HELP! I don't think this sharing is working. What do you think?

[soulfull]

I started sharing my horse a few weeks ago with someone who I thought rode better than I did, as I am waiting for an ankle replacement.

However things are not going to plan. She is riding 3 times a week schooling and jumping. On the plus side his canter is now much more equal on both reins, She looks great on a horse, very quiet, small slim, fantastic balance etc but has NEVER had a lesson.

When I come to ride I am finding he is starting to do things he has never done, ie try to ignore me when asking for downward transition to trot (normally I only have to think it). He is falling out and even napped out through his shoulder in a minor temper tantrum, and was more difficult to correct than I would have expected.
He is resisting me when I ask him to work correctly, trying to poke his nose right out and pull as well as hollowing.

I watched her ride last night and she was letting him fall in and out, poke his nose out with head fairly high, so he was hollow. I tried to explain how I ride him but she couldn't do it as gives in to him to easily cos he is so good compared to the nutty things she usually rides. I have asked her to come and watch me ride him tomorrow so she can see what I want. But she has much more experience than me and I don't think she knows she is not helping, not to mention I think deep down she believes she knows more than me.

It is my thinking that because she is letting him do these that when I ask him not too he is pushing me more because he can't see why he should as has been allowed to get away with it. I am having more schooling issues with him than I have EVER had and the sharer has only been riding him this much for a couple of weeks.

On reflection I think when I have my replacement I would be happier getting on him after having 3 or 4 months off as at least I know what I would be getting on, whereas if she keeps riding him for me he is not going to be the same horse.

The other problem I have is that I know people on my yard think she is a great rider as she can stay on anything and is one of those people that makes it all look effortless. Whereas partly because of my Rheumatoid Arthritis and ankle I do still struggle with my core muscles and lose my balance sometimes when Jumping or when he does something bad or suddenly. The people on the yard are great but I am no good at hiding things from them so they will know why she is not riding any more. I am worried they will think I am being ridiculous thinking I ride better than her

I know at the end of the day he is MY horse and I should do what I want but I really don't want people thinking stupid woman thinks she rides better ha ha

 

[Carys]

If she's not prepared to do things they way you want to keep YOUR horse going as you want then personally I'd have to end the arrangement. Ignore what others say, after all it's your horse for your enjoyment. If you can't ride can you turn away until your ankle's better?

 

[cavalo branco]

He's your horse and if you are not happy sharing - then don't. You needn't say its anything to do with her riding, just say you want him to have a rest, go back to basics or whatever.

I've had sharers in the past and whether better or worse rider than you, I don't think your horse ever feels quite the same. My horse now has a suspensory injury which I put down to overschooling on my ex-sharer's part. It's always a gamble and if there's no clear benefit to you then I really wouldn't share.

Sorry to say it but a lot of sharers will not treat your horse as their own when they don't pay the bills!!!

 

[Serephin]

personally I wouldn't give a toss what other people thought if it was my horse - he is YOURS to do with what you see fit. If you are not happy with the share then end the share - it would be far worse to have her potentially ruin your horse.

 

[zandp]

I had the same issue last year, elder mare's first sharer apparently was BHS stage 4 and had competed Elementary dressage and junior sj'ing at Hickstead. She hadn't competed for a while but got on and rode her overbent with far too heavy a contact and couldn't sit to her canter. I ignored my feelings, pointed out the overbentness and explained the contact she was normally ridden into, put the canter (she's a rocking horse canter type) problems down to being out of practice and let her have a trial day. Shouldn't have done - what I've learnt is your instincts are right.

If I were you I'd insist she had lessons if she won't take your advice on your horse.

 

[Puddock]

I think (hope) it's just teething troubles with the share......

If she is finding it difficult to act on/interpret your instructions on how you want him ridden, can you get your instructor on side? You say she's never had a lesson.... well, maybe, if you explained the problem to your instructor and then suggested having a lesson with you both attending/riding (not at the same time, obviously ), it might help?

If it's a case of "won't" rather than "can't", I'm not really sure what you can do, other than making it clear you will end the share if things don't change. Try not to worry what other people think, it's all very well being a natural, balanced rider etc, but the long and short of it is some people and some horses just don't click.

I'm sure you would be able to find another sharer easily enough. Good luck with it all.

 

[Archiesmummy]

I have had several people ride Archie and he changed when I rode him. His manners changed and I didn't like it at all. I may not have had lessons for years but he does what I want him to do when I want him to do it and we have a fabulous relationship. So, I have decided its just me from now on. I could do with help sometimes but the negatives far outweigh the positives in my opinion and are just not worth it.

 

[Brandy]

Oh I don't envy you, this is such a hard situation to be in.

A few things I would say. I have a friend who is fearless, will get on anything and jump anything, she looks good on a horse too and you would think from seeing her ride, that she is good, and better than me. Well she is, at certain things. She is no good at flatwork. At all. I am a nervous wreck jumping, get it all wrong through concentraing too much, and most certainly will not get on anything. But, my flat work is a million times better than my friends. I wouldn't want her to school my horse for any period of time.

So, she is not better than you, nor are you better than her, You ride differently. She rides in a way that leaves your horse 'trying it on' with you. I do think you are right in what you say about this.

I had a sharer for a pony, and I did have to give over control to her. She rode very differently to me, but did no harm and the reason for having her was to ride the pony becuase I was too big so I wasn't riding her anyway. Had I wanted to ride her also, it wouldn't have worked.

Personally I wouldn't carry on with it. Your horse will be ruined for you. Not ruined full stop, but as you say, not the horse you know.


Sod what everyone else thinks but try to make it clear that the sharer rides differently to you, and the horse takes advantage of this, and this will make it harder for you when you start to ride, esp if you have an achey ankle!

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

Hun, it sounds to me like you're running yourself down a bit here; thinking that she's the better rider, everyone at the yard thinks so etc etc. The fact is that your horse thinks that you're the best thing in his world, and its YOU he respects and listens to as he's going better for you than for her, lets be honest.

I also think you're running yourself down because you have a disability which you feel is disadvantaging you. I can hear what you're saying here, as I've got a jippy back and a funny knee (daren't do any jumping with it), plus repetitive strain injury so it doesn't take much before I begin to ache big-time, but I still have an awful lorra fun with my boy. Sometimes I have to be careful and take things easy but we've still done stuff like Fun Rides and a few rosettes to prove it. We don't compete, we're just happy hackers at the mo tho' having said that we might just have a go at Le Trec in the future, who knows.

I had someone riding mine a few years ago who "thought she could ride" - she'd been to equestrian college and got the certificates to prove it kinda thing, and basically she couldn't ride for toffee and did my boy more harm than good, getting him into some awful habits which then later had to be sorted out. What happened was that we'd booked a joint lesson i.e. she would ride for one half, I'd ride the other, and to cut a very long story short His Lordship didn't like it when she was on board and dumped her, unceremoniously and rudely, in very nearly the same place in the arena, on two consecutive lessons. So that brought her down to size.

Personally I think you need to redress the balance a bit and re-claim as it were, your horse for yourself again. He obviously goes better for you than for the other rider, as his behaviour shows, and I just wonder whether her continuing to ride him will just unsettle him more and you might have more extreme behaviour showing up before much longer? Some riders are too brash and bold and some more sensitive horses just can't deal with it, and I wonder whether yours is one of those.

Perhaps a joint lesson would work for you both - and might be a good way forward, BUT you need to have your choice of instructor i.e. someone you're happy with and not be bullied into having someone she chooses.

 

[Pidgeon]

The people on the yard are great but I am no good at hiding things from them so they will know why she is not riding any more. I am worried they will think I am being ridiculous thinking I ride better than her

I know at the end of the day he is MY horse and I should do what I want but I really don't want people thinking stupid woman thinks she rides better ha ha

TBH the people on the yard will have no idea why she isn't riding him anymore if that's the route you go down. You don't have to hide anything from anyone. And no one would think you were ridiculous for thinking you ride better than her, as said earlier its horses for courses and some people just don't click with said horse.

I've let people ride Pidge some are better riders and some aren't and to be honest there is only 1 other person whose ridden him who can get a tune out of him, for everyone else he goes like a lama and quick, who says he's not a mummys boy

go with your gut instinct and do what is right for you and Mika x