Help me sis Munners with her confidence worry over hacking out!

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Me sis is worried about hacking out her new horse, because she is still in the process of getting to know her.

I have posted updates etc and piccies, and you have seen how well they are getting along in the school and general groundwork.

Like many new owners, the 'experts' out there (friends etc) are getting a bit heavy in 'you MUST get out hacking blah blah blah.....'....

Firstly, Munners has only ever hacked out alone twice before, so it's a big thing, and it's been on my mare, who she now knows and trusts to bring her home.

And secondly, being a new horse owner, I think it takes time to develop the 'cloth ears' to ignore the bull**** others spout when they think they 'know it all'....shes ready to tell them to take a running jump any day now...

So we have decided to 'share' the neddies, I certainly don't mind riding her new neddie out, she is lovely, and sis will ride my mare out. We are going to share them at camp this summer too, if sis is feeling rocky, she will hop on my donkey (who I think is fizzier than munners' ned!) and I'll take hers.

So to cheer her up, can we have some stories about loosing confidence with your horses? Anyone who has taken time to hack out etc etc etc?

Ta very muchly!

:D
 
Yours sounds like a good plan to me, it's silly forcing the issue if she isn't ready.

I know she might feel silly, but have you considered leading her horse from yours until her confidence gets up, means she can still build a relationship with her own horse without worrying about control issues.
 
I lost my nerve after a nasty fall last year.
I have only just started hacking out this summer, on my daughters quiet-ish ( when she feels like it) mare.
At the moment i only go out if someone comes with me, it gives me confidence to have someone with me who is confident themselves.
For the first few weeks we only rode in walk, and only where i knew the pony would'nt get wound up, so mainly lanes and quiet tracks.
After that i began to get a bit bored, so upped the pace a bit.
I think the trick is not to push for more until you are so bored you desparetly want to go faster or further. It is so easy to push yourself to far or fast, and then end up at square one again.
Another trick if she can, would be to take the horse for a walk for maybe half an hour out on a rout she would ride, so that the horse see's it, and she see's that the horse is'nt botherd.
My next big mile stone will be to ride out on my own, not got there yet.:(
 
Munners,i've ben there before, most of us have at some point.
Best bit of advice i can give u is go at ur own pace, hell whats the rush?
Ignore those that say u should be doing x, y and z by now, ur not them ur u.
Good idea on horse share, u can build your confidence on a horse you trust and at the same time gain confidence in your own by seeing they are ok out hacking.

I wouldn't even get on my horse when i bought them a year ago, now happily school, hack and we try to jump, it worked because i wouldn't allow anyone to push me, it took time but we got there, and at nearly 40, i dont give a toss what others think lol x
 
If it is any help it has taken me 3 years to hack my "new horse" out alone!

Mine was a combination of green unpredictable horse / losing my brave pants in the wash / challenging not horse friendly hacking.

I have done lots of hacking with my friend on her cob and my OH on foot. I'm still not ready to up the pace beyond walking / odd trot but have been venturing onto more challenging routes - across A roads, past pig farms and alongside a railway line. On my own I am sticking to the "safe" routes.

The more we do the more I learn what she is going to do / how to handle it and we both seem to be finding some bravery. Last night an HGV carrying a huge tractor stormed up behind us after a blind bend and its air brakes went on, tyres skidded and he ended up on the other side of the road as he could not stop in time. Missy mare was frightened, trotted forwards / sideways and I turned her into a nearby gateway to get her off the road. I wasn't frightened (more annoyed with the lorry driver), she didn't do anything wrong and calmed quickly. A little after that another 2 HGVs came past and she didn't batter an eyelid. Two months ago we would have both probably had a total meltdown!

My friend / OH / instructor have been invaluable, encouraging / coaxing and hand holding when required. My OH has even led me on the lead rein in the past (horse is 16.2!)

Sounds like you have the wonderful support of your sister and her horse and I'm sure it won't be long before you are feeling more confident.
 
I am 46, and been riding for more years than i care to think about.
I also drove a Shire and wagon for a living during summer months, up until a couple of years ago. I have broken horses to ride and ridden alsorts from TB's to small ponies.
But all this did'nt help when i lost my nerve, allthough it was after a fall last year, i think it was steadly going over a few years, and the fall was just the last straw.
It can happen to anyone, even the people who are telling you what you MUST do.
What you MUST do is, go at your own pace, tell everyone else, that you are doing it your way and that you are happy taking your time.
And if that does,nt work, tell them to p ! s s o f f! :D
 
thank you everyone - i feel so much better now. i have been taking everything nice and slowly on my geen 4yr old coblet with OH walking alongside us and going out with a quiet friend and her quiet horse. I also "borrow" my friend`s quiet 17yr old cob to hack alone cos thAt helps boost my confidence with traffic and and the big scary stuff like tractors loaded with haybales. i too am well into my 40`s so dont give a dam what others say. my horse my pace our safety.
 
Oh gosh, I could write a book the size of War & Peace on my confidence issues out hacking! To cut what would be a very long story short, I found it a great help to ride my daughter's pony as I could see her being good for my daughter and that gave me confidence to get out and hack, feeling if my 14 year old could ride her, then so could I! (This was after a couple ofr nasty falls). So really good luck, try to relax and enjoy!
 
Take it steady, there is no harm in taking it slow. It is best to give yourself, and your horse positive experiences and avoid frightening yourselves.

I hacked my new horse, (who hadn't really hacked before) at first with a steady horse and experienced rider for a lead and dh on his bike in case I needed help. Then we did a mix of hacking with just dh on his bike and with just a steady horse for company. It took a while before we went alone but by then we both knew the routes and were confident with one another. If after all that you don't feel brave enough to go alone take someone on foot and get them to leave you just for a very short distance at first and only when you are both settled. Don't let others rush you.
 
If you hacked your sisters horse out and she rode your. If she was feeling confident and her horse was behaving, you could swap for the last 5-10 mins of the ride. Then gradually build up the time she is on her own horse.
 
Fii said:
I am 46, and been riding for more years than i care to think about.
I also drove a Shire and wagon for a living during summer months, up until a couple of years ago. I have broken horses to ride and ridden alsorts from TB's to small ponies.
But all this did'nt help when i lost my nerve, allthough it was after a fall last year, i think it was steadly going over a few years, and the fall was just the last straw.
It can happen to anyone, even the people who are telling you what you MUST do.
What you MUST do is, go at your own pace, tell everyone else, that you are doing it your way and that you are happy taking your time.
And if that does,nt work, tell them to p ! s s o f f! :D
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I so agree Fii, so may of us have been or still are in this horrid place, me in exactly the same way as you describe above and like everyone else has said it is so important not to listen to others and to go at your own pace only when you are ready. Munners you have a lovely caring sister and between you both you will end up doing it all yourself when you are ready and to me it always helps to watch someone else put a new horse through their paces before I attempt it!!! Best of luck - don't forget you are in good company feeling like this but never give up - look forward to hearing how you get on ........ in your own time!!!!
 
I've helped a few people over the years with similar issues and what I tell them is that your going to be owning and riding your horse for years, so what is the rush?
 
Well I wrote my version of 'War & Peace' and t'interweb swallowed it so here's the short (!) version;

I agree with Fii, loss of confidence comes on over years, caused by all sorts of incidents including non-horse related injuries, near misses and premature loss of horses to illness. I think it's because of a lack of control over what is happening.

After landing on the road on my head off IDx, I bought a bombproof ex-RS mare and am now hacking her in company (with sis). I intend to hack her alone eventually but certainly won't rush into anything.

We are rehabbing ID, who had a back problem, and again sis is helping (in fact doing most of the riding atm). We do think we have just worked out what is causing her to be so spooky, so eventually I hope to be hacking her again but doubt if I will ever want to hack her alone.

Munners, I suggest you hack only with people you trust to be extremely sensible, who won't push you out of your comfort zone until YOU are ready and who certainly won't suddenly change pace without warning etc.
Keep us updated with your progress.
 
I bought my new horse end of March, couldn't ride straight away as needed to get a saddle, and then she was lame, so have taken time to get to know her a little. She's only 4, and settles when things are repeated, but the first time for ANYTHING she gets very 'drama queen'..... I rode her for the first time this weekend just gone, and tonight trotted for the first time, in the paddock. It will be a while yet until we hack (with a steady companion) and at 48 I'm too old to care what anyone else thinks, I will do it at my own pace! Don't be pressured, and remember, we do this for FUN! :D
 
I have never had confidence issues but my daughter very certainly does. Poor kid, she so longs to be a brilliant rider but her nerves stop her, having had horrible falls out hunting and even hacking :(

I remember we were asked to try out a pony for someone and my daughter jumped on and whilst we were walking it around the village she said "actually, anything could happen" which really brought it home about how much she fears what could happen.

Every now and then she tacks up and goes off for a ride (on her own if she is feeling brave).

My advice is little and often, the more you do it the more your confidence will build. There is nothing wrong whatsoever in tacking up, walking up the lane and back again. Ok, so the pony may very well jog home but I bet you survive ;) :)

Do it a few times, go a little further, enjoy hacks out with DS and get your confidence with your new horse.

Hey - this time next year you will be doing endurance riding ;) :D
 
Exactly how old is this person ? If 12 I can understand it but otherwise either they need a hell of a lot more lessons or should get out there and hack. The only way she will overcome a confidence issue is by going out there and doing it and finding it is ok.
 
Mike007 said:
Exactly how old is this person ? If 12 I can understand it but otherwise either they need a hell of a lot more lessons or should get out there and hack. The only way she will overcome a confidence issue is by going out there and doing it and finding it is ok.
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Mike007.

'This person' is my sister, so I would be grateful if you would use a little respect.

Age does not matter in gaining confidence in a new horse, and as for lessons, how many she has had, and will have, has nothing to do with anyone else, these things ARE happening, you need not worry yourself there.

A little encouragement goes a long way. If you cannot find any to give, then please don't bother wasting your time posting on a thread asking for similar stories.

Thank you for your time.
 
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Mike, loss of confidence can happen to anyone at any age, in fact it is more common once an adult with responsibilities and no longer an indestructible teenager.

Have a little sympathy, most adult riders experience a confidence issue at some point whether it be about hacking, jumping, competing or timing strange horses. It is normal and your comments are most unkind!
 
KristmasKatt said:
Mike, loss of confidence can happen to anyone at any age, in fact it is more common once an adult with responsibilities and no longer an indestructible teenager.

Have a little sympathy, most adult riders experience a confidence issue at some point whether it be about hacking, jumping, competing or timing strange horses. It is normal and your comments are most unkind!
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Well said KK - and Mike - "there but for the grace of God"!!!! None of us know what's around the corner.......................
 
Thanks for all the 'nice' replys it really does help hearing everyones stories!!

I am 29 not that that makes any difference what so ever!! Ive lost my confidence after a horse bolted 'bucking bronco' style and tried to wrap me round a tree!! If you cant be nice.....DO ONE!! :p
 
Munners said:
Thanks for all the 'nice' replys it really does help hearing everyones stories!!

I am 29 not that that makes any difference what so ever!! Ive lost my confidence after a horse bolted 'bucking bronco' style and tried to wrap me round a tree!! If you cant be nice.....DO ONE!! :p
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Hahahahahaha!

Yes, nice of the sellers, wasn't it..knew you were a novice horse owner, and let you get on a psycho-horse..THEN admit when it put you in hospital it 'had an issue...'..
 
This year is proving to be my annus horribilis (mostly non horse related) and i am facing some pretty tough decisions that will drastically affect the rest of my life. I feel like there are so many people who "know" what i should do. One of the most valuable lessons I have learned from it all is that it is my life and nobody understands everything that is happening in it as well as I do and it is me that has to be happy with the decisions that I make.
The people who are offering you advice are probably only doing it because they care and it is worth listening to them. They may think of things that havent even entered your head. However... your life, your horse YOUR decision. Only you know how you feel.

PHRx
 
purplehorserocks said:
This year is proving to be my annus horribilis (mostly non horse related) and i am facing some pretty tough decisions that will drastically affect the rest of my life. I feel like there are so many people who "know" what i should do. One of the most valuable lessons I have learned from it all is that it is my life and nobody understands everything that is happening in it as well as I do and it is me that has to be happy with the decisions that I make.
The people who are offering you advice are probably only doing it because they care and it is worth listening to them. They may think of things that havent even entered your head. However... your life, your horse YOUR decision. Only you know how you feel.

PHRx
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The problem with other peoples comments is that they can clash, leaving you with 'who the hell is right??'....

'you need this bit, no....you need that bit....this is wrong, she is wrong....he is wrong...I am right....'....
 
Mike007 said:
Exactly how old is this person ? If 12 I can understand it but otherwise either they need a hell of a lot more lessons or should get out there and hack. The only way she will overcome a confidence issue is by going out there and doing it and finding it is ok.
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Oh go and sort yourself out man - I've been riding for well over sixty years, and believe me, the day will come when you will cringe with utter and total embarrassment at that totally pointless and unhelpful reply. Just sorry I probably won't be around to smirk when I read your 'Oh please help I've lost my confidence thread'!!:rolleyes:

Just want to say to OP - your sis is very, very lucky to have you on her side...I'm sure with all the useful tips here she will soon be hacking out happily by herself and wondering what all the fuss was about.:D Slowly, slowly, bit by bit you WILL get there Munners - ignore the ignorant so and so's who put you under pressure, that is what undermines your confidence - you don't need the advice of people who haven't experienced a failure of confidence - in my experience they are at best, mildly sympathetic, at worst they just make you feel even more unlikely to overcome your fears.
 
I'm 40 and another having MAJOR confidence issues.

Mike, just getting on and doing it doesn't work for most. If we could just get on and do it, we would :)

Take your time, there is no rush. Surround yourself with supportive people (like your sister) and people who won't judge you. As someone has said, you have years with your horse so a few weeks/months won't make a jot of difference.

I'm very lucky in that the other liveries on my yard are very understanding and supportive, I've got a great instructor who's experienced with people who've lost their confidence. She pushes me but not too far.

You'll do it, but do it when you are ready, not when others think you should x
 
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