrown over his bike handle bars when the strut gave way as he was powering up a hill. That was a messy one. And when he was hit by a car, going over the bonnet and across three lanes of traffic. I'd rather he never got on a blasted pushbike again! But, it's his thing, it's what he loves doing. I've just sent his bike to the shop for a new gear thingy.

We don't understand each other's passions. We don't particularly like each other's passions. But, they are what make us the people we are, and we do like each other.
 
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I've been in your husbands position When my husband had 2 motorbike crashes. I banned him from riding ... We were miserable for 2 years. In the end I caved and he started biking again, softly softly and now he's back on the bloody super bikes!
He's much easier to live with though ;-), I'm afraid it was a compromise from both sides. I know you love your horse, we all do but she could be the catalyst here. So sorry you're in this position. Xx
 
EJ87 said:
Ok so i do have lessons regulary actually once or twice a week and the time i fell off and sprained my ankle my mare was going through a real nappy stage and planted and spun at jumps with me going overboard. But thanks to some training this has stopped. this time i was also in a lesson and was jumping a meter perfectly before hand but just took a bale jump funny lost my stirrups and fell off the side. i know i possibly need to work on my balance and maybe quit the jumping for a while. My husband is very non horsey so much that i dont talk about them infront of him and always ride or sort them out when hes working. even when i go to shows on a sat thats hes working he still tells me hes not happy with me going and i have to beg to be allowed to go even just to watch. i hate it im lossing friends over it as well.
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Never beg, just go, you don't need his permission. He's not the boss of you any more than you are the boss of him. IIWY I'd tell him you don't like getting hurt and are giving up jumping for the foreseeable future while you work on your security and balance. This should be enough reassurance for a normal person, if its not good enough for him, well tough, its all he's getting. Don't give up horses and don't let him tell you what to do. Your life, your choices.
 
It's a tough situation, I've been there with someone who sounds rather similar, chose the horses and never regretted my decision. My present OH (over twenty years on!) is a treasure who never questions the time and money and I devote to the horses, helps and supports when called upon to do so. It's give and take as in all things but I think you really have to take a good hard look at what you want in life and where you want the future to take you. Wishing you well whatever you decide.
 
Thanks so much to everyone for all their replies it really helos to get someone elses opinion and if even a bit of support. so far iv said tat i will not choose and i will not give up my horse or riding but will go back to basics for a while to try and improve my balance and invest in some arm supports and leave tge jumping for a while. i suggested we get some marriage councelling tgat he shot diwn saying hes not going to discuss our problems with a stranger so at the min its seperate rooms and shared accomodation. maybe the space will help but i know i have to stand up for myself now he cant control me anymore and when he realises it he will maybe cooperate.
 
EJ87 said:
Thanks so much to everyone for all their replies it really helos to get someone elses opinion and if even a bit of support. so far iv said tat i will not choose and i will not give up my horse or riding but will go back to basics for a while to try and improve my balance and invest in some arm supports and leave tge jumping for a while. i suggested we get some marriage councelling tgat he shot diwn saying hes not going to discuss our problems with a stranger so at the min its seperate rooms and shared accomodation. maybe the space will help but i know i have to stand up for myself now he cant control me anymore and when he realises it he will maybe cooperate.
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Oh, he needs to grow up! Good on you for saying you won't choose, I think its fair enough to not jump for a while (have you had bone density checked by the way? It could be worth checking, otherwise it was blooming unlucky to break twice in quick succession!).

I'm glad you realise you have to stand up for yourself some more. I think he is being childish for not wanting to go to marriage counselling, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to relate yourself for some professional support for you. If you are changing your attitude to be more assertive (absolutely the right thing to do in my opinion) I suspect this won't be the only time he throws a strop about it, so you need some tools in your kit to help him to adjust and you to withstand any criticism or outbursts from him.

As others have said really, tell him you are going out to the horse show, don't beg (why does he object for goodness sake?). Invite him to do coupley stuff, like a meal out, the cinema, a walk, whatever, but perhaps just don't push it if he says no. Why do you need to do your chores and make him lunch before you go to the horses?! Is he not perfectly capable of making his own sandwiches if you have other plans? Again, I would be telling him, "I'm off to the yard now, see you in a couple of hours. There's bread and ham in the fridge for lunch. I thought tonight we could do XYZ. Have a think about it while I'm out. Byeee!"
 
I know how it sounds, and he is probably just reacting to his own fears, be honest with yourself, he loves you, and you have given him a small insight into how dangerous it is, sadly.

He will come around when his shock has gone, you must have scared him for him to react in such away.

My OH always reacted in this way :) until I scared myself, and stopped !!!!!

Although his fears are back as I am starting up again :D

Take faith in that he loves you soo much, I am sure he will be fine.

Chin up xx
 
My husband was also very concerned when I fell off. I laid off the jumping!

Trouble is, you've started riding or bought a horse after you got married, like me. It changes things and takes you away from your husband. Mine says he has to make an appointment to see me and truth be told, I spend a lot of free time out of the house. (But I'd be bored and alone otherwise, given the OH works shifts) I make sure the OH knows I'm going to a show etc, but only because it's courteous!

I compromised and got someone else to do early mornings for me so I wasn't falling asleep in the evenings. You could dedicate an evening or more to him if it's just insecurity making him say this or genuine worry for you. I do wonder, however, if it is a control thing. My OH tried the whole 'You get hurt one more time and the horse goes'. I never tell him if anything happens now except in a funny anecdote way.

What you gonna do?
 
Had not not read all the the replies .. Sorry.

I stand by what I said, but he does sound from your post a little like he wants to be in control.

You are a grown up, and should be treated as such x
 
Well done for standing your ground. That he refuses to try and fix the marriage says everything. I hope it works out for you.

I've disagreed with Mithras in the past but I wholeheartedly agree with her post re controlling husbands being more dangerous than horses.
 
Leave him. This kind of controlling behaviour can quickly end up in violent behaviour. Do NOT let him isolate you from your hobbies or your family and friends.

If you can't/don't want to leave him, then give HIM the ultimatum. Marriage counselling or you leave. I bet he chooses the counselling. At the moment he's got a cleaner, a cook, a personal assistant etc. He won't want to lose that.
 
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