Help me enjoy my horses again ...

B

Bedford Joy

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I have completely lost my nerve and am now so nervous with my horses I'm avoiding doing anything with them. Even leading them I'm nervous and jump if they neigh or jog. It's making me so fed up its getting worse and worse ... I haven't ridden in weeks because my very quiet mare has been poorly, and I need an instructor to help me get back in the saddle but keep putting that off. I am now embarrassed to go to the yard as I'm sure people think I'm a joke. I want to bond with my horses but my nerves are getting in the way and a bit of brushing in the stable is about all I can manage and even that I struggle with if my mares show any moody behaviours . My horses don't look at me as they obviously have no respect for me and stare out if the stable door like I'm not there ... Feeling complexity pathetic and wondering what the hell I'm doing. This isn't the beautiful harmonious relationship I wanted with my horses and certainly doesn't match the image I have in my head of how I want it to be ... Help people !
 
How are you when you are away from your horses? Are you confident and well-functioning, or similar?
 
Ooooooh have huge (((HUGS))))

It's dreadful when you feel out of sorts with your neds isn't it? Not a happy place to be - I know. First - 'what other people think of you is none of your business' so stop worrying about what other people think. I suffer the same thing. I'm the only person at my yard not frantically riding/competing and I do get looked down on. I don't have horses to impress people/make friends/whatever though so just I try and shrug off their condescending looks :D
Secondly, what about doing some groundwork with your neds before you even think about getting back on board? Does anyone near you do anything like horse agility and might be able to come and give you a hand? Doing ground based exercises and challenges will improve that bond, give you confidence and hey! it might even be fun :D I don't think your mares disrespect you, they're maybe a bit bored?..... Hope you crack it soon!
 
I'm struggling there too .. My marriage is difficult, my husband has a temper and we are argoing a lot. I'm sure it's having an affect on my self esteem in general. With freinds and work I'm very confident, I run my own business from home which I've built up totally myself ... So mixed really x
 
Hmmm. I know this too. Difficult controlling (ex!) husband made me feel worthless and insignificant, and yet in the workplace I was developing projects and procuring massive budgets and people seemed to respect what I did.... different hats! Difficult to reconcile in yourself and maybe your horses are simply picking up on this and reflecting it back at you? How long have you had them?
 
To be honest, if you are successful in building up your own business why put up with a husband like him? If he puts down your abilities (usually done to make them feel better about their own inadequacies), obviously you are going to lack confidence. Only you can overcome that though. Marriage is surely meant to be a positive experience..not something designed to make you feel miserable and worthless.

I think if you worked to solve that issue, you would be more confident in other areas too, eg horses
 
Whoa there... Bedford Joy, sweetie, you need what I call a "break".

The help you need is a little bit more of the "looking after oneself" kind.

This will sound dreadful to you right now but I'm going to say it, so as to save your relationship with horses: give up temporarily.

Yes, there, I've said it. The more you carry on right now, the worse it will become for you. Take a breather. Take yourself and maybe a friend away to somewhere quiet and restful and rethink the aspects of your life which are holding you back from following your star. Controlling husbands should really be discarded like old unwanted clothes, those things are a drain on your soul and are easy to get rid of. Why put up with it? Change it. That's not what you're here on earth to do - put up with surly types that take everything and give nothing.

I don't think it is horses that is knocking your confidence, it's something else. It's affecting you around them so, I my humble opinion is that, you need to rest from it to save it.
 
Wow great replies people thank you. Basically I have been with my husband since I was 21 , I'm 42 now. I daydream of leaving him regularly and imagine a little house for the children and I away from a man who controls every aspect of my life, I imagine how happy I would be, but then I think if how devastated the children would be (they are 8,6 and 2) as they adore their father. I have no money but could set up my business from there once I had a computer and Internet access. I am terrified of leaving as I don't know what I would do, who I would speak to, where we would end up. I could also lose the horses but I think I have enough freinds who would help out with temporary grazing in the short term as I couldn't afford to stay where I am in full livery.
The fear if the unknown keeps me where I am ...
And yes it is having a massive effect on me snd the way I am with my horses, you are all very perceptive :) x
 
Not sure if this is any help... if you're based in Bedford, I'm not far away (Beds/Cambs border) & I have a horse with EPSM you could try who is very quiet? He has a sharer who lost her nerve & is now jumping.

You would be welcome to have a sit-on, on the lunge or lead rein if preferable. My yard is very quiet & private cos it's mine, & not in sight of any other yards, so it's just me, o/h & my 3 horses.

T x
 
Morning hun :)

I can totally relate to your situation...... (am also same age as you with 3 kids.....although mine are older than yours and already bloody breeding :rolleyes: )

Of course they adore him.....but I'm sure they don't adore the constant arguing. :( I know it's not an easy decision (been there) but the way you write makes me think that if someone offered you a get out of jail free card you'd bite their hand off....

'Know Thyself'! - start being a leader in your own life and your horses (and everything else) will follow. I feel for you, I really do but I'm sure you can make a happier life for yourself if you really want. GOOD LUCK!!!!!
 
catembi said:
Not sure if this is any help... if you're based in Bedford, I'm not far away (Beds/Cambs border) & I have a horse with EPSM you could try who is very quiet? He has a sharer who lost her nerve & is now jumping.

You would be welcome to have a sit-on, on the lunge or lead rein if preferable. My yard is very quiet & private cos it's mine, & not in sight of any other yards, so it's just me, o/h & my 3 horses.

T x
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How kind and lovely is this post. Catembi you are a credit to the human race and the horse world.
 
It may be time to take a long hard look at your marriage & the fact that you might have another 30 years plus together. You need to decide if this partnership is something you need & enjoy. You are young enough & self sufficient enough to start over the longer these things go on the harder they get to cut loose from. I feel this relationship is undermining your confidence but remember your horses can be a lifeline if you allow them to be, love them & they will return it. Try not to read into their behaviour something that isn't there. I don't know what else to say to help you but remember who you are & what you have & will achieve in life. Take care of yourself.
 
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