Help me decide....Flight or Fight

grandmaweloveyou

grandmaweloveyou

Well-Known Member
Joined
30 May 2007
Messages
2,004
Location
Sussex
Visit site
Hi.

Thanks for reading this when I put a decidedly dodgy title - It should have been "To sell or not to sell" but I didnt want people thinking I am covertly advertising my horse!

Anyone that knows me on here won't believe I am even asking this but:

I have been considering selling my beloved boy for a couple of months. I have a great sharer (again - I always get nice ones as he is such a nice horse) but she may have to move for work. I have fybromyalgia / hypothyroidism / depresson and I am really struggling to keep up with horsey-life on top of day-to-day life.

BUT I love him sooooo much he is such a good boy & has got me through some really tough times but I just cant decide what to do. I wake up in the morning thinking sell, then I see him & think, no.

The thought of selling him makes me feel sick but the thought of making it through another winter worries me. I rarely ride now although I did have a jumping lesson last night (fell off) & did our little yard show Sunday.

Will these feelings pass? I dont want to loan him out, it has to be all or nothing. I am thinking of it much like a horrible divorce about to happen but you know it is the right thing to do long term. He needs regular exercise & a better rider, he is advancing in every way and I am not.

Some kind words & advice much needed please.

Thank you xx
 
The bottom line is the horse doesn't really care if it's advancing or not does it? He will be perfectly happy with his lot and you clearly love him to bits.

So I think if it would make your life easier that would be one thing, but don't tell yourself he is somehow hard done to and sell him for that reason if it will make you miserable.
 
why not look for another sharer this one has worked out and you never know the next might too. If you part with him you might not know what happens in his future. The unknown always gives us a bit of a kicking but if you genuinely don't think horses are for you anymore then you could advertise him and see if the right person comes up. You can always change your mind when the time comes....
 
I'm sorry to hear that are feeling so down. I have to say that in my 'bad times' my horse was the only thing that kept me going as even on the darkest days a nuzzle or a cuddle was the best medicine. I understand that you may not feel up to riding and have no motivation and want whats best for your horse, but what if what is best is that they help you through this?
As for riding, have you ever thought about doing any groundwork or natural horsemanship? This would take the pressure off yourself to ride whilst also building on your relationship and having lots of quality time together while learning new things and having fun at the same time. I know NH isn't for everyone but I can only speak personally, when done properly it is amazing and I for one wouldn't still have my mare without it as I was in a similar place to where you are now.
I know it's not for everyone but it may be worth thinking about. Good luck.
 
Totally agree with FfionWinnie here... If you get upset at the thought of selling him then you are bound to regret it. I must confess I think about selling mine at least once a week during winter because it's so crappy. Plus I've hardly ridden this summer but I keep telling myself that the horse doesn't give a damn whether it'd ridden or left in a field.
Could you not consider keeping the horse out over winter, so it isn't as much work for you, or advertise for another sharer, even if they can only take a few days off you.
Good luck in whatever you decide. :)
 
FfionWinnie said:
The bottom line is the horse doesn't really care if it's advancing or not does it? He will be perfectly happy with his lot and you clearly love him to bits.

So I think if it would make your life easier that would be one thing, but don't tell yourself he is somehow hard done to and sell him for that reason if it will make you miserable.
Click to expand...

I agree with this!

Really sorry that to hear you are struggling and finding life difficult...but the bottom line for me is...would life be better without him? I don't mean easier, but better? If he gives you pleasure and a reason to get up in the morning, that is a great thing!

Plus, try not to think that he is in someway lacking, just because he is not out competing etc. No horse knows if he is capable of high level dressage, or jumping round Badminton! If he is happy with the job he is doing now, whether that is just a few lessons now and then, and a potter round the lanes....that is fine! you should not feel guilty if that i all you plan/want to do!

I also agree with the other post above about doing some groundwork instead if you don't feel up to riding some days. Through winter, he will come to absolutely no harm to be let down and not worked so much! I struggle through winter to ride as i work full time, and often have to do over-time. My girl has an easy time through winter!

It's a shame your current sharer might have to give up...but maybe look for another as soon as possible. Word of mouth often works best, so ask all the horsey people you know, if they know of anyone.
 
Last edited:
Hi.

I have advertised for another sharer (2 days a week) and had nothing come through yet, it only takes one person though I know, but then if/when this sharer goes I am back in the same situation, worse still if this sharer moves first...I struggled earlier in the summer without a sharer to keep on top of his exercising & keeping his weight down - he looks & feels great at the moment!

The other night I was planning on buying a trailer and getting out to more events & clinics then the next morning planning on clearing out my horsewear wardrobe......I am so up and down!

xx
 
Wow what lovely responses & so many so quickly....I am going to have to walk away from reading these for a little while & come back in a bit...welling up!!!! Thank you for your time and support and giving me lots to think about xx
 
I've been there :(

It can be horrible when you just don't know what to do for best, but I stand by my point about if your life would be better?

I think you just need to have a think about what YOU want, and if you find your heart is saying you love your boy and don't want to sell him...then don't.

It can be hard when a sharer has to give up...but I have always managed to find people who want to ride (and mine have never been straight-forward 'anyone's ride' types!!). It sounds like yours is the sort that people would want though so hopefully you'd find it even easier!

In some ways, I try to look forward to winter, as i see it as my down time. My horse gets a much easier time, as I cut back on lessons and let her fitness levels drop (P.S she is a good-doer ID - so would be a barrel if i let her!) but through winter, the weight is never as much of an issue, as if you don't rug up too much and let them use their natural 'central-heating' they maintain their weight a lot better in winter! :) (I know, I'm a cruel mother!)

You mustn't feel under-pressure to keep slogging on if in reality, winter would be easier for you if you slackened off a bit! But likewise, if you did have the inspiration and motivation to use winter as a time for extra lessons/clinics etc, that's good too :)
 
Thanks dollymix....less rugging is a good idea. You always feel bound to do what others do but he could do with using his own central heating. When I bought him I thought "hardy cob no rugs be strong" but he now owns as big a wardrobe as me!

Ironically enough I stumbled across a possible 2nd sharer yesterday, a friend of a friend who used to ride the same horse as me so I know a bit about her......watch this space.

My other half has told me off again for even considering selling him (so has a fellow livery who saw my post yesterday - come on show yourself, you know who you are!!!) but.....

Thanks again everyone, gorgeous day, hope you get out in the sun while we still have it, I am however at work until 8pm.

T x
 
Are you getting your thyroid problem sorted? I have the same problem and once I got it sorted out I felt loads better. But I know it can really take it out of you especially if you have other issues going on as well.

The other possible sharer sounds positive. And you love him so much, I would really give the sharing option a good chance.

Don't worry about what you might be doing with him. He doesn't care about that. I know my horse could be jumping higher and doing better dressage with a more experienced rider than me, but I doubt he is worrying about not going to Hickstead. ;)

Good luck with the sharer and enjoy your boy. Whereabouts are you in West Sussex? I am near Ditchling.
 
Hi.

Thyroid problem "managed" with levothyroxine but fluctuates and yes it is bad at the moment so I have increased medication. The Fybromyalgia is constant & I am waiting for results on Lupus / Rheumatoid Arthritis etc......That along with the depression makes "for never a dull day" as the saying goes haha!

I have considered even full livery but just cant afford it & do get lots of help if I ask at the yard but hate asking so try to trundle along! It is my own fault for having a horse but I wasn't ill when I got him!!

I have to remember "a dog is for life not just for christmas" or some similar saying for horses when times get hard....and stop looking around at everyone doing really well in their respected field & just enjoy him for what I bought him for, hacking, showing off as the 'most handsome gelding' in the arena (he is he is honestly!! ;)) & do the rest only when I am able to.

I am in Horsham.

Thank you again. Tell me about yours and what you do? (please!) ... pm me if you fancy it.
 
FfionWinnie said:
The bottom line is the horse doesn't really care if it's advancing or not does it? He will be perfectly happy with his lot and you clearly love him to bits.

So I think if it would make your life easier that would be one thing, but don't tell yourself he is somehow hard done to and sell him for that reason if it will make you miserable.
Click to expand...

This, I had a terrible fall, about a year ago, nothing damaged apart from my confidence and concussion (can't remember a damn thing). My lovely horse was re-backed (long story, but in a nutshell, bought from a competition home, 4 years old, did a bit too much too soon there, so used to panic) anyway, all is good, we have both come a long way, but my ambitions are not what they once were, so I'm fairly content with my happy hacking lifestyle, with the odd (very) low key jaunt thrown in now and again. I started to feel guilty that my poor boy would be having much more fun in a more active home, I asked my YO (who is the one who has literally picked me up, dusted my down and got me back in the saddle) She laughed (in a nice way) and asked if I honestly thought this to be true. Did I really think that my boy was in any way dipping out!! My honest answer to that is no, he is loved to bits, well cared for, ridden about 3 times a week (albeit lightly) so he's not going anywhere, don't sell because you think he's not going to meet his potential, if you're finding the decision this hard to make, then maybe there's your answer!!!!
 
DipseyDeb said:
This, I had a terrible fall, about a year ago, nothing damaged apart from my confidence and concussion (can't remember a damn thing). My lovely horse was re-backed (long story, but in a nutshell, bought from a competition home, 4 years old, did a bit too much too soon there, so used to panic) anyway, all is good, we have both come a long way, but my ambitions are not what they once were, so I'm fairly content with my happy hacking lifestyle, with the odd (very) low key jaunt thrown in now and again. I started to feel guilty that my poor boy would be having much more fun in a more active home, I asked my YO (who is the one who has literally picked me up, dusted my down and got me back in the saddle) She laughed (in a nice way) and asked if I honestly thought this to be true. Did I really think that my boy was in any way dipping out!! My honest answer to that is no, he is loved to bits, well cared for, ridden about 3 times a week (albeit lightly) so he's not going anywhere, don't sell because you think he's not going to meet his potential, if you're finding the decision this hard to make, then maybe there's your answer!!!!
Click to expand...

Very well done to you!!!! and to your lovely YO!

It is not just about him reaching his potential, I am not that selfless and he is "only a coloured cob" after all so how much potential can he have? We are not talking Olympia (although someone had ideas of showing him there / registering him with CHAPS etc) or Grand Prix Jumping.....but about me not being able to ride him in whatever format as often as he needs for his a) weight b) happiness but.....the fact that he comes over to me in the field, trotting with what I like to think is a smile on his face, is probably all that he wants from me really, time, grooming and some riding by me and/or sharers....oh and food?!

The idea of not having to get up in the mornings and being able to stay in bed all day or turn into a fat spud on a sofa was appealing though....
 
TChamp said:
Hi.

Thank you again. Tell me about yours and what you do? (please!) ... pm me if you fancy it.
Click to expand...

I have a coloured too. Izzy is a 15.1 coloured cob, his dam was rescued from travellers and was in foal with him. Have him on loan from the rescue centre. We don't do anything of any note;) Just fun stuff as I am a novice. We do endurance, trec, jumping, dressage and cross country. Am hoping to do a baby one day event next year. Am told he would be fab showing but that is way too much washing and standing around for us.

Was up at Bramble Hill Farm on Saturday for Trec training and there for a comp on 9th Sept. Have you ever done any Trec with him?
 
Just read this, and me heart goes out to you. I struggle with MH problems, and my lad is the main thing that gives me a reason to get up every day. No matter how bad i feel, once I'm riding, I always feel soooo much better.

i do hope you manage to find another sharer, so you don't have to part with him. sm xx
 
Yes I have done a 1 day mini le trec at bramble hill farm we had soooo much fun and he did really really well! Oooh I might come and watch on the 9th and say hi...although once I am there I will wish I brought him with me and competed...I wonder if I could borrow my friend's trailer. *wanders off to find info on sunday 9ths event".

Oh and you dont do much with him??? tiga71 you do LOADS!!!!!

shysmum, thankyou. feel free to pm anytime if you need any help....it does help talking to others in similar situation but who are unbias too xx
 
TChamp said:
Oooh I might come and watch on the 9th and say hi...although once I am there I will wish I brought him with me and competed...I wonder if I could borrow my friend's trailer. *wanders off to find info on sunday 9ths event".

Oh and you dont do much with him??? tiga71 you do LOADS!!!!!
Click to expand...

Haha - we do a lot of going out but we generally only get 'special' rosettes. People do tend to know us, usually for our numpty antics;) We also do adult gymkhana - we are working on brakes for that.:D

You should do the Trec if you can get transport. It will be a good laugh. Info is on SE trec website. If you go look out for us and come and say hello.

This is the lorry and horse to look for:
Thelwell.jpg
 
OMG I love him!!! I want to show you my boy but dont know how to upload a photo!! You would love my boy too, fully feathered & a very long thick mane :)

I love your horsebox too....Shall I pm you my number etc?

I am now looking at the le trec on the 30th and dressage on sunday 28th oct...oh and my favourite show on the 16th sept.

We did some gymkhana games on Sunday, where is the adult gymkhana held?
 
If you put your photos on photobucket.com then copy the IMG code and paste it in the reply, it will show your pics.

Yes, pm me your name and number. I will probably also do the Trec on 30th too and may do the show on 16th. I am doing a fun ride on the 15th so he should be nicely chilled for the clear round jumping and trec obstacle clear round.

Mid Sussex RC do the adult gymkhana - it is on their website. Last year there was one in December at Bridge House. They did one in the Spring this year that was at Royal Leisure, down our way. Not sure if I can do the December one as am going home to Australia around that time. It is great fun, Izzy is actually very good, he is just handicapped by me!:rolleyes: Actually that goes for most things we do.
 
Have messaged you...how funny, I used to live in Australia! (Perth). Looking forward to your reply and sloping off again now to check out the adult gymkhanas.....great idea about chilling Izzy out the day before, My boy can be rather over zealous when he comes out the box at a show or something & needs lots of circling in the warm up area!

I think it is about time I opened a photobucket account, have avoided it for years (or I will just email you a pic but sadly it means the general forum public missing out on his beauty haha) sic.

x
 
Haven't read all the responses, but I just want to say that I have chronic migraines that have completely trashed my life the last few years. I recently bought a young friesian who is beautiful and I'm sure has loads of potential, but my health benefits from getting out into the fresh air and so she's going to be a lady's riding hack. As long as it isn't the situation that his behaviour gets bad if he isn't ridden daily then your horse won't care less about the easy life - he just needs to be cared for and looked after. Bree doesn't much like the school anyhow.

I can always tell when I'm getting
depressed as I start to think about parting with my animals. So it may just be a sign that you are down at the moment.

Hang on in there.

Paula
 
So....another twist to the tale. My sharer has resigned grrrr. Hmmm.

Oh well at least its a sunny day! Someone coming to see him tonight but would only be for 1/2 days a week.

Enjoy the weather everyone and hoping you all get out on your gorgeous boys and girls this weekend x
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top