Help me get over this very irrational phobia?

[KikiDee]

I have a real hang-up about taking my horse out on his own and I'm not sure why - more specifically to farm rides/gallops type places.

The reason it's a bit irrational is because I do all sorts of other things with him on his own. We hack out alone several days a week near and far and I take him out to clinics and competitions on my own without a second thought. We also do lots of stuff in company - hunt rides, farm rides, gallops etc. So he's already well conditioned to doing all of these things, I just have a mental block about going on my own.

The daft thing is I'm not even really sure what I think will go wrong, he's a bit more relaxed in company but still a daft spooky idiot. He also insists on going in front, so doesn't really take confidence from other horses anyway.

It's not even really horse-specific, although he can be sharp, as I had the same hang-up with my last horse and he was an absolute pleasure wherever I took him.

It's something i'm determined to get over this summer as it is holding us back, I rarely have people to do stuff with and I need to get out more for hillwork and fitness work. I currently have 2 options for our first trip out alone but have already talked myself out of both of them!

A) Very local farm ride (literally 10 mins down the road), a short ride so less far to get back to the box if anything goes wrong. But the downside is that it's based on a livery yard so I'm worried he might nap back to the horses in the fields a bit.

B) Further away but quieter and no other horses around, a longer ride so further to get back to the box quickly if I need to, also a bit spookier in general as there is building work going on at a neighbouring house that he always takes exception to.

Can anyone give me any words of wisdom, or just a good talking to, to get out there and get on with it?

 

[poiuytrewq]

I find it really weird what bothers us and what we cope well with. I used to take my daughter here there and everywhere on the lorry to events and lessons, when it came to taking my own horse out alone I was terrified! (as if a child might be able to save me from whatever I was scared off! Not like we ever had another capable adult, that would have made more sense!)

You can do what you want to easily, you do it all anyway just in a different combination. Going to the gallops for me used to be a safe thing, maybe switch up, or try to switch up how you are viewing things. You know you can do it, you know he can do it. You do the transporting side of things alone already, you do the riding bit alone already.
Instead of the two trips you already have doubts about what about boxing up and going to the gallops that you already use in company and both know alone. Just wander down to the bottom, or have a trot round to warm up and a quiet canter or even trot back up. That's it, no pressure, take a coffee, have a pick of grass, have a nice time and go home.
I think its about breaking our mindset a little bit- Says she!

 

[KikiDee]

I find it really weird what bothers us and what we cope well with. I used to take my daughter here there and everywhere on the lorry to events and lessons, when it came to taking my own horse out alone I was terrified! (as if a child might be able to save me from whatever I was scared off! Not like we ever had another capable adult, that would have made more sense!)

You can do what you want to easily, you do it all anyway just in a different combination. Going to the gallops for me used to be a safe thing, maybe switch up, or try to switch up how you are viewing things. You know you can do it, you know he can do it. You do the transporting side of things alone already, you do the riding bit alone already.
Instead of the two trips you already have doubts about what about boxing up and going to the gallops that you already use in company and both know alone. Just wander down to the bottom, or have a trot round to warm up and a quiet canter or even trot back up. That's it, no pressure, take a coffee, have a pick of grass, have a nice time and go home.
I think its about breaking our mindset a little bit- Says she!

Thank you! You're absolutely right, it's so daft! I keep saying to myself I will canter out a start-box and ride him round a XC course completely on our own, but the thought of pootling round a farm ride feels like an unsurmountable task Make it make sense

I think I almost find competitions or XC schooling etc. easier as I have a 'job' to do when I get there and it's all very structured. It's the idea of going off somewhere without a plan, so you're right, I may give myself a bit of structure and say we are going to go and do X, Y an Z then come home, no pressure and yes you're right - make it a pleasant experience and EXPECT it to be a pleasant experience rather than building it up in my head to be this big challenging thing I have to go and survive doing.

 

[Red-1]

I get it. It's about new routine, I think.

Mine is great to hack alone and also in groups, including hunt rides. Ah, but if we horse a farm ride, he is alone, but not alone when he sees other horses in the distance or overtaking. He isn't rude exactly, but will whinny and become inattentive and tense.

Last weekend, we went to Somerford. 3 hours in the horsebox, unloaded and went on the farm ride. He was generally good, but did whinny as above. H is a lazy git, so when each time became inattentive, I kicked on into canter. He soon realised that whinnying was not in his best, lazy, interests and settled.

I was glad as, half way round, we had to pass a horse in a field that was going absolutely mad! It was galloping, farting, bucking, whinnying, and... snorting the bush telegraph snort. H began to become tense and inattentive, so I asked him if we needed to canter again. His answer was no, I'm good thanks and walked demurely by, with maybe just slightly higher knee action.

Is it about that sort of thing for you? The alone but not alone, and sharing space with other random people/horses?

 

[poiuytrewq]

It's not daft, If your being daft I'm currently being a complete and utter idiot! It's easy to say, not so easy to do. I also totally get the structured thing. My really odd phobia is riding in a school! If i ever have to ride anything I dont know or that may be silly I'm happier straight out on the roads. I started taking my old horse for lessons and was happier about it after a while but drop us in an arena alone and I'd have been screwed

 

[KikiDee]

I get it. It's about new routine, I think.

Mine is great to hack alone and also in groups, including hunt rides. Ah, but if we horse a farm ride, he is alone, but not alone when he sees other horses in the distance or overtaking. He isn't rude exactly, but will whinny and become inattentive and tense.

Last weekend, we went to Somerford. 3 hours in the horsebox, unloaded and went on the farm ride. He was generally good, but did whinny as above. H is a lazy git, so when each time became inattentive, I kicked on into canter. He soon realised that whinnying was not in his best, lazy, interests and settled.

I was glad as, half way round, we had to pass a horse in a field that was going absolutely mad! It was galloping, farting, bucking, whinnying, and... snorting the bush telegraph snort. H began to become tense and inattentive, so I asked him if we needed to canter again. His answer was no, I'm good thanks and walked demurely by, with maybe just slightly higher knee action.

Is it about that sort of thing for you? The alone but not alone, and sharing space with other random people/horses?

That's definitely a worry I think! Mine is a bit of a prat if he see's another horse, but I've also taken him to Somerford XC schooling where we were the only ones on there and I worried he'd get stressy when horses went past on the farm-ride but he didn't actually bat an eyelid - I think because, like you say, I kicked on and he had a job to do. He's also equally as much of a prat if he see's another horse when we're out in company (it's like he forgets he has his own friends with him ) so I KNOW I can deal with his behaviour, but my brain doesn't really have confidence in myself to do so if that makes sense.

But I also keep telling myself worst case I know I can just hop off and take him back to the box, so what's the worst that can 'really' happen?!

 

[KikiDee]

It's not daft, If your being daft I'm currently being a complete and utter idiot! It's easy to say, not so easy to do. I also totally get the structured thing. My really odd phobia is riding in a school! If i ever have to ride anything I dont know or that may be silly I'm happier straight out on the roads. I started taking my old horse for lessons and was happier about it after a while but drop us in an arena alone and I'd have been screwed

No I totally get that, if mine is being an idiot or has had time off I always opt to hack rather than school which everyone on the yard seems to find odd. I think I like that I have a 'plan' that I just need to get from A to B, rather than trying to do anything else inbetween

 

[smolmaus]

I also don't think it's daft, it's just a fear of the unknown which is the most understandable fear I can think of! Can't give better advice than @poiuytrewq I don't think, but definitely don't beat yourself up about it or think it's silly as that won't help anything!!

 

[KikiDee]

I also don't think it's daft, it's just a fear of the unknown which is the most understandable fear I can think of! Can't give better advice than @poiuytrewq I don't think, but definitely don't beat yourself up about it or think it's silly as that won't help anything!!

Thank you, fear of the unknown is such a great way of looking at it and you're right that's exactly my problem. I don't KNOW what will happen, and I don't like that

 

[Nicnac]

Can you frame a farm ride or similar as a job to do?
A - make it past the start and not allowed to nap, B - make it to end of first field, C - make it to first steward and so on? As you tick off achievements your confidence should grow incrementally. How good will you feel when you've made it to the end?

I find breaking things down into manageable goals helps and to have a process for everything.

 

[poiuytrewq]

No I totally get that, if mine is being an idiot or has had time off I always opt to hack rather than school which everyone on the yard seems to find odd. I think I like that I have a 'plan' that I just need to get from A to B, rather than trying to do anything else inbetween

It makes sense when you put it like that actually! That’s exactly the thing isn’t it. I’m going to get on ride this loop and the job is done.
If you get on first in a school what’s the end point
Everyone has always thought I was nuts!

 

[smolmaus]

If you get on first in a school what’s the end point
Everyone has always thought I was nuts!

Hello I'm in this club too. In the school you're just waiting for something to happen that you can't get away from

 

[I'm Dun]

The more you think about things the bigger and more insurmountable it becomes. I tend to just barge on through and force myself but that is absolutelty not the best thing to do at all, so I'm reading with interest to see how grown ups manage this stuff!

 

[poiuytrewq]

Hello I'm in this club too. In the school you're just waiting for something to happen that you can't get away from

Ah really? It's something I really want to get over but I feel like i need one of my own to do it! (not happening!)
I have several really kindly that I can use locally but if i go in and walk a circle then come back out i feel i'll be judged, equally I dont want to have anyone watching me and feel like i have to show off my grand prix moves

 

[smolmaus]

Ah really? It's something I really want to get over but I feel like i need one of my own to do it! (not happening!)
I have several really kindly that I can use locally but if i go in and walk a circle then come back out i feel i'll be judged, equally I dont want to have anyone watching me and feel like i have to show off my grand prix moves

Having people watch you ride probably one of those things like public speaking I think where even the ones who seem really good at it would probably tell you they feel the same as the rest of us underneath! This is what I tell myself anyway

 

[dorsetladette]

Ah really? It's something I really want to get over but I feel like i need one of my own to do it! (not happening!)
I have several really kindly that I can use locally but if i go in and walk a circle then come back out i feel i'll be judged, equally I dont want to have anyone watching me and feel like i have to show off my grand prix moves

Hate riding in a school with an audience! We did a fair bit of arena hiring while backing Reggie and everyone wants to watch and everyone has an opinion. And it's really hard to show off your grand prix moves when your holding on to a neck strap with both hands!

 

[EventfulEventer]

I wouldn't say thats irrational at all! My irrational fear is the mounting block, once I am on the horse I'm fine but for some reason I have a real mental block around getting on I feel vulnerable when I am mid-mount!

It is strange what we get hung up about, we will laugh when our horses fearlessly go XC schooling but spook at a plastic bag, there is no rhyme or reason to it and I think it is all about the trust you have in your horse and instead of thinking about what could go wrong, change the mindset to what could go right and how you will feel after a good ride! Cling on to that feeling and crack on with it

 

[dorsetladette]

I wouldn't say that's irrational at all! My irrational fear is the mounting block, once I am on the horse I'm fine but for some reason I have a real mental block around getting on I feel vulnerable when I am mid-mount!

It is strange what we get hung up about, we will laugh when our horses fearlessly go XC schooling but spook at a plastic bag, there is no rhyme or reason to it and I think it is all about the trust you have in your horse and instead of thinking about what could go wrong, change the mindset to what could go right and how you will feel after a good ride! Cling on to that feeling and crack on with it

I've never met a fellow mount-a-phobic!! Hello please to meet you!!! It's the bit between you foot coming of the block/step and your backside landing in the saddle isn't it! Mine is totally my own fault! As a teenager I taught my welsh C stallion to play at mounted games, we had great fun, but it resulted in him never standing to be mounted so I was always getting on on the move. I then had a baby and came back to riding a little apprehensive where as he came back with total gusto (as he approached all of life) and I just never got over it or taught him to stand to be mounted. But my fear has continued even though he is long gone - totally irrational as I've spent so much time teaching both my youngsters to stand to be mounted. Reggie's best (and most favourite) pace is HALT!!!

 

[EventfulEventer]

Oh my god hi! Yes, that's exactly the bit I hate It has stemmed from working with horses who's entire purpose in life was to send humans into space, minus the rocket. Back during a time where I bounced more if I was yeeted into the sun Now, at the age of 32 and 2 kids later, I have no core, no bottle and limited patience so a professional is working with my current very large, slightly insane Warmblood because despite me having no bottle to get on it, once I'm on it, we love jumping the big stuff. His favourite pace is go fast but the mounting block is a non-negotiable for me, if he steps back he gets re-presented, I don't blame the poor bugger for getting shifty sometimes though, I stand there psyching myself up for about 20 minutes

I've never met a fellow mount-a-phobic!! Hello please to meet you!!! It's the bit between you foot coming of the block/step and your backside landing in the saddle isn't it! Mine is totally my own fault! As a teenager I taught my welsh C stallion to play at mounted games, we had great fun, but it resulted in him never standing to be mounted so I was always getting on on the move. I then had a baby and came back to riding a little apprehensive where as he came back with total gusto (as he approached all of life) and I just never got over it or taught him to stand to be mounted. But my fear has continued even though he is long gone - totally irrational as I've spent so much time teaching both my youngsters to stand to be mounted. Reggie's best (and most favourite) pace is HALT!!!

 

[KikiDee]

Oh I had the mounting block phobia for a long time My last horse went through a phase of taking off and violently bucking whenever I got on (there was nothing wrong with him, he got a fright at the block once when something caught in my boot and clattered as I was getting on and he had PTSD from it for a while after). I would NOT get on my horse unless someone was stood at his head which was quite inconvenient as I ride alone a lot I'd often tack up get in the arena, then spend 20 mins stood at the block trying to psych myself up before giving up and going back to the barn Sometimes I got as far as putting my foot in the stirrup and pretending to myself I was going to get on but couldn't actually swing my leg over

I did get over it eventually through sheer bloody mindedness as I literally couldn't ride my horse otherwise, but I used to feel physically sick until my bum was firmly in the saddle!

 

[KikiDee]

Ah really? It's something I really want to get over but I feel like i need one of my own to do it! (not happening!)
I have several really kindly that I can use locally but if i go in and walk a circle then come back out i feel i'll be judged, equally I dont want to have anyone watching me and feel like i have to show off my grand prix moves

I lose the ability to ride my horse when anyone is watching, even if I'm just sharing the school with someone.... even though I know they're 100% more focussed on their own horse than giving a damn on what I'm doing. I suddenly start questioning everything I'm doing and then my horse wonders WTF is going on and why I'm suddenly trying to impersonate a Grand Prix rider rather than doing our usual few 20m circles in long and low, and he starts getting stressed... then I get stressed... and it all falls apart

 

[dorsetladette]

Oh my god hi! Yes, that's exactly the bit I hate It has stemmed from working with horses who's entire purpose in life was to send humans into space, minus the rocket. Back during a time where I bounced more if I was yeeted into the sun Now, at the age of 32 and 2 kids later, I have no core, no bottle and limited patience so a professional is working with my current very large, slightly insane Warmblood because despite me having no bottle to get on it, once I'm on it, we love jumping the big stuff. His favourite pace is go fast but the mounting block is a non-negotiable for me, if he steps back he gets re-presented, I don't blame the poor bugger for getting shifty sometimes though, I stand there psyching myself up for about 20 minutes

He's going to have to learn some patience!! just wait till menopause kicks in!!! that 20 mins will extend to the point you'll have no time to ride !!

Both my current ridden ponies have been practising standing at the mounting block since they were both 9 months old. At 5 and 6 they honestly think they are the cleverest ponies ever for just 'not moving' while mum does some weird breathing exercises and checks their girth 47 times while questioning every piece of tack, the wind direction, landing spot if I don't make it, phone signal, - you get the idea.

The daft thing is I know they are solid to mount! I also know once the demon pony decides he's had enough he will curl up in a ball and bronc, but I find that hilarious and it never worries me.

 

[Exasperated]

I have a real hang-up about taking my horse out on his own and I'm not sure why - more specifically to farm rides/gallops type places.

The reason it's a bit irrational is because I do all sorts of other things with him on his own. We hack out alone several days a week near and far and I take him out to clinics and competitions on my own without a second thought. We also do lots of stuff in company - hunt rides, farm rides, gallops etc. So he's already well conditioned to doing all of these things, I just have a mental block about going on my own.

The daft thing is I'm not even really sure what I think will go wrong, he's a bit more relaxed in company but still a daft spooky idiot. He also insists on going in front, so doesn't really take confidence from other horses anyway.

It's not even really horse-specific, although he can be sharp, as I had the same hang-up with my last horse and he was an absolute pleasure wherever I took him.

It's something i'm determined to get over this summer as it is holding us back, I rarely have people to do stuff with and I need to get out more for hillwork and fitness work. I currently have 2 options for our first trip out alone but have already talked myself out of both of them!

A) Very local farm ride (literally 10 mins down the road), a short ride so less far to get back to the box if anything goes wrong. But the downside is that it's based on a livery yard so I'm worried he might nap back to the horses in the fields a bit.

B) Further away but quieter and no other horses around, a longer ride so further to get back to the box quickly if I need to, also a bit spookier in general as there is building work going on at a neighbouring house that he always takes exception to.

Can anyone give me any words of wisdom, or just a good talking to, to get out there and get on with it?

Yep, check the weather isn’t forecast cancellingly-vile, saddle up and ride this horse to Ride A, have a nice day out and ride him back home again. Enjoy!

 

[KikiDee]

Yep, check the weather isn’t forecast cancellingly-vile, saddle up and ride this horse to Ride A, have a nice day out and ride him back home again. Enjoy!

Unfortunately we can't ride to Ride A as the only route is down a stretch of major A road funnily enough I've realised I would much prefer to go round somewhere I can hack to - I think it breaks the mental block I have about 'going somewhere alone' as it's basically just an extended hack rather than a whole event!

 

[smolmaus]

I will never ever regret spending so long teaching a solid stand at the block. You ARE really vulnerable half in the saddle!!!!

 

[poiuytrewq]

The more you think about things the bigger and more insurmountable it becomes. I tend to just barge on through and force myself but that is absolutelty not the best thing to do at all, so I'm reading with interest to see how grown ups manage this stuff!

Oh I don't know, sometimes i think you almost have to just get on with stuff. I sometimes don't do because I'm thinking for some reason something will go wrong but the relief when it's done and you're alive is great. Someone once drove into me and wrote my car off. I was really nervous and found myself looking for excuses to not drive for a while after. I had to force myself through it.

 

[Exasperated]

Unfortunately we can't ride to Ride A as the only route is down a stretch of major A road funnily enough I've realised I would much prefer to go round somewhere I can hack to - I think it breaks the mental block I have about 'going somewhere alone' as it's basically just an extended hack rather than a whole event!

Oh no! Shame about the impassable road, thought it would be a nice hack, which you seem happy to do.
If you can travel to competitions alone, but mingle with other horses happily; happily hack alone, yet ok to meet others; objectively you’ve already covered the basis for fun ride situations - you’re going to have give yourself a straight talking to if you genuinely want to participate, please do head off and enjoy yourselves, life’s just too short!

 

[daydreamer]

Hi, it does sound like it is a mental block but that is a very powerful thing!

A couple of ideas which may or may not be useful……1) take the pressure off, plan to go to a new place, unload and tack up, untack and go home again, if your horse feels relaxed you could get on and walk a 10m circle then go home, build up over time to do more 2) take someone on foot 3) try EFT tapping before the ride, I use AI on my phone to help me with this and have found it very useful 4) try hypnosis 5) I subscribed to Jane Pike for a bit and she had a recorded video about ‘decoupling’, I think it is based on somatic therapy and you thought about something that was making you anxious (I was worried about mounting for a while as I go thrown off just after mounting so I used that) and tuned into your body and then worked on separating the mental images/thoughts from the sensations in your body.

I find it quite interesting that because you are so obviously capable in other areas a lot of people are saying just crack on but your mind/body clearly feel very differently about this so you might need a different approach.