Help for nervous adult rider - suggestions?

This might sound counter-intuitive, but I found that riding a horse that was actually known to be spooky helped me massively. I've had a few bad falls over the years (one due to a spook at a pheasant!:)) and have had several patches of totally losing my confidence.

A friend acquired a rescue pony called Magic. She had all kinds of issues, and amongst them was the fact that she'd had almost no hacking experience. She'd reliably spook at funny coloured grass, big leaves, slightly-smaller-than-average leaves... you name it, she'd spook.

I watched my friend ride her a few times, and we talked about what Magic did when she spooked- always in the same way, and only ever little spooks. Wierdly, because I knew exactly what would cause her to spook (everything), and exactly what she'd do when she spooked, it made it easier to deal with. There was no anticipation- will she/won't she (she definitely will!)- I wasn't ever over-analysing every pricked ear or glance to the side. After riding her for a while (with my friend on her bombproof horse) I eventually relaxed.

Maybe just desensitisation? It certainly made me feel a million times more relaxed about spooks- the world will not end if she spooks, and I know this because she's spooked with me 500 times before and it always worked out ok. And then one day when she spooked and I fell, I was confident enough to laugh at my ungraceful dismount, and get back on :)

Mind you, I wouldn't want to ride a spooky horse all the time these days! But maybe what I'm saying is that sometimes fear of the unknown is the worst part- so having experience of spooks and knowing that you can manage them can really improve your confidence. That and swigging some rescue remedy before you ride :D
 
camilla4 said:
Apart from suggesting that she takes a slug from a hip flask before she rides, can any of you nervous nellies (and I know you're out there!) give her any help?
<snip>
Very grateful for any help as I'd hate to see her give up!!
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A good instructor that can make her feel 10' tall when she's finished her lesson... I've been out of the saddle for nearly 30yrs and have some health shenanigans going on - but the lady I found is very good at managing to build confidence and inspiration to do more... I've still not ventured above a trot and it's still not pretty - but I don't really care, love my pootling around and don't feel at all stressed if I'm having a bit of a battle with the horse... But it's got to be the 'right horse'... My 'never put a foot wrong, totally reliable, everyone loves riding him' TB was not a good match for me - for some reason I'd get this idea it was going to go pear shaped or I'd fall off due to my own incompetence... Ex eventer who is far more forward going than the TB and likes to argue about direction and speed doesn't bother me in the slightest... It just feels inexplicably different in the saddle... All due respect, the 'nervous nellie' comment might mean someone different to help her with her riding...

Right horse, right instructor combo... :)
 
Some massively helpful suggestions there, everyone - thank you! Looks like singing is a bit of a winner. The idea of actually riding a horse known to spook is quite an interesting one - I certainly rode my share of them in the past and spooking doesn't bother me, but childhood was a long time ago and I'm not sure that I'd have coped so well now if I'd had a long break. Tough one - I guess the results could go either way.!

As for the "Nervous Nellies" comment - I would have thought that it was obvious that it was a pretty tongue in cheek remark and a decription that I've seen many, many times on this forum. I would certainly never use it to her and I really don't see that it could have been construed as rude?!!! For the rest of you, with more constructive remarks, thank you once again:)
 
I lost my confidence after a near fatal fall out hacking and when I started hacking again my YM who came with me literally made me talk the entire time (not hard I am a chatterbox anyway!). This took my mind off looking for spooks and kept me breathing properly. The other thing that helped me was my point 2 air vest as I felt extra protected in case I ever fell off but this is a slightly more expensive option :D
 
Thanks, Tilda - I had a chat with her this morning and she sees the benefit of keeping her mind pretty distracted whilst riding. Her instructor has suggested singing but she feels a little self conscious when there are others around so I suggested just humming instead. I'll mention the chatting too (shouldn't be difficult for her!! :)) and get her to try them all. She does wear a body protector.

I'll let you know of any results!!
 
I trained as a singer and I find singing while I am riding almost impossible!

Perhaps you could also suggest your friend joins the forum and chats to some of us who have been where she is and are coming out the other side might help her to feel she is not alone and that there is hope!
 
One other thing - don't treat her like she's nervous, it will make her feel incompetent and that will make her even worse. I had a few riding buddies that used to make me feel awful by treating me like I was a bit, well, thick I guess - one in particular I'm no longer really friends with which I think says a lot. We went on a riding holiday with a group after I had got my confidence back, and she just kept on and on about how awful it was that I had ridden 'better' than her, and how terrible that was, and how she was so used to being the better rider and how annoyed she was with herself, and how I had always been worse than her... you can imagine how THAT made me feel:mad:! We've hardly seen each other since.
 
Hi,
Not sure if its been mentioned but Kelly Marks book "perfect confidence" is very good.
Rescue remedy is good, even if its only a placebo effect.
Also, bum in saddle as much as possible. Its easy to make excuses not to ride, and worry about the "what ifs", but when your friend is on the horse she'll hopefully realise that she is capable of handling any spooks the horse is giving.
Try and help your friend see the positives in her riding. Yes, shes had some spooks,but she stayed on, she gets on even if she is feeling nervous... that can be really hard to do sometimes.
Dont let her beat herself up over a "failure" but look at the good.
eg. I was riding in the arena today, planned to go for a ride around the farm afterwards. As I was riding in the arena, my boy got very tense, when I looked there were 2 double trailer trucks coming down the drive past the arena. We stopped, watched them go past to the farm, then walked on a loose rein around the arena. I called it a day.
I could stress over not riding around the farm as I was scared of seeing the trucks again, but I choose to be pleased that I stayed on when he was getting tense, ( a while ago I wouldve jumped off ), and Im pleased that I got him settled enough to walk on a loose rein afterwards.
Can you help your friend do the same? If the horse spooked, did she get him settled afterwards, did she do a really nice trot ?
Most of all, it does get easier, so tell her to keep trying.
Kx
 
Circe said:
Hi,
Not sure if its been mentioned but Kelly Marks book "perfect confidence" is very good.
Rescue remedy is good, even if its only a placebo effect.
Also, bum in saddle as much as possible. Its easy to make excuses not to ride, and worry about the "what ifs", but when your friend is on the horse she'll hopefully realise that she is capable of handling any spooks the horse is giving.
Try and help your friend see the positives in her riding. Yes, shes had some spooks,but she stayed on, she gets on even if she is feeling nervous... that can be really hard to do sometimes.
Dont let her beat herself up over a "failure" but look at the good.
eg. I was riding in the arena today, planned to go for a ride around the farm afterwards. As I was riding in the arena, my boy got very tense, when I looked there were 2 double trailer trucks coming down the drive past the arena. We stopped, watched them go past to the farm, then walked on a loose rein around the arena. I called it a day.
I could stress over not riding around the farm as I was scared of seeing the trucks again, but I choose to be pleased that I stayed on when he was getting tense, ( a while ago I wouldve jumped off ), and Im pleased that I got him settled enough to walk on a loose rein afterwards.
Can you help your friend do the same? If the horse spooked, did she get him settled afterwards, did she do a really nice trot ?
Most of all, it does get easier, so tell her to keep trying.
Kx
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Wise words, Circe! She is actually pretty good at seeing the positives in her riding, and the fact that she was a confident rider in her youth is a help - yes, she did stay on the spooking horses, quite easily, and pulled them both up straightaway and she did keep on with the lesson on both occasions.

Spudlet, don't worry - no-one connected with her and her riding is treating any differently now. It's actually she herself who raised the subject - acknowledging that her tension is likely to cause problems and determined to pre-empt this, she has asked for suggestions as to how best to deal with it.

She is riding this morning so I'll see how it goes!
 
Practice breathing ...... really deep breathing, in for 7 out for 11 !!!

The first thing that happens when you tense is you breath shallowly, the horse picks up on this and worries.


So, as soon as your friend feels herself tense, she needs to breathe - and if she can pat the horse as well then thats even better (stops you pulling on the reins!).

Oh, and look up as well, that really helps. Initially, your friend may have to consciously deep breathe for most of the ride!


Good luck to your friend!
 
canteron said:
Practice breathing ...... really deep breathing, in for 7 out for 11 !!!

The first thing that happens when you tense is you breath shallowly, the horse picks up on this and worries.


So, as soon as your friend feels herself tense, she needs to breathe - and if she can pat the horse as well then thats even better (stops you pulling on the reins!).

Oh, and look up as well, that really helps. Initially, your friend may have to consciously deep breathe for most of the ride!


Good luck to your friend!
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Thanks, Canteron - she's actually good at making sure she breathes properly (she used to be a dancer who had quite bad stage fright and relied on this very heavly!) but she certainly does have a tendency to look down at the horse's head when she becomes tense - something that her instructor has tackled, with some success.
 
NLP (specifically Jo Cooper) really helped me, rescue remedy does work for some people too.

As others have said practicing a dressage test or anything that gets rider and horse to focus on something else rather than worry about all the whatif's are great.

I hold my breathe and tip fowards when I'm nervous and just concentrating on remebering to breathe helps me relax and my horse. Talking or singing will also help you relax.
 
tabithakat64 said:
NLP (specifically Jo Cooper) really helped me, rescue remedy does work for some people too.

As others have said practicing a dressage test or anything that gets rider and horse to focus on something else rather than worry about all the whatif's are great.

I hold my breathe and tip fowards when I'm nervous and just concentrating on remebering to breathe helps me relax and my horse. Talking or singing will also help you relax.
Click to expand...

NLP is something she has considered but neither I nor her instructor have had any experience of it - can you tell me a little more about how you came to try it/how many sessions/how it helped etc?
 
Okay - update for all you lovely people and your suggestions: she had a lesson this morning, having taken some Rescue Remedy, which did actually seem to make a difference - she said she felt much less anxious about actually riding than usual (could have been placebo effect, but no matter); she tried singing, which went well until another rider came into the school at which point she felt that "It's Raining Men" belted out as she rode was making her a little self-conscious so she switched to humming loudly - great result!!! She said it seemed to make her automatically sit up and look ahead - and breathe!!! - so definitely kept her relaxed. She came away from the lesson feeling much more positive that she can conquer this so thanks, everyone :)
 
I also have a friend who is very nervous about riding her own horse.(yes,really :)
I ride him with little or no problems from him but she gets on and he gets tense and inclined to spook so She now thinks he hates her. I think it's because she's a bit scared of what he's going to do and gets tense whereas I get on and deal with problems when or if they arise. I was going to add a post asking for advice but reading the replies here has given me some ideas. Thank you all and OP.
 
I have also used Jo Cooper (NLP & TFT) - Excellent :)) Great way to overcome confidence issues - would really recommend this method to help
 
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