help in decision making, wwyd

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flirtygerty

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Overwhelmed by life just now, 4 horses, sodden, muddy field, (first winter here) new business and a husband that can't walk, (recent, under investigation) I know my limits and I am struggling, I have always maintained, if I couldn't care for my horses, 2 x 20+ yr olds, the love of my life 11 yr old and my 4 yr old cob with showing potential, I would pts rather than risk them being passed from home to home, HOWEVER, this is just a blip, I'm dog tired, caring for the horses and Oh, because of the field, I have two in and two out, because my OH can't help with anything, I've had a crash course in towing for my business, but he needs help getting about, anyway, I am not supergran and need to lighten my load, my young cob has been kept ticking over, so could go as a potential show pony, but god he's got the wow factor and I enjoy showing him, my trotter x could go as a blood donor for a while and just keep the oldies as happy hackers, this year I will only work 6 days instead of 7 and less hours.
Do I struggle on or cut down, longer days are just around the corner WHAT WOULD YOU DO
 
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I've been in a similar position in the past. For what it's worth I would cut down the horses from 4 to 2. For me that might well mean having the two oldies put down but that would be a personal decision. That might take some time though to sort/get your head round so if all 4 could somehow live out in the mean time that would help.

I'm now down from 6 horses to 2 and even though I could probably manage 4 quite well at the moment, the improvement in my quality of life means I'm never going over 2 again!

I hope life gets a bit easier for you soon.
 
What would I do in your situation ? Its a tough one, but think I would struggle on for a bit. The lighter nights are coming, I would look forward to the summer and give the oldies a good summer out. By which point hopefully OH would better and things return to normal. If that isn't the case, then I'd consider PTS for the 2 oldies at the end of the summer / when the weather turns again.

Feel for you op, you are having a tough time. Hope it all works out for you.
 
Putting down the oldies is not an option, for one thing I can't afford it, they both owe me nothing, having moved huse 3 times in the last year finances are tight, the solution would be living out 24/7 but they all get sick of the constant mud, given my age, I don't plan on having any more horses, but I need to do right by the ones I have, knowing the trotter x and cob came from dodgy homes, I couldn't pass them on, my trotter x is an escape artist and quirky to boot, but totally safe, the cob trembled at the sight of his tack at the viewing and is also an escape artist, my ideal solution would be find the cob a show home where he is appreciated, my trotter x could go and be a blood donor and be useful till I could have him back and the oldies would stay the same old happy hackers and I sort out the field, the mud is not acceptable and my landlord must do his bit
Oh will also get over this and be able to help
 
So sorry about your current situation, Would you consider getting a sharer or part loan to help you out? Or even full loan whilst stipulating to stay at your place. I also think you've managed so far Id be tempted to struggle on its getting lighter spring is nearly here and everything will seem much easier. Tricky decision it has to be what's best for you
 
So sorry everything's getting on top of you.
As the saying goes, the darkest hour is just before dawn.
Longer days are on the way. I would struggle on; you obviously love your herd. Is there any casual help available?
Good luck. I hope there is a simple solution to your OH's problems
 
Could you afford to pay someone to help you? Has your GP offered to arrange support for your OH while he is ill? If not that is an avenue to explore - there will probably be a financial contribution to be made but it would lighten your load a bit. Could your business stretch to employing someone? Or are your 2 oldies suitable for someone to share?

Sorry lots of questions and no practical help but the answers to those questions might show you a way forward. I definitely think that you should explore the help for your OH.
 
Thanks for your replies, we live at the back of beyond, in a very horsey area so finding a sharer would be difficult, I think I'm just panicking due to tiredness and a response to my enquiry at the local blood donors, but could I really give up my beloved horses, I really don't know, each one is special in their own way and I need to do right by them, but summer is on it's way
 
Sorry to read of your struggles, hope things will soon improve, but in the meantime I think you should consider getting some help...maybe a part-share for one of the younger ones? Try asking at Riding stables/tack shops/vets in case there's someone who needs a horsey fix without expecting payment, and maybe won't be bothered about riding...perhaps they would like the chance to hone there stable management with a view to getting their first horse??? Maybe someone to chat to while sharing mundane jobs will help a bit? Good luck
 
My OH shattered his leg while eventing years ago, having had cancer recently seems to have left him open to any virus that fancies attacking him, latest one has left him unable to put weight on his left foot, making him feel useless and very tired, the last thing he feels like doing is seeing to the horses, he is frustrated at having me drive everywhere and worries about how much \I am doing, but what choice do I have, I need to keep my business going, care for my OH and horses, good job spring is not far away, but how do I choose which horses goes, I rage at ads selling old horses, when they should be retired or pts and I have 2, this is doing my head in, I shall rethink in the morning.
Thanks everyone but got to go to bed
 
We all go through this stage after Christmas, you've spent too much, the weather is foul and it seems a long time till spring. Last year I was running two lots in two different place 17miles apart and it got me down. I had someone do them once a week but I was tied to the routine 6 days a week. I think you have to look at what you do and why and cut out anything you can get away with, like feeding once a day but putting enough in to last 24hrs, same with the water so you can check them but to not have to do anything. Get some one else to do all the things that need no skill or horse knowledge, or just do a bit of cleaning in the house. Shop on line and cut out the trip to the supermarket or get your husband to do it online.
I am losing my oldies, my oldest now is 22 this year, I do miss them, I had one PTS in September, but its better you choose when they go than be forced into it.
 
Op, you have a lot on your plate! I know Rothbury feels like the ends of the earth in winter, especially with the bottom road to it still being out (shakes fist at the Council!). Have you tried putting an advert in Robson and Cowans at Scots Gap for a sharer/loaner? It may be a horsey area, but there's plenty of farm kids (and older) who's Dad's wouldn't have a horse on the place :)

Tesco def deliver to Rothbury as my sister uses them.

Chin up, spring is around the corner like you said. Hope you're OH starts to feel better too.
 
OP you have my deepest sympathy - life can be so tough.

If your weather is anything like ours, hopefully the mud has frozen which does make life a bit easier.

What I would say is that it is time to compromise on your standards for a month or two and do anything you can to make life easier. If you can get a big bale or two dropped into the field for the younger two, then do it. Deep litter the two living in or, if you have one, put them in a barn together if they are happy together and deep litter that. If you are used to having pristine beds and doing everything "properly", it will feel difficult but remember that spring is coming, your OH should improve and you can worry about sorting out the mess when its warm and light.

If you poo pick, don't do it - get your field harrowed in the spring. As long as they all have food and water, enough warmth, whether rugs or natural coat, and somewhere reasonably dry to stand, they will be fine.

Sometimes, something has to give. If you really want to keep all four, make sure you give yourself some easy options until things improve. Everything will look very different by May.
 
Sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment, this is the worst time of year without other issues cropping up.

My advice would be that when in doubt, don't. I'd chuck all the horses in a field with a big round bale in and let them get on with it, providing they are checked daily and have plenty of forage they will be fine. You could stick a straw bale or some chippings down to try to make a drier area out of the mud.

You can tackle sorting the grazing come spring when hopefully your husband is feeling better and the warmer weather and light nights make things easier.

You have four very lucky horses, but remember to look after yourself too. x
 
In your position Flirtygerty, I would be feeling just the same as you are, but here is what I would do.

Call Morpeth RDA group (link with number at the bottom) and tell them briefly your situation and would they consider passing the info on to any of their volunteers that are in your area. I had a friend of mine do this a few years back, the RDA were happy to help and the volunteers would only do one day a week with them, but desperatly wanted to just be around horses, most not being able to have their own, so they were very happy to have the chance at helping someone out and in return, just getting the enjoyment of having extra horsey time. It also has the benefit that these people are on the whole, reliable and responsible.

Do the same as above with your local riding club and maybe be open to allowing someone else to show/ride the youngster in return for helping you out.

You could also put adverts around social media and local horsey places offering the same.

3 weeks ago, it was dark here by 4:30...now it's not dark until 5:30. We really aren't far away from longer days and easier weather so in your position, I would take a deep breath, take the steps above and get some help in and get through it without doing anything drastic.

Unless it is an emergency situation, I have a general rule of 3's in these type situations. Make a decision on what to do. Leave it either a week or a month (depending on situation) then make the decision again. Wait another week or month and make the decision for the third time. This method gives you time to find out if the intital decision was a kneejerk one or actually the best way forward and saves you from making a decision quickly that you can't reverse.

Take a breath...have a hug...maybe even put something up in your regional section on here and don't be afraid to ask for help. If someone else did and you were in a position to, you would offer that help in a flash, so allow others to do the same for you.

I hope your husband improves quickly and that you both get a chance to take it easier soon as it sounds like you've had a hell of a time of it lately xxx
 
Thanks for all your replies, GG special thanks to you, solid advice given, being new to the area, I don't know about rs etc in this area but will put ads up in the two places I know of, I do care for all of my horses, it's not possible to put a bale of hay in the field due to the wet conditions in the field itself and the routes to and from the field, the hacking here is to die for, but the living conditions leave a lot to be desired, I have always been spoilt, having had a very well paid job, now I have to work for a living and the £200 a month for the mud bath and barn is getting hard to find, I dd have a rider a couple of years ago, but he wouldn't listen and I had a lot of lame horses, so didn't really work out, the doctors don't know what's up with my OH, yet more blood tests taken, along with x rays, st ill waiting for the results, I know I will bounce back, it's just a case of when, I look at my horses and think, you deserve better than this, but I'm doing my best and failing you miserably, you need wormed, feet trimmed and teeth done and all I can afford to do is keep you going in hay, I'm so so sorry, but will make amends soon
 
Flirtygerty, you are being very hard on yourself, your are doing your best and can do no more.

If you are unable to manage the basics for longer than a few months then I would seriously consider either loaning the younger horses or pts the older ones, then at least it gives you the chance to look after the remaining ones more easily, remember that any steps that you take are for their future welfare, and I think a good way to look at it is that if it was a stranger on here posting that they could no longer look after their horses, what advice would you give them?

Hopefully it won't come to this, but it is best to be prepared for the worst case scenario.x
.
 
Pity you are not near here I would have looked after them in a flash sadly cannot take them here as we pay per horse but maybe someone around you has a decent field they could be turned out in The horsey community can be either brilliant or a bit self orientated but the brilliant one far out weight the selfish ones. Good luck sorting it and I hope the OH is fit well and nothing too serious to keep him down very soon
 
Sounds like tough times. Personally I would suggest maybe loaning or getting a sharer to help you. Maybe there are some horse mad kids about who could help. You don't mention finances, there are some good retirement homes for horses, maybe the oldies could go to one for the time being until you can get back on your feet? Or maybe pay someone to help out? Whatever you do, make sure it is the right decision for you, not the right decision for someone else. It sounds like you adore all your horses and really don't want to let any of them go. Make sure whatever you do is not permanent if, like you seem to be saying, that it may get better soon. That way you can reverse the decisions. For me, my horse is my sanctuary to get away from anything bad in my life, so if that's the case with you, make sure you don't lose the one thing that may help you to get away from it all. Good luck with whatever you do, it will be the right decision for you :) and I hope your OH makes a good recovery.

ps I am a physio and work with neuro disorders, if you want any advice about disability, help etc PM me :) I'll do what I can to help.
 
I think I would definitely think about sending the one to the blood bank to relieve some pressure...I assume from there you could have him back if they have no further use for him and then you control his future..I don't know a lot about it but I think I would take a look in to it if that would free up time/expense for the others, I would then think about loaning the youngster out- there are good homes out there or even a sharer - you need to think about your health too and get yourselves fit and your business on track if that is your only income.
Must be tough but like others I wouldn't feel opposed to letting the oldies see the better weather and then considering pts- you don't want them to get in to difficulties and then have to struggle on.
Best of luck, the light is coming!
 
So sorry you're having a tough time. I understand why, as it's easy to get bogged down in negativity when it feel like everything is going aganist you, but it does sound like you're putting up barriers up against some very sensible suggestions made on here.
I think a loaner / sharer (or even two) would be ideal in the circumstances. I understand you're a long way out, but if you don't charge for it - or take the fuel into account and only ask for a token contribution, people will travel bit further than you'd think. It sounds like you would have horses to suit all types of rider so it's not like you would be limited by needing a brilliant rider who will help improve the horses, just one who can give you a hand and enjoy them in return. This link should show you the clubs in your area http://www.bhs.org.uk/enjoy-riding/british-riding-clubs/find-a-club-or-centre/area-2 (guessing here as my knowldege of the NE isn't great but if it's not this area, try area 4). Many will have pages on their websites for people to post ads or facebook groups or e-mail addresses for you to contact them to ask if they know of anyone who might be interested.

As other have said, spring is in the air - the huge white patches of hair in the field from the two old greys tell me that and things will look very different then. Maybe over the summer when things are a bit easier you could sort out some sort of hardstanding so they're out of the mud next winter, have somewhere suitable for you to put a big round bale of hay and they can all live out?

Hope your husband's health issues get sorted out. I also think you're being hard on youself. Your horses are loved and cared for, so I'm sure they're happy - and far better off than many in this country.
 
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Sorry to hear about the rotten time you and your husband are having. realistically will you have time to produce and show the cob? I think he sounds very saleable. I'd go for the blood donor option with the other horse. The nI'd keep the oldies at least for this summer and reapraise things in October re your husbands health, your energy/time etc etc.
Hope this helps.
 
flirtygerty;12798491 it's not possible to put a bale of hay in the field due to the wet conditions in the field itself and the routes to and from the field said:
If it is an open barn, could you put a bale of hay in there and give them some time each day in from the field, but save you mucking out etc?
Don't forget horses are native animals, they are pretty hardy and really only need very little to keep them happy. Of course when you have time for more, they will appreciate it, but you are not neglecting them if they have space to roam, company, food to eat and water to drink they will be ok. :)
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honetpot said:
We all go through this stage after Christmas, you've spent too much, the weather is foul and it seems a long time till spring. Last year I was running two lots in two different place 17miles apart and it got me down. I had someone do them once a week but I was tied to the routine 6 days a week. I think you have to look at what you do and why and cut out anything you can get away with, like feeding once a day but putting enough in to last 24hrs, same with the water so you can check them but to not have to do anything. Get some one else to do all the things that need no skill or horse knowledge, or just do a bit of cleaning in the house. Shop on line and cut out the trip to the supermarket or get your husband to do it online.
I am losing my oldies, my oldest now is 22 this year, I do miss them, I had one PTS in September, but its better you choose when they go than be forced into it.
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For the record, I haven't overspent at xmas, my Oh and 4yr old grandson got IOU's for presents, I bought two slices of turkey for xmas lunch, our whole xmas food bill was £15, but we did enjoy our xmas, having worked in local government for years, we were spoilt and could afford four horses, now being self employed, running a hot food van, we are at the mercy of joe public and life is at best frustrating, I am doing stupid hours a day, horses, preparation for work, disabled Oh, gathering windfall branches to burn to save money, don't get me wrong, I love my life, this is just a temporary blip, but don't assume I have just overspent at xmas
 
annagain said:
So sorry you're having a tough time. I understand why, as it's easy to get bogged down in negativity when it feel like everything is going aganist you, but it does sound like you're putting up barriers up against some very sensible suggestions made on here.
I think a loaner / sharer (or even two) would be ideal in the circumstances. I understand you're a long way out, but if you don't charge for it - or take the fuel into account and only ask for a token contribution, people will travel bit further than you'd think. It sounds like you would have horses to suit all types of rider so it's not like you would be limited by needing a brilliant rider who will help improve the horses, just one who can give you a hand and enjoy them in return. This link should show you the clubs in your area http://www.bhs.org.uk/enjoy-riding/british-riding-clubs/find-a-club-or-centre/area-2 (guessing here as my knowldege of the NE isn't great but if it's not this area, try area 4). Many will have pages on their websites for people to post ads or facebook groups or e-mail addresses for you to contact them to ask if they know of anyone who might be interested.

As other have said, spring is in the air - the huge white patches of hair in the field from the two old greys tell me that and things will look very different then. Maybe over the summer when things are a bit easier you could sort out some sort of hardstanding so they're out of the mud next winter, have somewhere suitable for you to put a big round bale of hay and they can all live out?

Hope your husband's health issues get sorted out. I also think you're being hard on youself. Your horses are loved and cared for, so I'm sure they're happy - and far better off than many in this country.
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The hardstanding is on the agenda for this year, I need to sort out the field as well, I tend to have two in, two out, the field is so wet in the winter, it's impossible to get a full bale to the field, so I wheelbarrow enough hay to keep them going,all but the Tb are good doers, I don't mind picking some one up from Morpeth, it's just finding someone willing to come
 
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Thanks for all your support and advice, it is appreciated, sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees, I am reluctant to pass my younger ones on, as they came from traveller types and both had issues, so my trotter x will hopefully go to be a blood donor for a while, I'm tempted to find a show home for the cob on loan and keep the two oldies as happy hacks, letting the field recover, I don't have the time just now to show my cob anyway, but at some point I will retire, or at least not work weekends, so at least my options are kept open, my summer routine starts the end of feb, working private events at weekends which will improve finances, shot to bits by having to move three times in the last year, Oh is in the lap of the gods
 
Sounds like you will just stick it out which is what I would do. I would however get big bales delivered and leave them out 24/7. They will cope and it will give some breathing space. The field will recover.
 
I think you already know in your mind what you want to do but maybe needed reassurance.

I feel terribly for what you are going through with your OH as this is something that is unavoidable but must be dealt with head on. We also run our own business which takes a lot of my time up. I thought when my daughter started school I would have lots of time to do the ponies (currently 2) but it seems I've less time for them at the moment. I need to spend quality time with my family.

What you need to ask yourself is this, what is most important to you?? What happens if you burn yourself out and become ill??

I personally would suggest letting the trotter go for a few months as a donor as you suggest, offer your youngster out on loan for a year and just keep the 2 oldies until the end of summer then re evaluate things.

It sounds harsh saying PTS but sometimes you genuinely have to take a step back and look at your own health and sanity.

We had 24 ponies at one time when we were breeding. Ridiculous!!! I have 2 now which don't require much maintenance but require more work than I can give them at the moment. I'm hoping that will change when the clocks change but I've taken stock and my family is most important.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do. I'm sure you will have full support.
 
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